Because we are mothers, we experience the most important things possible.
Learn the joy of giving and the value of contributing, and feel happiness through the laughter of children.
Before becoming a mother, did we ever truly suffer and feel heartache for others? When our children are sick, we suffer even more than we do ourselves, and we often lose sleep.
Sometimes I act immaturely and regret it, but I sincerely wish for my child's happiness without any pretense.
Because I'm a mom.
There is no such thing as a good mother.
If you can listen to your child's worries right now and make them cry and tell you about their pain, you are already the best mother.

---From "Prologue, What Makes Us a 'Good Mother'"

Chapter 1.
Understand and empathize with me as a mother
One of the reasons people easily get caught up in conflict and struggle in it is because of their own thoughts that automatically pop up.
It took me a long time to realize this, but we're constantly talking to each other, and most of what we say is actually thoughtless.
It's just saying the thoughts that come to mind automatically, not by thinking about it.

---From "02. What is the most difficult thing right now? Automatic thoughts that block conversation"

But there are certainly words that can restore love.
It may take a lot of time and effort, but learning to communicate differently is more rewarding than painful.
The first step to starting a conversation that heals your relationship is to let go of your worries, anxieties, and impatience and acknowledge and notice your own feelings.
'Ah, so that's how I've lived my life talking.
So, sometimes, it's enough to think, 'I was hurt, the other person was hurt, and we were both hurting each other.'
And maybe try to comfort yourself first, as you may be regretting it now and feeling sorry to someone.

---From "02. What's the most difficult thing right now? Automatic thoughts that block conversation."

I hope that mothers who read this book will also be able to recover and heal the painful memories of their childhood.
It is important to believe that you have the ability to heal from past pain.
If you do that, you will be able to leave your wounds as just one story.
Even if you find love too late, you can start now.
I offer my condolences and encouragement to all the mothers in the world who grew up with painful childhood memories.
You struggled to survive.
---「04.
Have you ever suffered from the wounds you received from your parents? From "Freeing Yourself from the Wounds You Received from Your Parents"

If a mother judges her child to be 'lazy and thoughtless,' she may say, 'Look at that child lying still on the sofa.
It's easy to see your child as a truly lazy person, thinking, 'He's just lying around lazy.'
If we judge someone by our own standards and believe that to be true, will it be possible to have a conversation that allows us to deeply empathize and connect with each other, and maintain our hearts?
It will probably be difficult.
So, at least while talking with your beloved child, you need to put aside these thoughts and judgments for a moment and recall what you saw and heard.
This is the beginning of a conversation.
Because successful conversation begins with the ability to observe.
---「08.
From “Useful Conversation Exercise 1: Observing What You See and Hear”

Chapter 2.
Understanding and empathizing with our children
If you think about it, it's a miracle of life that a child who went out in the morning comes back.
If you take things for granted, there is nothing to be thankful for, but if you think about them one by one, everything becomes a miracle and you will be thankful for it.
So, training is necessary.
It may be embarrassing to say everything, but parents can describe to their children what they see and hear and be thankful.
Then you can reach the child's heart much more deeply.
---From “01. Expressing gratitude to children instead of saying “good job””

One of the most important skills in a relationship is the ability to coordinate what each other wants rather than judging each other's rights and wrongs.
It's not easy even among adults, but when conflicts arise with young children, it's even harder to find a mutually satisfactory solution and find a compromise.
If your child is very young, prioritize making sure the needs of the weaker child are met appropriately.
Because the child cannot yet consider the mother's position.
Children who have their needs met in this way naturally come to trust others, and as they grow up, they develop the ability to understand others' positions.
---「02. Honestly admitting your regrets, instead of saying, “I couldn’t help it.”」

“Children are not afraid of shame and fear,
“Grow up healthy and upright through opportunities to think.”
---「04. Protecting children and letting them know what is theirs and what is not, instead of saying, “I have to go to the police!”」

Just as we instinctively know, children also know the discomfort of lying.
So we have to help the children.
“Hey, anyone can say something that is different from the truth.
But because someone could be harmed by that lie, you have to have the courage to correct it.”
If you say, “If you lie one more time, you’ll get in trouble,” children might miss the chance to turn back.
But, “If you feel uneasy at any time, tell me honestly.
If you say, “Then Mommy will help you,” children feel reassured.
As your mind becomes more at peace, your faith is restored.
'Oh, my mom would understand and help me if I was honest,' he said.
That's when children begin to express themselves.
When we are afraid, we remain silent, but when we are comfortable, we confess.
Help children have the courage to confess.
The power of children to live honestly does not come from growing up without ever telling a lie, but from fostering the courage to return to honesty.
---From "05. Telling the Importance of Honesty Instead of Saying "Are you going to lie again?""

It's natural to feel good as a mother when your child does better than other children.
But when you focus on your child's growth rather than comparing them to other children, you discover the joy in the process, not the outcome.
It would be good to remember that the standard for my child's growth should be strictly my child of yesterday, not other children.
---「09. Recognize and wait for your child's differences. Instead of saying, "Other kids are doing it, so why aren't you?"」

“As a mother, if I could see myself making mistakes every day,
“You can be more forgiving of your child’s mistakes.”
---「10. Turning a child's mistakes into opportunities for growth Instead of saying, "Mom told you to be careful!"」

Even adults can be left with lasting emotional scars when they are told, “You have a problem.”
Of course, it is quite discouraging, and if you admit to that evaluation, it becomes even more painful and your confidence drops.
Everyone is vulnerable to criticism, but being told, “You’re wrong, you’re wrong,” leaves a lasting wound.
So never do this to children.
Don't cause such hurt and pain in the hearts of children.
There are so many good gifts out there, so why give someone such annoying and tragic words that could scar them for the rest of their life?
---「13. Overcoming problems with your child when you are tired of being a parent, instead of saying, “Now do as you please, I’m giving up too.”」

When your child suddenly becomes afraid that their parents may die, try the following conversation:
Child: “Mom, what will happen to me if you die?”
1.
Accept your child's feelings rather than denying or teaching them.
“Why did you die?”
→ “I suddenly had that thought and felt anxious.”
2.
Show empathy to your child through physical contact and words.
“Don’t die.
“Mom, you’re strong and healthy.”, “Don’t say things like that because words can become seeds.”
→ “I am so grateful that my mother is able to live healthily today.
Right? Let's stay healthy so we can be together tomorrow too.
“Come here, Mommy will hug you.”
_21. When a child is afraid of death, accept and empathize with their feelings. When a child says, “What if Mom dies?”, use “Empathy Talk”

--- From the text