This book will contain such stories.
As society changes rapidly and competition intensifies, there are many things to prepare for as an adult to become independent.
Parents who want their children to be happy feel anxious because they feel like they are not doing as well as others and that their children are not fully prepared.
However, holding back from the impatience to do something, treating your child as an adult and considering their failures as experiences to be endured, and gradually shifting the center of gravity from your child's life to your own is the choice and the best attitude for the future of both parents and children.
Only then can children grow mentally and become adults, and parents can live the latter half of their lives with peace and satisfaction.
--- p.9~10, from “Introduction”

Pediatrician and psychoanalyst Donald Winnicott says a good parent is a "good enough mother."
Everyone wants to be the perfect parent, but being a perfect parent can hinder your child's growth.
As children grow, they imagine themselves surpassing their parents and go out into the world, but perfect parents feel like an insurmountable wall, making the child feel comfortable in the shadow of the parents.
Because parents provide answers to all of life's questions and problems, children are unable to make decisions on their own and are unable to develop a sense of responsibility.
For a child to grow into an independent adult, it is important to create an environment where the child can have a sense of security and see the world as a trustworthy place.
A sense of security is the feeling that your parents are always there to support you, even when they are not there.
It is the belief that if you fall, your parents will support you and you will not be seriously hurt, and that your parents will hold your hand and help you up.
A child who has acquired a sense of security can get back up again without collapsing even when experiencing frustration and failure.

--- p.24~26, from “The saying ‘being in the belly is the best’ feels true”

The psychology of parents who go to great lengths to ensure their children's success as if it were their own is a complex mix of worries that their children will not be happy if they fall behind, anxiety that their own life will also fail in the competition, and fear that their old age will be miserable.
This kind of feeling does not disappear even after the child becomes an adult in his or her twenties.
The desire to go to a better university leads to the desire to get into a large company.
We provide support to ensure that you can build up your qualifications without difficulty, such as interning at a good company, going on a working holiday or language training program, obtaining a certificate, or winning a competition.
It might be a little painful to watch your child navigate life on his own, but it's so hard to keep your distance.
It is because I have long hoped that my desires would be realized through my children.

In your head, you think, 'I'm all grown up now, so I should live my own life,' but in your heart, your desires and wants are already attached to you, so you can't act as you think.
The frustration that comes when the pursuit of a desire combined with a need fails is not limited to the disappointment of not having the desire fulfilled, but can lead to the fear that even the desires directly related to survival may be threatened.
The anxiety that a desire is threatened is quite intense and does not easily go away.
Obsessed with that anxiety, devoting one's life to educating one's children is unlikely to have a good ending, contrary to one's intentions.

--- p.59~60, from “The Way Out of Anxiety and Disappointment: Distinguishing Between Desire and Need”

Whether it's because you're worried your children need to settle down quickly, or because they're asking for help or complaining about the difficulties, neglecting retirement planning while helping your children is like "putting the oxygen mask on your child first."
Moreover, there are more cases than you might think where parents do not receive gratitude in return even when they provide significant support during the early stages of their careers or when they begin married life. In addition, if parents who provide excessive support end up financially dependent on their children in their old age, it can actually become a burden to the children.
Parents should put on their oxygen masks first, prioritizing retirement planning and providing only the necessary support to their adult children to prevent both from falling into dangerous situations.
--- p.114, from “How far does economic support go?”

Many parents believe they know their children better than anyone else.
It's true and yet false.
If the child is 7 years old, this is normal.
When you visit a pediatrician, the doctor will ask your child about their symptoms, but they will trust what the parents say more.
As children enter their teens, shutting their doors and creating their own worlds, there are more things parents don't know about them, but they still know their children's constitutions, habits, and personalities better than anyone else.
Even if there are parts you don't know, there are also parts you know well, so don't think you don't know much about your child.
If you assume you know 100% about your child when they are 7 years old, you should assume you know less than 40% after they are in their 20s.
But I believe most parents know at least 70% or 80%.
The reason we make this mistake is because our children do not reveal their entire world to us.

--- p.129, from “The Mind Required for a Good Relationship with Children”

As a young man, I grew up working at a company, so I was able to see my parents in a different light.
Over the past year, the young man has been working at a company and has spent extended time with adults other than his family for the first time.
Then, I naturally started comparing myself to my family, and I began to notice my parents' daily lives, their speech patterns and behaviors that were a result of their personalities, in a different way.
Things that we took for granted and normal become uncomfortable and feel like they don't respect us after we start living in society.
As this discomfort built up, every word and action of my parents became irritating, and eventually, my conversations with them also decreased.

The young man said his symptoms had worsened, as he felt similar to when he was depressed, but I saw that he was on a desirable growth trajectory.
From a growth perspective, the concerns of young people come into focus.
The discomfort caused by parents' words and actions that were previously harmless is the result of a rapidly expanding field of vision.
Before I entered the company, my parents, whom I had seen since I was young, were my standards for adults, and my family's standards were my standards.
However, when he entered the company and had time to interact with unfamiliar adults, the young man observed others to adapt, understood and accepted others' standards to some extent, and created his own standards.
This is a memorable moment of adulthood and should be interpreted as a sign of social maturity.
It's not that the young man suddenly became sensitive; he is going through the process of growing into a mature adult by going outside the family fence, forming relationships with people.
--- p.137~138, from “Why Children Become Aggrieved by Their Parents’ Words: Changes in the Strike Zone”

Caring for your grandchildren is a valuable activity that contributes to the well-being of your family and helps your children advance in social status and careers.
But if that becomes a parental responsibility and threatens their future, then we need to find another way to care for our grandchildren.
If parents' health deteriorates while they are trying to put oxygen masks on their children, it becomes a greater burden on the children than raising them, and if the children are struggling, the grandchildren are also at risk.
Rather than trying to force yourself to hold on a little longer when a warning signal appears, it would be wise for adults to say, "It seems like it will be difficult to continue caring for my grandchild," as if putting on an oxygen mask at the appropriate time.
It's about acknowledging my limitations and drawing a line before I burn out, carrying the stress of caring for my grandchildren with a sense of responsibility and duty that is becoming increasingly difficult to handle.

Caring for grandchildren can be a happy turning point in life, but it's sad when parents sacrifice and feel the burden of old age.
I hope you keep an open mind for your children and grandchildren, but also carefully consider your own limits and how to ensure the safety and happiness of your entire family.
--- p.216~217, from “Caring for Grandchildren: Happiness or the Shackles of Old Age”

What kind of mindset do we need in middle age, when our children are gone? The priority should be to shift the balance between ourselves and our children.
If you have been living with the weight of '70% for your children, 30% for yourself' until now, you should gradually increase the weight you put on yourself and adjust it to around '30% for your children, 70% for yourself'.
A shift in your center of gravity is necessary to prevent the energy you pour into your children from losing its direction and to move beyond a child-centered mindset and live a life focused on yourself.
I need to realize that my "results" in raising my children are not the most important indicator of my life, and that I should evaluate my life by what I have accomplished, my values, and my choices.
Only then can we maintain a healthy self and sufficient self-esteem even when faced with an empty nest.
It may seem strange to have children play a smaller role in your life and mind, but that is the direction of a healthy life.

A 'bucket list' is a practical way to focus on myself.
Let's take stock of the things we've been putting off for childcare and make a list of things we can accomplish from now on.
Anything is fine, whether it's a hobby you've always wanted to learn, a place you've always wanted to visit, or something you've always wanted to try.
It is also a good idea for a couple to write it together with the intention of slowly achieving and revising it over the next 10 or 20 years.
Raising children together while fulfilling bucket lists can help you untangle the knots in your heart.

--- p.234~235, from “Growing Up, Now It’s Time to Find Happiness in My Life”