A Society That Ignores Small Traumas
The majority of clients who come to me have never experienced any serious psychological trauma.
But the road is always full of potholes and protruding ledges that can cause injuries.
We have been taught to ignore these 'small traumas'.
Small wounds that are difficult to detect or reveal accumulate and accumulate deep within our emotional selves.
And this psychological toll ultimately affects our happiness and well-being.
Even if your body and mind aren't completely exhausted, you can clearly sense the weight of it pulling you down, causing fatigue, anxiety, and a lack of confidence.
Ignoring this is extremely dangerous.
If left untreated, it can lead to a number of mental and physical health problems unique to modern society.

---From "Page 9, Introduction"

The Subtle Wounds of School Days
Small traumas arise from more subtle interactions than from serious violence, such as bullying.
Overt bullying or exclusion at school is a major childhood trauma that many children struggle to endure.
But for many children, less blatant neglect, the feeling of being stuck as a round peg in a square hole, humiliation on the playground, test stress, and the pressure to succeed in an environment that prioritizes class rank over meaningful learning can also be small traumas.

---From "Page 30, Chapter 1: What is Small Trauma"

In an Age of the Loneliness Epidemic
Never in history have people felt so connected and yet so deeply lonely.
While loneliness and social isolation were on the rise even before the COVID-19 pandemic, this global pandemic has pushed many people's mental health to the brink.
I mentioned this before, but I'll emphasize it again here.
We humans are social beings.
While it's wonderful that we've been able to weather the pandemic with cutting-edge technologies like working from home, endless video calls, and online shopping, the lack of physical contact has created microtraumas for many.
Chronic loneliness is as harmful to your health as smoking 15 cigarettes a day.
Before the COVID-19 outbreak, this was a topic primarily raised among older adults, but even before 2020, reports indicated that many young people were struggling with loneliness-related issues.
The important thing to keep in mind here is that loneliness is a symptom, not a cause, of social isolation.

---From "Page 47, Chapter 1: What is Small Trauma"

Breathing Exercises to Calm Uncomfortable Emotions
Let me introduce you to one of my favorite simple yet powerful exercises.
As we age, we tend to stress breathe, breathing into our chest.
Place one hand on your upper chest and one hand on your stomach and notice how you breathe.
Which hand is moving? If the hand on your chest is moving up and down, it means your body is stressed.
Well, that's not really surprising, since we're exploring small traumas.
The way to solve this is to activate the parasympathetic nervous system through diaphragmatic breathing.
· First, find the location of the diaphragm.
Adjust the position so that the little finger of the hand placed on your stomach is just above your belly button.
Then the diaphragm muscle will be located just below the palm.
Place the other hand on your chest.
· Inhale slowly and steadily through your nose and count to three.
Take a deep breath, all the way down to your tailbone.
· Then, exhale slowly four times while repeating in your mind, “Calm down.”
· Feel your belly expand with each breath you take.
· Feel your stomach deflate when you exhale.
At this time, the hand on the chest should not move.
---From "Page 57, Chapter 1: What is Small Trauma"

"I feel like I'll never be happy"
“I just want you to be happy” is something you hear very often.
Not only is it harmless, it is also warm, affectionate, and encouraging.
But this is one of the most harmful sentiments in modern society.
There is something fundamentally wrong with wanting only other people or yourself to be happy.
It's like telling a child, "I want you to catch a very beautiful and colorful butterfly and put it in a bottle and keep it there forever."
Butterflies do exist, and it is certainly possible to capture one and keep it in a bottle, but it would not live long.
And if your loved ones keep telling you that the best thing in the world is to have a butterfly, chances are you don't have one.
So, always trying to be happy can also be a kind of small trauma.
This is because there is a high possibility that you will never feel happy throughout your life and will constantly pursue happiness.

---From "Page 75, Chapter 2: The Obsession with Being Happy"

Why Emotional Literacy Matters
In extreme cases, there is 'emotional blindness', or technically 'alexithymia', which is the difficulty in accurately identifying one's own feelings.
It is associated with experiencing emotional dullness or frontal lobe brain damage during childhood and adolescence (fortunately, very few people experience the latter).
Some people with this condition experience only positive emotions and are completely unaware of negative ones, while others experience no emotions at all.
However, while most people can describe intense emotions, they generally have difficulty naming more subtle and delicate emotions.
I call this 'emotional literacy.'
Emotional literacy is crucial, as becoming proficient in the language we use to express our emotions can greatly help us navigate small traumas and live fulfilling lives.
---From "Page 93, Chapter 3, People Who Are Comfortable in a Numb State"

The Difference Between Stress and Anxiety
The fundamental difference between stress and anxiety is their temporal location.
Stress responses are triggered by present threats or associations (in Charlie's case, the classroom environment), whereas anxiety stems from thoughts about the future (worry) or the past (rumination).
If you want to know if you are experiencing stress or anxiety, ask yourself these questions:
'Where do I spend most of my time: past, present, or future?'
(…) Small traumas can be related to both stress and anxiety.
This is because past experiences can induce stress responses in certain situations.
But small traumas can also affect our cognition, triggering anxiety and sending us down countless mental rabbit holes, which can in turn trigger stress responses and other physiological symptoms.
---From "Pages 119-121, Chapter 4: What is the difference between stress and anxiety?"

Habitual Procrastination and Perfectionism
Habitual procrastination is not about being lazy, bad-tempered, incompetent, or uncaring.
In fact, it's quite the opposite.
People who procrastinate are usually conscientious.
Because I'm worried that I might do something wrong.
So we procrastinate until we're stressed to the max, and then, in the last few hours, we fret and convince ourselves that the outcome will be dire and that we're really stupid.
But before we get to this point, we've already spent too much mental energy thinking about this thing or trying not to think about it.
By the time our bodies notice these maladaptive patterns, we've already reached burnout because we've expended so much of our mental, physical, and emotional resources.
---From "Page 142, Chapter 5, The Paradox of Perfectionism"

Retaliatory Bedtime Procrastination
If you find yourself procrastinating by saying, “Just watch one more episode of a drama,” or “Just watch a few more minutes of social media,” then there’s a very good chance that you’re doing it out of revenge.
The reason we do this is essentially to 'get back at' ourselves for neglecting important needs during the day.
At the end of a long day, the rebellious self within stubbornly demands some "me" time, even though it knows it will leave you tired and cranky the next day.
Retaliatory bedtime procrastination is more common in younger adults and women and is a response to daytime stress and lack of free time while awake.
But research shows that we actually have a lot of free time during the day.
However, unlike the ancients, we have 'crumbs of time' scattered throughout the day rather than in large chunks.
The problem arises because we tend to fill this free time with work, life management, or other unpleasant tasks.

---From "Page 256, Chapter 9, Why Is It So Hard to Fall Asleep?"