Prologue: Sense Beats Talent

[Slang 01] Resisting the urge to be the protagonist
We are busy saying what we want to say rather than having a conversation with the other person.
It is always talking about what the other person sees, feels, and thinks in relation to me.
You can't properly understand the other person like this.
In a story about myself, I am the main character, but in a story about someone else, the other person should be the main character.

[Speaking Sense 02] Don't be greedy about becoming a teacher.
Why do people insist on explaining things at length, even when the other person doesn't ask? There are two reasons: one is a desire to control the other person by giving them advice or suggestions (control disorder), and the other is a desire to gain their attention or recognition by doing so (attention disorder).

[Speaking Sense 03] Expressing Interest and Love Through Questions
Ask your partner a question.
What book was the most impressive you've read, where do you want to travel, what movie did you enjoy, what singer do you like, what do you want to do the most, and what do you hate to do the least?
Expressing curiosity about someone is the greatest proof that I love them.

[Speaking Sense 04] Don't pretend to know things you only vaguely know.
Don't talk as if you've been to a place you've never been to, and don't talk as if you've seen a movie you haven't seen.
That pretense of knowing something can get the other person into trouble.
There is no shame in not knowing.
The truly shameful thing is to pretend to know what you don't.

[Malsens 05] Listen with your heart, not your ears.
True listening must be ‘active’, not ‘passive’.
Passive listening is listening simply to respond to what the other person is saying, while active listening is listening to understand the other person's position.
Observe not only what the other person says, but also his tone and gestures.
Don't just listen with your ears, listen with your heart.

[Sense of Words 06] Set up your antenna to the signal the other person is sending.
Does the person you're talking to yawn, look away, or try to change the subject? If so, they're probably bored with what you're saying.
If you keep saying what you want to say even though the other person has sent you such signals several times, it is no different from saying that you want to cut off the relationship with the other person.

[Slang 07] Don't wander into the weed field.
In conversation, a weed field is a place where unnecessary things are talked about.
When you get caught up in the weeds, the conversation loses focus and becomes a whirlwind of pointless stories.
Don't try to talk about everything you know.
The opponent will want to burn down the weed field at that moment.

[Malsens 08] Let the thoughts in your head flow away.
During a conversation, we keep getting distracted by other thoughts.
You keep thinking things like, ‘If it were me, I would have done this,’ ‘I should have done this back then,’ ‘Why do I insist on thinking that way?’
This is ultimately an instinct to insert my own story into the other person's words.
Let go of that instinct.
Only then can a real conversation be possible.

[Speaking Sense 09] Good words become bad words when repeated.
When someone makes a mistake, we feel anxious that they might repeat the same mistake.
So, we unconsciously point out that mistake over and over again.
However, no matter how right something is, repeating it too many times will only have the negative effect of creating resentment.
Mistakes must be pointed out.
But only once!

[Speaking Sense 10] Don't jump from one story to another.
We change the subject of conversation here and there, as if clicking on links on the Internet during a conversation.
Even the other person's serious words are treated as if they were light news.
It's better not to have this conversation.
If you find it difficult to have a conversation, it's best to be honest.
It's difficult to talk right now because of other important matters.

[Malsens 11] Time spent alone increases empathy.
A study conducted at Harvard found that the ability to empathize with others is enhanced after experiencing loneliness.
Just taking some time alone can improve your relationships with others.
If you want to maintain a more faithful relationship, take time for solitude.

[Speech Sense 12] Words speak louder than words.
We write even when we should speak.
Because it is uncomfortable to have a conversation while looking at each other's faces.
But words have emotions, sensations, and nuances that cannot be felt in writing.
If you want to become more intimate with someone, you need to communicate verbally.

[Sense of Words 13] Don't Sacrifice Emotions for Convenience
Communication through devices like smartphones is very efficient and convenient.
There are fewer mistakes to be made than with words.
But how inhuman is efficient, error-free communication? Sometimes, communication that's riddled with errors, messy, and chaotic is the most human.

[Speaking Sense 14] Speaking tact and speaking sense are different.
Do you want to become a better speaker? If so, you must first learn to suppress your urge to speak.
Surprisingly, many of the communication masters we know are not very fluent.
Their speech is restrained, they do not use excessive gestures, and they are rather good at listening.

[Speaking Sense 15] Choose 'Kindness' Over 'Righteousness'
The purpose of everyday conversation is not to find out what is right.
There is no right thing for everyone.
The standards for what is right vary depending on age, gender, nationality, and race.
If you want to have a real conversation with someone, you have to be kind rather than looking for the right thing.

[MalSense 16] There is no mistake that cannot be corrected.
Have you ever said something you regretted? Have you ever regretted not saying it? If so, let's do this from now on.
It's an apology right away.
There is nothing that is impossible to apologize for.
Rather, apology is the only way to make the impossible possible.

Sense of humor beats talent for words!

How can you become a better speaker? The author, a veteran broadcaster with over 20 years of experience at renowned broadcasters like CNN, BBC, and MSNBC, offers a blunt answer.
“You have to learn to suppress your urge to speak first.” The author of this book, who has sat down with countless people at broadcasting stations and had conversations with them, says that being good at speaking is not simply about being logical, eloquent, or having a fluent voice.
Such conversational skills are only necessary for public speakers. In order to communicate well in normal situations, it is necessary to suppress the urge to speak and listen first.

Become a person who can communicate with your heart rather than with words!

One of the misconceptions people have is that conversation is just an exchange of 'words'.
However, conversation is not about exchanging ‘words’, but about exchanging ‘hearts’.
Words are just a means of communicating, and you don't necessarily need to be good at speaking to communicate.
If there is one thing absolutely necessary for communication, it is the ability to communicate.
The key to speaking sensibly is to say only what is necessary and only as much as is necessary.
It's about putting aside your own desire to speak, responding to the other person's story, and drawing out what the other person truly wants to say.

16 Ways to Open Someone's Heart with Thoughtful Words

What the author wants to convey to readers in this book is not conversation skills such as “make eye contact with the other person,” “talk about interesting topics,” or “reply by repeating what you hear.”
These skills are not very useful in everyday conversation and can actually be counterproductive if misused.
For a conversation to truly be a meaningful communication, principles that must be followed in any situation are more important than conversation skills.
For example, when having a conversation, resist the urge to be the main character, avoid trying to teach like a teacher, and express interest and love by asking various questions.
Anyone who adheres to the 16 principles of communication presented by the author in this book will have the amazing experience of becoming a master of communication.