prolog
The terrible loneliness has begun 08

Chapter 1.
Recognize
Forty: Unexpected Emotions

My body hurts 14
I haven't done anything by the time I'm forty. 22
Middle Passage 32
Sleeping in late 38
Divorce is not your fault 46

Chapter 2.
Introspection
It's time to find your path in life

54 Times I Need My Name
62 Times Your Relationship Needs Remodeling
Mother's Authority 70
Time to Cleanse Your Emotions 76
Time to Look at Shadows 84
90 between boredom and depression
98 Hours of Forgetting
Retrieving the projectile I threw 106
My mom has a lot of complexes 114
Playing with Your Inner Child 122
In Search of My Lost Mother 130

Chapter 3.
Face it
Forty, standing alone again

140 Not Assigning Meaning to Suffering
Self-Chosen Solitude 148
Creating Your Own Secret Place 156
Return to Me 164
There is no savior 170
Accepting Loss 178
Sending Off the Symbolic Guardian 186
Breaking Up with a Narcissist 194
Passion, How to Love Life 202
Actions toward a Purposeful Life 210

Chapter 4.
Forty Empathy Talk
Emergency Solutions for Moms

220 Wounds Mothers Receive from Their Children
230 Kids Who Want to Make Their Moms Angry
The Hostile Rebellious Child 239
How to Fight Well with Your Elementary School Child 249
259 Characteristics of Sixth Grade Children Every Forty-Year-Old Mom Should Know
Conflicts Between Parents Over Child Education 269
Concerns and Thoughts About an Only Child 280
Conflicts with other parents 290

To my mother in her forties
The shadow of the heart that comes unexpectedly

For elementary school mothers, there is more than just one mother-in-law.
“My husband is originally ‘the son in my mother-in-law’s arms,’ my child is ‘my mother-in-law on the verge of puberty,’ and my boss at work is ‘my mother-in-law who is late.’
Even my junior colleague at work is a 'mother-in-law born in 1990.' The small feelings of alienation that pile up in everyday life are building up an inner shadow.
As I try to understand and be considerate of others because they are my mother, wife, daughter, and daughter-in-law, I suddenly find myself facing the infinitely narrow space within me.
Because you put your own needs on the back burner while taking care of others.
In the mother's exhausted heart, there is an 'emptiness'.
The author suggests that mothers of elementary school-aged children entering early adolescence take time to reflect on their own life paths around the age of forty.
To do this, first recognize your inner turmoil and conflict (Chapter 1: Recognizing), and then give yourself a proper name (Chapter 2: Examining Yourself).
And it specifically explains how to properly establish your life purpose in your own name (Chapter 3 Facing It).
Now, it is time to face the shadow.


Until we recognize, diagnose, and confront it,
Psychology classes for moms

When you feel depressed for no apparent reason, suddenly feel angry, or suddenly feel sleepy or have trouble falling asleep, you should take a close look at the symptoms.
The reason loneliness becomes more intense for mothers as they reach the critical juncture of forty is because they are looking at their inner selves through the eyes of others.
I was so caught up in the expectations of those around me and the gaze of society that I couldn't even take care of my own body and mind.
I just pushed myself by saying things like, ‘Everyone lives like this,’ ‘Everyone says it’s hard,’ and ‘Let’s not be the only ones who act strangely.’
The inner self that has been suppressed for a long time becomes filled with ‘discomfort.’
Mothers who are unable to properly deal with this discomfort feel guilty and ashamed.
Then, she starts to scold her child for trivial things or complains to her husband.
This is because we 'project' the cause of our negative emotions onto the other person.
“If you want to recover the projectile you threw, you must first take care of yourself.
“Eat well, sleep well, soak in warm water, and take care of your inner self.”

When your body and mind are pushed beyond their limits, they become “like a stretched pen spring” and cannot return to their original position.
To maintain resilience, you need to look within yourself and give yourself the gift of 'solitude.'
You need to secure quiet time where you can be completely yourself without being disturbed by anyone.
As those quiet moments pile up, your own insights emerge like flashes of light.
The power of that insight allows us to discover and sustain our self.
Let's forget all those 'daily lists' of things to do, things to decide... and create some 'space' for ourselves.
Allow yourself to actively 'forget'.
“Creating the ‘self’ is not a process of proving oneself.
“It is a journey to shed the masks and names that have covered me and find the self that is buried deep down.”

The only way to stop a ship from rocking on the sea is to keep sailing.
Jump into things that excite you and excite you beyond measure.
Remodel the complex relationships that arise from marriage and raising children, and immerse yourself in contemplation and classic reading in your own 'hermitage.'
It's also a good idea to create your own social playground, like SNS, where your inner child can play to their heart's content, sharing writings and photos that express your inner self.
If there's something you've been wanting to learn for a long time, don't hesitate and just register.
And you learn as if you were buttoning the first button.
You never know what will happen next or what purpose it will give you in life.


An Emergency Prescription for Moms in Their Forties
Having a "no-loss fight" with a child who wants to upset their mother

“Mom, I don’t know anything.”
“Mom, I’m so frustrated.”
“What does Mom know how to do?”

A sweet child outside becomes a tyrant once he gets home.
He acts rudely towards his mother, talks back to her, and gets irritated easily over trivial matters.
Even if you scold the child, he or she is not afraid at all and instead feels threatened by the child.
The mother cares about the hurt she gives her child, but the child doesn't care at all.
Children unconsciously take out their anger on the person they feel safest with.
A mother who accepts and understands everything is the safest person for you.
The author advises that one should never engage in a 'fight without losing' with such a child.
“Children are more ‘innocent’ than you think.
In other words, it also means that it is that cruel.
“If Mom stays quiet, she thinks she can keep being rude.” Relationships that fight well are actually healthier relationships.
So it's important to fight properly.
To avoid an emotionally draining fight, you must remember the purpose and direction of the fight.
The first is to avoid becoming a tyrant child, and the second is to separate parents and children.


When fighting with a child, you must respond consistently using facial expressions, voice, and body language.
You have to deal with it without any reservations, like firmly saying “No!” and locking the gates of a high castle.
In addition, taking the initiative is important.
Children are the first movers and shakers.
They try to take the initiative by saying things like, “Mom, you don’t know how I feel.”
If the initiative is taken, the fight is as good as over.
Because my heart is shaken.
But there's no need to hesitate.
Even a mother cannot know everything about her child.
It's impossible.
There's never any need to be offended by a child asking for the impossible.


The reason this fight is so important is that the better parents fight with their children, the more likely the children will become adults who know how to face the world.
When a child does not have a guardian to fight for him, he remains just a spoiled child.
Parents who avoid conflict by saying, “Someday, the child will grow up and understand my feelings,” are like children who don’t know how to fight.
The moment you try to avoid a fight with your child, I hope you take a good look inside yourself.

“I think it would be better if the child would rather tell the parent openly, ‘I don’t want to do it.’
At least that kind of child is not a child who dreams of petty revenge and is happy.
I hope that children's curious energy is not wasted on dreams of revenge against their mothers.
“I hope my mother, who is in her forties, will not be in the position of having to take petty revenge.”