What people search for most these days
The #1 psychological term: self-esteem

In an age where self-esteem is so important,
Not fake self-esteem that only hurts,
How can I have true self-esteem that protects me in any situation?

Create your own signature that fills the void with presence!

No matter how much praise you receive and how much confidence you try to build, some insecurities don't go away.
Even though I distanced myself from people who disliked me and tried to process my feelings before going to bed, I felt like I was back where I was.
The psychological term that people talk about most these days is 'self-esteem'.
Why has self-esteem become so important in this day and age?
Self-esteem is such a difficult thing to have.

"Don't Hurt Me" is a book based on cutting-edge psychological theory and extensive clinical experience that explains why, despite the abundance of advice available today to boost self-esteem, my self-esteem remains stagnant, like a tumbleweed.
"We must beware of the countless traps that prevent us from distinguishing between fake and real self-esteem." "We must break free from the emotional torment and distance methods that keep us tied to others, and cultivate genuine self-esteem that maintains self-centeredness in any situation." Now, let's begin the lesson of true self-esteem by creating a "signature of oneself" that protects and motivates me.


A book that will help you break free from the thoughts of “My life is already decided anyway,” “There’s nothing I can do,” and “What can I do with something I was born with?” and help you move forward one step at a time on your own, without looking back at the painful past, from where you stand now.
Six lessons begin to empower me to feel more free and, more importantly, to build positive relationships with others.

The small psychiatric clinic I run is located in a provincial city.
This city was even listed in the Guinness Book of World Records for having five universities in one district.
That's probably why most of my patients are college students and young office workers.
The stories these friends tell are full of the emptiness, frustration, and hurt they experience.
But to me, I also see the effort they put into themselves.
These are people who come to us because they cannot solve their problems on their own, but paradoxically, they are trying very hard to solve their problems on their own.

---From the "Prologue"

Self-harm is an act of relieving feelings of emptiness and helplessness.
Even if it's painful, I choose to do it the only way I can do it.
It's an extreme way to actively lower your self-esteem.
Addiction and binge eating are similar to self-harm.
Many patients report that they spend hours mindlessly browsing social media or eating mindlessly.
To say 'I don't have any thoughts' means to try not to be conscious of one's actions.

---From "I'm empty, I'd rather be sick"

As self-esteem continues to be undermined, the desire to improve it grows, but in the process, false self-esteem creeps in.
Sometimes, the things we do to boost our self-esteem actually keep us in a state of low self-esteem or cling to a false sense of self-esteem.
Much of what I counsel patients about ultimately comes down to making this distinction.

---From "Six Traps of Self-Esteem"

To be honest, recognition and praise are actually factors that have nothing to do with self-esteem.
It's puzzling that one of the most important human needs is the need for recognition, so it's not related to self-esteem.
The reason is simple.
The standard of self-esteem lies within oneself.
The standard for recognition and praise lies outside of oneself.
Because when we become addicted to recognition and praise, it's easy to develop fake self-esteem.

---From "I think I deserve more praise"

I describe having self-esteem as having a "signature" for your life.
If you have no self-esteem despite having a smooth life, it means your life is boring, and that means you don't have a signature for your life.
Forming this signature is what true self-esteem is all about.

---From "I want to overcome trauma"

Many psychology books advise us to “find our true selves.”
But what exactly is "true self"? Is the self I have now not my true self? Isn't the self I display outwardly my true self? If you feel your self-esteem is low because you haven't found your true self, you'll think you need to change your current self to find your true self.
I often see the side effect of denying 'who I am today'.
I feel the need to convey the concept of 'true self' in a way that fits modern society.

---From "If You're Looking for Your True Self"

So how can we effectively manage multiple identities?
People who are good at managing multiple identities have a standard called 'self' that is the central axis that runs those multiple identities.
I call this my 'signature'.

---From "What is your signature"

Self-esteem is said to be a skill that is needed on bad days more than good days.
Self-regulation is the ability we need when facing adversity.
Anyone who experiences hardships will feel depressed, anxious, and helpless, but what helps us overcome them is nothing other than our belief in self-control.
I think self-esteem is about being able to keep your eyes open and awake in the dark.
It is the ability to know how to light one's own lamp.

---From "I Can Open My Eyes Even on Hard Days"

People with low self-esteem tend to have multiple plans when starting something new, such as Plan A, Plan B, and Plan C.
One patient I met said that when he decides something, he basically makes 10 plans.
So he said he wasted all day planning scenarios for trivial things.
He said that he felt secure only when he calculated all the variables and performed the task, and when the task was carried out within the plans he had in mind.

---From “Developing Intuition: “I Feel Something””

If there were a goddess of self-esteem, I think she would be holding two mirrors.
One is a clear and transparent mirror of objective reality that reflects me.
Another is a clear and transparent mirror of respect that reflects others.
What I must reflect on myself is the 'mirror of objectivity'.
Our efforts to avoid seeing ourselves through distorted filters are what protect our lives.
What I must reflect to others is a 'mirror of respect'.
Whether someone attacks me or praises me, they may have wounds as complex as mine.

---From "Objectivity and Respect, Two Mirrors of Self-Esteem"