When Christ was on earth doing His ministry, four men brought their paralyzed friend to the house where Jesus was speaking to be healed.
“Since they could not get him to Jesus because of the crowd, they removed the roof and made an opening and lowered the bed on which the paralytic was lying” (Mark 2:4).
But instead of healing the patient, Jesus suddenly declared forgiveness of sins, and everyone was shocked.
“When Jesus saw their faith, he said to the paralytic, ‘Son, your sins are forgiven’” (v. 5).

Imagine for a moment that you are that paralyzed man.
“Thank you, but don’t you see that I have a more pressing need?” You probably felt that way, and if you were a bold person, you might even have said it out loud.
If that were the case, Jesus would have answered, “No, that is not true.”
Couldn't the paralytic's feelings at that time be expressed like this? "I would be happy if I could just get up from my sickbed and walk again.
“You can live your whole life without complaining and being content.” But Jesus would say this.
“Look at all these people around you.
They can all walk.
But are you truly content? Are you living a happy life? If I just heal you, you'll be overjoyed for a while, but soon you'll become like everyone else." That alone won't do.
What that person needed was “forgiveness of sins.”
Forgiveness cuts to the heart of the matter.
It is precisely because of our sin that we feel alienated from God and from ourselves.


Jesus said,
“There is something I want to show you.
What your nature needs most desperately is me.
Only I can give you complete love, a new identity, endless comfort, hope, and glory.
And to enter into all of this, you must know forgiveness.” Now is the time to open the door of forgiveness and enter into it.
--- pp.23~25

To forgive, first of all, you must not simply condone the sin, but point out the truth as a sin that deserves punishment.
Second, we should not view the perpetrator as an evil being different from ourselves, but as a fellow sinner and see ourselves as equals to him.
You have to wish the other person well.
Third, rather than seeking revenge and paying back the debt, you should take responsibility for the debt yourself and relieve the perpetrator of his obligations.
Finally, rather than severing ties permanently, we must strive for reconciliation.
If any one of these four actions is missing, it is not true forgiveness.
--- p.38

If we are to have a healthy society, a society where broken relationships can be restored, we must learn to forgive.
In the era represented by Arendt, King, and Tutu, we had to respond to the terrible structural oppression of history with truth and justice, as well as love and forgiveness.
But these 'big forgivenesses' should not obscure the small forgivenesses we desperately need to learn every day.
We live buried in coldness, disappointment, and unintentional hurt.
Not to mention all the small, deliberate harm people do to us every day.
So we must learn when to forgive silently and when to bring up the issue, and we must learn to forgive even when the other person refuses to admit to their mistake.
Without it, no one can survive.
Just as you cannot love without forgiveness, you cannot live without forgiveness.
--- pp.74~75

Hebrews 12:15-16 says, “Be careful lest any bitter root springing up cause trouble and by it defile many.”
It's a vivid metaphor.
Let's say you want to get rid of a tree in the corner of your field, so you cut down the tree and dig up the stump.
You might think that's it now, but it's not.
After a while, if you go to the corner of the field, you will find that, unexpectedly, a young tree has sprouted again.
Why? The invisible roots that remained underground sprouted.

This means that it is difficult to admit your anger towards the perpetrator.
We always react like this at first.
“Oh, I’m fine.
I'm not angry.
“It’s a little unpleasant.” It’s denying the bitter root, the ill feelings, in order to maintain a good image of oneself.
“I forgive, but I will not forget.” This means that although you may not actively seek revenge, you still harbor resentment and wish for the other person’s downfall.

Jesus told the victims, “Be careful,” and the writer of Hebrews said, “Be careful not to become like this,” which is an idiom meaning to be on guard.
This means we must accept that we are more resentful than we think, more forgiving, and more easily influenced by the hurt we inflict on others.
Hidden roots work secretly.
It may never be visible unless you dig and dig deep enough to cover the surrounding area.
Then, when it sprouts again, we find ourselves saying or doing something cruel and being shocked.
Unless you willfully and thoroughly forgive, with all the help Christ provides, anger will “defile” you, as Hebrews says.
--- pp.247~248

A cartoonist may draw a caricature with the intention of making someone look funny.
Exaggerating the odd or slightly unattractive parts of a person's face can make them look dull.
That's exactly what happens in your mind when you've been hurt by someone.
You think of someone one-dimensionally based on just one thing they did wrong to you.
When someone lies to you, you say, “That person is a liar, that’s why they lied!”
But if your lie is discovered and someone asks why, you can say, “It was a lie, but there were complicated circumstances.
He makes an excuse saying, “It was unintentional.”
Even though he lied, he is fundamentally a good person.
So you always treat yourself as a three-dimensional, complex human being, but when you see someone who lied to you, you immediately see them as a one-dimensional villain.

The person who lied to you has become a lie itself in your angry mind.
That's how you justify yourself.
It's like ruminating on the other person's wrongdoing and saying, "I would never do that."
This impulse to feel superior by comparing oneself to others is an instinctive way of pushing away the abuser mentally.
Humiliating the perpetrator may give you a secret sense of victory, but it ends in self-righteousness, and self-righteousness in the heart is always fatal.… (omitted)… Holding a grudge makes me feel morally superior to the perpetrator, and so it becomes more difficult to let go of the grudge.
If you fail to see that you too are a sinner in need of grace, that resentment will distort and defile you.… (omitted)… To forgive, you must see yourself as the offender.
As Wolf said, we must realize that we too are sinners and that the perpetrators are also human.
That is the first step to forgiveness.
--- pp.250~252

Sometimes people think that when they forgive, they must immediately resume their previous level of relationship with the offender.
But you shouldn't trust him until he shows you evidence that he has truly changed.
If you immediately trust a habitual sinner again, you are in effect encouraging him to sin again.
Many churches have been notorious for their abrupt reinstatement of sexual abusers to positions of trust and authority.
Because even that was included in the forgiveness.
However, Jesus did not automatically reinstate Peter; rather, as is widely known, he put him through a thorough verification process. John 21: Trust must be restored, but the speed of restoration depends on how the offender responds to discipline.
--- p.258

Jesus' most famous saying about reconciliation is this:
“If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just the two of you alone. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over. But if he will not listen, take one or two more along, so that by the testimony of two or three witnesses every matter may be established. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector” (Matthew 18:15-17).
This is when a believer sins against another believer and the relationship is broken.
Most importantly, Jesus was saying that the broken relationship between two Christians was not just a problem for the two individuals, but a problem for the entire church, and therefore, restoring the relationship may require the resources and intervention of the community.

First, in this situation, Jesus tells him to go alone.
The point is to not involve a third party from the beginning.
“Go and advise him alone, between you and him.” Times have changed, but I still believe that it is best to “go” and do this yourself, just as He said.
In other words, I think that unless it is absolutely necessary, you should not do it by phone, text, or email.
Studies and informal evidence suggest that young "digital natives" are terrified of being told to go.
It's much easier to just "go silent" and not respond to texts or emails.
However, pointing out a mistake and then trying to repair the relationship is a very complex and delicate task.
To convey truth and love, justice and mercy in a balanced way, we must mobilize everything: body language, tone of voice, facial expressions, vocabulary, and emotions.
If possible, go to the other person and talk face to face.
Of course, you shouldn't tell anyone else first.
That way, you can honestly tell the other person that you are not spreading your discontent about them.
But don't do it in a way that makes the other person uncomfortable.
--- pp.280~281

Rather than telling God how to be angry, we should leave it entirely to Him to bring His wrath on whomever He chooses, at whatever time He chooses.
So what will God do? He will come in the person of Jesus Christ and personally receive the punishment of justice.
The old KJV Bible translates verse 19 as “vengeance is mine,” reminding us that the wrath that should have been upon us was upon Him.
The revenge we deserve has literally become His.

Do you desire a forgiving heart? A heart that overcomes evil with good, a heart free from feelings of superiority, a heart free from the need to justify itself? If so, look to Jesus, who took the vengeance you deserved.
Vengeance belongs to Jesus! He received it.
This is the eternal lesson taught by the parable of the unforgiving servant.
If we, the servants, are to cease acting as little kings and judges, we must look to the King who volunteered to become servants for us.
No one can learn love through effort.
To love, you must first accept Him who is love.
To learn love, you must first experience love and then pass it on.
To cultivate patience, you must see Him who saved you with the most costly patience and who forgave you even at the moment of your doom, saying, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.”
That's when you can change, and you actually do change.

--- pp.293~294