In psychoanalysis, the 30s were an unknown period.
It has been understood as a time to simply run forward to build a career.
I, too, was busy raising two children and caring for patients, and then one day, I looked up and found myself in my forties.
But now I think I know.
What I am saying is that the experiences I accumulated in my 30s are what have become the foundation of my life now.
Therefore, in your 30s, unless you have chosen a very wrong path, it is best to put in as much effort as possible.
Because time is honest and returns exactly the amount of passion and energy we put into it, whether good or bad.

--- From the "Prologue"

According to the States of Mind model, the golden ratio of positive to negative thoughts is 1.6:1.
This will allow you to develop coping skills that allow you to maintain a positive state while also paying sufficient attention to the risk factors that cause stress.
What's important here is that even positive people have negative thoughts.
We often think that positive people don't have negative thoughts.
But that is a misunderstanding.
Because there are so many unexpected variables in life, and dangerous situations can arise at any time and any place, negative thinking is also essential in order to respond to them.
However, positive people never hold onto negative thoughts to the end.
Knowing that life is one where unfortunate events can happen regardless of our wishes, I try to accept even the most negative events in a positive light.

--- From "The Golden Ratio of Positive and Negative Thoughts"

I told him that he was truly a useless person, saying that when he was young, he was not only unable to protect his mother from his father's violence, but also trembled in fear.
“It’s not your fault.
“You were so young and powerless back then.” Then he looked shocked and couldn’t say anything.
Then, after a few minutes, he started to sob with his head down and burst out in tears that he had been holding back.
He, who had never cried in his life, cried for a long time that day.
What could a child do in the face of adult violence?
There was nothing wrong with him.
But he couldn't forgive himself for not being able to protect his mother and having to watch over her.
I just couldn't accept how helpless I was.
After crying for a while, he said to me.
“Teacher, I guess that’s what I wanted to hear.
“It’s not my fault.”
--- From "Words that ultimately made patients cry"

Even if the world takes everything from me and gives me the worst situation, I must remember that there is one thing that can never be taken from me.
It is my choice as to how I will perceive the situation.
Let's say someone says something hurtful to me.
So, of course, you say you can't help but get hurt, but in reality, you can choose whether or not to get hurt.
Just as you can just return a gift you don't want from someone, I can just avoid getting hurt.
The same goes for when you make a mistake.
While some people despair as if their world is collapsing over a single mistake, others admit it and quickly move to fix it.
In other words, I cannot avoid painful situations, but it is my choice whether to suffer about them or not.

--- From "Words that ultimately made patients cry"

Parkinson's disease, which struck me at the age of forty-two, taught me something.
Accepting that there are things you cannot change and focusing on the things you can change is the best way to live a life where you can move forward in the direction you want without being swayed by anyone.
So today I recall Reinhold Niebuhr's prayer.
“Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”
--- From "What the Illness That Came to Me at Forty-Two Taught Me"

When you listen to the stories of people who say they have bipolar disorder, you often see that even such legitimate emotional reactions are often considered evidence of bipolar disorder, even though anyone would have felt the same way in that situation.
So when I say, “If that were the situation, I would feel the same way,” they look very surprised.
They are certainly emotional and somewhat moody, but they are never in a condition that would be diagnosed as bipolar.
Yet, they can't stand the fact that they are being swayed by their emotions, expressing that they have bipolar disorder.
Because we think that emotions should always be calm to be normal.
Also, rather than being influenced by emotions, you want to have complete control over them.

--- From "Common Misconceptions of People with Severe Mood Swings"

Life is like a process of building a house called 'me' throughout one's life.
When that house is finished, we go into the grave, and that house becomes my epitaph.
Just as the initial foundation is important when building a house, our experiences in the first few years of life shape the outline of our entire life.
Based on the experiences at this time, the way we view ourselves, others, and the world is determined, the pattern of interpersonal relationships is established, and the direction of love is revealed.
Of course, this does not completely determine our lives.
Fortunately, there are plenty of opportunities to correct and revise things as we go through life.
Just as it takes a lot of money and effort to fix a house with a faulty foundation, our lives also require a lot of time and effort to fix things that were wrong in the beginning.

--- From "Everyone has a wounded child living inside their heart"

Seohyun always felt lonely and suffered from a vague anxiety that everyone would eventually leave her, and it can be said that her early experiences beyond her memory played a large role in causing this chronic depression.
Her obsession with food, and her binge eating when she was angry or stressed, ultimately reflects her childish desire to soothe her pain with food and fall asleep.
So, if you want to break her binge eating habit when she's stressed, you can't ignore the wounded child inside you anymore.
If the child continues to experience similar pain, you should recognize that the child is making noises because he or she wants to grow, and help him or her to move on from the painful memories.
To do that, you must first allow the child who has been holding back tears to cry freely and help them tell you where it hurts.
The child should be allowed to show his or her wounds so that they can be cut out or medicated.
Then, as the wounds heal, you will be able to let go of the past.
It is about breaking free from the past that has been holding you back, being able to look at yourself, feel the world, and live in the present.

--- From "Everyone has a wounded child living inside their heart"

People often think that forgiveness means getting back on good terms with the person who hurt you.
But forgiveness is different from reconciliation.
Forgiveness is not about freeing the person who hurt you from pain.
Forgiveness is about freeing myself from the past anger that is holding me back.
That's why forgiveness is letting go.
To be more specific, forgiveness is not about covering up a hurt as if it never happened, but rather about reclaiming my precious energy that was invested in someone who wasn't worth it.
It is a declaration that I will no longer spend my precious time hating him and that I will live my life without him by turning my attention away from him.
Letting go of the past so that my heart can no longer be torn by anger and hatred and can regain calm and peace.

--- From "Failing forgiveness only ruins each other"

I believe that the power of maintaining a good relationship over time comes not from endless kindness and consideration, but from drawing clear lines.
Drawing a line does not mean building an impassable wall between you and the other person and cutting off contact.
I set limits on what I can do and say that I will do my best to accommodate them up to that limit, but I cannot do more than that.
Only then can you avoid worrying about hurting other people's feelings and end up taking on tasks beyond your capabilities.
Setting boundaries like this is something I absolutely must do to protect myself from people who would mistreat me.
Some people criticize drawing a line as being selfish, but it is not selfish at all.
The word selfish means an attitude of looking after one's own interests first, regardless of what happens to others.
But setting limits means making it clear to the other person that my situation and capabilities only go so far.
So instead of dwelling on things I can't do or relationships I can't change, I'm going to focus on things I can do and the precious people who respect me.
Therefore, when others treat me rudely, I must first draw a line and protect myself.

--- From "How to Stop Others from Treating You Rudely"

In fact, breaking up without saying goodbye is not really breaking up.
Saying goodbye is an act of acknowledging and accepting in your heart the fact that the other person has left by making the separation concrete.
It can be said that the reason funerals are so noisy is precisely for this farewell ceremony.
The task of crying out loud, preparing a farewell ceremony with those around him, and finally facing his body and burying him in my heart.
During this time, those who leave and those who stay say goodbye to each other, and they organize the time they spent together.
(Omitted) What made it harder for her than anything else was the fact that she couldn't say her final goodbyes to her mother.
In this case, her mother becomes a person who is neither dead nor alive.
In this way, the fact that ‘I was not able to be there for the deceased’ and ‘I parted ways without being able to say goodbye’ remains as a great regret.

--- From "Why Saying 'Hello' is Important"

As we grow up, we realize that the image we see in the mirror is very different from the person we dreamed of being.
Also, I have to endure the pain of resignation as I realize that breaking the mirror does not change my appearance.
It's about giving up the childhood expectation that no matter what you do, you'll be forgiven, and that if something bad happens, someone will inevitably come along and change the situation.
And now, I acknowledge that the time has come when I must decide and take responsibility for everything, and that my responsibilities have grown as much as my rights.
It is also about accepting the reality that my power is not that great, my freedom is limited, and even my relationships with my loved ones are imperfect.
Recognizing our limitations, recognizing that we can no longer choose what we want, and recognizing the gap between our unfulfilled dreams and reality are all inevitable processes of human existence.
Therefore, becoming an adult can be said to be the process of giving up and parting with the omnipotent narcissism of childhood, where 'I am the world and my wishes are my commands.'

--- From "Things You Must Do Before It's Too Late"