A masterpiece that has captivated German readers for 250 years!
Wisdom for human relationships and life found in 18th-century classics!

A practical philosophy book that transcends time and penetrates the essence of human relationships!
A classic work on human relationships beloved for centuries, the first unedited, complete translation in Korea!
Translated by Park Sang-mi, Korea's leading psychological counselor!

The masterpiece of 18th-century German enlightenment thinker and practical philosopher, Adolph Knigge, "When We Face Others" (Uber den Umgang mit Menschen), has been published in its first unabridged, complete translation in Korea.
Born into aristocratic families, he was a writer and a member of the Freemasons and Illuminati, and he himself confessed to being awkward in interpersonal relationships.
But that immaturity led him to deeper reflection.
In order to understand human beings, Knige observed and explored the various layers of life, and thus completed a practical philosophy centered on 'attitude toward others.'

His influence can be guessed from the fact that the word 'knigge' has become synonymous with politeness in German-speaking countries.
However, this book is not a simple book on etiquette or conduct. It honestly and warmly explains with what attitude and mindset we should have toward others in the various relationships that make up our lives, including those in power, artists, spouses, friends, family, and even ourselves.

This Korean edition is completed with an in-depth translation by Professor Sangmi Park, a leading Korean psychologist and bestselling author, adding even more credibility.
Her interpretations, which embrace people with the language of the heart, allow the sincerity of 18th-century classics to gently permeate today's everyday life.
For those who are tired of relationships and lost in conflict, this book will be a small turning point that can change the course of their lives.
This book, born from the experiences and insights of a philosopher who deeply understood and loved people, is a guide to human relationships that remains relevant even in this day and age.
Now is the time to listen again to that old wisdom.

I'm going to talk about the skills that are essential for getting along with people.
But am I truly qualified to write a book on "wise worldly wisdom"? Looking back on my life, I've rarely mastered these skills.
Is it really my place to talk about how to understand people? I've always given my heart to people too easily, and even then, it was almost reckless and blind.
It was a recklessness that even a beginner would not easily commit.
Could I, someone like me, teach others the art of getting along with others? Who would be willing to learn the art of living from someone who has lived a life of seclusion?

Alright, my friends! How about I answer this question this way? If I've truly realized my own clumsiness through my own painful experience and learned even a little from it, wouldn't that be a more valuable qualification? Who else can fully convey that feeling than someone who has personally experienced danger?

My temperament and sensitivity, my need to rely on others, my longing for love and friendship, my desire to help, my desire to be empathized with—these things often drove me into reckless choices, pushing aside cool-headed reason and judgment, and not simply because I was foolish.
It wasn't because I didn't know the world.
It was simply because I wanted to love someone, because I wanted to be loved, because I wanted to do something rather than just sit still, and because I wanted that something to be good.
---From "Part 1: Principles of Human Relations, Part 1: Preface"

Strive for perfection.
It's not just about looking perfect, or about appearing like you're never wrong.
People judge you by the standards you set for yourself.
If they evaluate based on that one criterion, it can be seen as fair.
Unless you force expectations on yourself that you never even claimed.
But the moment you make even one, even the smallest mistake, their verdict is this:
“A person of that caliber shouldn’t make such a mistake.” There is nothing more enjoyable to the weak than finding fault with someone who has lost their light.
One small mistake you make will be perceived as more serious than the countless frauds and evil deeds committed by others.
---From “Part 1 Principles of Human Relations, Chapter 1 Basic Principles of Human Relations”

Life is hard enough, unpleasant things happen on their own, and there are already too many things to worry about.
Our job is to ease someone's burden, not to add unnecessary weight to it.
---From “Part 1 Principles of Human Relations, Chapter 1 Basic Principles of Human Relations”

The most important thing is to keep your obligations to yourself.
However, many people are so focused on their relationships with others that they neglect to take care of themselves.
We keep putting off cultivating our minds as if we are ignoring ourselves.
A person who has become accustomed to the outside world will at some point become a stranger even in his own home, and a person who has always lived in turmoil will even feel unfamiliar with his own heart.
He wanders among people to soothe his emptiness, but eventually loses confidence in himself and even standing in front of the mirror feels unfamiliar and awkward.


So don't take yourself lightly.
In the end, you must not forget that the only person who will stay by your side until the end is yourself.
Even if there comes a time when everyone turns their back on you, you must not abandon yourself.
But what if you've lived your life ignoring yourself until that day arrives? Without anyone to lean on, without any comfort from anywhere? Then, you'll collapse helplessly.


If you want to make the time you spend with yourself peaceful and comforting, you must first carefully reflect on your attitude toward yourself.
As with dealing with others, we must be honest, sensitive, and fair with ourselves.
You shouldn't be too strict with yourself, but you shouldn't be too lax either.
Whether you embrace your weakness and fall into arrogance or push yourself too hard and collapse, you will ultimately reach the same place.
---From "Part 1: Principles of Human Relationships, Chapter 2: Skills for Getting Along Well with Myself"

Now I'm going to talk about how we should deal with those who are called 'wicked', that is, those who are corrupt from the root.
Of course I know.
Every human being is born with a little bit of primal darkness.
However, no one is completely evil from the beginning.
It is wrong education, uncontrolled desires, or harsh fate and circumstances that ruin people like that.
The important thing is not how he became a villain, but how we should treat people who have already become like that.
(syncopation)

First of all, don't get me wrong.
No matter how good and smart you are, they will never leave you alone.
The wicked and the vulgar recognize the noble and wise man at once.
As if all the evildoers in the world were secretly holding hands like brothers.
Even though we usually walk different paths, we become one to trample on and ridicule your true values.

There is no way to stop them.
Neither silence, nor prudence, nor good will, nor humility are of any avail.
Even if you hide your strengths and pretend to be an ordinary person, you can't avoid them.
Oddly enough, the first people to notice the goodness within you are those who lack it.
They feel threatened by your mere presence.
They will be afraid and eventually use all means possible to suppress you.
They will ridicule you, gossip about you, and maliciously twist every little word you say.
But don't give in.
Even if you are temporarily in their shadow, an upright attitude and consistent life will eventually bring them down.
They fall into the trap they have dug themselves, and it is destined to collapse.
---From "Part 1: Principles of Human Relations, Chapter 3: How to Coexist with People of Different Temperaments"

But these days, the world is becoming increasingly loose with these ties.
People are gradually forgetting the importance of family, hometown, and community.
Yet, it only became an empty ideal that ‘all mankind are brothers.’
How vain is this talk.
Foolish philosophers say that humans have no need to form families or love their hometowns.
Instead, it calls for love for all of humanity.
Well then, I would like to ask:
Is it possible to read a book without learning to read? Is it possible to love the world without loving your parents? Our times are filled with alchemists seeking panaceas and self-proclaimed global citizens.
Where is this world taking us? Soon, farmers may abandon their fields and move to the city, where they will speak to their rulers about "a world where all are equal."
People may reject laws and orders that are inconvenient to them, and eventually the world may become one where the strong dominate the weak.
A world where people covet their neighbors' property and say they don't even need to pay their father's debts.
There may come a time when even the name of marriage disappears.
But the world hasn't fallen apart yet.
There are many people like me who still love their families and cherish the warmth of their homes.
So from now on, I would like to say a few words about proper relationships between family members.
---From "Part 2 Understanding Changes Relationships Chapter 1 People of Different Ages_ Dialogue is Needed Between Generations"

Moreover, life is hectic for a young couple and throws a lot of tasks, big and small, at them without a break.
As they manage their household together, take care of their children, and develop similar habits and routines, the two gradually become one.
The two hearts that were different at first soon blended, mixed, and rolled together.
Joy is doubled, and sorrow is halved.
But as time goes by, the story changes.
The weight of life weighs on your shoulders and hardens your character.
As people reach middle age, they become more dependent on their own ways.
They do not give in easily and their heart to accept new things also cools.
So, the older you get, the more difficult it is for you to understand and be considerate of each other when you start a family later in life.
Of course, there are exceptions.
A person with a deep personality still has a broad and gentle heart even as he gets older.
He knows how to reach out first and give first.
But such people are rare.
If a couple wants to be a source of joy to each other, it is better to get married when they are as young and flexible as possible.
---From "Part 2 Understanding Changes Relationships Chapter 3 Couples_Walking Together with Love, Respect, and Understanding"

Not everyone becomes friends just because they have similar status, wealth, age, or abilities.
If you want a truly lasting friendship, you have to look closely at the person's temperament.
People who are easily swayed by momentary emotions and whose words and actions change depending on their mood at the time are difficult to make friends with.
The same goes for people who indulge in pleasure, alcohol, and gambling, people who only pursue fame and money and only think of themselves as important, and people who have no principles and are easily influenced by others.
People like this may be easy to get along with, but they are unlikely to become true friends who will stay with you through difficult times.
At some point, when something comes up that requires sacrifice or patience, they will leave you.
You may end up alone and feel betrayed.
But it's not just because they're bad, it's also your fault for choosing such people as friends in the first place.
We often package someone according to our standards and imaginations, and continue relationships only within those expectations.
Then, at some point, you realize that reality is different from your expectations and you become disappointed.
But if you look closely, that person was that kind of person from the beginning.
---From "Part 2 Understanding Changes Relationships Chapter 6 Friends_ Maintaining the Temperature of Friendship"

People in high positions sometimes ask for advice from those in lower positions, perhaps in a condescending manner, or ask for critiques of their hobbies, writings, designs, plans, or ideas.
In these situations, you must be especially careful.
In times like these, we must act with caution, recalling what the poor young man in Santillana's Gil Blas experienced in the Cardinal's house.
The cardinal asked Gil Blas to give him his honest opinion on his sermon, but his sincere advice ultimately came back to haunt him.
Likewise, those in power, like everyone else, often ask for opinions expecting praise rather than genuine advice.
And in reality, it's common to ask for advice only formally, when you've already made up your mind.
In situations like these, it's more important to find a wise balance between what the other person wants to hear and your own safety than to tell the truth.
---From "Part 3 Various Relationships Encountered in the World, Chapter 1 The Rich_The Function of Money and Human Relationships"

Dear readers, it's time to wrap up this book.
If you have found something worth noting in this writing, and if this book is generously received and fairly evaluated by the world, I will feel a greater joy than any great work.
At least I believe that there is no principle in this book that an honest and rational person would be ashamed of.
Even if it lacks other virtues, I would like to say that this book is by no means shameful in terms of completeness.
I think I've said something here about almost every human relationship in the social life we ​​live in.
Only the reader can judge how good or bad the content was, and how mixed it was with good and bad.

But one thing can be said for sure.
If this book were written with sufficient insight, experience, and understanding of people, it could be helpful not only to young people but also to adults.
People usually expect people who are wise and insightful to be good at interpersonal skills, but in reality, it is not as easy as it sounds.
The art of interpersonal communication requires a quiet mind and the delicacy of paying attention to the smallest details.
And such delicacy is more often found in calm and cautious people than in passionate geniuses.
But a single line of advice from a book like this might make someone reflect on small mistakes they didn't even realize they had made, and make them aware of the flaws in their relationships that they had overlooked.
In that sense, if this book has been a quiet stimulus to someone and helped them even a little, I am quite satisfied with that.

What I wanted to convey in this book was not how to use people for one's own benefit or how to manipulate the world as one pleases.
I despise the saying, “Everyone has a weakness, and if you touch it, you can make them do whatever you want.”
Such thinking is nothing more than the logic of the lowly.
They do not care about the means to achieve the end, but an honest person does not.
An honest person does not try to manipulate anyone to his will, and he himself does not allow himself to be manipulated in that way.
A person with firm principles is not swayed by the interference of others and protects himself in any situation.
And if you are a good and wise person, you can at least be treated fairly by those around you, not be looked down upon, and live peacefully without external disturbance.
If you can get along harmoniously with people from all walks of life, if you live a life that is prudent yet steady, noble and honest, without being exploited or ridiculed by others, you will eventually gain the respect of the world.
If you understand people, are not afraid of difficulties, and remain steadfast, good results will surely follow.
This book was written with the hope that it will serve as a small light for those who wish to walk down that path.

---From “Part 3, Various Relationships in the World, Chapter 11, The Joy and Sorrow of Human Relationships All Begin with Me”