A Psychological CPR Guideline from "Affectionate Warrior" Jeong Hye-shin
That one person who covers your heart will save you.
From everyday life to social trauma
Healing experience and inner strength accumulated over 30 years

“How are you feeling now? How difficult has it been?”
A simple yet solid 'home-cooked' psychology built on the skills of empathy and vigilance!
A book for those suffering from chronic "self-starvation" and relationship conflict.

When we struggle to meet the gaze and expectations of others, endure with a forced smile in a bullying organization, struggle to meet the standards of a society that pursues success and efficiency, and let our own feelings take a backseat in the arduousness of relationships… we are not respected for our very existence, and our individuality is ignored.
In this increasingly harsh reality, one in three people in our country suffers from depression, and the suicide rate has been the highest in the world for several years.
Are we okay now?

Accordingly, psychiatrist Jeong Hye-shin, who has been with those suffering from social disasters to everyday moments, diagnoses that we are in dire need of 'psychological CPR (cardiopulmonary resuscitation)'.
This is the result of my experience over the past 15 years of working outside the clinic, meeting with the inner thoughts of a wide range of people, from ordinary people to trauma victims to CEOs, and confirming that many people are falling apart and hurting in every corner of our society.


In these emergency situations, the author aims to guide anyone through the behavioral guidelines of psychological CPR through his new book, "You Are Right."
This book, which contains detailed practical methods to 'save me and save you', is also the culmination of his experience, inner strength, and sincerity accumulated over 30 years as a psychiatrist and street healer.

Healer Jeong Hye-shin's decisive comfort and meticulous, bold support!

A star is the ultimate survivor in an ecosystem where only those who completely adapt to the public's tastes survive.
This is a realm that only those with a highly developed intuition for adjusting themselves to you can reach.
To put it another way, the status and power enjoyed by stars are the splendid rewards of those who have reached the realm of self-annihilation through outstanding talent and high-level intuition.
That's the essence of being a star.
You can escape that kind of life temporarily, but if you're a star, you can't escape that kind of life permanently.
So the star is like a gorgeously withered flower.
The moment when a star shines most perfectly is when I fit you perfectly.
When I am completely 'your desire itself', when I do not assert 'me', when 'me' disappears.
There are times when it is possible to assert oneself as 'I'.
It is only to the extent that 'you' look upon 'me' asserting myself' with admiration, like the kindness of saying that it is okay to spend as if it were water within ten thousand won.
In that respect, a star's life is a perfect microcosm of our lives.
This is true both in terms of constantly erasing myself to fit someone else's expectations and desires in daily life, and in terms of living a life that is on the edge of self-destruction and screaming for help.

---From "1-1 On the Brink of Self-Destruction"

When I meet people in my daily life, I often ask them, “How are you feeling these days?”
This is true not only when two people meet, but also when many people meet and talk.
In any gathering, there is always room for this seemingly random remark to slip in.
Ask yourself when you feel like the story is empty or going around in circles.
When you ask this question, something surprising happens.
The quality of the conversation before and after the question can be noticeably different.
It may not seem like much, but it is because it draws attention to the very existence of the person.
The reality is that many people are on the edge of a psychological cliff, yet they are falling silently without even showing any signs of it. So, a simple question like, “How are you feeling these days?” can unexpectedly lead to the start of “psychological cardiopulmonary resuscitation (CPR).”
This question has the power of a defibrillator.
Just as there is a true story of an elementary school student who received basic CPR training and saved the life of an adult who suddenly collapsed on the street, the same goes for psychological CPR.
Psychological CPR is a must-learn.
Then, you will save people without even knowing it.

---From "1-4 People Suffering from Chronic 'I' Famine"

Emotions like sadness, lethargy, and loneliness are similar to the weather.
Emotions are not symptoms of illness, but natural responses that reveal the inner workings of our lives and existence.
Depression is the emotional response a person experiences when they stand before a high and solid wall that seems insurmountable.
Human life is faced with the wall of death, the absolute limit of time, which is only 24 hours in a day.
Human life is a wall itself.
In that sense, all humans are inherently depressed beings.
Therefore, depression is not a disease but a universal color of life.
It's not a disease, it's life itself.
However, if you fall into the shackles of depression, it feels like it will never end and you may feel like you will be trapped in a prison of depression for the rest of your life.
It feels distant and overwhelming.
There are many times when it is difficult to go through it alone.
This is a moment when help is needed.
In such cases, the help I need should be 'helpful help' that is closely related to my daily life.

---From "2-3 Depression is the universal background color of life"

Psychological CPR should focus solely on the existence of 'me'.
When performing chest compressions, remove any thick clothing, remove any accessories attached to the clothing, and place both hands on the bare skin directly above the center of the chest.
Psychological CPR also pushes aside many things that appear to be 'me' but are not 'me' and strongly stimulates the very being that is 'me'.
But where is the existence called ‘I’ itself?
Even though I think that everyone else is jealous of me and that this is just an extravagant complaint, I can still feel anxious and lonely.
At times like that, I wonder if I'm okay or not.
At that time, was my thinking right or was my feeling right?
Feelings are always right.
Since the core of my existence is located in my emotions and feelings, it is accurate to judge my well-being based on that.
Whether or not psychological CPR is necessary in a situation should also be determined by emotion.

---From "2-5 Psychological CPR to revive the disappearing 'self'"

There is a common belief about empathy.
Empathy is innate. When faced with someone's wounds or pain, someone who immediately empathizes and brings tears to their eyes is a person with great empathy. If not, they are a cold person who lacks empathy. Empathy that is tried is not true empathy, and empathy cannot be taught.
People think of empathy as something pure and unidentifiable.
Is that really true?
Emotional empathy refers to mature empathy combined with a high sensitivity to the suffering of others.
It must be distinguished from emotional fuss.
Just because you shed tears at the sight of suffering doesn't mean you empathize emotionally.
At a meeting with a friend who had lost a child after a long time, he said, “Your face is brighter than I expected.
To truly empathize, you must know that saying something like, “I guess you’re feeling much better now,” can sometimes be a secondary harm to the person involved.

---From "3-2 Empathy is not innate, it is learned"

If you search with your heart, you will come across a high, long, and solid wall in a dark place.
If you feel around there with your hand, you will find a door.
If you want to hear someone's story and get into their innermost thoughts, you have to find that door first.
How many years would it take to dig the ground with a spoon to get over the solid walls of a prison like in the movies?
However, if you find a door somewhere in the wall, you can move through the wall in one breath.
To touch existence itself is to find the very door into the inner self where the archetype of the wound is located in the high and mighty wall.
After you find the door, just find the doorknob and turn it.
Then the door will open and you can go inside.
If the door is existence itself, the doorknob is the 'emotion or feeling' of existence.
The last circle of the empathy target is the emotion or feeling that the being feels.
When we accurately cover our eyes and empathize with the emotions or feelings of being, our inner hearts are decisively opened.
Empathy is the power that turns the doorknob.
---From "3-5 Target of Empathy 3_ Focusing on Emotions"

Just as there are borders between countries, there are also borders between people.
The fact that every human being is an individual means that there is a boundary that separates me and you.
Just like the border of my body is my skin.
However, boundaries between people are invisible and difficult to maintain.
There are many cases where we don't know why we are in so much pain even though our boundaries have been breached and we are bleeding profusely.
On the other hand, it is common to mistakenly think that you are the victim, saying that you did it because you loved the other person or that you are frustrated because the other person did not understand your true feelings, even though you are completely unaware of it when you violate the other person's boundaries and trample and damage them.
He doesn't even know that he did such a thing.
The same principle applies to giving and receiving empathy.
In the relationship between me and you, you must be able to recognize the boundary between where 'I' ends and where 'you' begins.
To empathize in a way that benefits both of us, we need to know when it's time to empathize with you or when we need to be empathized with first.

---From "4-1 We are all individual beings"

It's easy to be kind and considerate to your next-door neighbor, but it's not easy to be kind and considerate to your spouse.
It's more difficult.
Because there are less special expectations or personal desires from others.
But it's a different story when it comes to my spouse or family.
I have my own individual needs and desires that I want to receive from him.
As the desire grows, frustration and lack accumulate.
It's only natural that I don't want to be swayed and manipulated further by someone I believe has something to give me.
But the feeling that you are constantly making demands without giving anything in return is a common feeling that people have toward those with whom they have a close relationship, such as their family or lover.
It's not just me who feels this way toward my family or lover, my family and lover also feel similar feelings toward me.
It is bound to be difficult for two people who believe they have something to give to each other to deeply accept and empathize with each other.
This is why the family or lover you loved the most in the world becomes the most resentful and hated person.

---From "5-3 Unfulfilled Desire for Love"

When someone becomes ashes to empathize with someone, it is not empathy, it is emotional labor.
If you misunderstand empathy, it will only lead to exhaustion.
Empathy is not based on one person's sacrifice.
Empathy is an emotional exchange that begins with the premise that there is both you and me.
Empathy is the process of finding the golden mean where both parties feel free and at ease.
True empathy is when no one is sacrificed.
When you don't know, don't just nod and pretend to know, but ask more.
Trying to accept and empathize with what you don't understand is an obsession with empathy, not sympathy.
The energy consumption is enormous.
It's hard to keep holding on like that.
How can you empathize with something you don't understand?
It seems like if you master the art of asking empathetic questions, you'll be able to ask the right questions, but that's not always the case.
That is why conceptual and theoretical studies on empathy are not applied to everyday life.
It's not that I don't know the right questions to ask.
If you are curious, you will have questions.
To be curious, you have to have the space to think that your diagnosis and judgment may not be everything.

---From "6-1 Questions only come when you are genuinely curious"