I must take care of myself first so that others can take care of me.
 |
Description
Book Introduction
If you feel lonely even after meeting people
Focus on yourself, not others!
The author of this book, Lee Ji-young, is a psychologist who conducts research on emotional regulation and counseling. She was selected as an author of an outstanding book by the National Academy of Sciences of the Republic of Korea in 2025 and is an expert who has served as an advisor to the Ministry of National Defense and the Ministry of Justice.
The author speaks bluntly.
If you meet people and form relationships but still feel strangely lonely and empty, you should look into yourself rather than seeking out 'others'.
Because in the end, I am the one who creates my emotions.
There is a saying, 'A relationship is a matter of time.'
It means that relationships between people are formed and dispersed naturally over time.
But the process is not as smooth as it sounds.
Human relationships can sometimes feel unstable, frustrating, and even empty.
But if you think about it, these feelings are not given from the outside.
It is created from the wounds and deficiencies within me that have not yet been resolved.
People who are unaware of this fact and do not reflect on their own hearts are likely to have relationships that end negatively.
The hole in my heart must be filled by myself, not by someone else.
When the connection with me is restored, the same words sound different and I react differently to the same situations.
This book guides you through 32 topics that everyone encounters in life, guiding you on how to take care of yourself and build strong relationships.
Ultimately, people treat others the way they treat themselves.
When you remember this fact, your life will become a little warmer.
Focus on yourself, not others!
The author of this book, Lee Ji-young, is a psychologist who conducts research on emotional regulation and counseling. She was selected as an author of an outstanding book by the National Academy of Sciences of the Republic of Korea in 2025 and is an expert who has served as an advisor to the Ministry of National Defense and the Ministry of Justice.
The author speaks bluntly.
If you meet people and form relationships but still feel strangely lonely and empty, you should look into yourself rather than seeking out 'others'.
Because in the end, I am the one who creates my emotions.
There is a saying, 'A relationship is a matter of time.'
It means that relationships between people are formed and dispersed naturally over time.
But the process is not as smooth as it sounds.
Human relationships can sometimes feel unstable, frustrating, and even empty.
But if you think about it, these feelings are not given from the outside.
It is created from the wounds and deficiencies within me that have not yet been resolved.
People who are unaware of this fact and do not reflect on their own hearts are likely to have relationships that end negatively.
The hole in my heart must be filled by myself, not by someone else.
When the connection with me is restored, the same words sound different and I react differently to the same situations.
This book guides you through 32 topics that everyone encounters in life, guiding you on how to take care of yourself and build strong relationships.
Ultimately, people treat others the way they treat themselves.
When you remember this fact, your life will become a little warmer.
- You can preview some of the book's contents.
Preview
index
Preface - The person who will be with me until the last moment of my life is me.
Chapter 1.
The person I need to take care of first is myself.
Nothing is impossible for someone who believes in me | Those who love themselves are not easily hurt | How I treat myself determines my life | One deep connection is better than a hundred shallow connections | Conversation is not about words, but about listening to the heart | It's not about being comfortable alone, it's about not wanting to be hurt | Don't try to do well from the beginning | Don't be fooled by the illusion called anxiety | Life is about accepting uncertainty | What I seek is always by my side
Chapter 2.
Don't get hung up on things that will pass you by.
Passion that harms me is not passion | If you get along well alone, you will get along well with others | If you relax your body, the fear in your heart will disappear | Don't store unpleasant emotions inside you | When you feel listless, start by doing 'what you want to do'.
Knowing yourself makes decisions easier. Sleeping well makes life easier. If you want to live happily, find joy in the little things. Don't let others determine your worth.
Chapter 3.
You have to know how to protect yourself to protect your relationship.
Don't hand over the reins of your life to others | Enjoy your own rice cake, whether it's big or small | If you trust others, others will trust you | Keep some distance to connect with you | Everyone finds others difficult | It's okay not to do better than others | Truth and facts are different
Chapter 4.
If I take care of myself, others will take care of me too.
To master your life, master your emotions first | Relationships last longer when both sides gradually withdraw | You must love yourself to love others | The more you try to hold on to someone, the further they drift away | If your body hurts, take care of your heart first | All healing takes time
Chapter 1.
The person I need to take care of first is myself.
Nothing is impossible for someone who believes in me | Those who love themselves are not easily hurt | How I treat myself determines my life | One deep connection is better than a hundred shallow connections | Conversation is not about words, but about listening to the heart | It's not about being comfortable alone, it's about not wanting to be hurt | Don't try to do well from the beginning | Don't be fooled by the illusion called anxiety | Life is about accepting uncertainty | What I seek is always by my side
Chapter 2.
Don't get hung up on things that will pass you by.
Passion that harms me is not passion | If you get along well alone, you will get along well with others | If you relax your body, the fear in your heart will disappear | Don't store unpleasant emotions inside you | When you feel listless, start by doing 'what you want to do'.
Knowing yourself makes decisions easier. Sleeping well makes life easier. If you want to live happily, find joy in the little things. Don't let others determine your worth.
Chapter 3.
You have to know how to protect yourself to protect your relationship.
Don't hand over the reins of your life to others | Enjoy your own rice cake, whether it's big or small | If you trust others, others will trust you | Keep some distance to connect with you | Everyone finds others difficult | It's okay not to do better than others | Truth and facts are different
Chapter 4.
If I take care of myself, others will take care of me too.
To master your life, master your emotions first | Relationships last longer when both sides gradually withdraw | You must love yourself to love others | The more you try to hold on to someone, the further they drift away | If your body hurts, take care of your heart first | All healing takes time
Detailed image
Into the book
After reading this book, you will feel the hole in your heart being filled little by little.
A person who can take care of his own mind can endure the fundamental anxieties and futility of life.
When you calm your mind, which was swaying violently even by a slight external wind, surprisingly, your relationships with others also begin to unravel smoothly.
It's like ships finally coming and going to an island after the storm has passed.
The reason is that a person who truly cares for himself also knows how to care for others.
--- p.6
We tend to be very critical of ourselves.
Because I know very well my past immaturity and the anxiety in my heart.
But others often don't keep this in mind.
Instead, others tend to make assumptions and react to me based on the fragments of myself I reveal.
In other words, the way I appear on the outside becomes the standard by which others judge me.
This is why confidence becomes very important in our relationships with others.
--- p.15
To strengthen your self-esteem, you must love and believe in yourself as you are now.
If you truly believe in yourself, throw yourself into the uncertainty right in front of you.
What if I don't do well, what if I stumble a little?
Along the way, you will learn new things, grow, and ultimately learn to stand on your own two feet.
The very experience of challenging yourself and taking on that responsibility will help you feel proud and fulfilled.
That way, you will become a stronger person every day.
--- p.42
If you want to live a happy life, you must first learn how to build good relationships.
The first step to building a good relationship isn't something grand.
Rather than trying to become close to a lot of people at the same time, you should first build a sincere relationship with just one person.
After all, organizations and groups are also created by the gathering of numerous individuals.
When you become intimately connected with one person, you can naturally seep into a wider range of human relationships through that person.
--- p.63
The practice of happiness begins with the fulfillment of very small desires.
So, let's start by feeling the satisfaction that is achievable right now.
Every time we fulfill a small desire, like drinking a cup of delicious tea, listening to our favorite music, or taking a short walk, our lives become a little happier.
And let's get into the habit of being grateful for what we already have.
The words, “I am grateful and happy to this extent,” enrich life.
Happiness is also a habit.
--- p.99
There are originally few relationships that last until the end.
It is extremely rare for someone to die surrounded by hundreds or thousands of people.
If you're very lucky, you only have a few family members.
In this way, people can become closer or further apart.
Everyone is what is called a 'time connection'.
So let's not put too much meaning into the breakup.
Rather, let's give meaning to the time we spent together.
I hope you had a good time during the time we spent together, and that you have fond memories of it.
Just as we can feel attached to clothes that have outgrown us, we can also feel gratitude for relationships that have passed and become distant.
--- p.180
Everyone is awkward with people.
So you, who are clumsy, are human.
Awkwardness, anxiety, and mistakes are all natural aspects of me.
When I first acknowledge myself, others can acknowledge and understand me, and I can acknowledge and understand others.
--- p.233
Love is not a tool to fill a void, but a journey of growing and sharing together.
When we can first acknowledge our own worth and love ourselves, we are no longer swayed by anxiety.
Let us shout, “I am worthy of love,” “I am enough just the way I am.”
True love begins with trusting in yourself.
A person who can take care of his own mind can endure the fundamental anxieties and futility of life.
When you calm your mind, which was swaying violently even by a slight external wind, surprisingly, your relationships with others also begin to unravel smoothly.
It's like ships finally coming and going to an island after the storm has passed.
The reason is that a person who truly cares for himself also knows how to care for others.
--- p.6
We tend to be very critical of ourselves.
Because I know very well my past immaturity and the anxiety in my heart.
But others often don't keep this in mind.
Instead, others tend to make assumptions and react to me based on the fragments of myself I reveal.
In other words, the way I appear on the outside becomes the standard by which others judge me.
This is why confidence becomes very important in our relationships with others.
--- p.15
To strengthen your self-esteem, you must love and believe in yourself as you are now.
If you truly believe in yourself, throw yourself into the uncertainty right in front of you.
What if I don't do well, what if I stumble a little?
Along the way, you will learn new things, grow, and ultimately learn to stand on your own two feet.
The very experience of challenging yourself and taking on that responsibility will help you feel proud and fulfilled.
That way, you will become a stronger person every day.
--- p.42
If you want to live a happy life, you must first learn how to build good relationships.
The first step to building a good relationship isn't something grand.
Rather than trying to become close to a lot of people at the same time, you should first build a sincere relationship with just one person.
After all, organizations and groups are also created by the gathering of numerous individuals.
When you become intimately connected with one person, you can naturally seep into a wider range of human relationships through that person.
--- p.63
The practice of happiness begins with the fulfillment of very small desires.
So, let's start by feeling the satisfaction that is achievable right now.
Every time we fulfill a small desire, like drinking a cup of delicious tea, listening to our favorite music, or taking a short walk, our lives become a little happier.
And let's get into the habit of being grateful for what we already have.
The words, “I am grateful and happy to this extent,” enrich life.
Happiness is also a habit.
--- p.99
There are originally few relationships that last until the end.
It is extremely rare for someone to die surrounded by hundreds or thousands of people.
If you're very lucky, you only have a few family members.
In this way, people can become closer or further apart.
Everyone is what is called a 'time connection'.
So let's not put too much meaning into the breakup.
Rather, let's give meaning to the time we spent together.
I hope you had a good time during the time we spent together, and that you have fond memories of it.
Just as we can feel attached to clothes that have outgrown us, we can also feel gratitude for relationships that have passed and become distant.
--- p.180
Everyone is awkward with people.
So you, who are clumsy, are human.
Awkwardness, anxiety, and mistakes are all natural aspects of me.
When I first acknowledge myself, others can acknowledge and understand me, and I can acknowledge and understand others.
--- p.233
Love is not a tool to fill a void, but a journey of growing and sharing together.
When we can first acknowledge our own worth and love ourselves, we are no longer swayed by anxiety.
Let us shout, “I am worthy of love,” “I am enough just the way I am.”
True love begins with trusting in yourself.
--- p.273
Publisher's Review
*** Highly recommended by KBS announcer Jeong Yong-sil! ***
Author selected for the 2025 National Academy of Sciences of the Republic of Korea's Outstanding Book Award
Professor Lee Ji-young's instruction manual for my mind!
If I just take good care of my emotions, my relationship will improve on its own!
According to the [Interpersonal Relationship Stress Statistical Survey] conducted on adults in South Korea, when a conflict arises, 4 out of 10 people choose to ‘cut off the relationship or distance themselves’.
Of course, if you have a relationship where you keep clashing over little things, it might be better to end it, but if you do that all the time, you might end up alone.
Are there any other ways to maintain relationships while avoiding conflict?
Professor Lee Ji-young, a psychologist with over 20 years of experience specializing in emotional regulation and counseling, and some of whose writings have been included in national textbooks, says that the solution to interpersonal relationships lies in examining and nurturing one's own heart.
This is because most conflicts that arise in human relationships are not caused by external events, but by our mental reactions to those events.
For example, don't some people feel offended by the same words while others don't? Conflict, in this way, doesn't begin with the words or actions of the other person, but with the inner feelings of the person receiving them.
So why do the same words or actions evoke different emotions in different people? This is because each person's wounds and deficiencies are unique, and their sensitivities also vary.
Therefore, if you want to heal conflicts and maintain good relationships, you must first understand and nurture the sensitive parts of your heart.
And the person who can do this best is none other than myself.
When I take care of myself first, my relationships become healthier.
If you get angry at inconsiderate words, eat a snack first!
As you live, you meet many good people, but you also meet many annoying people.
At times like that, we get angry and lash out, or on the contrary, we hold it in and let our anger grow towards the other person.
But reacting so extremely is never good for either the other person or myself.
In such cases, it is much better to eat a small snack such as chocolate or candy.
Eating something sweet recharges your brain, helping you process emotions and strengthening your judgment.
After you've had that snack and feel better, you can try to have a constructive conversation with a more refreshed mind.
The important thing here is to separate your feelings and reactions.
Anyone can feel negative emotions like anger or depression.
But whether I express it or not, whether I keep it inside or not, is a matter I can choose for myself.
Even by taking the simple act of snacking, we can make smarter choices in this matter.
There are many other 'behavioral change techniques' that are as small as this, but can heal emotions and improve relationships.
This includes looking up cute animal pictures or videos on the Internet, taking a short walk outside, or doodling on a piece of paper.
By following the various mood management techniques introduced in this book, you will be able to manage your emotions and resolve conflicts in a much more mature manner.
If you do well on your own, good relationships will come to you!
Some people say that after being hurt by someone and ending the relationship, they will wait until someone really good comes along.
However, a good relationship does not begin just by filling the empty space with a new person.
No matter how good a person appears, if my feelings toward him are the same as before, the new relationship will only produce the same results as before.
To build a good relationship, the first thing you need is the mindset to be okay with being alone.
This does not mean isolation, but rather that we must build a ‘basic mental stamina.’
Just as a person with weak physical strength gets tired even with the slightest movement, a person with weak mental strength is easily hurt by minor conflicts and escalates the conflict.
On the other hand, people with strong mental stamina can deal with and resolve conflicts relatively flexibly.
This book guides you through various methods to gradually build your mental strength through 32 topics that you will inevitably encounter in life.
If you have ever been hurt by someone, read this book and build up your mental strength.
When I become a strong person first, good relationships will be created naturally.
Author selected for the 2025 National Academy of Sciences of the Republic of Korea's Outstanding Book Award
Professor Lee Ji-young's instruction manual for my mind!
If I just take good care of my emotions, my relationship will improve on its own!
According to the [Interpersonal Relationship Stress Statistical Survey] conducted on adults in South Korea, when a conflict arises, 4 out of 10 people choose to ‘cut off the relationship or distance themselves’.
Of course, if you have a relationship where you keep clashing over little things, it might be better to end it, but if you do that all the time, you might end up alone.
Are there any other ways to maintain relationships while avoiding conflict?
Professor Lee Ji-young, a psychologist with over 20 years of experience specializing in emotional regulation and counseling, and some of whose writings have been included in national textbooks, says that the solution to interpersonal relationships lies in examining and nurturing one's own heart.
This is because most conflicts that arise in human relationships are not caused by external events, but by our mental reactions to those events.
For example, don't some people feel offended by the same words while others don't? Conflict, in this way, doesn't begin with the words or actions of the other person, but with the inner feelings of the person receiving them.
So why do the same words or actions evoke different emotions in different people? This is because each person's wounds and deficiencies are unique, and their sensitivities also vary.
Therefore, if you want to heal conflicts and maintain good relationships, you must first understand and nurture the sensitive parts of your heart.
And the person who can do this best is none other than myself.
When I take care of myself first, my relationships become healthier.
If you get angry at inconsiderate words, eat a snack first!
As you live, you meet many good people, but you also meet many annoying people.
At times like that, we get angry and lash out, or on the contrary, we hold it in and let our anger grow towards the other person.
But reacting so extremely is never good for either the other person or myself.
In such cases, it is much better to eat a small snack such as chocolate or candy.
Eating something sweet recharges your brain, helping you process emotions and strengthening your judgment.
After you've had that snack and feel better, you can try to have a constructive conversation with a more refreshed mind.
The important thing here is to separate your feelings and reactions.
Anyone can feel negative emotions like anger or depression.
But whether I express it or not, whether I keep it inside or not, is a matter I can choose for myself.
Even by taking the simple act of snacking, we can make smarter choices in this matter.
There are many other 'behavioral change techniques' that are as small as this, but can heal emotions and improve relationships.
This includes looking up cute animal pictures or videos on the Internet, taking a short walk outside, or doodling on a piece of paper.
By following the various mood management techniques introduced in this book, you will be able to manage your emotions and resolve conflicts in a much more mature manner.
If you do well on your own, good relationships will come to you!
Some people say that after being hurt by someone and ending the relationship, they will wait until someone really good comes along.
However, a good relationship does not begin just by filling the empty space with a new person.
No matter how good a person appears, if my feelings toward him are the same as before, the new relationship will only produce the same results as before.
To build a good relationship, the first thing you need is the mindset to be okay with being alone.
This does not mean isolation, but rather that we must build a ‘basic mental stamina.’
Just as a person with weak physical strength gets tired even with the slightest movement, a person with weak mental strength is easily hurt by minor conflicts and escalates the conflict.
On the other hand, people with strong mental stamina can deal with and resolve conflicts relatively flexibly.
This book guides you through various methods to gradually build your mental strength through 32 topics that you will inevitably encounter in life.
If you have ever been hurt by someone, read this book and build up your mental strength.
When I become a strong person first, good relationships will be created naturally.
GOODS SPECIFICS
- Date of issue: September 15, 2025
- Page count, weight, size: 300 pages | 400g | 140*210*20mm
- ISBN13: 9791191731835
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