Patience is medicine for adolescent children, while impatience is poison.

Parents say they are frustrated when their adolescent children do not respond to conversation, and children say they are tired of talking to their parents.
Why is that? Children are having a harder time going through adolescence than their parents did.
We, society, are making it so.
The burden of being an only child or two children, the hardship of being forced to study, the loneliness of not having an adult to turn to when you need help, the confusion about your body's development, etc.
The best gift parents can give these adolescents is understanding.
Children may feel less angry or lonely if they feel that their parents understand them.
When parents understand their children, they can become more tolerant of them.
You will be able to wait.
For adolescent children, parental patience is medicine, and impatience is poison.

Contrary to parents' belief that their children are growing up in a rich environment with lots of love, children become lonely as they reach adolescence.
The first reason is that I have no or very few siblings.

“I only have one child, so what if he or she has a hard life?”
This is every parent's concern.
“I am the only child I have. What should I do if I can’t make my parents happy?”
This is a concern for all children.
In a society where parents have one or two children, and the only people they can rely on are each other, these worries can become a real problem.

---pp.23-24

“Every time my family gets together, I’m the only one there, so it’s really hard.
They told me to try what I learned and show off my skills, so I did recitals for 10 years.
It's so hard because all these family members look at me, love me, and say that I'm their hope.
It's burdensome and I feel like I have to do well.
There is no freedom in life.
I can't do what I want and I always have to think about my family.
But my maternal and paternal family members seem to think that I only receive a lot of love.
“I too am lonely, tired, burdened, and want to escape from this family.”
---p.32

“This is my biological mother. She gave birth to me, fed me, clothed me, and gave me money to go to school.
This person doesn't know me well.
I don't know what I'm worried about, what I like, or what I want to do.

---p.39

As children enter puberty, they become overwhelmed by their changing bodies and inner changes.
Children's defense mechanisms against such feelings of shyness, awkwardness, and unfamiliarity are diverse, including silence and rebellion.
What is needed to remove this armor of defense is encouragement.
But we scold middle school students who need encouragement.
After being scolded a lot, they tell you to cheer up.
This cannot be said to be giving a disease and then giving medicine.
If this happens, any confidence you had will disappear.

---p.51

Kids these days want to be recognized more than ever before.
It's just disappointing that the teachers don't even know the prince and princess's names.
At home, they're the main characters, at school, they're the extras! This role reversal can be difficult for children.
Can you guess that feeling?

I wish school was a drama series with a rotating cast of kids, but school-produced dramas often feature mostly unchanged main characters throughout the three years.
Kids who go around as extras for three years can't possibly have fun.

---p.55

A common defense mechanism people use when they feel ignored is to deny it or, in fact, exaggerate it.
That is the superficial psychological mechanism of what children call 'pretend to be cool'.
Yelling at them to silence them, telling them to wait and see, creating a rough atmosphere, etc.
This is an atmosphere created not only because children dislike it, but also because they are afraid.


By using as much bluff as possible to avoid the moment, they try to reduce the serious narcissistic damage they receive from words.
And it is also about preemptively creating that kind of atmosphere, that is, making a first move to prevent them from getting close.
Sometimes he is gloomy and grumpy, and other times he shouts and tells people not to worry and goes on and on about how to act. This kind of ups and downs is one of the characteristics of adolescent mood.
But children hate to notice it, and they hate to admit that they are depressed.
---pp.66-67

For our parents' generation, who dreamed of escaping poverty or social mobility, perseverance in achieving their goals may have been a crucial virtue. But for today's generation, whose goals are self-actualization and a fun and happy life, interest and meaning have become crucial values.
Asking people to be patient without helping them discover interest or meaning is not motivating.
In short, I don't understand parents who say they love their children but impose painful tasks on them.
---p.83

They struggle to adapt to their new bodies in many ways, but adults do not give them the opportunity to adapt to their new bodies.
They make us sit in the classroom for long periods of time and just hover around our desks all day.
Some parents feel that the time they spend on physical activities is less important than the time they spend on mental activities.
The more such parents' children dislike using their bodies, the more they use the body of a game avatar instead of their own, and only use their fingers instead of their bodies. As a result, they lose confidence in using their own bodies and become shy or embarrassed children.
---p.111

Most of the unfortunate, smart-aleck parents I've met were socially successful to a certain degree, but their children were either rule-breaking and cheating, or had already committed a number of misdeeds that had caused them major problems at school, or were listless and unmotivated, always concerned with what others thought.
Parents said they could not understand their child's condition at all, and they thought that the child would not be able to communicate with their parents anyway.
Many children also thought, “Our parents are hypocritical.”

---p.233

Children who are always right and flawless and whose parents are always right in everything do not grow up to be as good as the parents expect.
Because parents hold their children to strict moral standards and do not tolerate mistakes, children become desperate to hide their mistakes, which leads to more lies and, out of fear of being scolded, to start talking back to their parents one day.


No child does everything correctly.
Children's hearts build up a sense of both resentment and guilt as they are constantly scolded by their parents who expect them to do everything right.
You will lose confidence.
Since nothing parents say is wrong, children end up hating their parents more and feeling helpless.

---pp.236-237