Parents' Words to Win the Heart of Their Teenage Sons
 |
Description
Book Introduction
- A word from MD
-
What you hear from your parents during this time will be remembered for the rest of your life.Contains 37 solutions for respectful conversation from Eun-kyung Lee, a teacher of Wise Elementary School Life, a mother of two teenage sons and a mentor to 150,000 parents.
When their sons enter this age, many mothers are shocked by the mental and physical changes they see.
Remember these 10 principles for talking to your teenage son without fighting.
May 2, 2023. Shin Eun-ji, PD of Home Life
Mother of two teenage sons and mentor to 150,000 parents
Teacher Lee Eun-kyung tells us
37 Solutions for Respectful Conversation that Convey Sincerity Without Hurt
“How should I talk to my teenage son?”
Puberty is something everyone goes through, but it's frustrating when my son suddenly slams the door and goes inside to play games or just sits on his phone all day.
Even when I try to talk to my son honestly, I end up yelling at him without realizing it because I get angry at his curt response.
How should I talk to my teenage son?
Teacher Eun-kyung Lee, a mentor to 150,000 parents, has compiled 37 ways to communicate respectfully without hurting your children as a parent, based on her experience with two sons going through puberty.
The author also said that when his two sons entered puberty, he searched through numerous books to understand the physical and mental situations of his children. However, when he actually talked to his adolescent sons, he found that it was difficult to apply the theories in the books as they were.
So, in the hope that other parents would avoid the same trial and error as I did, on the evenings when I either successfully ended a conversation with my son or ruined it to the point of regret, I reviewed the conversations from that day and transcribed them one by one into manuscripts to complete this book.
After puberty, the relationship between a son and his parents begins completely again.
As such, this time period cannot help but be the most important time for both the son and the parents.
If you've been feeling anxious as your son's gaze, speech, behavior, grades, and friendships change, whether slowly or very quickly, you too need the help of this book.
Parents also need to speak differently to their teenage sons who have changed.
So, language also needs to be studied.
This book will serve as a useful guide for parents of adolescent sons.
Teacher Lee Eun-kyung tells us
37 Solutions for Respectful Conversation that Convey Sincerity Without Hurt
“How should I talk to my teenage son?”
Puberty is something everyone goes through, but it's frustrating when my son suddenly slams the door and goes inside to play games or just sits on his phone all day.
Even when I try to talk to my son honestly, I end up yelling at him without realizing it because I get angry at his curt response.
How should I talk to my teenage son?
Teacher Eun-kyung Lee, a mentor to 150,000 parents, has compiled 37 ways to communicate respectfully without hurting your children as a parent, based on her experience with two sons going through puberty.
The author also said that when his two sons entered puberty, he searched through numerous books to understand the physical and mental situations of his children. However, when he actually talked to his adolescent sons, he found that it was difficult to apply the theories in the books as they were.
So, in the hope that other parents would avoid the same trial and error as I did, on the evenings when I either successfully ended a conversation with my son or ruined it to the point of regret, I reviewed the conversations from that day and transcribed them one by one into manuscripts to complete this book.
After puberty, the relationship between a son and his parents begins completely again.
As such, this time period cannot help but be the most important time for both the son and the parents.
If you've been feeling anxious as your son's gaze, speech, behavior, grades, and friendships change, whether slowly or very quickly, you too need the help of this book.
Parents also need to speak differently to their teenage sons who have changed.
So, language also needs to be studied.
This book will serve as a useful guide for parents of adolescent sons.
- You can preview some of the book's contents.
Preview
index
[Starting] These guys, why are they doing this?
Part 1.
Understand Your Son's Puberty This Way
Chapter 1.
Puberty is like this
Chapter 2.
Stages of Puberty Symptoms
Chapter 3.
10 Powers Your Son Will Gain Thanks to Puberty
Chapter 4.
10 Principles for Talking to Your Teenage Son
Part 2.
37 Ways to Talk to Your Teenage Son Without Fighting
Chapter 1.
study habits
1.
“I’ll just take care of it.”
A son who is uncomfortable with his parents' interference and advice regarding studying, tests, and assignments.
2.
“Did you finish your academy homework?”
A son who has no concept of the fact that he has to study on his own
3.
“I was just getting started.”
My son gets angry because he doesn't study as he planned and instead does other things.
4.
"I'm already screwed on this test."
A son who gives up easily, making excuses about not having enough time.
5.
“All my friends go to the reading room.
“I want to go too”
A son who is swept away by his friends without any clear goals or plans regarding his studies.
6.
“What should I do if I don’t get good grades?”
My son studies hard but is at a loss because he doesn't know how to study.
7.
“They say you can concentrate better if you listen to music.”
My son has a habit of studying for long hours but not concentrating.
8.
“The group score is unfair.
I'm going to do it roughly now too."
My son is very frustrated and dissatisfied with his group assignments and group scores.
Chapter 2.
daily habits
9.
“You can start tomorrow.”
A son who keeps putting off doing things he has decided to do
10.
"Mom, just hurry up and do it."
A son who asks his parents to do his work for him because it is too much trouble
11.
“The kids are all coming home late anyway.”
A son who refuses to be interfered with and is late and does not keep to the time limit.
12.
“I’m annoyed by my homeroom teacher.”
A son who goes out of his way to gossip about his teacher
13.
“Oh my gosh, I’m so pissed.”
A son who uses harsh language and swears without any hesitation
14.
“I don’t want to do it, it’s annoying and bothersome.”
A son who is listless in everything due to depression
15.
“It’s my room, so I can lock it as I please.”
A son who locks the door and goes in to make his own cave
16.
“I’m the only one who doesn’t have much allowance.
“It’s like a beggar”
A son who is pessimistic about his own situation by comparing it to his friends' spending habits.
17.
“Why can’t I show off?”
A son who spends too much time and energy on grooming himself
Chapter 3.
Multimedia usage habits
18.
“I’ll play just one more round.
“Just one round”
A son who is confident and demands more than the promised play time.
19.
“Kids do a lot more.
I actually do a little bit.”
My son says he has no problem using his smartphone because many of his friends do.
20.
“I don’t feel like going out.
I'll just stay home"
My son refuses to have any hobbies other than smartphone games.
22.
“All kids see this much.”
My son yells loudly when he gets caught watching a video with a high level of exposure.
23.
“It came out on Naver.
"I'm sure"
A son who blindly accepts information online
Chapter 4.
Relationship with parents
24.
“Mom, you don’t have to know.
“I don’t want to bother answering.”
A son who doesn't like to share his daily life, thoughts, or feelings.
25.
“Even Mom doesn’t know anyway.”
A son who ignores his parents' words and becomes disgusted when they scold him.
26.
“Other kids don’t say anything to their moms.”
A son who refuses to admit his mistakes and instead uses his friends' examples to justify his mistakes.
27.
“Even if I tell you, you won’t believe me anyway.”
A son who feels his parents do not trust him
28.
“Where are you? I’m hungry.”
A son who only seeks out and talks to his mom (dad) when he is hungry
Chapter 5.
Relationships with friends
29.
“These kids are ones that Mom doesn’t know well anyway.”
A son who doesn't want to reveal his friends to his parents
30.
“I don’t really have anyone to play with.”
A son who is upset about not having any friends and is lonely for a while
31.
“All the kids are on Instagram, so I want to do it too.”
My son is obsessed with social media for fear of being left out by his friends.
32.
“What does it matter who I play with?”
A son complains to his parents about his relationship with a worried friend.
33.
“I was never popular to begin with.”
A son who views the present negatively by projecting past experiences onto the present.
Chapter 6.
Future hopes
34.
"What do you want to be? I don't really have anything in particular."
A son who wanders without a clear and specific goal
35.
“You can make a lot of money if you become a YouTuber.”
A son whose only criteria for choosing a career is money
36.
“That’s incredibly difficult to achieve.
“I don’t want to do it”
A son who is afraid of failure and frustration, so he gives up on trying and runs away.
37.
"What am I good at? Not really."
A son who lost confidence because he didn't know his strengths
[In closing] My son's adolescence, a calm mother
[Son's Story] I grew a little bit every day!
Part 1.
Understand Your Son's Puberty This Way
Chapter 1.
Puberty is like this
Chapter 2.
Stages of Puberty Symptoms
Chapter 3.
10 Powers Your Son Will Gain Thanks to Puberty
Chapter 4.
10 Principles for Talking to Your Teenage Son
Part 2.
37 Ways to Talk to Your Teenage Son Without Fighting
Chapter 1.
study habits
1.
“I’ll just take care of it.”
A son who is uncomfortable with his parents' interference and advice regarding studying, tests, and assignments.
2.
“Did you finish your academy homework?”
A son who has no concept of the fact that he has to study on his own
3.
“I was just getting started.”
My son gets angry because he doesn't study as he planned and instead does other things.
4.
"I'm already screwed on this test."
A son who gives up easily, making excuses about not having enough time.
5.
“All my friends go to the reading room.
“I want to go too”
A son who is swept away by his friends without any clear goals or plans regarding his studies.
6.
“What should I do if I don’t get good grades?”
My son studies hard but is at a loss because he doesn't know how to study.
7.
“They say you can concentrate better if you listen to music.”
My son has a habit of studying for long hours but not concentrating.
8.
“The group score is unfair.
I'm going to do it roughly now too."
My son is very frustrated and dissatisfied with his group assignments and group scores.
Chapter 2.
daily habits
9.
“You can start tomorrow.”
A son who keeps putting off doing things he has decided to do
10.
"Mom, just hurry up and do it."
A son who asks his parents to do his work for him because it is too much trouble
11.
“The kids are all coming home late anyway.”
A son who refuses to be interfered with and is late and does not keep to the time limit.
12.
“I’m annoyed by my homeroom teacher.”
A son who goes out of his way to gossip about his teacher
13.
“Oh my gosh, I’m so pissed.”
A son who uses harsh language and swears without any hesitation
14.
“I don’t want to do it, it’s annoying and bothersome.”
A son who is listless in everything due to depression
15.
“It’s my room, so I can lock it as I please.”
A son who locks the door and goes in to make his own cave
16.
“I’m the only one who doesn’t have much allowance.
“It’s like a beggar”
A son who is pessimistic about his own situation by comparing it to his friends' spending habits.
17.
“Why can’t I show off?”
A son who spends too much time and energy on grooming himself
Chapter 3.
Multimedia usage habits
18.
“I’ll play just one more round.
“Just one round”
A son who is confident and demands more than the promised play time.
19.
“Kids do a lot more.
I actually do a little bit.”
My son says he has no problem using his smartphone because many of his friends do.
20.
“I don’t feel like going out.
I'll just stay home"
My son refuses to have any hobbies other than smartphone games.
22.
“All kids see this much.”
My son yells loudly when he gets caught watching a video with a high level of exposure.
23.
“It came out on Naver.
"I'm sure"
A son who blindly accepts information online
Chapter 4.
Relationship with parents
24.
“Mom, you don’t have to know.
“I don’t want to bother answering.”
A son who doesn't like to share his daily life, thoughts, or feelings.
25.
“Even Mom doesn’t know anyway.”
A son who ignores his parents' words and becomes disgusted when they scold him.
26.
“Other kids don’t say anything to their moms.”
A son who refuses to admit his mistakes and instead uses his friends' examples to justify his mistakes.
27.
“Even if I tell you, you won’t believe me anyway.”
A son who feels his parents do not trust him
28.
“Where are you? I’m hungry.”
A son who only seeks out and talks to his mom (dad) when he is hungry
Chapter 5.
Relationships with friends
29.
“These kids are ones that Mom doesn’t know well anyway.”
A son who doesn't want to reveal his friends to his parents
30.
“I don’t really have anyone to play with.”
A son who is upset about not having any friends and is lonely for a while
31.
“All the kids are on Instagram, so I want to do it too.”
My son is obsessed with social media for fear of being left out by his friends.
32.
“What does it matter who I play with?”
A son complains to his parents about his relationship with a worried friend.
33.
“I was never popular to begin with.”
A son who views the present negatively by projecting past experiences onto the present.
Chapter 6.
Future hopes
34.
"What do you want to be? I don't really have anything in particular."
A son who wanders without a clear and specific goal
35.
“You can make a lot of money if you become a YouTuber.”
A son whose only criteria for choosing a career is money
36.
“That’s incredibly difficult to achieve.
“I don’t want to do it”
A son who is afraid of failure and frustration, so he gives up on trying and runs away.
37.
"What am I good at? Not really."
A son who lost confidence because he didn't know his strengths
[In closing] My son's adolescence, a calm mother
[Son's Story] I grew a little bit every day!
Detailed image
Into the book
It is a natural stage for a child to become a boy and then a man.
No child becomes an adult without this period.
As the son changes, the parents must change too.
The desire of parents to ensure that their precious son walks a path of flowers no matter what sacrifices are required is now beginning to feel like a burden to the son.
To have a healthy relationship with their teenage son, parents must practice letting go of their previous role as "problem solver."
---p.17
The essential elements for resilience are ‘failure’ and ‘trials’.
The reason why it was difficult to develop resilience during elementary school was because I didn't experience many trials and failures without the help and intervention of my parents and teachers.
Adolescence is a prime time to build resilience.
This is because it is a time when you insist on doing it alone, end up failing, and inevitably experience the trials that follow.
---p.39
Remember the changing purpose of adolescent conversations.
The purpose is only one: to encourage children to reflect on themselves.
‘Conversations to inform’ and ‘conversations to find out’ must change to ‘conversations to awaken.’
Just knowing your new purpose significantly increases your chances of success.
---pp.48~49
First, acknowledge your child's desire to study hard and get good grades.
It doesn't matter if you don't get good grades.
The child has higher expectations for his/her grades than the mother and is working hard to achieve them.
The problem is that I don't know how to study specifically during the study process.
---p.82
When you see your son cursing so much that you wonder how you could have given birth to such a son, you will be surprised and even feel unfamiliar.
I also feel guilty, wondering if I raised him wrong and he became a bad student.
This is a common feeling among mothers of teenage sons, so don't worry.
---p.133
“If that’s true, then you really should do less.
Still, if you accumulate three hours every day, it adds up to 1,095 hours in a year.
When time and money start to disappear little by little, you don't realize it, but when they accumulate, they become huge.
“Three hours now, just right.”
---p.166
The son is not ignoring his mother.
He's showing off that he's grown up a lot and knows a lot.
Don't get emotional! Start the conversation by simply acknowledging that your son has grown up a lot and is now old enough to know more than you.
---p.201
Is there anything more unpredictable than friendships? Of course, these various methods likely won't actually be of much help.
But that doesn't mean we can give up.
Find something wonderful about your child and put it into words to encourage them to try something new.
---pp.241~242
The result was a happy ending.
Over the past year, I've become much more reserved and have had to adapt to a monastic lifestyle.
However, I was able to have more conversations with my son than any other year.
After confirming that 'Mom is listening' and 'She's listening but not scolding me', my son suddenly brought out his noisy mind in front of me and went back to doing his homework and playing the game he was playing.
No child becomes an adult without this period.
As the son changes, the parents must change too.
The desire of parents to ensure that their precious son walks a path of flowers no matter what sacrifices are required is now beginning to feel like a burden to the son.
To have a healthy relationship with their teenage son, parents must practice letting go of their previous role as "problem solver."
---p.17
The essential elements for resilience are ‘failure’ and ‘trials’.
The reason why it was difficult to develop resilience during elementary school was because I didn't experience many trials and failures without the help and intervention of my parents and teachers.
Adolescence is a prime time to build resilience.
This is because it is a time when you insist on doing it alone, end up failing, and inevitably experience the trials that follow.
---p.39
Remember the changing purpose of adolescent conversations.
The purpose is only one: to encourage children to reflect on themselves.
‘Conversations to inform’ and ‘conversations to find out’ must change to ‘conversations to awaken.’
Just knowing your new purpose significantly increases your chances of success.
---pp.48~49
First, acknowledge your child's desire to study hard and get good grades.
It doesn't matter if you don't get good grades.
The child has higher expectations for his/her grades than the mother and is working hard to achieve them.
The problem is that I don't know how to study specifically during the study process.
---p.82
When you see your son cursing so much that you wonder how you could have given birth to such a son, you will be surprised and even feel unfamiliar.
I also feel guilty, wondering if I raised him wrong and he became a bad student.
This is a common feeling among mothers of teenage sons, so don't worry.
---p.133
“If that’s true, then you really should do less.
Still, if you accumulate three hours every day, it adds up to 1,095 hours in a year.
When time and money start to disappear little by little, you don't realize it, but when they accumulate, they become huge.
“Three hours now, just right.”
---p.166
The son is not ignoring his mother.
He's showing off that he's grown up a lot and knows a lot.
Don't get emotional! Start the conversation by simply acknowledging that your son has grown up a lot and is now old enough to know more than you.
---p.201
Is there anything more unpredictable than friendships? Of course, these various methods likely won't actually be of much help.
But that doesn't mean we can give up.
Find something wonderful about your child and put it into words to encourage them to try something new.
---pp.241~242
The result was a happy ending.
Over the past year, I've become much more reserved and have had to adapt to a monastic lifestyle.
However, I was able to have more conversations with my son than any other year.
After confirming that 'Mom is listening' and 'She's listening but not scolding me', my son suddenly brought out his noisy mind in front of me and went back to doing his homework and playing the game he was playing.
---p.270
Publisher's Review
What I heard from my parents during this time was
I will remember it for the rest of my life!
A few years ago, broadcaster Lee Young-ja became a hot topic on a talk show when she tearfully appealed to the importance of parents' communication skills.
The protagonist in the story is a high school student who complains about his father who arrests him for every little thing and gets angry rather than talk to him, but his father only tries to rationalize his excessive behavior by saying that he does it out of concern.
At this, Lee Young-ja shed tears and said, “The power to overcome the world belongs to those who have received the most love.
But my family never showed (expression of love).
You must give your children unconditional love.
“Because of that, I wandered for 50 years,” he said.
There is no time that is not important to a child.
However, I also need to express my love differently to my child who changes rapidly due to hormonal changes.
As your adolescent son grows from a child to an adult, he becomes an independent being and now tries to do everything on his own.
If the purpose of conversations before puberty was to 'explain things so that the child can understand,' 'express love,' and 'help the child acquire language,' the purpose of conversations during puberty should change to 'awakening.'
It is to awaken the child to look back on himself.
Parents must also learn conversation methods that are appropriate for the changing purpose.
This book is a compilation of 37 ways to communicate with adolescent sons without fighting, written by teacher Eun-kyung Lee, a mentor to 150,000 parents, after countless trials and errors while experiencing puberty with her two sons.
In particular, conversation methods are introduced by dividing them into situations such as ‘study habits’, ‘daily habits’, ‘multimedia usage habits’, ‘relationships with parents’, ‘relationships with friends’, and ‘future hopes’.
The phrases you should not say when talking to your teenage son are included in 'Please refrain from saying this', and the phrases that are appropriate for the situation are included in 'Say this'.
If you follow this conversation method, you will experience a different relationship with your son than before.
A word that opens and closes a relationship
So, language also needs to be studied!
While it's important to respect your son and remember the purpose of the conversation, it's also important to remember that you can't just focus on him.
This is because simply accepting one's son's wishes is not the only virtue that parents have in their teenage years.
If you find it difficult and annoying to fight with your teenage son, and you've been ignoring him because you don't want to hurt his feelings, it's time to establish new principles and standards.
The book also includes 10 principles to remember when talking to your teenage son.
These are basic rules that seem simple, but are of great help in solving problems we encounter in daily life, such as ‘knock,’ ‘empathize,’ ‘be kind,’ ‘be concise,’ ‘get to the bottom line,’ ‘no leading questions,’ and ‘be firm.’
It might be awkward and difficult at first, but it's only difficult at first.
Based on the conversation method taught by author Eun-kyung Lee, you will find your own solutions by talking with your child.
In particular, this book also gives a glimpse into the son's inner thoughts.
In the 37 conversations, we can see what kind of mind the son had while speaking.
If you've never understood your son's feelings, this book will give you a clear understanding of what he's thinking and why he expresses himself in this way.
“A good character isn’t formed in a week or a month.
It is created little by little every day.
“It requires continuous and consistent effort.”
Heraclitus
I will remember it for the rest of my life!
A few years ago, broadcaster Lee Young-ja became a hot topic on a talk show when she tearfully appealed to the importance of parents' communication skills.
The protagonist in the story is a high school student who complains about his father who arrests him for every little thing and gets angry rather than talk to him, but his father only tries to rationalize his excessive behavior by saying that he does it out of concern.
At this, Lee Young-ja shed tears and said, “The power to overcome the world belongs to those who have received the most love.
But my family never showed (expression of love).
You must give your children unconditional love.
“Because of that, I wandered for 50 years,” he said.
There is no time that is not important to a child.
However, I also need to express my love differently to my child who changes rapidly due to hormonal changes.
As your adolescent son grows from a child to an adult, he becomes an independent being and now tries to do everything on his own.
If the purpose of conversations before puberty was to 'explain things so that the child can understand,' 'express love,' and 'help the child acquire language,' the purpose of conversations during puberty should change to 'awakening.'
It is to awaken the child to look back on himself.
Parents must also learn conversation methods that are appropriate for the changing purpose.
This book is a compilation of 37 ways to communicate with adolescent sons without fighting, written by teacher Eun-kyung Lee, a mentor to 150,000 parents, after countless trials and errors while experiencing puberty with her two sons.
In particular, conversation methods are introduced by dividing them into situations such as ‘study habits’, ‘daily habits’, ‘multimedia usage habits’, ‘relationships with parents’, ‘relationships with friends’, and ‘future hopes’.
The phrases you should not say when talking to your teenage son are included in 'Please refrain from saying this', and the phrases that are appropriate for the situation are included in 'Say this'.
If you follow this conversation method, you will experience a different relationship with your son than before.
A word that opens and closes a relationship
So, language also needs to be studied!
While it's important to respect your son and remember the purpose of the conversation, it's also important to remember that you can't just focus on him.
This is because simply accepting one's son's wishes is not the only virtue that parents have in their teenage years.
If you find it difficult and annoying to fight with your teenage son, and you've been ignoring him because you don't want to hurt his feelings, it's time to establish new principles and standards.
The book also includes 10 principles to remember when talking to your teenage son.
These are basic rules that seem simple, but are of great help in solving problems we encounter in daily life, such as ‘knock,’ ‘empathize,’ ‘be kind,’ ‘be concise,’ ‘get to the bottom line,’ ‘no leading questions,’ and ‘be firm.’
It might be awkward and difficult at first, but it's only difficult at first.
Based on the conversation method taught by author Eun-kyung Lee, you will find your own solutions by talking with your child.
In particular, this book also gives a glimpse into the son's inner thoughts.
In the 37 conversations, we can see what kind of mind the son had while speaking.
If you've never understood your son's feelings, this book will give you a clear understanding of what he's thinking and why he expresses himself in this way.
“A good character isn’t formed in a week or a month.
It is created little by little every day.
“It requires continuous and consistent effort.”
Heraclitus
GOODS SPECIFICS
- Date of issue: April 24, 2023
- Page count, weight, size: 272 pages | 458g | 145*210*17mm
- ISBN13: 9791192625393
- ISBN10: 1192625390
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