Is it okay to have an education that requires running unconditionally like this?
The suffering of parents and children heard at the Daechi-dong pediatric psychiatry clinic for 20 years
Dr. Son Seong-eun, a psychiatrist, shares the true face of Korean education and the path to recovery.
Now is the time to slow down and find a way to live together.

Children are not projects for the satisfaction of their parents.
It's time to stop blind love!
A child who is healthy in body and mind will succeed in college entrance exams and in life happily.

I have been treating parents and children in Daechi-dong for 20 years.
A cool-headed diagnosis and warm solutions from a child and adolescent psychiatrist.

It's okay to be happy now.
“It will be better that way.”
Dr. Seong-eun Son, a specialist in German-style family therapy, analyzes the causes of success and failure in children he has observed, and as a specialist in German-style family therapy, he offers analysis and treatment methods for narcissistic parents. As a neuropsychiatrist specializing in somatics, he suggests ways to restore emotional and cognitive balance.

The key to emotional regulation, self-regulation, and sociality is the body.
- Empathy is possible when you understand not only 'emotions' but also 'sensations'.
What parents and children need is appropriate 'space' and 'time'.
- Early pre-school education that forces visual information creates imbalances in the sensory system and abnormal behavior.
The strength to overcome life's hardships comes from the leisurely pace of childhood.
- Do not block the flow of life moving within the child.
- There are various train routes to Ipsisunggong Station.
Overprotective education that tries to avoid hurting children creates weak children.
- Parents who try to be like friends to their children and get satisfaction and comfort only make their children's burden heavier.
If we don't teach respect for others, parents and society are at risk.
- What is the difference between healthy aggression and violence?
- The expansion of a parent's heart is the button that enables a child's success and happiness.
- It starts with me, as a parent, building a warm relationship with myself!
- Focus on the practical aspects of life rather than how you look to others right now.

Even now, somewhere, Director Son Seong-eun gives courage and wisdom to parents who have put their children on the wrong train and are running away, so that they can get off that train safely.
This book gives me, my child, and my family a chance to think about how to live healthily and change.

The reality where victims of education become perpetrators again

The same goes for Seo-eun's mother.
He devoted himself to his children, determined to raise them in much better conditions than he himself had grown up in.
However, as greed took precedence, there were many side effects.
Seo Eun, who was wandering around in the hell of college entrance exams, decided to play the game again.
Seo-eun's brain tries to compensate by passing on her mother's expectations that she failed to meet to her daughter.
A brain that fails to learn and gain insight will continue to repeat problematic behaviors from generation to generation, leading itself and its family to hell.
--- p.50

I didn't perform as well as I usually do.

People often say that they were originally good at something, but they failed the test because they were nervous. But nervousness is also a skill.
In other words, managing tension appropriately is also a skill.
As the saying goes, "good at practical skills", there are people who perform better in important situations than they normally do (I actually see kids who do really well on the CSAT).
They may have been lucky, but they are also children with a strong sense of justice.
And as I'll explain later in the book, luck is also a skill.
The College Scholastic Ability Test (CSAT) is the English name for the College Scholastic Ability Test.
It is an evaluation of one's ability to study well at university, that is, one's ability to study well.
When you become a college student, that is, an adult, you are evaluated on how well you learn and achieve academic understanding and professional skills.
It's not a test that only looks at cognitive ability.
--- p.100

Parents who come to counseling talk about games as if they are the problem and that cell phones are the enemy.
But games can be the only source of joy for depressed and struggling children.
It could be the thread that keeps us alive.
Simply cutting the string is not the solution.
On the contrary, it may lead to great resistance and unexpected behavior from the child.
Even if it's not a good idea, if you cut off a child's only outlet, gaming, the child will rebel with all his might.
It can also be a situation that fuels a child's violence.
So, it is better to gradually change the child's thinking, get consent, and help them regulate themselves.
Rather than just cutting it off without an alternative, we need to create a circuit that will eventually allow us to feel joy in our bodies and minds even without games.
When good roads are created, children do not have to take bad roads.
Children who do not feel the sense of connection and accomplishment that comes from moving their bodies and interacting with their surroundings are easily addicted to games played with their fingertips, and are likely to gradually become addicted to other objects as well.
A body that cannot generate pleasure on its own seeks out stronger stimuli.
--- p.150

Interpreting between mother and son

Seungyoon's mother is a very persistent person, to the point of diagnosing her child herself and demanding the names and dosages of attention-deficit medications from doctors.
We need to calm down the mother who is constantly getting angry at Seungyoon and suppressing his actions by saying, “What time is it now!” and help her see the bigger picture of the situation.
In some cases, the child doesn't have any particular concerns, but the mother suffers from test-related anxiety.
If a child has no interest in studying and is distracted by the bean field, no matter how much the mother nags the child, the child will not be able to study hard.
Then, numerous side effects mentioned in this book occur.
We need to give Seungyoon some time too.
Perhaps it is a special situation that a child is taking on this challenge.
The doctor acts as a translator and interpreter between the children and their parents.
--- p.200

There must be room to breathe

Parents tell them to “just hold on for a few years,” but children with blocked noses and mouths struggle to last even a day.
If you go while breathing, you will reach your goal well.
The rush comes from the illusion that a child's future is in the hands of his or her parents.
However, as a mere human parent, I cannot influence my child's behavior or fate.
However, as the closest person living in the same house as the child, I can only convey to the child my attitude towards life, which is to live a healthy and happy life and strive to become a better person.
Sometimes we live breathlessly, sometimes we live breathlessly, but in the end, show your child how they find their own unique and beautiful breath.
--- p.250

I'm definitely going to S University's art school.

22-year-old Hannah graduated from a prestigious arts high school but failed to gain admission to her dream art school. She suffered from ADHD and lacked social skills, and her mother criticized her for not being able to connect with other girls her age.
Jumi, the slim and beautiful mother, didn't like Haena, who resembled her father in being chubby and easygoing, so she kept scolding her.
Still, the meticulous and extreme Jumi took care of her and helped her get into an arts middle school and also advanced to an arts high school under the same foundation (Haena is definitely talented too).
But as I started attending the preparatory school, I began to experience extreme rebellion and wandering toward my mother.
As my grades at school dropped and I became less likely to take the early admissions test, my mother's criticism also grew stronger.
His self-harm became increasingly severe, going beyond cutting his wrists to leaving deep wounds on his forearms and thighs. He was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and was repeatedly admitted to and discharged from mental hospitals.
It's been five years since I graduated from high school, but I still can't let go of the longing for the prestigious university I didn't get into.
--- p.300

We also need to create the youngest person to pass the exam

Do you ever feel proud of being the youngest? I've seen people change their birth dates on their resident registrations to become the youngest in various fields, including the youngest Ph.D.
It was all done under the leadership of my parents.
What are the consequences of making your child achieve and stand out faster than anyone else? What kind of feelings does that youngest child have? If you want to be a proud parent who helps your youngest child achieve faster than anyone else, you must practice letting go of those feelings.
If you do it this way, you will succeed. Many kids have done it this way.
We must be careful not to be too dazzled by these things.
Our child may not be able to do things other children can do, and our child may be able to do things other children cannot do.
We need to understand our children and their tendencies to be able to apply new information.
The important thing is to find a path that I can enjoy.
It takes time and patience to find it.

--- p.350