Why would my words be misunderstood?
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Description
Book Introduction
★★★〈Sebashi〉, the choice of 4 million people!★★★
He is a communication expert chosen by Samsung, SK, and LG.
With Kim Yun-na, author of the 500,000-copy bestseller “The Bowl of Words”
Psychotherapists and the MZ generation sympathize
A new concept conversation development book written by the author of Instatoon's 'Healing Bear Kongdali'!
In moments when communication is difficult, I protect my heart and change relationships.
50 warm and competent words!
Communication expert Kim Yun-na, who taught 500,000 readers in 2017 with her book “The Bowl of Words” how to “change your speaking habits by examining your heart,” presents 50 “warm and competent” one-point lessons for office workers who feel they are losing out because they are awkward at communicating or who swallow their words out of fear of conflict, as well as college students and young adults who want to be welcomed wherever they go.
The author, who lectures and coaches at large corporations such as Samsung, SK, and LG, discovered that many people have blind spots in their speech that they are not even aware of due to their ingrained language habits.
For those who are obsessed with their own opinions or who hold back their words to avoid ruining the mood, I wrote this book with author 'Healing Bear Kongdali', who is gaining explosive sympathy from the MZ generation.
This book introduces the "realistic conversation formula" for expressing your opinions in a sophisticated manner while respecting and being considerate of others.
For example, how can I say something to a business associate who insists on not receiving documents even though I clearly sent them? How can I acknowledge shared responsibility and find a solution together? How can I accurately refuse a friend's request to borrow a million won without making them feel awkward? How can I wisely reject advice from a nosy senior while protecting my own feelings? In addition, we have combined fun Instatoons with practical tips for everyday life and business situations, such as "the tone of opposition" to continue a conversation without denying what the other person said, "the tone of intimacy" to express affection to someone you just met, "the tone of comfort" to consider the person before the situation, and "the tone of feedback" to convey a balanced message of strengths and weaknesses.
Expert solutions are provided to help you convey your feelings clearly and without misunderstanding, by understanding the context and emotions of each situation.
At the end of each chapter, a 'SUMMARY' is included that summarizes speaking strategies for various situations, allowing readers to review their own conversations and immediately apply them in real life.
By learning 50 real-life situations in advance with 'Healing Bear Kongdali' and practicing the 'realistic conversation formula' of what to say, you will be able to get a 'yes' from the other person and do things much more smoothly.
This book teaches you how to express what you want to say firmly without losing warmth, so that you don't repeat the cycle of negative emotions accumulating due to inability to express them properly and eventually exploding in inappropriate ways, or being ambiguously led around by people.
He is a communication expert chosen by Samsung, SK, and LG.
With Kim Yun-na, author of the 500,000-copy bestseller “The Bowl of Words”
Psychotherapists and the MZ generation sympathize
A new concept conversation development book written by the author of Instatoon's 'Healing Bear Kongdali'!
In moments when communication is difficult, I protect my heart and change relationships.
50 warm and competent words!
Communication expert Kim Yun-na, who taught 500,000 readers in 2017 with her book “The Bowl of Words” how to “change your speaking habits by examining your heart,” presents 50 “warm and competent” one-point lessons for office workers who feel they are losing out because they are awkward at communicating or who swallow their words out of fear of conflict, as well as college students and young adults who want to be welcomed wherever they go.
The author, who lectures and coaches at large corporations such as Samsung, SK, and LG, discovered that many people have blind spots in their speech that they are not even aware of due to their ingrained language habits.
For those who are obsessed with their own opinions or who hold back their words to avoid ruining the mood, I wrote this book with author 'Healing Bear Kongdali', who is gaining explosive sympathy from the MZ generation.
This book introduces the "realistic conversation formula" for expressing your opinions in a sophisticated manner while respecting and being considerate of others.
For example, how can I say something to a business associate who insists on not receiving documents even though I clearly sent them? How can I acknowledge shared responsibility and find a solution together? How can I accurately refuse a friend's request to borrow a million won without making them feel awkward? How can I wisely reject advice from a nosy senior while protecting my own feelings? In addition, we have combined fun Instatoons with practical tips for everyday life and business situations, such as "the tone of opposition" to continue a conversation without denying what the other person said, "the tone of intimacy" to express affection to someone you just met, "the tone of comfort" to consider the person before the situation, and "the tone of feedback" to convey a balanced message of strengths and weaknesses.
Expert solutions are provided to help you convey your feelings clearly and without misunderstanding, by understanding the context and emotions of each situation.
At the end of each chapter, a 'SUMMARY' is included that summarizes speaking strategies for various situations, allowing readers to review their own conversations and immediately apply them in real life.
By learning 50 real-life situations in advance with 'Healing Bear Kongdali' and practicing the 'realistic conversation formula' of what to say, you will be able to get a 'yes' from the other person and do things much more smoothly.
This book teaches you how to express what you want to say firmly without losing warmth, so that you don't repeat the cycle of negative emotions accumulating due to inability to express them properly and eventually exploding in inappropriate ways, or being ambiguously led around by people.
- You can preview some of the book's contents.
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index
Author's Note _ Words that are understood, words that are misunderstood
1.
Softly and without being irritable - the opposite of speaking
1) Continue the conversation without denying what the other person said ▶ Partially affirmative speech
"No, that's not it" vs. "Yeah, that's true."
2) Responding to the words of someone who thinks differently from you ▶ Speech that acknowledges differences
"..." vs "I guess you could think of it that way"
3) Presenting my opinion while respecting the other person's thoughts ▶ Speech that suggests a new frame
"Don't do that!" vs. "Okay, let's think about it this time."
4) Respond amicably to people with different tastes ▶ Use a lively tone of voice to keep things interesting
"I hate that" vs "Oh, really? That song?"
5) Try to understand rather than force empathy ▶Words that grasp the other person's perspective
"I understand, but" vs "What happened?"
# SUMMARY: Balance assertiveness and relatability with opposing voices!
2.
Don't be awkward, be affectionate _ Intimate language
6) Greeting with a positive impression ▶Hello + @ greeting tone
"Hello~" vs. "Hello~ It's nice to finally meet you."
7) Expressing affection to someone you meet for the first time ▶ Use specific, positive language
"You look like a celebrity!" vs. "Your voice sounds so comfortable."
8) Start a natural conversation with someone you meet for the first time ▶@ + Do you like it?
"The weather is nice today" vs "What kind of music do you like?"
9) How to continue a conversation when it stops midway ▶Chain question tone
"What do you do? What major did you graduate from?" vs. "What preparations do I need?"
# SUMMARY: Try to lead a leisurely conversation with a stranger using friendly language!
3.
Comforting words, spoken sincerely and without effort
10) When it's hard to find comforting words, express your sincerity ▶ I don't know how to express your feelings in a confessional
"It'll be okay" vs. "I don't know what to say to comfort you."
11) Reassure others without reacting as if it were nothing ▶Words that change their thinking
"Don't worry, it'll be okay" vs. "Are you worried? Just trust me and wait."
12) Look at the person before the situation ▶Words that ask about the heart
"So what are you going to do?" vs "How are you feeling right now?"
13) Don't just say the right thing, listen to the other person's feelings ▶ Speech that follows emotions
"I did that for you" vs "You must be upset.
I'm angry too"
14) Instead of giving words of encouragement, give strength to others ▶ Use words like ours
"Cheer up! Fighting!" vs. "I'll be there for you when times get tough."
# SUMMARY: Build a strong and resilient mind with comforting words!
4.
Not specifications, but words of praise with sense
15) Recognize effort even if it is not perfect ▶ Words that encourage the process
"But this point is disappointing!" vs. "You've been practicing intermittently."
16) Express your gratitude in words rather than just passing it by ▶Thank you, thank you tone
"You know I appreciate it?" vs "Thank you.
Thanks to you, I was able to save time"
17) Identify unique characteristics without comparing ▶ Words that identify the strengths of behavior
"You don't seem like an only child~" vs. "I felt considerate when you helped me clean up."
18) Don't reject compliments, but accept them cheerfully and return them. ▶You're also cool.
"It's nothing special" vs. "The color of the shirt you're wearing today is nice too."
19) Accepting gifts joyfully without being humble ▶Words of gratitude and humility
"You don't have to worry about that" vs "Thank you.
"Wasn't it a hassle?"
# SUMMARY: Create vitamins that add vitality to your relationship with words of praise!
5.
Don't whine, be precise _ the tone of the feedback
20) Point out and tell someone to do it that way, not this way. ▶Words that ask for alternatives
"Don't do that again!" vs. "Please do ~ next time."
21) Receiving feedback from others in a mature manner ▶ Slightly acknowledging tone
"When have I ever done that?" vs. "There have been times when I have done that."
22) Talk about the good and bad points equally ▶And more speech
"It was good, but!" vs "It was good.
And it would be better if ~"
23) Don't avoid uncomfortable feelings, but deal with them calmly ▶ Use words that respect emotions
"Don't be so upset" vs. "I bet you were upset. I feel bad too."
24) I want to express my desires and expectations without blaming others. ▶ I want to express my desires and expectations without blaming others.
"You're always the problem" vs. "I want to do better."
# SUMMARY: End an uncomfortable conversation calmly and firmly with feedback!
6.
Don't be cold and speak smoothly _ the tone of resolution
25) Don't insist that it's right, but move on to solving the problem ▶ Let's check the tone first
"That's right!" vs. "Let's check first."
26) Maintaining a cooperative attitude without shifting responsibility ▶ I should have said ~
"You should have contacted me" vs. "I should have checked."
27) Before saying no, look for alternatives ▶ ~If you do it, it is possible
"It won't work" vs. "It'll work as soon as the information arrives."
28) Start the conversation in a light tone when conveying the situation ▶ Use language that reduces tension
"Uh… I have a problem" vs. "I just need to check one thing."
29) Apologize clearly without making excuses ▶ Apologize with acknowledgement and empathy
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to" vs "I'm sorry.
"I made a mistake"
# SUMMARY: Demonstrate responsible and reliable problem-solving skills with a solution-oriented tone!
7.
Don't be shy and polite - Words for refusal and request
30) How to refuse politely and concisely ▶I'm sorry, but it will be difficult.
"I'm like this and like that~" vs. "I'm sorry, but it's going to be difficult this time."
31) How to be considerate when refusing something so that the other person feels less embarrassed ▶ How to greet a request
"No! You knew, so why are you doing this?" vs. "Then you can ask me."
32) Ask for help specifically, not by guessing in advance ▶Words that convey the content and reason
"No, I'm fine" vs. "Can you help me review the report? Because~"
33) Asking for help while considering the other person's situation ▶ Tende and interrogative form
“It’s urgent, so please send it right away” vs “I know you’re busy… Could you please do me a favor?”
34) How to end a conversation comfortably when rejected ▶Sorry, but thank you tone
"Everyone else is doing it" vs "That's too bad.
Thank you for your time"
# SUMMARY: Create healthy and flexible relationships with the words “reject” and “request”!
8.
Don't be uncomfortable, be smart - Self-protective language
35) Wisely turning back excessive interference and advice ▶ Asking questions in return
“Yes… that’s it…” vs “How was it, senior?”
36) Clarifying vague words that cross the line ▶Words that ask for hidden intentions
“…” vs “What did you mean by that?”
37) Avoid uncomfortable questions and start a new conversation ▶ Change the subject to your desired topic
"Ah... yes..." vs "Ask me what kind of exercise you're doing these days~"
38) Understand the other person's feelings and do not be swayed ▶Words that set clear boundaries
"..." vs "But it's my job"
39) Directly responding to the other person's rudeness ▶Words that indicate the standard of discomfort
"..." vs "Stop saying that, it's uncomfortable"
# SUMMARY: Protect yourself from uncomfortable conversations with self-protective language!
9.
Be firm and unwavering - How to deal with complaints and gossip
40) Listening without engaging in uncomfortable gossip ▶ Speech that creates psychological distance
"Really? Somehow…" vs. "That's how you felt."
41) Finding positive intention when the other person keeps complaining ▶Words that reveal positive intention
"Stop whining!" vs "You want this to end quickly, right?"
42) Don't get caught up in negativity, but turn to positivity ▶ Fortunately, the way you speak
"This is the worst!" vs. "But the good news is I have an umbrella."
43) Respond to a person who is nitpicking without getting caught up in it ▶ Speech that focuses on the topic
"Don't nitpick" vs. "Yeah, that's what I meant."
44) Approaching an emotional partner without provoking them ▶ Tell your story.
"Calm down and don't get excited" vs. "Let me hear more of what you have to say."
# SUMMARY: How to Deal with Complaints Don't be swayed by the atmosphere with your tone; take the lead in the conversation!
10.
Don't be misunderstood, be polite and avoid negative comments
45) Don't act like you're the only one who knows, but involve them ▶You know, the way you speak
"That's true~" vs "You know that too"
46) Share the conversation by not just talking about yourself ▶ Use language that invites conversation
"Me too~" vs "What about you?"
47) Don't see differences as a problem, embrace exceptional circumstances. ▶That could be the case.
"How can you not know that?" vs. "How could you not know?"
48) Be careful of subtle informality and be respectful ▶ Agreed-upon polite speech
"Me? It's been three years?" vs. "Me? It's been three years."
49) Don't be pessimistic, but look forward to possibilities ▶Words of positive control
"It's the same everywhere" vs. "I have to adapt."
50) Don't be sarcastic, but express your true feelings ▶Words that reveal your true feelings
"Isn't everyone going?" vs "I'm jealous.
I wanted to go too"
# SUMMARY: Protect yourself and be considerate of others with your speech to avoid being perceived as unfavorable!
1.
Softly and without being irritable - the opposite of speaking
1) Continue the conversation without denying what the other person said ▶ Partially affirmative speech
"No, that's not it" vs. "Yeah, that's true."
2) Responding to the words of someone who thinks differently from you ▶ Speech that acknowledges differences
"..." vs "I guess you could think of it that way"
3) Presenting my opinion while respecting the other person's thoughts ▶ Speech that suggests a new frame
"Don't do that!" vs. "Okay, let's think about it this time."
4) Respond amicably to people with different tastes ▶ Use a lively tone of voice to keep things interesting
"I hate that" vs "Oh, really? That song?"
5) Try to understand rather than force empathy ▶Words that grasp the other person's perspective
"I understand, but" vs "What happened?"
# SUMMARY: Balance assertiveness and relatability with opposing voices!
2.
Don't be awkward, be affectionate _ Intimate language
6) Greeting with a positive impression ▶Hello + @ greeting tone
"Hello~" vs. "Hello~ It's nice to finally meet you."
7) Expressing affection to someone you meet for the first time ▶ Use specific, positive language
"You look like a celebrity!" vs. "Your voice sounds so comfortable."
8) Start a natural conversation with someone you meet for the first time ▶@ + Do you like it?
"The weather is nice today" vs "What kind of music do you like?"
9) How to continue a conversation when it stops midway ▶Chain question tone
"What do you do? What major did you graduate from?" vs. "What preparations do I need?"
# SUMMARY: Try to lead a leisurely conversation with a stranger using friendly language!
3.
Comforting words, spoken sincerely and without effort
10) When it's hard to find comforting words, express your sincerity ▶ I don't know how to express your feelings in a confessional
"It'll be okay" vs. "I don't know what to say to comfort you."
11) Reassure others without reacting as if it were nothing ▶Words that change their thinking
"Don't worry, it'll be okay" vs. "Are you worried? Just trust me and wait."
12) Look at the person before the situation ▶Words that ask about the heart
"So what are you going to do?" vs "How are you feeling right now?"
13) Don't just say the right thing, listen to the other person's feelings ▶ Speech that follows emotions
"I did that for you" vs "You must be upset.
I'm angry too"
14) Instead of giving words of encouragement, give strength to others ▶ Use words like ours
"Cheer up! Fighting!" vs. "I'll be there for you when times get tough."
# SUMMARY: Build a strong and resilient mind with comforting words!
4.
Not specifications, but words of praise with sense
15) Recognize effort even if it is not perfect ▶ Words that encourage the process
"But this point is disappointing!" vs. "You've been practicing intermittently."
16) Express your gratitude in words rather than just passing it by ▶Thank you, thank you tone
"You know I appreciate it?" vs "Thank you.
Thanks to you, I was able to save time"
17) Identify unique characteristics without comparing ▶ Words that identify the strengths of behavior
"You don't seem like an only child~" vs. "I felt considerate when you helped me clean up."
18) Don't reject compliments, but accept them cheerfully and return them. ▶You're also cool.
"It's nothing special" vs. "The color of the shirt you're wearing today is nice too."
19) Accepting gifts joyfully without being humble ▶Words of gratitude and humility
"You don't have to worry about that" vs "Thank you.
"Wasn't it a hassle?"
# SUMMARY: Create vitamins that add vitality to your relationship with words of praise!
5.
Don't whine, be precise _ the tone of the feedback
20) Point out and tell someone to do it that way, not this way. ▶Words that ask for alternatives
"Don't do that again!" vs. "Please do ~ next time."
21) Receiving feedback from others in a mature manner ▶ Slightly acknowledging tone
"When have I ever done that?" vs. "There have been times when I have done that."
22) Talk about the good and bad points equally ▶And more speech
"It was good, but!" vs "It was good.
And it would be better if ~"
23) Don't avoid uncomfortable feelings, but deal with them calmly ▶ Use words that respect emotions
"Don't be so upset" vs. "I bet you were upset. I feel bad too."
24) I want to express my desires and expectations without blaming others. ▶ I want to express my desires and expectations without blaming others.
"You're always the problem" vs. "I want to do better."
# SUMMARY: End an uncomfortable conversation calmly and firmly with feedback!
6.
Don't be cold and speak smoothly _ the tone of resolution
25) Don't insist that it's right, but move on to solving the problem ▶ Let's check the tone first
"That's right!" vs. "Let's check first."
26) Maintaining a cooperative attitude without shifting responsibility ▶ I should have said ~
"You should have contacted me" vs. "I should have checked."
27) Before saying no, look for alternatives ▶ ~If you do it, it is possible
"It won't work" vs. "It'll work as soon as the information arrives."
28) Start the conversation in a light tone when conveying the situation ▶ Use language that reduces tension
"Uh… I have a problem" vs. "I just need to check one thing."
29) Apologize clearly without making excuses ▶ Apologize with acknowledgement and empathy
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to" vs "I'm sorry.
"I made a mistake"
# SUMMARY: Demonstrate responsible and reliable problem-solving skills with a solution-oriented tone!
7.
Don't be shy and polite - Words for refusal and request
30) How to refuse politely and concisely ▶I'm sorry, but it will be difficult.
"I'm like this and like that~" vs. "I'm sorry, but it's going to be difficult this time."
31) How to be considerate when refusing something so that the other person feels less embarrassed ▶ How to greet a request
"No! You knew, so why are you doing this?" vs. "Then you can ask me."
32) Ask for help specifically, not by guessing in advance ▶Words that convey the content and reason
"No, I'm fine" vs. "Can you help me review the report? Because~"
33) Asking for help while considering the other person's situation ▶ Tende and interrogative form
“It’s urgent, so please send it right away” vs “I know you’re busy… Could you please do me a favor?”
34) How to end a conversation comfortably when rejected ▶Sorry, but thank you tone
"Everyone else is doing it" vs "That's too bad.
Thank you for your time"
# SUMMARY: Create healthy and flexible relationships with the words “reject” and “request”!
8.
Don't be uncomfortable, be smart - Self-protective language
35) Wisely turning back excessive interference and advice ▶ Asking questions in return
“Yes… that’s it…” vs “How was it, senior?”
36) Clarifying vague words that cross the line ▶Words that ask for hidden intentions
“…” vs “What did you mean by that?”
37) Avoid uncomfortable questions and start a new conversation ▶ Change the subject to your desired topic
"Ah... yes..." vs "Ask me what kind of exercise you're doing these days~"
38) Understand the other person's feelings and do not be swayed ▶Words that set clear boundaries
"..." vs "But it's my job"
39) Directly responding to the other person's rudeness ▶Words that indicate the standard of discomfort
"..." vs "Stop saying that, it's uncomfortable"
# SUMMARY: Protect yourself from uncomfortable conversations with self-protective language!
9.
Be firm and unwavering - How to deal with complaints and gossip
40) Listening without engaging in uncomfortable gossip ▶ Speech that creates psychological distance
"Really? Somehow…" vs. "That's how you felt."
41) Finding positive intention when the other person keeps complaining ▶Words that reveal positive intention
"Stop whining!" vs "You want this to end quickly, right?"
42) Don't get caught up in negativity, but turn to positivity ▶ Fortunately, the way you speak
"This is the worst!" vs. "But the good news is I have an umbrella."
43) Respond to a person who is nitpicking without getting caught up in it ▶ Speech that focuses on the topic
"Don't nitpick" vs. "Yeah, that's what I meant."
44) Approaching an emotional partner without provoking them ▶ Tell your story.
"Calm down and don't get excited" vs. "Let me hear more of what you have to say."
# SUMMARY: How to Deal with Complaints Don't be swayed by the atmosphere with your tone; take the lead in the conversation!
10.
Don't be misunderstood, be polite and avoid negative comments
45) Don't act like you're the only one who knows, but involve them ▶You know, the way you speak
"That's true~" vs "You know that too"
46) Share the conversation by not just talking about yourself ▶ Use language that invites conversation
"Me too~" vs "What about you?"
47) Don't see differences as a problem, embrace exceptional circumstances. ▶That could be the case.
"How can you not know that?" vs. "How could you not know?"
48) Be careful of subtle informality and be respectful ▶ Agreed-upon polite speech
"Me? It's been three years?" vs. "Me? It's been three years."
49) Don't be pessimistic, but look forward to possibilities ▶Words of positive control
"It's the same everywhere" vs. "I have to adapt."
50) Don't be sarcastic, but express your true feelings ▶Words that reveal your true feelings
"Isn't everyone going?" vs "I'm jealous.
I wanted to go too"
# SUMMARY: Protect yourself and be considerate of others with your speech to avoid being perceived as unfavorable!
Detailed image
Into the book
Your speech isn't everything, but the world tries to judge you by it.
We often judge and sometimes misunderstand good intentions before we even know them.
In that case, don't be upset, just improve your skills.
Speaking skills are not something you are born with, but rather an area of learning that you can improve at the more you put in effort.
Warm and competent words have the power to make the impossible possible and keep people by your side.
That very power will make what you originally had shine even brighter.
--- p.7, from the author's note
When you receive a compliment, you should first feel good by saying “Thank you” or “I appreciate it” and then return it to the other person.
The point here is 'what to give back as praise'.
It's nice to find similar traits that compliment you.
This is because the points that the other person praised me for are likely to be things that the person is interested in.
If you have trouble spotting it in the moment, you may want to compliment me on the interest I have shown you, the insight you have shown me, and the ability to express it.
For example, “Thank you.
“You have a good sense of compliments” is a compliment to my sense and insight in recognizing me, and “Thank you.
Saying, “The shirt you’re wearing today is really nice!” is an expression of interest in the other person’s style, since the other person has complimented your clothes or style.
--- pp.126-127, 「18.
From “Don’t reject compliments, but accept them cheerfully and return them”
A gives B a small gift.
Then B responds by saying, “You don’t have to worry about me,” “I didn’t do much,” and “Why are you taking care of this?”
But these words are responses that do not fully consider the feelings of the person who prepared the gift.
B was embarrassed because he didn't know how to receive the gift, and he only focused on his own feelings, such as regret and burden for not being able to prepare a gift.
Excessive humility like this should be avoided.
If you go too far like the conversation above, it will be perceived as a rejection of the other person's kindness.
--- pp.130-131, 「19.
From “How to Accept Gifts Gladly Without Humbling Yourself”
We often underestimate and misunderstand the power of praise.
We often fail to fully utilize the positive power of praise because of thoughts like, "Would someone really like it if I complimented them?" or "Wouldn't it just make them uncomfortable for no reason?"
Researchers Erica Boothby of the University of Pennsylvania and Vanessa Bohns of Cornell University found that people underestimate the positive effects of compliments.
Researchers conducted an experiment in which they gave strangers short compliments, such as “Your shirt is nice,” and then had them predict the recipient’s reaction.
What were the results? Surprisingly, those who received praise were significantly happier than expected, and reported feeling significantly less unpleasant or uncomfortable emotions.
It was a study that proved that there was no need to worry that praise would backfire.
--- p.134, from 「SUMMARY: Create a vitamin that adds vitality to your relationship with words of praise!」
In the future, when you collaborate with others or are asked to do something, see if you can use the "If you ~, it's possible" tone before saying "I can't."
It's about finding alternatives and practicing answering in a positive way, under what conditions, when, and how it's possible.
For example, in the previous conversation, instead of saying, “That’s not possible,” it would be better to say, “We can start as soon as the information comes in.”
Also, if a colleague asks you to help with a meeting and your schedule conflicts, instead of simply saying, “I don’t think I can,” say, “I can help you prepare for the meeting.
It's better to say, "I just have a meeting at 2 o'clock."
--- pp.186-187, 「27.
From "Look for alternatives before saying no"
When refusing, it's best to avoid using vague expressions like "later" or "maybe."
I also recommend that you avoid making unnecessary promises like, "Next time, I'll definitely do it," just because of a momentary feeling of regret.
You can also avoid lengthy explanations and end the conversation more smoothly by adding words of gratitude and empathy, such as, “Thank you for understanding,” or “I’m sorry I can’t be there with you.”
(syncopation)
Rejection is a choice that takes into account my time and abilities, not a relationship issue.
A 'No' to others is a 'Yes' to me.
You also need to be able to say “No” cleanly when you don’t have the resources, and be willing to say “Yes” when you can offer help.
To do that, we need to create a relationship where words of rejection can be exchanged a little more lightly than they are now.
--- pp.208-209, 「30.
From "How to Decline Politely and Concisely"
When you feel envious of others and feel relatively inadequate, try using 'speech that reveals your true feelings.'
This means expressing yourself so that your mind and words are in agreement.
Consensual conversation means expressing your feelings and desires honestly, such as “I envy you” or “I want to go too, but please help me later,” instead of belittling others with statements like “Isn’t everyone going to graduate school?”
Expressing your feelings honestly like this will help you clarify your goals and naturally elicit support from others.
Practice 'speech that reveals your true feelings'
-You did it first.
I'm really jealous.
-I want to do it too.
-That would be great~ Please tell me how to do it too.
We often judge and sometimes misunderstand good intentions before we even know them.
In that case, don't be upset, just improve your skills.
Speaking skills are not something you are born with, but rather an area of learning that you can improve at the more you put in effort.
Warm and competent words have the power to make the impossible possible and keep people by your side.
That very power will make what you originally had shine even brighter.
--- p.7, from the author's note
When you receive a compliment, you should first feel good by saying “Thank you” or “I appreciate it” and then return it to the other person.
The point here is 'what to give back as praise'.
It's nice to find similar traits that compliment you.
This is because the points that the other person praised me for are likely to be things that the person is interested in.
If you have trouble spotting it in the moment, you may want to compliment me on the interest I have shown you, the insight you have shown me, and the ability to express it.
For example, “Thank you.
“You have a good sense of compliments” is a compliment to my sense and insight in recognizing me, and “Thank you.
Saying, “The shirt you’re wearing today is really nice!” is an expression of interest in the other person’s style, since the other person has complimented your clothes or style.
--- pp.126-127, 「18.
From “Don’t reject compliments, but accept them cheerfully and return them”
A gives B a small gift.
Then B responds by saying, “You don’t have to worry about me,” “I didn’t do much,” and “Why are you taking care of this?”
But these words are responses that do not fully consider the feelings of the person who prepared the gift.
B was embarrassed because he didn't know how to receive the gift, and he only focused on his own feelings, such as regret and burden for not being able to prepare a gift.
Excessive humility like this should be avoided.
If you go too far like the conversation above, it will be perceived as a rejection of the other person's kindness.
--- pp.130-131, 「19.
From “How to Accept Gifts Gladly Without Humbling Yourself”
We often underestimate and misunderstand the power of praise.
We often fail to fully utilize the positive power of praise because of thoughts like, "Would someone really like it if I complimented them?" or "Wouldn't it just make them uncomfortable for no reason?"
Researchers Erica Boothby of the University of Pennsylvania and Vanessa Bohns of Cornell University found that people underestimate the positive effects of compliments.
Researchers conducted an experiment in which they gave strangers short compliments, such as “Your shirt is nice,” and then had them predict the recipient’s reaction.
What were the results? Surprisingly, those who received praise were significantly happier than expected, and reported feeling significantly less unpleasant or uncomfortable emotions.
It was a study that proved that there was no need to worry that praise would backfire.
--- p.134, from 「SUMMARY: Create a vitamin that adds vitality to your relationship with words of praise!」
In the future, when you collaborate with others or are asked to do something, see if you can use the "If you ~, it's possible" tone before saying "I can't."
It's about finding alternatives and practicing answering in a positive way, under what conditions, when, and how it's possible.
For example, in the previous conversation, instead of saying, “That’s not possible,” it would be better to say, “We can start as soon as the information comes in.”
Also, if a colleague asks you to help with a meeting and your schedule conflicts, instead of simply saying, “I don’t think I can,” say, “I can help you prepare for the meeting.
It's better to say, "I just have a meeting at 2 o'clock."
--- pp.186-187, 「27.
From "Look for alternatives before saying no"
When refusing, it's best to avoid using vague expressions like "later" or "maybe."
I also recommend that you avoid making unnecessary promises like, "Next time, I'll definitely do it," just because of a momentary feeling of regret.
You can also avoid lengthy explanations and end the conversation more smoothly by adding words of gratitude and empathy, such as, “Thank you for understanding,” or “I’m sorry I can’t be there with you.”
(syncopation)
Rejection is a choice that takes into account my time and abilities, not a relationship issue.
A 'No' to others is a 'Yes' to me.
You also need to be able to say “No” cleanly when you don’t have the resources, and be willing to say “Yes” when you can offer help.
To do that, we need to create a relationship where words of rejection can be exchanged a little more lightly than they are now.
--- pp.208-209, 「30.
From "How to Decline Politely and Concisely"
When you feel envious of others and feel relatively inadequate, try using 'speech that reveals your true feelings.'
This means expressing yourself so that your mind and words are in agreement.
Consensual conversation means expressing your feelings and desires honestly, such as “I envy you” or “I want to go too, but please help me later,” instead of belittling others with statements like “Isn’t everyone going to graduate school?”
Expressing your feelings honestly like this will help you clarify your goals and naturally elicit support from others.
Practice 'speech that reveals your true feelings'
-You did it first.
I'm really jealous.
-I want to do it too.
-That would be great~ Please tell me how to do it too.
--- p.339, 「50.
From “Don’t be sarcastic, be honest”
From “Don’t be sarcastic, be honest”
Publisher's Review
“Unattractive people miss details, attractive people add details!”
50 Solutions for a Strong, Likeable "One-Step Differentiation"!
People who maintain an appropriate distance to avoid unnecessary misunderstandings, who are kind to even difficult people, and who are gentle but accurate in conveying the necessary message are popular everywhere.
What secrets lie hidden in their words? The subtle difference lies in the details of the conversation.
Attractive people know the annoying points in conversation and cleverly avoid them.
Furthermore, you can move the other person's heart with a single warm and competent word.
As conversations become smoother, life becomes less difficult.
If you've ever worked yourself to death only to see disappointing results, been competent but underpaid, or had well-intentioned words ruin relationships, check out the 50 speaking solutions in this book.
You can see which words really capture the other person's heart.
One chapter a day, three minutes a day is enough.
Even if you change just one word or one point, the other person's reaction will change significantly.
This book introduces 'detailed conversation techniques' that can be used at any time in everyday life, such as greetings, compliments, consolation, feedback, rejections, requests, apologies, and dealing with gossip.
Additionally, we tried to differentiate ourselves from existing text-centered conversation books by including a ‘5-cut situation example cartoon’ and a ‘2-cut solution conversation cartoon’ at each chapter.
‘Speaking a different way’ is based on the same principle as learning a foreign language, so consistent practice is necessary.
If you memorize the words and sentences introduced in the book and use them repeatedly in real life, you will have the surprising experience of how the way you speak can completely change the way you are treated.
Remember that unattractive people miss details, while attractive people are good at details.
“This book is for those who have ever thought, ‘That’s not what I meant…’
This is a conversation prescription for people who ‘said things because they wanted to be understood’ but ended up ‘being misunderstood and feeling upset.’
(Omitted) You can read this book in order, or you can start reading from the chapter that interests you.
“Because it’s structured so that you can start reading from any page without feeling burdened.”
_pp.7 From the Author's Note
Summary included, a key guide to restoring relationships by turning even your "enemy" into your "ally"!
Easy to read at a glance thanks to editing and design that prioritizes readability!
At the end of each chapter in this book, there is a 'SUMMARY', a key guide to talking about relationship recovery.
In moments when conversations get stuck, we've compiled a formula for speaking that helps you restore relationships while protecting your emotions, based on the author's experience and various research results.
Additionally, the problem situations and solutions are presented in an Instatoon format with various characters, making it an interesting read without getting bored.
Thanks to editing and design that prioritizes readability, this book is easy to read at a glance and is also perfect as a gift.
Should I drive the taxi called conversation roughly or should I drive it frustratingly like a novice driver?
Or will you become a skilled driver, leading smoothly and competently? For those who say, "It's exhausting to live worrying about even the tone of voice," this book emphasizes that in a cutthroat world teeming with vixens, mastering the art of detailed conversation is the key to managing your charm and abilities, and a prerequisite for cherishing yourself.
By the time you finish the book, you'll find yourself transformed into someone who's pleasant to talk to, someone who speaks clearly but isn't overly assertive, someone who's confident but doesn't show off, someone who respects others without putting themselves down, and someone who knows how to defend themselves even in rude situations.
50 Solutions for a Strong, Likeable "One-Step Differentiation"!
People who maintain an appropriate distance to avoid unnecessary misunderstandings, who are kind to even difficult people, and who are gentle but accurate in conveying the necessary message are popular everywhere.
What secrets lie hidden in their words? The subtle difference lies in the details of the conversation.
Attractive people know the annoying points in conversation and cleverly avoid them.
Furthermore, you can move the other person's heart with a single warm and competent word.
As conversations become smoother, life becomes less difficult.
If you've ever worked yourself to death only to see disappointing results, been competent but underpaid, or had well-intentioned words ruin relationships, check out the 50 speaking solutions in this book.
You can see which words really capture the other person's heart.
One chapter a day, three minutes a day is enough.
Even if you change just one word or one point, the other person's reaction will change significantly.
This book introduces 'detailed conversation techniques' that can be used at any time in everyday life, such as greetings, compliments, consolation, feedback, rejections, requests, apologies, and dealing with gossip.
Additionally, we tried to differentiate ourselves from existing text-centered conversation books by including a ‘5-cut situation example cartoon’ and a ‘2-cut solution conversation cartoon’ at each chapter.
‘Speaking a different way’ is based on the same principle as learning a foreign language, so consistent practice is necessary.
If you memorize the words and sentences introduced in the book and use them repeatedly in real life, you will have the surprising experience of how the way you speak can completely change the way you are treated.
Remember that unattractive people miss details, while attractive people are good at details.
“This book is for those who have ever thought, ‘That’s not what I meant…’
This is a conversation prescription for people who ‘said things because they wanted to be understood’ but ended up ‘being misunderstood and feeling upset.’
(Omitted) You can read this book in order, or you can start reading from the chapter that interests you.
“Because it’s structured so that you can start reading from any page without feeling burdened.”
_pp.7 From the Author's Note
Summary included, a key guide to restoring relationships by turning even your "enemy" into your "ally"!
Easy to read at a glance thanks to editing and design that prioritizes readability!
At the end of each chapter in this book, there is a 'SUMMARY', a key guide to talking about relationship recovery.
In moments when conversations get stuck, we've compiled a formula for speaking that helps you restore relationships while protecting your emotions, based on the author's experience and various research results.
Additionally, the problem situations and solutions are presented in an Instatoon format with various characters, making it an interesting read without getting bored.
Thanks to editing and design that prioritizes readability, this book is easy to read at a glance and is also perfect as a gift.
Should I drive the taxi called conversation roughly or should I drive it frustratingly like a novice driver?
Or will you become a skilled driver, leading smoothly and competently? For those who say, "It's exhausting to live worrying about even the tone of voice," this book emphasizes that in a cutthroat world teeming with vixens, mastering the art of detailed conversation is the key to managing your charm and abilities, and a prerequisite for cherishing yourself.
By the time you finish the book, you'll find yourself transformed into someone who's pleasant to talk to, someone who speaks clearly but isn't overly assertive, someone who's confident but doesn't show off, someone who respects others without putting themselves down, and someone who knows how to defend themselves even in rude situations.
GOODS SPECIFICS
- Date of issue: April 15, 2025
- Page count, weight, size: 348 pages | 148*210*20mm
- ISBN13: 9791190457385
- ISBN10: 1190457385
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