A new book by Jeon Mi-kyung, author of the best-selling book "You Are Stronger Than You Think."

Break the cycle of anxiety addiction created by false self-esteem
A psychology class from a psychiatrist to help you regain control of your life

Psychiatrist Jeon Mi-kyung, author of the best-selling book “You Are Stronger Than You Think,” has returned with her new book, “You Are Not Special at All.”
In a society that constantly pressures us to be special, we trap ourselves in anxiety and obsession, making ourselves sick by comparing ourselves to others and pushing ourselves too hard.
This book guides you through breaking free from the obsession with success and comparison and finding your true self in the midst of ordinary life.

In this book, the author analyzes the cases of various patients who visited the psychiatric clinic and the stories of characters in novels and movies, and diagnoses that while each person's situation and the extent of their suffering may be different, at the root of all of them lies an obsession with being special and an addiction to anxiety stemming from false self-esteem.
It convincingly demonstrates that one is not alone in suffering, and that only when one silently accepts that pain and anxiety are an inescapable part of life can one truly escape from it.
For those who want to re-examine the essence of life and those who still live anxious lives, this book will present the great value of being ordinary.

I often meet special people in my clinic.
To be more precise, they are people who believe that they are special.
During conversations, they try hard to prove that they are different from others by subtly mentioning the size of the apartment they live in, their children's colleges, or even touting their titles.
Jeffrey Young, a renowned American psychologist, called this phenomenon the “privilege trap.”
This is different from simple confidence.
Healthy self-confidence is a pride based on one's own accomplishments and abilities, whereas a sense of entitlement stems from an unrealistic sense of superiority.
They believe they deserve exceptional treatment and are allowed to deviate from the normal rules and obligations.
---「p.
28. From "You Are Never Special"

Real change in our lives doesn't begin like a mighty river.
It comes from a small stream.
Take just five minutes before going to bed to reflect on your emotions from that day.
Ask yourself, "How did I feel today? What choices did I make, and why?"
Stop by a bookstore you don't usually go to to pick out a new book, or ask your family, "What are you thinking about these days?"
These small practices accumulate and guide us on the path to self-realization.
The journey to self-realization doesn't proceed with dramatic transformations like the protagonists in the movies.
Change in reality is slow, sometimes painful, and requires a lot of patience.
---「p.
49-50, from "Finding the Self in the Illusion of Perfection"

Today's daily life is filled with the process of constantly creating and consuming self-image.
We start our day by directing ourselves in front of the mirror, and that directing continues throughout the day, extending into the digital world.
Their Instagram feeds showcase their perfectly polished daily lives, their Facebook timelines project images of success, and their LinkedIn profiles project a professional image.
Just as light passes through a prism and is scattered into a variety of colors, a single self is dispersed into countless images, but within them, there is always an obsession to appear as a better person.
The hidden face within, our true face that is not reflected in any mirror, is anxious, lonely, and sometimes even empty.
When you put down your smartphone at the end of the day and find yourself alone, think about that unfamiliar, honest face you suddenly encounter.
---「p.
60-61, from "Who am I reflected in the mirror?"

When we face suffering, we choose one of three approaches.
The first is overcoming.
Modern society constantly demands overcoming.
The sayings “anything is possible if you try” and “nothing is impossible” surround us.
This type of effort can sometimes be a driving force for growth.
But humans cannot overcome all suffering.
Attempts to overcome unavoidable suffering, such as death or loss, and misfortunes that cannot be changed through our own efforts, only lead us into deeper despair.
---「p.
78-79, from "Why Does This Only Happen to Me?"

“When I look at social media, it seems like everyone else is doing well, but I feel like I’m falling behind.” “Everyone else seems happy, so why am I like this?” Their words are filled with the fear that they are lacking.
In a world surrounded by perfect images, they grow weary of hiding their imperfections.
But in Japan, there is a different way of looking at this imperfection.
The traditional craft called ‘Kintsugi’ is exactly that.
This technique of reattaching broken ceramics with lacquer mixed with gold dust makes them shine with gold instead of hiding scratches and cracks.
Just as broken places can become new beauty, the cracks and wounds in our lives can become golden seams that make us deeper human beings.
---「p.
91, from “A Life Dancing in Step with Misfortune”

In human relationships, sometimes a mask is necessary.
It may be essential for all of us living in the modern age.
But if that mask becomes too firmly in place, we end up losing ourselves.
What's even scarier is that you lose interest in other people.
Just as Soojin did with her colleagues, we tend to give appropriate answers rather than truly listen to what others have to say, and we tend to give superficial answers rather than empathize with others' feelings.
The desire to be someone who suits him, to blindly conform to his wishes while keeping her own thoughts hidden, also brought about other problems for Soo-jin.
I made myself the most insecure being by bringing about the unattainable desire to appear perfect to others.
---「p.
From 98-99, "We Are All Imperfect"

Psychologist David Elkind describes the psychological characteristics that stand out in adolescence as "imaginary audiences" and "personal fables."
Imaginary audience refers to the tendency to be overly conscious of, say, having slightly disheveled hair when going to school, as if everyone will point it out.
Personal fable is the belief that 'I am special', that one's experiences and thoughts are unique and different from others, and that one's existence is unique in the world.
If these concepts are not overcome during the process of self-formation in adolescence, even as adults, they will fall into the trap of being swayed by the gaze of others or overestimating themselves.
---「p.
144-145, from "You are not the main character in a drama"

Humans are the only beings who are aware that they will one day die, and this consciousness of death brings about an unbearable anxiety.
So we build a 'cultural defense system' to alleviate this anxiety.
They seek 'symbolic immortality' by believing in religion, accomplishing great achievements, or creating beautiful art.
Modern society confines death to isolated spaces like hospitals, nursing homes, and funeral homes, and softens the reality of death with expressions like "passed away peacefully."
This idealization is a social defense mechanism to reduce the fear of death.
But death is more often than not peaceful.
It is a complex process that mixes battles with illness, unfulfilled dreams, and separation from loved ones.

---「p.
204, from “A Psychiatrist’s Reflections on Death”