It wasn't that it was hard because we were together
It was painful because it was so close!

The author of this book, Professor Ha Jeong-hee, is a psychologist who has met various people in the counseling field for a long time, and is an expert in dealing with stress that arises from interpersonal relationships.
Among the suffering caused by human relationships, the one that particularly torments us is the conflicts with those close to us.
Why do we sometimes argue more intensely with those we're close to? The author points out that it's because we cross boundaries because of our closeness.

The relationship between people is like the relationship between trees.
When several trees come together, they become a lush, vibrant forest.
But what happens when trees grow too close together? Their roots become entangled, entangling each other, and their leaves block each other's sunlight.
Human relationships are similar.
In psychologically close relationships, such as family or lovers, there are times when we encounter sensitive or delicate things. If we ignore the other person's territory and become too close, unnecessary conflicts and fights can arise.

The closer you are to each other, the more you need to know how to look into each other's hearts, which are as tangled as kudzu roots, and carefully separate them.
This book introduces ways to maintain healthy relationships while maintaining a safe distance through diverse and vivid examples commonly encountered around us.
The more you want to be with someone, the more you should allow them some leeway.
The cool breeze blowing through will make your relationship with the other person more refreshing.

"Do I really need to live a tiring life mixed with other people? Why can't I just live comfortably alone?" But that might not be your true heart.
It's not that you don't like the person, you're just a little tired because the relationship isn't going as well as you expected.
The story is that he was tired of being hit and hurt by people, and wanted to rest in his own quiet cave far away from people.

--- p.7

If your thoughts are becoming too complex and life seems too tiring and difficult, instead of shutting yourself in your own cave, I encourage you to get out into the world and get out and about for a little while.
It's also good to talk to people or go for a walk.
Sometimes the power of action is many times greater than the power of thought.
It's not that things will be solved just because your thoughts are organized, but rather, if you take action, you will gain strength and gradually find solutions in your daily life.
--- p.16

The reason it's hard is because it was worth it, and the reason it makes you mad is because it was worth it.
I cannot judge others about my feelings, and I shouldn't.
I must not forget that I am the master of my emotions.

--- p.
22

People each have their own ideal role models, and they often feel frustrated when they don't live up to them.
But it's good to remember that each person clearly has their own unique strengths.
It may seem trivial because it is something I have always had, so I am so used to it, but to someone who looks at you, it may be a strength they want to emulate.

--- p.56

It is important to be recognized by others, but isn't it true that the person who should be recognized and comforted the most is 'myself'?
When we first acknowledge ourselves and then seek acknowledgement from others, we will be able to become more centered.
I wish I could distance myself a little more from the recognition I receive from others, and instead, embrace and acknowledge myself.

--- p.62

If you look at people who are not satisfied with themselves, you will find that they are usually people with low self-esteem.
They are good at finding people around them who are very good and have good qualities, and they look at those people with fascination and compare themselves to them.
They mistakenly define their ideal self, which is the goal they must reach, as their 'true self' without acknowledging at all their current shortcomings.

--- p.82

If there are couples who say they have never argued, it's likely one of two things.
This is either because they were able to resolve their desires and conflicts really well through conversation, or because they were afraid of such conflicts and had to accommodate the other person.
A true relationship only begins when you start to argue.
When we clearly recognize the differences between ourselves and others and work to accommodate them, we will be able to understand each other more deeply.

--- p.97

When a child's mother ignores what he or she said, he or she is more likely to think, "I must have done something wrong," rather than, "Mom is wrong."
If these thoughts build up from childhood, the thought that 'there is something wrong with me' will eventually dominate your mind even as an adult.
So, in the end, it is easy to end up becoming an adult with low self-esteem.

--- p.123

Human relationships are like a seesaw.
If one person's heart is too big, the seesaw, which is out of balance, tilts and does not move.
If there is no effort to rise above one another in their respective positions, there will be no joy or meaning in the relationship.
No matter how close a relationship is, one-sided attention and sacrifice ultimately leads to boredom and fatigue.
The only way to move a tilted seesaw without effort from the other side is to eventually get off the seesaw.
--- p.164

If you repeatedly suppress your own desires in favor of others' desires, the uncomfortable feelings that arise from neglecting your own desires in favor of the other person will lead to resentment and discomfort towards the other person.
If you do this, you will naturally feel resentful and seek compensation from the other person.
Then it is natural that good human relationships fall apart.

--- p.176