[Urgent] 1 in 2 adults in South Korea are experiencing a self-esteem crisis!

“Don’t just tell me to love you,
“Please tell me the specific method.”

*** Highly recommended by Professor Jeon Hong-jin, Department of Psychiatry, Samsung Seoul Hospital
*** A practical manual for self-love, a culmination of five years of research and clinical experience.
*** Includes 25 mind management solutions based on scientific evidence.
*** An integrative approach of brain science x psychology x mindfulness

“Every day, I press hundreds of ‘likes’ on social media.
“How much do I really like myself?”

People post their glamorized daily lives and edited photos of themselves on Instagram, and share edited vlogs of their daily lives on YouTube.
It's no longer unusual to ask someone you just met what their MBTI personality type is.
Ironically, even in this obsession with self, the 'true self' cannot be found.
As the years passed, the author observed an increasing number of patients in the clinic complaining, “I don’t know,” or “I just feel frustrated.”
The phenomenon of being disconnected from one's own emotions and alienating oneself from life is becoming more severe.
The author, a psychiatrist and the director of 'Mind-Free Clinic' affiliated with the Korea Occupational Medical Welfare Research Institute, has developed a formula for self-love based on five years of research and clinical experience based on this awareness of the problem.


The conclusion I reached while exploring the boundaries of human psychology, brain science, and mindfulness is, “We must become closer to ourselves than to anyone else.”
If you can't empathize with my feelings and trust me, you can never live a healthy life.
By following the 25 scientifically evidence-based mind-management solutions presented in this book, including writing a behavioral journal, identifying hidden addictions, saving gratitude, practicing mindfulness, and discovering the benefits of stress, you will experience the amazing experience of healing your mind that has given in to dopamine and eliminating the habits that used to hate you.

There was something I really wanted to tell you through this book.
I wanted to convey it clearly in one word.
After much thought, the word I chose was self-intimacy.
The term self-affinity may sound a bit unfamiliar.
This is because we usually use the word affinity in our relationships with others.
I wanted to use the word affinity to say that you are alienating yourself as if you were an outsider.
I wanted to say that sometimes you live as someone you are not.
--- p.12, from "Prologue"

The biggest problem that Ji-eun had was feeling ashamed when she failed to control her eating habits.
Shame is the feeling of recognizing that “not only my actions but my very existence is wrong,” and I focused on transforming this into guilt.
Guilt is an emotion that judges, “My existence is okay, but this action is wrong.”
At first glance, they may seem like similar feelings, but being ashamed of one's actions and being ashamed of one's existence are completely different.
This is because we often feel that we can correct our actions, but that changing our being is impossible.
--- p.50, from “Life Determined by Self-Affinity”

The reason why the feeling of lack didn't go away even after I got something was because it wasn't what I truly wanted.
I was desperately searching for a way to become perfect, having lost the most important thing, myself.
You have been fooled by the lie that “you are inadequate.”
Now you must choose to be enough for yourself.
It's about living the way you want to live, not the way the world says.
Everyone born on this earth has the freedom to find themselves, to protect themselves, and to reject unwanted identities.
--- p.74, from “Only I am the One Who Determines My Value”

Positive affirmations are a technique that involves repeating positive phrases to yourself to boost your confidence and induce positive emotions.
However, a study from the University of Waterloo and the University of New Brunswick in Canada found that when people who have negative relationships with themselves try to use positive affirmations, it can actually increase their internal conflict and stress.
In particular, when people with low self-worth repeated the phrase “I am a lovable person,” their negative emotions tended to increase and their self-worth tended to decrease further.
The researchers explained this phenomenon as a backlash that occurs when positive affirmations do not match one's inner state.
--- p.110, from “Empathizing with My Behaviors and Emotions”

It is very rare for someone to be unaffected by a hidden addiction.
This is because humans, consciously or unconsciously, tend to become insensitive or engage in activities that can distract them.
This is due to the nature of avoidance, which is an act of running away from uncomfortable feelings and wanting only positive feelings.
The busy schedule that fills up the schedule, the alcohol we drink to become indifferent and the caffeine we seek to wake up again, social media and YouTube, sugar-laden food, endless worry, perfectionism, repetitive spending through shopping carts and checkouts, even relationship addiction that fills us with relationships with other people… … Anything that distances us from our true feelings and thoughts is a hidden addiction.
--- p.120, from “Empathizing with My Behaviors and Emotions”

Grief is the doctor who tends the wounds.
When we experience loss and pain, it leads us into a process of healing.
Anger is a strong guard.
When someone tries to infringe on our rights, we firmly draw the line, saying, “This is it! No more!”
Once we understand why emotions exist, we will realize that we have been mistaking our guardian angels for monsters.
My emotions are part of me and help me, not destroy me.
If you fear my feelings, you should fear my heart and lungs too.
--- p.132, from “Empathizing with My Behaviors and Emotions”

A good therapist works to enhance the patient's flexibility in responding.
It helps patients maintain an appropriate distance from their emotions and look at the situation objectively.
This is because it allows us to make wiser decisions and choose more beneficial actions.
However, there are ways to improve your reactivity on your own, without the help of a therapist.
It is mindfulness.
--- p.157, from “Empathizing with My Behaviors and Emotions”

I explained to Hyejin that practicing gratitude isn't simply about changing your mood or maintaining a positive mindset.
Gratitude has made me realize that it sends a direct “safe” signal to the brain, stopping unnecessary survival responses.
He also said that the format of a diary is simply a device for repeatedly practicing gratitude, and that there is no need to be bound to a specific format.

--- p.199, from “How to Trust in Myself and Move Forward”

Although the number of relationships we really need is actually smaller than we think, many people, like Nayoung, suffer by holding on to unnecessary relationships.
Sometimes, when we struggle with a harmful relationship that could be cut off, we mistakenly believe that it is a problem we can solve.
No matter how long you've been together and how close your relationship once was, things can change at times.
Life is such that a precious person who once held a VIP position can one day become a demon who destroys my life.
When a relationship has deteriorated, the ability to quickly and accurately cut ties and let go of the relationship is an important skill in human relations.

--- p.271, from “Increasing Self-Affinity in Relationships”

When you make peace with yourself, you reach a state of true overcoming, and your natural healing system is activated within you, making you a different person than before.
True overcoming is not a simple return to a previous state, but a positive transformation that occurs across all areas of life.
In other words, it is about achieving post-traumatic growth.
The most dramatic change during this growth occurs in self-affinity.
Adversity becomes a turning point in our relationship with ourselves.
Those who do not let go of their own hands even in the midst of a whirlwind of adversity will later say that this period was the most important springboard in their lives.

--- p.321, from “Creating My Own Eternal Safety Base”