Celebrating the 15th Anniversary of Publication | To Korean Readers
Preface to the Korean Edition | How to Avoid Arguments and Transform Conflict into Cooperation
Prologue | People who don't make enemies have a different way of talking.

Part 1: How to Win Gracefully

Scene 01 Quickly calming down your angry feelings
Scene 02 “Why on earth is this person so picky?”
Scene 03 Why I Need to Negotiate Even When I'm Right
Scene 04 What if someone tries to manipulate you in a subtle way?
Scene 05 Don't fight power, use it.
Scene 06 At that moment, swallow the words.
Scene 07 Don't be shaken by the opponent's long silence.
Scene 08 The human brain does not understand infinity.
Scene 09 What to say when you don't know what to say
Scene 10: Focus on the solution, not the problem
Scene 11: The Art of Escaping a Win-Win Argument
Scene 12 First, get out of the dead end.

Part 2: What Not to Say, What to Say

Scene 13: The Hammer That Turns Conversation into an Argument: "But"
Scene 14 'And' to keep conversations from devolving into arguments
Scene 15: Postmortem visits spark anger
Scene 16 Things you shouldn't say when pointing out someone else's mistakes
Scene 17 A single word that turns an order into a request
Scene 18: Ask questions to make the other person decide.
Scene 19 Words that sound like a slap in the face
Scene 20 The Art of Winning People's Hearts
Scene 21: Let go of the word "problem" that causes problems.
Scene 22: Positive Expressions Change Your Life
Scene 23: Turn extreme expressions into questions.
Scene 24 It all depends on your interpretation.

Part 3: The Art of Conversation: Getting More of What You Want

Scene 25: First, decide if now is a good time.
Scene 26 Six Things to Consider Before Giving an Ultimatum
Scene 27 How to Protect Your Rights and the Other Person's Rights at the Same Time
Scene 28: The Art of Declining a Request Without Ruining a Relationship
Scene 29 Follow what matters most to you
Scene 30: The Art of Interrupting a Speech
Scene 31 How to Decline a Conversation Without Getting Hurt
Scene 32: The Art of Running a Productive Meeting
Scene 33: The Secret to Instantly Regaining Confidence
Scene 34 Draw the situation you want.
Scene 35: Mastering Fear Comes First
Scene 36 Five Principles of Persuasion
Scene 37: The 3R Strategy to Overturn Your Opponent's Rejection
Scene 38: You can overcome any verbal attack.
Scene 39 It's important not to give up the initiative.

Part 4: How to Win People Over

Scene 40 People Want Your Ears
Scene 41 Leadership is Listening
Scene 42 If you can't avoid being teased, join a gang.
Scene 43 Rude People Are Everywhere
Scene 44 Humor Saves Us
Scene 45 What We Need Is Not a Solution
Scene 46 The Magical Expression “That’s Right”
Scene 47 At least acknowledge the other person's anger.
Scene 48: Reasonable Rules Matter
Scene 49 What You Need to Break Up an Argument
Scene 50 A closed mind is the most terrible prison.
Scene 51 Take off the label and give it a chance
Scene 52: Give alternatives and let them choose.
Scene 53: Decide to Send Out Positive Energy
Scene 54: What to Say to Yourself When Things Don't Go Well
Scene 55: Forget Failure and Start anew
Scene 56: Go beyond the belief that you are right

Epilogue | The surefire secret to success lies in trying again.

How to avoid unnecessary arguments
Can Conflict Be Turned into Cooperation?

What is the kind of conversation that turns others into allies, not enemies? What is the kind of conversation that wins people over? How can we cultivate smooth interpersonal relationships without appearing easy? Author Sam Horn explains.
“In a conflict situation, a ‘peaceful response’ rather than a ‘strong attack’ is needed.”
In the presence of a difficult person, there is no use in backing down, getting angry, or fighting.
That's why this book shows you how to deal with verbal attacks without telling you to "fight and beat them up."
The point is to 'not create enemies'.
In this book, Sam Horn teaches you the art of "winning gracefully without attacking," literally, by calmly dealing with the other person's insults while reading their moves and making the flow of the conversation your own.
Packed with practical wisdom you can apply right away in your daily life, this book will teach you the magical conversation skills that will keep people coming back to you without losing sight of what you want.

How to win gracefully

Let's say someone is yelling at me ignorantly for something that wasn't my fault.
Most people don't know what to do when they are treated unfairly.
They either retaliate in kind or suffer the pain in silence.
Of course, neither of these are helpful countermeasures.


A healthy person should be able to control his or her mind and mouth to protect himself or herself even if someone attacks him or her.
Then you won't have to suffer mental shock, feel helpless, or feel unnecessary disgust with yourself.
The goal of this book is to teach you how to win gracefully without being verbally insulted, how to win stylishly without blushing and attacking your opponent—in other words, the art of moderation, not fighting.


So, how will you defend yourself and achieve victory? Will you knock your opponent out, ensuring he never comes near you again, or will you humiliate him in front of everyone and completely demoralize him?
Of course, it would be satisfying to pay back those who have harassed and insulted me.
But in the end, he could turn into an enemy who's always after me and come back to me with double the damage.
Uncovering and destroying your opponent's negative tactics can never be a strategy that brings ultimate victory.

So what is the secret to "winning gracefully" that this book suggests? The key is to visualize yourself at a crossroads every time you face an enemy.
We can choose between going downhill or going uphill.
Of course, the time to think is only a few seconds at most.


If you react in the heat of the moment and blurt out a few negative words, you're already on the road to ruin.
Once you enter this road, it gains momentum.
So it might be easier to choose.
Because the slope is so steep, the negative energy grows uncontrollably, and eventually the soul falls into darkness.
On the other hand, if you can mutter a few generous words about what has already happened, a positive path opens up.
Positive energy lifts us upward.
The climb is tiring, but once you reach the top, the magnificent view will make you forget all the hardship.


Ideally, our efforts toward peace will ultimately lead to kinder attitudes from others toward us.
Of course, realistically speaking, this doesn't always happen.
But even if our efforts don't have a positive effect on the other person, it's certain that they will have a positive effect on ourselves.
At least it prevents me from getting into situations where I feel bad and get caught up in fights where there's no winner.


Part 1 of this book teaches you several techniques for climbing that very 'uphill'.
For example, how to get out of a no-win argument, how to quickly calm down and empathize with the other person, how to use power instead of fighting it, why you should negotiate even when you're right, and what to say when you don't know what to say.


The Art of Conversation: Getting More of What You Want

Our life can be said to be a series of negotiations.
Especially in business negotiations, the key is who gets more of what they want.
Have you ever regretted not saying what you wanted in time and then turning away?
Have you ever felt resentful, having been outmaneuvered by a more experienced opponent, only to find yourself accepting their demands instead of getting what you want? How should you respond when someone cleverly attempts to manipulate you?

Sam Horne details how to politely yet confidently say "No" to those who find it difficult to firmly refuse requests, and he also explains techniques for escaping one-sided chatter, including the quote, "He who tolerates boredom is worse off than he who is bored."
In other words, it accurately teaches you how to have a conversation that not only shows consideration for the other person, but also properly protects your own rights.

Behavioral therapist Joseph Wolfe says, “There are three main approaches to human relationships.
The first is to think only of one's own interests and position and put them first.
The second is to always put others before yourself.
The third is to put yourself first and consider others as well, which is the most ideal.”
Being a kind and harmonious person doesn't necessarily mean you have to be someone who is easy on others.
You don't have to say yes to everyone's requests and be dragged around just to avoid making enemies.
The secret to creating and maintaining a successful relationship lies in striking this balance.

This book is full of vivid and practical examples that will remind you of dialogue between characters in a movie. It teaches you techniques to get more of what you want while protecting both your own rights and the rights of others, such as how to interrupt cleverly, how to refuse a conversation without hurting feelings, and how to turn a refusal around.

There is a different way to win people over.

What do you do when a friend confides in you about their struggles through social media or messenger? Do you immediately try to comfort them? Responses like, "It's not that bad" or "Let's look at the bright side" tend to leave them feeling more disappointed than encouraging.
Even leaving rational messages like, “You shouldn’t try to do it perfectly from the start” or “I’ll have to be careful not to make that mistake next time” can ruin the other person’s mood.
Because people who are sad or troubled are looking for empathy, not solutions.

We live in an era where people who value teamwork and have excellent harmonious abilities are recognized more than those who only focus on their own work and cause discord, lowering productivity.
Furthermore, it would not be wrong to say that we live in an era where those who are good listeners and empathetic, and those who are able to build and maintain smooth and mature interpersonal relationships, are successful.

People who are experts in interpersonal relationships and who don't make enemies and always have people around them have a different way of talking.
Of course, they are not simply good at speaking.
They understand the other person's position and elicit agreement and support with honest and clear messages.
Most people have a desire to be understood and comforted by others.
So once I feel that the other person knows me and understands my situation, my attitude towards that person will naturally change.
It is through this emotional connection that they empathize with others, touch their hearts, and persuade them.
It is about talking with your heart rather than just words, and talking with the feeling of embracing the heart.

This book doesn't teach you the amazing secrets to being unbeatable in debates, nor does it list techniques that will make you a eloquent speaker overnight.
Because the ultimate goal of this book is to create balance with others, not to expose and destroy their negative tactics.
Through this book, we will learn how to make friends with our enemies rather than eliminate them, and how to manage rather than fight.
I'm talking about the 'people-winning' conversation method, which is more important than anything else in our time.

Sharp quotes and case-based writing

People listen when they hear new and interesting ideas.
But it's also a good idea to listen when you find yourself reconsidering what you thought was right.
Appropriate citations play a vital role in evoking just such thoughts.


One of the most enjoyable aspects of reading this book is the wealth of insightful quotes from famous writers, politicians, thinkers, scholars, and artists.
Moreover, the author's vivid examples drawn from his extensive lecture experience also provide readers with a unique reading experience.


Additionally, the practical tips that appear here and there are organized in a clear manner so that you can immediately apply various empty-hand techniques in real life, which will increase usability.
Readers will now have access to a new type of communication guide, combining sharp, witty quotes with 56 blunt, fast-paced, and uncluttered techniques.

♥ One-line reviews from domestic readers who have loved this book for 15 years ♥

A book you want to read with your loved ones!
“I really recommend it to anyone starting out in society.”
A book for those deeply hurt by verbal abuse.
"I highly recommend reading this book at least once while raising your child as a parent."
“I bought it twice, because I wanted to give it as a gift to someone I love.”

A book I read and reread whenever things aren't going well and I'm having a hard time!
“Every time I feel weary of human relationships, I return to this book.”
How to Say No Confidently and Without Guilt
How to Persuade Difficult People and Get What You Want
"It changed me from being impatient and making mistakes and regretting them."

A conversation guide that will definitely improve your relationships!
"A must-read for anyone who makes more enemies than necessary."
“The art of winning gracefully without attacking rude people.”
“Able to remain calm and polite in any complex situation.”
"Mature Conversation Skills for Those Who Dream of Being Excellent Communicators"