"Good conversationalists take care of your mood first."
For those of you who want to be good at 'conversation' rather than just talking!
Emotional intelligence conversation techniques from a communication expert with 40 years of experience!

'Why did I end up getting angry again when I started this conversation to clear up a misunderstanding?' 'Why couldn't I lead people even though I had the position and ability?' 'Why couldn't I persuade them even though I only spoke the right words?' It was because I believed that only by using reason in conversation could I effectively convey my meaning and achieve the desired results.
However, Robert Burdy, the author of this book, says that if you speak emotionally at the moment when you feel you should speak rationally, that is, if you have warm conversations rather than cold ones, your work and relationships will change dramatically.

"Why Do I Have Difficulty Having Warm Conversations?" is a book that contains emotional intelligence conversation techniques from a communications expert who has gained expertise through interviewing and reporting on thousands of people.
The author, who excels at using emotional intelligence to engage in genuine conversations with interviewees rather than superficial interviews, teaches you how to have "real conversations" that bring out your emotions so that you can be a person who governs without being pushy, a person who is friendly rather than someone who seems smart, and a person who listens better than someone who explains well.
To this end, the author cites various situations requiring conversation as examples and introduces eight key tools for conversation, such as 'eye level,' 'emotion,' 'relevance,' and 'kindness.'
The book's "How to Prioritize Emotions," "How to Make Eye Contact and Smile While Talking," "How to Make the Other Person Relevant to the Conversation," and "How to Infuse Respect into Your Conversation" will be the keys to taking your conversations beyond mere information transfer and into true communication.
If you have been struggling with work and relationships being tangled because of conversation, read this book.
And let's get our emotions out and start a warm conversation.
You will have better opportunities and be able to capture the hearts of more people.

“There is actually a very old reason why we are afraid to approach each other and talk.
This is because, as we grow into adults, we have no experience resolving conflicts in any way other than through confrontation or resistance, or, in a broader sense, fighting or war.
We have already experienced and witnessed how to effectively resolve conflicts in our homes with parents and siblings, in kindergartens, schools and workplaces, and, more than anywhere else, in political parties and associations where conflict is evident, as we strive to achieve leadership positions.
Rather than resolving the issue through dialogue, the easiest solution was to somehow act superior to others, ordering and directing them, trampling on others, ostracizing them, harassing them, and slandering them.
And this practice has continued for generations.
In this situation, how can we resolve conflicts without violence? How can we communicate warmly without pushing each other away? Now, we truly need to learn how to "converse properly."
“No more constantly contradicting each other or shouting loudly, saying everyone only wants to speak their own language.”
--- From the recommended article, “We must have a ‘proper’ conversation”

“For over 25 years, I have helped business leaders, as well as professionals in economics and politics, communicate their messages more effectively.
Their messages are sometimes directed at the public, and sometimes at employees.
Business leaders, in particular, are prone to the misconception that being rational means being reasonable, objective, and practical, as they often misinterpret the word "rational" to mean "unemotional."
Many of them completely eliminate the emotional dimension from their communication and focus solely on factual arguments.
But this escape into the realm of reason is the most irrational of all! It hinders communication, which is true interaction.
And it comes back with a big price.
For example, important political messages may not be conveyed properly, employees may feel alienated, or customers may criticize the company's information policies.”
--- From Chapter 2, “Conversation is a matter of the heart, not the head.”

“One client who came to me to prepare a presentation for a formal event was one of the most influential leaders in the industry.
She was a rare individual who graduated from a prestigious university, had an impeccable career, and possessed strong leadership qualities.
Thanks to this success, she was active in a position of high social influence.
But even though she seemed to have everything, the label of 'dislike' always followed her around.
Moreover, at the time, she was leading an organization with a poor reputation despite its remarkable achievements.
How can we help this incredibly intelligent and capable leader escape this perception trap? I gently reminded her that people like others not because they're smart or successful, but because they're kind.
Then she confidently answered:
“I’m kind!” Actually, I knew from our private meetings that she was a very nice and sometimes humorous person.
However, it was not well revealed because she was very reserved and objective in public.
So I advised this:
“That’s right! Show me you’re a kind person!”
--- From Chapter 3, “The Gift of Kindness”

“Take my umbrella.” This simple, everyday phrase and request operates in many relationships and contexts.
Are you saying this out of concern for the health of a loved one? Or are you telling someone you kicked out of your house after an argument to immediately take their belongings? Or are you saying this to a child who just received a long-awaited dinosaur-print umbrella for his birthday? The same sentence carries different nuances in each context.
The spoken words, the individual situations of the speaker and listener, and their relationships each have their own unique dynamics.
Every word we say interacts with everything we've said before, influencing what we say and how we say it next.
The speaker and the listener each come from somewhere and go somewhere.
They briefly meet under an umbrella and then go their separate ways.
The dynamics of the situation have occurred before and influence not only what is said in the future, but also the relationship between speaker and listener.
So, in emotionally intelligent communication, there is no distinction between the speaker and the listener.
This is because both parties to the conversation are protagonists of a continuous exchange, constantly changing their own situations and relationships with each other.
When we talk to each other, we are not simply sharing 'something'.

--- From Chapter 7, “How to Incorporate Respect into Conversations”

“There’s absolutely no need to worry about hesitating or appearing clueless if you don’t answer right away.
In a stressful situation like an interview, 3-4 seconds can feel like an eternity to us.
But for the conversation partner and the listener or viewer, it is a very short time.
Therefore, we must use that short time, which feels like an eternity, to say what we really want to say, not what comes out of an emotionally aroused state.

Former German Chancellor Helmut Schmidt used this strategy to perfection.
He first looked at the questioner as if he were looking at someone with some incompetence, then, in a suspicious situation, smoked half a cigarette and then began to speak very calmly.
No one said he seemed insecure about his attitude.
Quite the opposite!
This is the true meaning of 'karma'.
Every action and word we take today affects the life we ​​will live tomorrow.
Therefore, if you don't know what to say, it's wiser to say nothing.
Otherwise, one day you might end up saying something like, “This is fucking karma!”
If you have to remember one sentence from this chapter, it's this one:
“If a word is not enough, you can add to it later, but if a word is too much, you can get in trouble later because of it.”

--- From Chapter 8, “Silence as Language”