Why do I feel better when I talk to that person?
From a heart-opening tone to a successful tone
50 Secrets of People You Want to See Again

There are people around us who particularly capture people's hearts.
Talking makes me feel better, and working together seems to make things go better.
What's the secret to being liked, performing well at work, positively influencing those around you, and never hurting or causing harm? And why do the same words sometimes sound different? The answer lies in the tone of voice.

People who are likable read the other person's emotions and speak to them in a positive tone of voice that empathizes with them.
You may have experienced this at work or during conversations with friends.
I remember how my heart felt warm and I gained strength from the words, “You’ve worked really hard.”
Hearing, “Thank you, things went well,” can also motivate you to do better next time.
As a Salvation Army officer, career counselor, parent coach, and character education expert, the author has interacted with a wide range of people and realized that most of our worries arise from interpersonal relationships, and that these relationships are influenced by the way we speak.
He emphasizes that speech is an important factor in forming relationships with others, and supports this with research in psychology, sociology, and brain science, as well as specific examples.
This book contains the secrets of likable people that the author discovered through direct observation and research of various conversational moments.


The book is divided into five chapters, written in a warm and gentle tone.
Chapter 1 discusses how to avoid uncomfortable speech that makes others nervous, Chapter 2 discusses comfortable speech that makes you feel good when you meet someone, Chapter 3 discusses affectionate speech that attracts people, Chapter 4 discusses smart speech that makes things easier, and Chapter 5 discusses healthy speech that boosts self-esteem.

Anyone can learn to speak in a likeable way.
This is because speaking does not require any special skills, but is based on an attitude of consideration for the other person and an attempt to convey positive energy.
Let's avoid unnecessary whining or a nervous tone and speak in a way that makes the other person feel valued.
Instead of saying, “Why can’t you do this?”, say something encouraging like, “You’ll be able to do better if you just give yourself some time.”
Instead of using the negative language you've been using without thinking, let's learn how to strengthen our relationships with others.
If you practice just one of the secrets of speaking discussed in this book every day, you will not only be remembered as a likable person, but you will also experience your relationships and life improving.

We often experience how a single, careless word can change our thoughts, alter our attitude, and change the direction of our lives.
Positive words go beyond just making us feel good; they are like keys that open new paths for us.
Conversely, negative words can weaken confidence and the will to challenge, and can even become a trap that predicts failure.
The simple phrase “I can do it” is the first step to success and happiness.
It can be.
--- p.39, from “People who always say no are really no”

Boredom is an inevitable part of our lives, but how we accept and express it can become a turning point.
A positive attitude and tone of voice that says, “I need this time now” turns boredom into an opportunity to recharge.
Set small goals, encourage yourself, and take steps toward them.
After all, boredom is just a brief pause on your way to a better future.
Your tone and attitude will turn that comma into the start of a new sentence, not a period.

--- p.56, from “The more you say it’s not fun, the more tiring life becomes”

In his 1946 experiments on personality impression formation, he found that information provided early in a person's life significantly influenced their later judgments.
He presented participants with two personality descriptions.

Intelligent, hard-working, impulsive and stubborn.
Stubborn, impulsive, diligent and intelligent.

The two descriptions have the same content, but the order in which they are listed is different.
As a result, it was found that the words that came first, that is, the information presented initially, had a greater influence on people's impression formation.
People evaluate others based on first impressions, and subsequent information is used to complement or reinforce those first impressions.
--- p.66, from “The Secret of a First Impression Determined in 7 Seconds”

In psychology, reaction is closely related to 'active listening'.
Active listening means paying attention to what the other person is saying and responding appropriately.
Research shows that people who receive positive feedback feel more accepted and more satisfied with their relationships.
For example, if a friend tells you they've started a new hobby, you can react with something like, "That sounds fun! How did you get started?" This will make them feel like you're getting noticed.
Conversely, if you respond indifferently with, “Oh, really?”, the conversation will quickly cool down.
--- p.102, from “Half of the conversation is successful if you just react well”

From a psychological perspective, polite speech is effective in building trust and leaving a positive impression on people.
According to research from Stanford University, polite language plays a crucial role in increasing others' willingness to cooperate and reducing conflict.
When using honorifics, you should be formal and convey sincerity and warmth to maximize the effect.
For example, instead of saying, "Please finish this by today," say, "I would appreciate it if you could get this done by today." This conveys a message of cooperation rather than a request.
These differences affect not only the outcome of the conversation but also the quality of the relationship.
--- p.124, from “Use formal language with dignity, use informal language with consideration”

It is a good idea to end all requests with “Thank you” or “I appreciate it.”
The same applies when a request is denied.
This is an important factor in making the other person feel sincere and increasing their motivation to accept your request.
To make an effective request, it's important to first clearly understand your needs.
A specific and clear request reduces the burden on the other person rather than a vague request.
It should also be basic to use a tone of voice that approaches the request from the perspective of the person receiving the request.

--- p.156, from “If you add ‘please’, you will be granted even things you would normally refuse”

In the workplace, feedback is essential not only for getting work done, but also for teamwork and personal growth.
To give effective feedback, it's important to balance the other person's positive points with areas for improvement.
Then, the person receiving the feedback will be able to understand a clear direction to move forward without becoming defensive.
Your attitude when receiving feedback is also very important.
A short answer like “Yes, I understand” can seem a bit passive, so try something like “Thank you for the advice.
An effective response is one that expresses gratitude and a will to improve, such as, “I will pay more attention in the future.”
A positive attitude toward feedback makes you appear as someone with great potential for growth.
In the long run, it can also have a positive impact on your career development.

--- p.171, from “Tell me specifically how good things are good”

To effectively utilize storytelling, it is important to choose material that the other person can relate to.
For example, when requesting resources, rather than saying, "The reason we need this is simple," it's more persuasive to say, "We had success with this resource on a similar project last year."
Additionally, it is more effective to shift the focus of the story away from the speaker and toward the listener and the community.
Rather than starting with “What I did…”, it’s more effective to approach it with “What we all get out of it…”

--- p.196, from “Add spice to dull conversations with storytelling”

Every morning, look in the mirror and say to yourself, “I am worthy.”
It may feel awkward at first, but this repetition is a powerful starting point for building self-esteem.
Using positive language instead of negative language is a habit.
As habits are repeated, self-esteem naturally grows.
Your words define your worth.
So which word would you choose?
--- p.208, from “What you must say when your self-esteem is low: I can do it”

To practice speaking without comparing yourself to others, you must first acknowledge your own pace and goals.
If a colleague who joined the company at the same time as you gets promoted faster than you, instead of saying, "Why am I the only one who's been promoted so late?", encourage yourself by saying, "I'm also progressing at the pace I've prepared for."
This will boost your self-esteem and allow you to focus on your own path.
It's also important to acknowledge small accomplishments with your words.
Rather than thinking, "I still have a long way to go," praise yourself by saying, "I've accomplished so far, and that's amazing." This will free you from the pressure of comparison and allow you to walk your own path.

--- p.239, from “When comparing, set the standard for yourself”