I (the team) didn't want to be served.
I didn't want to be in a position where I had to ask for something as a gift and receive it.
…I wanted to serve.
Because that way I feel like I'm in control of the situation.
Back then, I always had high moral standards.
But that kind of service is not service, it is manipulation.
By not giving my wife the opportunity to serve me, I ended up not serving her.
And at the bottom of it all was my pride.

Arrogance: It happened one day during a vacation.
My wife (Cathy) told me to go to the bookstore with my friend David and that she would take care of the kids.
It was a great favor for my wife to offer to look after our three energetic boys alone for a few hours, but I declined the offer, making the excuse that I didn't want to leave her in a state of shock.
But later I realized.
I mean, I like to be in the position of the person who makes the biggest sacrifice.
Because of my pride, I couldn't accept the gift and didn't let my wife enjoy the joy of giving me a gift.
How easy it is for us to let go of our selfish motives, even when it comes to the kindness of others! Repentance is the key to all areas of life, but especially so in marriage.
A sign of a mature and wise marriage is to repent joyfully, to admit, “I did it again,” and to repent.

Consider how selfish motives might be hidden behind seemingly unselfish behavior.
Haven't there been instances like that in my married life?

A Prayer Bond That Holds Us Together: Meditate on Psalm 139:23-24.
Ask God to help you better understand your heart for Him and for your spouse.
---From "April 9th"

The woman's fault was that she sought to find her self-worth through a man's affection.
…but the counselor suggested to her that one way to think positively about herself was to get a job, build a career, and pursue personal independence.
…then she said.
… "If I build a career and pursue success in my field, and then fail again, won't my life be devastated like when my relationship didn't work out? That won't happen anymore.
Because we can rest in the righteousness of Christ.
…then you can confess like this in front of men and people with brilliant careers.
“It is not these things that make me beautiful before God, but Jesus.”

What I Say to Myself: One secret to self-control is to realize that my emotions are not caused by my reaction to an event, but rather by what I say to myself as I observe that event.
When you are dating someone and you receive a breakup notice, and you say to yourself, “I guess I don’t like them,” the emotion you are feeling is sadness.
On the other hand, if you say, “Why are you saying this to me!”, then you will feel anger rather than sadness.
Teach yourself pious self-talk.
The psalmist repeatedly speaks to his own heart:
“Bless the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits” (Psalm 103:2).
If we do not speak to our hearts and tell them the truth of God, our hearts will keep calling us and telling us that there is no hope.
By understanding God's Word and learning to commune deeply with Him through prayer, you will treasure what God treasures.

Do you and your spouse pray together? Do you share insights gained from Bible study with your spouse? If so, why? If not, why not?

A Prayer String to Hold Together: Read Mark 1:35 and meditate on the context of this passage.
As his ministry reached its peak and he faced the intense demands of his time, Jesus woke up early in the morning and spent time in prayer.
The Son of God did not think he could live a day without prayer.
Whatever the state of your prayer life these days, pray to God about it.
---From "May 10th"

(The goal of a couple in a sexual relationship) is to reveal all of their vulnerabilities to each other, to give each other the gift of pleasure without making a fuss, and to experience the joy of giving each other pleasure.
…this often means making love even when you are ‘not in the mood’ to make love.
If a couple has sex not to impress each other but to bring pleasure, their moods can change instantly.
The best sex isn't the one that makes you feel so satisfied that the act itself is great, but the one that makes you want to cry with joy.

Sex and Performance: Expressing love to your partner requires some kind of skill.
We tried everything to express our love in words, but no matter what, we felt like it fell short of our expectations.
Sexual love is no different.
When we have sex, we want to give pleasure to our partner.
However, to give pleasure, you need to know the other person's special temperament and know their body well.
But in modern culture, sex has transformed from a secret familiarity between two people to a performance.
These days, people are a bit awkward because it's their first time, so they feel awkward with each other, and they don't expect that they will gradually grow together and learn together.
Rather, they want to know if they can experience an immediate 'intense sexual attraction' with the other person.
They feel they need to be able to enjoy great sex right away, and this puts a huge burden on both of them.
Outside the covenant of marriage, sex ceases to be a safe haven where one can reveal one's most vulnerable parts, but rather becomes a perpetually uneasy, chance encounter.

Habits learned during premarital sex do not prepare you for the sex you will experience within the marriage covenant.
Why is that so?

A Prayer String to Hold Together: Ask God to protect you from our contemporary culture that emphasizes sex as a performance, and to help you stand on the biblical perspective of sex as an act of self-giving.
---From "May 21st"

Marriage vows…give love a chance and create stability.
So, feelings of love that may have been quite volatile and fragile in the first few months and years of marriage can become stronger and deeper over time.
Wedding vows add breadth and depth to our passion.
Because it gives me the security I need to open my heart and be honest about my vulnerabilities without fear that the other person might leave me.

Refined Love: Another thing that hinders our love is that we often love someone for our own happiness rather than for the other person's happiness.
Jonathan Edwards says:
“Most of the love in this world begins with selfish motives.” We love someone because we expect them to meet our needs, and if they don’t, we get angry and turn our backs on them.
But marriage makes us realize how self-centered we are, and with God's help, we can slowly learn to pour our happiness into the other person's happiness, so that their happiness becomes our joy rather than our joy becoming theirs.
In this way, “the greater the happiness of the one loved, the more joyful and delightful the lover is.” This kind of love will be fully realized in heaven, but it is glorious to even taste a little of it here on earth.

Think of just two or three instances where the "obstacles" I mentioned above, which hinder my ability to love, have become very apparent in our relationship.
How can we improve this part?

A Prayer String to Hold Together: Be thankful that God loved us without regard for himself in Jesus Christ.
Christ gave up His glory for our joy and was content to do so (Isaiah 53:11).
---From "June 8th"

Don't misuse your spouse's most important love language.
Don't deliberately hold back on your language to hurt your spouse's feelings.
The wound will be deeper than you think.
For example, a man who places great importance on being respected by his wife in front of others would not be able to stand it if his wife made fun of him in front of her friends.
If a husband treats a woman who often wants to hear words of approval with silence, she will be heartbroken.

Misusing your love language: When you're angry with your spouse, you might get back at them by intentionally not using their love language, or by intentionally acting in a way that's the complete opposite of their love language, which can be hurtful.
But if you hurt someone in this way, it can be difficult to heal.
God did not do that to us.
When the Israelites complained that it was difficult to hear God's voice directly at Mount Sinai, God spoke through human prophets (Deut. 18:15-19).
He adapted his communication style to suit our capabilities.
Jesus is one of the ways God has shown us His love in a way that allows us to have a relationship with Him (John 1:14).
Therefore, love your spouse as God loved us in Christ.

Think about whether you've ever wanted to use your spouse's cherished love language in a way that hurts them.

The Prayer Thread That Holds Us Together: God did not just send a prophet to tell us about his love, he sent his Son to make that love real and his Holy Spirit to make that love real.
So let us meditate before God on the fact that we have come to know that love.
Ask God to help you love your spouse in this way.
---From "September 29th"

The principle that the husband should have ultimate authority in the home is clear.
However, the Bible does not go into detail about how to put that principle into action.
…Should women be primarily responsible for the day-to-day care of their children, while men manage the finances? Some might nod in agreement.
…until I realized that nowhere in the Bible does it say that.
The Bible does not give any specific instructions about what men and women should or should not do.

Women in the Bible: The women in Proverbs 31 are often presented as models of the "biblical woman," either approvingly or mockingly dismissively.
This woman invests in real estate and starts a clothing business (Proverbs 31:16-19).
Moreover, this woman cooks, makes clothes, and decorates the house for her family (Prov. 31:15, 21-22).
This woman does all these things under her husband's authority (Prov. 31:11, 23).
This is a mix of traditional and progressive perspectives on what activities are appropriate for women.
Here again we see that the Bible's understanding of gender roles is fundamental enough to apply to any culture, sharp enough to critique all cultures, and flexible enough to allow for different expressions within each culture.
The Bible does not provide a blanket list of what women can and cannot do.

Today's Christian couples demonstrate a lifestyle that is a "blend of tradition and progress."
How does this reflect on me and my spouse?

A Prayer Cord to Hold You Together: Pray for the spiritual freedom to create marriage patterns that are vibrant from your gifts and the teachings of Scripture, unbound by cultural biases.

---From "November 8th"