Feeling unwell and feeling depressed for no reason... There are signs of middle age that you can't tell anyone, and even if you do, they won't understand.
How should we approach the unique signs of midlife? Twenty-five essays on midlife and menopause, presented by women who have entered and passed middle age, each in their own unique way!

The signs of middle age, which are unavoidable but not so easy to talk about as to be categorized as 'if you can't avoid it, enjoy it', are sometimes seriously portrayed, and sometimes as a black comedy that is not funny at all.
A book that offers a glimpse into the middle age and menopause of others, sometimes offering empathy, sometimes comfort, and for those who have not yet reached that stage, preparing themselves mentally.

Up until now, my body has been gaining and losing weight in the range of 5 kilograms.
I was happy when I lost weight, but I lost motivation when I realized I had gained weight.
But when I hit menopause, I started having problems other than just weight gain and loss.
I was once again shocked to see with my own eyes how the middle-aged body shape could collapse like this.
It was such a terrible situation that it could literally be called a 'collapse'.
When I was younger, I saw a special article in a women's magazine about how to choose underwear.
It contained illustrations showing the changes in the body shape of women in their 20s, 30s, 50s, and older, divided into each age group.
A young person's body shape is balanced and beautiful.
But as we age, our skin sags more and more.
Looking at the body lines drawn in illustrations of people in their fifties and older, with all the tautness of their youth gone and sagging and out of balance, I thought, 'Oh, I've seen middle-aged women and grandmothers with bodies like this at the bathhouse.'
But that's exactly what happened to me.
When I started to gradually gain weight in my late 30s, I was somewhat shocked, but looking back now, it wasn't that big of a deal.
Because even though I gained weight, I didn't look that saggy.
As I approached the age of fifty, my body began to sag to the point where I wondered if it was really possible for my fat to be so vulnerable to gravity.
It's natural that I'd gain weight and gain weight, but I felt like it was a very unreasonable thing.
"Can't you try a little harder? You idiot with no guts," I feel like complaining to the fat guy.
Even though I was chubby in my old days, my butt was still where it should be.
But now it has gotten to the point where I want to shout, “That’s ridiculous!”
How did I come to know this? For the past year, I have worn a kimono at least once a week.
Then, while checking my back to see if I had tied my obi properly, I noticed that my butt was sagging ridiculously.
It's likely that even if your waist calls out "Hey," your butt will never lift.
My buttocks sagged so far away from my waist.
---From "Weight Measurement Diet"


When I was young, I thought aging was a gentle downward curve, with each passing year gradually growing older.
But in reality, that wasn't the case.
Aging comes in a step-by-step manner.
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If you come to me slowly, there won't be much of a surprise.
‘Now that I think about it, there are some wrinkles… ….’ This way, my mind becomes more relaxed.
But if it comes down step by step, one day you will suddenly face aging.

(syncopation)

The steps of aging feel different in height and appearance when you are young and middle-aged.
When you're young, the stairs are short and the distance to the next step is long.
It is a staircase in a public facility that is about 10 centimeters high and has a gentle slope, like a staircase that doesn't seem very meaningful because you have to walk about 1 meter to get to the next step.
But when you reach middle age, the stages of aging change.
It is 1 meter high and the footing is about 10 centimeters thick, so it looks like it could roll down if you are not careful.
Of course, once you go down these stairs, it is almost impossible to go back up to the previous stairs.

(syncopation)

I have a friend who has had a very boyish style since she was young. She hates makeup and always goes around with a bare face.
She didn't even wear a skirt, saying it didn't suit her.
When she was over forty, she was riding her bicycle when she dropped some vegetables she had stored on the back of her bike.
When she felt something fall, she slowed down and looked back. An elementary school student who was following behind her tried to pick it up, and their eyes met.
Then the child waved his hand and hesitated, saying, “Ah, ah, ah…….”
The child was desperately hesitating, saying, “Ah, ah, ah,” as if he didn’t know whether to call his friend “uncle” or “auntie.”
Finally, the child called out to his friend in a loud voice, “Mister.”
The friend pretended to be an old man and accepted the vegetables the child had picked up so as not to hurt the child.
And similar things have happened several times since then.
“I started being called ‘Mister’ without any hesitation by both children and adults,” said my friend.
A young person can look feminine and cute even without makeup and a short haircut.
Although it can be subtle in some people, you can tell the gender of a young woman by the distinct feel of her skin.
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But in middle age, there are those who look feminine with short hair and those who don't.
I was clearly the latter.
---From "The Chubby Old Man"


Washing my face with cold water did improve my pore problem a little, but it only solved 30 percent of the problem.
I put on makeup when I go out, but even with makeup on, my pores are still visible.
Surprisingly, there are times when you can see better than with a bare face.
A while ago, I applied sunscreen made with clay ingredients that are gentle on the skin as usual, and then applied powder foundation on top with a puff and patted it on like powder.
I used to apply foundation with the sponge that came with it, but it made my pores look really visible, so I asked a makeup expert. She said it was better to put some on a puff and lightly pat it on my skin, so I tried that.
Back then, if you put on makeup that way, your pores wouldn't be visible, but now, your pores are asserting themselves confidently.
Could my pores have gotten larger since two years ago? I kept applying more and more makeup, just to test it out, and my pores became more and more pronounced. My makeup was thick and my pores were noticeably enlarged. It was the worst situation ever.
In times like these, people with strong skin would use base creams or foundations that make pores invisible, but as someone who has bought countless cosmetics so far that have caused dermatitis, I don't even think about buying any more cosmetics.
Because I know it's like throwing money down the drain.
Pores have definitely taken hold on my face.
Pores are precious things that allow the skin to breathe, but even when you ask them to “close them when not in use,” they are left wide open as if they were nothing.
Lately, I've been getting anxious, wondering if I should keep my throat wide open to expel all the bad gas from my body.
---From "Pore Problems"


I had hoped that my periods would stop as soon as I turned 50, just like my friend, but it didn't turn out as I had hoped.
Although they skip over it every now and then, guests come at a time when you think, “Oh, you’re here now.”
There are circumstances here too, but if they come suddenly or don't show up when you expect them to, you don't know what to do as the person receiving them.
I want to cut ties with guests quickly because they don't help me at all.
I want to stop now.
Recently, I've started to complain more and more as my original personality has been mixed with menopausal sensitivity.
It's a state of "both this guy and that guy are annoying."
We often encounter annoying people in our daily lives, including politicians, NHK, and the Social Insurance Agency.
Every time that happens, I get angry and think, “How could you do that?”
I think there are all kinds of people in the world and I can't ignore them.
In such cases, the other person is usually insensitive, so he or she doesn't take it seriously and thinks that I'm the only one seething with anger, which makes me even more annoyed.
If you were considerate of other people's feelings, you wouldn't be able to say or do anything that would upset them, but you can't suppress your anger when people with such problems are insensitive and act as if nothing happened.
Lately, I hardly ever watch TV because it only shows annoying content.
I recalled the slogan from a cosmetics commercial targeting middle-aged and older people: “Turning fifty is fun,” and I wanted to say, “It’s not boring, but it’s not as fun as you say.”
I want to accept that life doesn't get easier no matter how much time passes, but it's not as easy as I thought.
---From "The Source of Annoyance"


One night, I turned on the television to watch the news and saw that a quiz program was on.
The screen showed a picture of a helmeted man riding a streamlined vehicle on the ice.
“What is this?” The narration flowed and said that the answer was four letters.
I thought of a similar sport called 'Luge', but I couldn't remember the name of the event, even though I clearly knew the answer.
Of course, even if I don't remember it, it doesn't affect my work.
But as the years went by, I started to see more and more behaviors that hurt my pride as a human being, so I wanted to say the right answer to these things once and for all.
But no matter how hard I tried, nothing came to mind.
The wild Mure A, who never had any forgetfulness in his past, and the current Mure B, who is nine, entered into a showdown with each other.

Mure A: Okay, what is this?
Mure B: Um… … , so, it’s four letters.
I know that.
Mure A: Then please tell me the correct answer.
Mure B: Yes? Th-thank you, I'm having trouble remembering it right now.
I really know.
This was the game that was featured in the movie Cool Runnings.
I know that too.
Mure A: Then you can tell me the correct answer.
Mure B: Well, that word just doesn't come to mind.
Mure A: Four letters, four letters.
I gave you a hint.
Don't you know that?
Mure B: I said I knew.
Um… …, what was it, what was it?

Mure B thought desperately.
As I was desperately thinking of a four-letter word, saying, "Four letters, four letters," the word that suddenly popped into my head was "bell-bottom pants."

Mure A: Bell-bottoms? Wrong.
Mure B: T, I know it's wrong.
I just thought of four letters and this word came to mind.
I know that's not true at all.

I was so anxious that I desperately asked myself questions, mixed up in Mure A and Mure B.
“It’s not bell-bottoms.
That's something to wear.
Yeah, the pants are wide.
That's not it.
It's a game, a game.
I always watch the Winter Olympics too.
You did it there, you know that, so why can't you remember this?"
I took a deep breath to calm down a little.
“Look, I know.
I'm not trying to figure out what I don't know.
I'm trying to recall what I know.
This word is definitely somewhere in my head.
You just have to pull out the word.
“Yeah, yeah, if you stay calm, it will definitely come to mind.”
I took two deep breaths and asked myself again, “Okay, what is this?”
“Four letters, four letters.”
But the word that came back to my mind was 'bell-bottom pants'.
“No, that’s not it.”
But no matter how many times I tried to calm my mind and come up with the correct answer, the word that came out was 'bell-bottom pants.'

---From "Relaxation and Tension"