'Why didn't you do better?'

If you are having sleepless nights again today due to self-reproach, regret, anxiety, and self-loathing,
What we need is praise, admiration, diary, and encouragement.

From the evaluation of others to my own standards, from an inadequate 'me' to a better 'me'
How to Write a Compliment Journal That Creates Change and Moves Forward

Kim Kimi, author of "I Decided to Praise Myself Starting Today," was a brand marketer for a major corporation and a successful writer, but suffered from insomnia due to anxiety and self-loathing stemming from perfectionism, always regretting not doing better.
Then one day, after giving himself a small compliment, “I’m resting without doing anything, so I’m praising you!” and getting the good sleep he had been hoping for, he started writing a “compliment diary.” He experienced a change where his daily life became more solid as he began to listen to his inner voice rather than external evaluations.
The author, who has observed changes in not only himself but also others through praise journal meetings, is convinced that praise journals are a tool for creating better lives.

The book faithfully and honestly describes how to keep a compliment journal, the inner changes experienced through the journal, and even how to build healthy relationships with work, others, and society.
"I decided to praise myself starting today" is a small but courageous message that a praise diary can create a better life by starting from "me" and extending to "us" and the world outside the diary.

This book is a survival memoir about how I learned to practice self-praise and escape the swamp of comparative competition.
This is a praise guide written to share the praise journal writing method that was most helpful in the process.
A self-affirmation guide that helps you love every part of yourself through praise.
And it's a fictionalized diary that depicts real-life situations as specifically as possible, with the goal of suggesting beneficial habits for those who are harsh on themselves.

--- pp.8-9

That damn 'well' was always the problem.
While a moderate amount of perfectionism can boost self-esteem and foster flexibility in various situations, it can also have a number of positive effects, but anything in excess can be problematic.
Setting high standards for yourself and putting pressure on yourself to succeed, taking even small mistakes too seriously and criticizing yourself, having trouble controlling your emotions when things don't go as planned or progress slowly, not starting anything you can't do perfectly, delaying decision-making to make the perfect choice, thinking that even your days off should be special, being overly conscious of what others think and pushing yourself to meet their expectations, and strictly evaluating others as well as yourself by applying high standards.
I wasn't free from all of this perfectionism's dysfunction.
So every night when I went to bed, I regretted the day I 'didn't do better'.

--- pp.22-23

If I could decide for myself how I would remember each day from now on, I would want to be someone who cherishes and enjoys each day.
To do that, I had to bring about positive emotions at the end of the day.
Just like that day when I shouted, “Praise me for resting without doing anything!”

--- p.24

A compliment diary is an act of looking back on today's self with words of praise that take care of me, looking forward to tomorrow's self, and consistently checking the following.
As I design a different next day and find my direction, I occasionally look back on the days that have passed, and there I can discover the trajectory of life created by the many nexts that have come together.

--- p.36

You will learn to appreciate things that you normally consider very trivial.
How precious is the daily life made up of each and every little thing.
So, I end up doing something small but special on purpose.
It moves me to be praised by me.

--- p.40

If you keep writing a compliment journal every day, you will start to get used to it and there will come a point where your awareness of the problem will become blurred.
Because they blindly praise themselves, they fail to objectively assess the cause of the problem, or they use praise as a cover to gloss over the problem, or they distort the situation by giving forced praise when it is not something that deserves sincere praise.
So, we have to be more suspicious.
Don't be intoxicated by the result of 'writing' a compliment diary, but look into 'what kind' of compliment diary you wrote.

--- p.54

When people say they keep a compliment journal, they think they will only praise the 'good things', but that is not true.
The moment when a compliment journal truly shines is when you don't ignore the 'regrettable points'.

--- p.58

A praise diary, which is made up of many ‘todays’, contains a variety of praises.
It's not just about "not eating delivery food," but it also has the added benefit of creating things to praise, like lessons learned, life changes, and new goals.
If you want to make the most of your compliment journal, try keeping a compliment journal along with periodic reflections.

--- p.73

I liked that through praise, I was able to move beyond the 'me who does a good job' and create a new direction of 'me who is kind to myself'.
The less I talked about work in my praise diary, the more I felt like my daily life was becoming more solid.

--- p.84

Achievement praise focuses on the results of your work or how well you do your work.
On the other hand, attitude praise focuses on what concerns one had while 'doing' the work and how one put it into practice.
(…) As I was writing my praise journal, I realized without realizing it that the true meaning of achievement lies in learning how to sustain healthily for a long time, rather than trying to achieve something right away today.

--- p.86

If you live your life relying on the evaluation of others rather than your own approval or satisfaction, it is easy to mistake other people's desires for your own.
By keeping a compliment journal, I trained myself to understand what my true needs were and to become accustomed to self-acceptance.
It was a time when I desperately tried to be indifferent to the evaluations of others.

--- p.89

Good praise is more about 'giving' feedback than 'making' an evaluation.
(…) When you get good feedback, you can imagine what you will do next.
If someone can tell you specifically what you're good at and offer you the motivation and sincere support to find your own path forward, you'll be able to build your confidence and get moving.

--- p.138

People who always wanted to receive compliments from others and realized that they didn't know how to compliment themselves, people who wanted to praise themselves and accept themselves as they are, people who wanted to stop whipping themselves and start being a little more affectionate, people who wanted to learn how to feel small happiness every day, etc.
Although the expressions were slightly different, the members came to the meeting with the expectation of learning how to value themselves through the topic of 'self-praise.'

--- p.158

The point is that we shouldn't use praise as a tool to make everyone desire the same thing.
Each person is born with a different appearance, talent, and environment, and each individual deserves respect.
It's a bad world that creates the stereotype that you have to be pretty, thin, tall, smart, and rich to be loved.
So I hope everyone can proudly boast about the differences they were born with.

--- p.168

Self-praise that is blindly directed at oneself without looking around is dangerous.
Because it encourages the illusion that everything was accomplished through one's own efforts.
If such a delusion persists, you will end up looking down on others.
We become so convinced of what we believe we know that we miss the opportunity to explore a world we don't know well.
Being caught up in meritocracy makes us narrow-minded in our view of the world.
No matter how good you are, no one can do well alone.

--- pp.192-193

Self-praise is an expression of love towards myself.
Love has the power to change people.
If you love each and every aspect of yourself, you will be able to let go of self-loathing and become someone who cherishes yourself just as you are.

--- p.194

While self-praise primarily reinforces my positive aspects, vulnerability builds self-esteem by embracing even the relatively negative aspects.
To truly acknowledge in my heart that I am a good enough person, I must face both my strengths and my imperfections.
Therefore, as an extension of self-praise, sharing vulnerabilities can be said to be the completion of self-acknowledgement.

--- p.205