The body is real.
I realized too late that my body was 'me'.
As I started recording my body, another story came into my mind!
Study and write while recording your body.

I knew it well, but on the other hand, I started to examine a body I had never known before.

I thought that the mind came before the body.
I thought the mind and body were separate.
I didn't look at my "body" as it was until it made its own sound.
A body that was always with me, but I didn't really know it. The body was me, but I lived without knowing that.
So then what is the body?
The body, which was important but not considered important, why did it become such a being?
When we were young, we didn't pay attention to our bodies, and when we got older, we treated them roughly because they were old. But as we studied together, at some point we realized.
The body is the mind, and the body is “me.”

We created a one-year program called the 'Yangsaeng Project'.
And in the first year of 2020, we explored Foucault's 'biopower' on the one hand, and read various books dealing with the body on the other.
Then, I came across Daniel Pennac's novel, "The Body Diary."
The protagonist was tied to a tree and abandoned in the forest as a prank by his childhood friends, and was so scared that he defecated.
He decides to keep a body diary to avoid repeating the shame and fear.
From the age of thirteen to eighty-eight, he vividly but plainly records all the detailed events that occurred in his body and the trivial emotions he felt at that time.
We were amazed by this writing and it brought back memories of our own bodies that we all have.
More than anything, I was seized by an indescribable impulse to “try writing like this.”
--- From "Network of Bodies and Body Diary"

“I am the worst.
“I’m at the bottom of the class in terms of skill among the students at Joy Music Academy.”
"really?"
“There is no one worse than me.”
I wrestle with the piano in a partitioned space and listen to the sounds coming from the side.
The flashy sound of the drums is not of interest.
The director is playing enthusiastically on the grand piano in the center, either to show off his playing skills or to relieve the stress he has built up because of the students who are not playing well.
The sound is like background music from a radio.
My ears perk up when I hear the piano sounds of people practicing 『Bayer』 like me.
He plays a little better than me, and when I hear that sound, I wonder, 'When will I be like that?'
I envy those little kids who have lost their front teeth and are confused about addition and subtraction, when they tap the piano keys with their soft fingers.
I'm learning piano, and my kids are playing in front of the piano.
Because he has a short attention span, he gets distracted quickly and gets down from the piano to find a sweet snack, but before he knows it, he's back on the piano bench, smiling.
--- From "Because I Don't Have Superpowers"

At that time, men who did not belong to the institution of marriage were stigmatized as having physical or mental defects.
Moreover, not marrying was tantamount to giving up the social privileges that came with being a patriarch.
There was even a joke among male homosexuals that one had to get married at least once to have an easy life.
Even if you divorce and leave the institution of marriage, you will still have publicly proven your masculinity.
I've been uncomfortable with the male-dominated society since high school.
Military training was my most hated subject.
Whenever military talk came up at a drinking party, I covered my ears.
I secretly laughed at macho men, but looking back, I realized that I too was not free from the patriarchal hierarchy.
After my father passed away, I became the head of the household and the head of the family when I was a college student.
After graduation, I took on most of the financial burden of the household, hoping to shake off the feeling of not having fulfilled my duties.
There was a hidden desire there to be recognized as a capable father.
--- From "Debuting in Jongno"

My minority experience has also provided me with opportunities for learning and reflection.
In Korea, I have never been directly discriminated against because I have not publicly revealed my sexual identity.
There was unfair treatment due to social class and economic status.
Conversely, I never really thought about the privileges I enjoyed in Korea.
My experience in the United States made me reflect on what I had experienced in Korea.
We have a better understanding of how privilege and discrimination work.
In Korea, as a son, as a man, as a highly educated person, I have enjoyed many rights, knowingly or unknowingly.
It was only during the time I was enjoying my rights that I began to notice those who had been excluded.
The experience of being excluded made it clear to me that I wasn't always a minority in America.
Queer men have an easier time entering the mainstream than women or transgender people.
It's because of the privilege of being a man.
Many people prefer working with queer men rather than straight men.
--- From "Being a Minority in a Minority Community"

Life and yoga rarely change so dramatically.
Change comes in subtle ways that are difficult to notice.
It is still difficult to seamlessly connect the three asanas.
However, when transitioning from Adhomuka Svanasana to Virabhadrasana, I pulled my legs with the strength of my abdominal muscles to complete the smooth pose.
Until a few days ago, my legs were heavy and my stomach was weak, so I couldn't pull myself up no matter how hard I tried, so I could only do a clumsy imitation.
I thought I had somehow accomplished it, but seeing him succeed in one go even after several attempts made me feel that my body had changed.
It was wonderful.
As I progressed little by little, I began to look forward to tomorrow.
Small movements of body and mind continued, and other asanas became a little easier.
--- From "Three Deep Breaths"

Hair loss that cannot be stopped no matter what is painful.
Within two weeks of my first dose of chemotherapy, my hair started falling out in clumps.
Around this time, the children tend to shave their heads.
It is difficult to face the sight of hair falling out like Gollum from the movie “The Lord of the Rings” (you need to be even more careful if your children are young).
Hair doesn't fall out all at once.
Even if you are already bald, your hair will fall out, and this is expressed as “losing sharpness.”
Short hairs are stuck in the blanket and clothes, prickling me.
Human hair wigs cost over several million won, but the satisfaction level is said to be low compared to the price.
For this reason, many patients buy and use various types of partial wigs.
I didn't shave my head.
At home, I lived like Gollum, without wearing a beanie or wig.
When going out, I wore a hat and pulled out some of my remaining hair to make it look like I wasn't sick.
--- From "Overcoming the 'Mountain' of Anti-Cancer"

One day a friend said to me:
“You’re the kind of person who would run away if a murderer saw you from afar.” Sensitive and timid, I would resort to the thirty-six strategies at the slightest hint of something strange.
The fear you were trying to escape from also has its uses.
I had a severe fear of flying.
Because I was shaking with fear for three days before boarding the plane.
Inside the flying plane, it actually felt like we were falling.
It's a memory I hate to recall, but having gone through that horror allows me to understand people from a different perspective.
I know how vivid that 'fake fear' is and how hard it is to escape.
Some emotions are beyond the ability to escape through 'will'.
I was so terrified that I had to force myself out of it before my other fears began to subside.
I realized that it wasn't really real, it was just a thought in my head.
I'm not completely out of it yet, but it's definitely helped.

--- From "Different Bodies, Different Fear"