50, now getting married
 |
Description
Book Introduction
“Let’s meet up later and live comfortably together.”
Bondage down, comfort up!
The happiness of late marriage, proclaimed in an era of marriage avoidance
Winner of the 10th Brunch Book Special Award.
They say marriage leaves you feeling confined and unable to do as you please. Is that true even if you marry in middle age? The author, who has lived a somewhat slower life, vividly describes middle-aged dating and married life.
This is a 'full-fledged late marriage essay' that broadens the range of choices for those who are at the crossroads of marriage and non-marriage.
The author says that if you get married in middle age, when you can look back on your life, you can live freely without being tied down to each other, but you can also take advantage of the good things about being two.
In addition, it presents persuasive alternatives learned from five years of experience regarding realistic difficulties such as the relationship with spouse and children following marriage between a first-time wife and a second-time husband, sexual problems in middle age, and issues of supporting parents.
As you turn the pages, drawn by the sweet daily life and hearty laughter of a 'middle-aged newlywed', you will soon find yourself reading a book about the life journey of a youth born with a poor spoon in his mouth, studying abroad in the US on his own in his late 30s, and becoming a professor in his mid-40s.
The latter half also contains serious reflections on the essence of marriage, the problems of single life, and marriage and a happy life after middle age.
The author's unique strength and sincerity, born from his experience of the "peak of effort," shine through in the 30 or so essays organized into three chapters.
It is expected to be a refreshing stimulus not only for those considering late marriage or remarriage, but also for singles who need to learn about marriage in advance, middle-aged people looking for the path to happiness, and middle-aged couples who have reached a point of boredom.
Experience, into the scene of Manshon!
Bondage down, comfort up!
The happiness of late marriage, proclaimed in an era of marriage avoidance
Winner of the 10th Brunch Book Special Award.
They say marriage leaves you feeling confined and unable to do as you please. Is that true even if you marry in middle age? The author, who has lived a somewhat slower life, vividly describes middle-aged dating and married life.
This is a 'full-fledged late marriage essay' that broadens the range of choices for those who are at the crossroads of marriage and non-marriage.
The author says that if you get married in middle age, when you can look back on your life, you can live freely without being tied down to each other, but you can also take advantage of the good things about being two.
In addition, it presents persuasive alternatives learned from five years of experience regarding realistic difficulties such as the relationship with spouse and children following marriage between a first-time wife and a second-time husband, sexual problems in middle age, and issues of supporting parents.
As you turn the pages, drawn by the sweet daily life and hearty laughter of a 'middle-aged newlywed', you will soon find yourself reading a book about the life journey of a youth born with a poor spoon in his mouth, studying abroad in the US on his own in his late 30s, and becoming a professor in his mid-40s.
The latter half also contains serious reflections on the essence of marriage, the problems of single life, and marriage and a happy life after middle age.
The author's unique strength and sincerity, born from his experience of the "peak of effort," shine through in the 30 or so essays organized into three chapters.
It is expected to be a refreshing stimulus not only for those considering late marriage or remarriage, but also for singles who need to learn about marriage in advance, middle-aged people looking for the path to happiness, and middle-aged couples who have reached a point of boredom.
Experience, into the scene of Manshon!
- You can preview some of the book's contents.
Preview
index
prolog
Chapter 1: Middle-aged Dating is Different from Young Dating
A man who has only been married, a woman who has only been in relationships
Middle-aged Dating That Must Be Taught
Middle-aged dating: If you keep flirting, you'll fail.
Alcohol, a must-have for middle-aged romance
We were planning to have a private wedding in Las Vegas.
Why Middle-Aged Brides Should Wear a Wedding Dress
Chapter 2: Middle-aged Marriage: This Is It
I'll make you laugh for half your life
We live as we please without caring about each other.
Don't try to understand the other person, just memorize it.
The Marriage of a Sensitive Woman and an Insensitive Man
Middle-aged marriages are a good match for hormones and prostate medications.
I'll tell you about the married life of a first-time wife and a second-time husband.
A husband's remarriage adjustment period as seen from the omniscient wife's perspective
This is why it's good to get married in middle age
What is in-law stress?
I'll take care of my mom, honey, you take care of your mom.
My two mothers are polar opposites
A marriage with double the pain and double the joy?
Healing achieved only after marrying late
Chapter 3: Overcoming the Dark History of Youth and Crying for Happiness
Why those born with a silver spoon in their mouths have no choice but to get married at 50
The life of a dirt spoon doesn't end easily.
I didn't choose my career over marriage.
Marriage, too easy for some and too difficult for others
Remarriage statistics that defy our expectations
When I got middle-aged, I had no friends.
My middle age is okay even if it's not the best
Are you a person who suits being single?
How We Became Happiness Theorists
A Reasonable Defense from a Middle-Aged Marriage Advocate in an Age of Singlehood
The road not taken, between marriage and non-marriage
Epilogue
Americas
References
Chapter 1: Middle-aged Dating is Different from Young Dating
A man who has only been married, a woman who has only been in relationships
Middle-aged Dating That Must Be Taught
Middle-aged dating: If you keep flirting, you'll fail.
Alcohol, a must-have for middle-aged romance
We were planning to have a private wedding in Las Vegas.
Why Middle-Aged Brides Should Wear a Wedding Dress
Chapter 2: Middle-aged Marriage: This Is It
I'll make you laugh for half your life
We live as we please without caring about each other.
Don't try to understand the other person, just memorize it.
The Marriage of a Sensitive Woman and an Insensitive Man
Middle-aged marriages are a good match for hormones and prostate medications.
I'll tell you about the married life of a first-time wife and a second-time husband.
A husband's remarriage adjustment period as seen from the omniscient wife's perspective
This is why it's good to get married in middle age
What is in-law stress?
I'll take care of my mom, honey, you take care of your mom.
My two mothers are polar opposites
A marriage with double the pain and double the joy?
Healing achieved only after marrying late
Chapter 3: Overcoming the Dark History of Youth and Crying for Happiness
Why those born with a silver spoon in their mouths have no choice but to get married at 50
The life of a dirt spoon doesn't end easily.
I didn't choose my career over marriage.
Marriage, too easy for some and too difficult for others
Remarriage statistics that defy our expectations
When I got middle-aged, I had no friends.
My middle age is okay even if it's not the best
Are you a person who suits being single?
How We Became Happiness Theorists
A Reasonable Defense from a Middle-Aged Marriage Advocate in an Age of Singlehood
The road not taken, between marriage and non-marriage
Epilogue
Americas
References
Detailed image
Into the book
There are probably women who are hesitant about whether to remain single for the rest of their lives or to make the so-called 'effort' to get married now.
"What's it like to marry later in life? Is it different from marrying younger? Is marriage, even at an older age, merely a constraint for women?" I'll offer a small hint to address this curiosity.
---From the "Prologue"
Looking at couples around me who met and got married in middle age, there are many cases where it was love at first sight, even if only loosely.
However, the meaning of 'love at first sight' is not the heart-fluttering kind of thing like that of 'Ipalcheongchun', but rather a calm feeling of the energy of the universe gathering.
In short, it feels like experiencing a moment of gentle but fateful attraction.
--- p.36
In middle age, meeting someone requires more courage than you might think.
Meeting the opposite sex is more tiring than you might think, as you fight against the doubts that pop up every now and then, like, "Do I really have to do this?"
--- p.41
Perhaps making your dreams come true is a matter of determination.
--- p.48
Instead of a wedding dress, I wanted to just buy a classy white one-piece dress and sit at the wedding hall, but my older sister strongly advised me against it.
I stubbornly insisted, saying, “Would a wedding dress suit this old face?” but I had no choice but to surrender after my sister’s decisive blow.
“If you’re not wearing a wedding dress, people will think you’re the mother of the bride.”
--- p.51
They say marriage leaves you feeling confined and unable to do as you please. Is that true for middle-aged marriages? While I wouldn't say it's true for even a single percent of couples, the word "restriction" doesn't seem appropriate for couples who marry in middle age.
Living independently as they always have, but also incorporating the good points of being two together, this seems to be the image of a middle-aged couple.
--- p.65
No matter how kind my in-laws are to me, they can't help but be a burden.
So it is important to keep an appropriate distance from each other (indifference is also good), and if you get married in middle age, your in-laws are older, so they don't have the energy to tell you what to do.
And since they often need their children's help, they end up being more mindful of their children's reactions.
--- p.110
Marriage today is considered a very heavy task for many people.
I want to speak cautiously, yet confidently.
When you get married at an older age, marriage isn't that heavy...
I recommend that you listen to and observe the stories of real married couples.
Unlike marriages between young people, marriages between middle-aged people have the advantage of minimizing constraints and burdens while increasing comfort and stability.
--- p.112
Career and marriage are not complementary.
Their purposes are different: a job is necessary for survival and self-realization, and marriage is necessary to fulfill the desire to love and be loved.
Just as happiness doesn't automatically follow when you achieve self-actualization or have your livelihood problems somewhat resolved, getting the job you want doesn't mean you'll lose your desire to be loved.
--- p.162
To be honest, in the early days of my marriage, I had a silly thought, 'How nice it would be if my husband were single like me, like he is now.'
But it ended up being a brief delusion.
This is because I thought that the harsh life experiences as a father also played a role in shaping the character and attitude of the husband I love now.
"What's it like to marry later in life? Is it different from marrying younger? Is marriage, even at an older age, merely a constraint for women?" I'll offer a small hint to address this curiosity.
---From the "Prologue"
Looking at couples around me who met and got married in middle age, there are many cases where it was love at first sight, even if only loosely.
However, the meaning of 'love at first sight' is not the heart-fluttering kind of thing like that of 'Ipalcheongchun', but rather a calm feeling of the energy of the universe gathering.
In short, it feels like experiencing a moment of gentle but fateful attraction.
--- p.36
In middle age, meeting someone requires more courage than you might think.
Meeting the opposite sex is more tiring than you might think, as you fight against the doubts that pop up every now and then, like, "Do I really have to do this?"
--- p.41
Perhaps making your dreams come true is a matter of determination.
--- p.48
Instead of a wedding dress, I wanted to just buy a classy white one-piece dress and sit at the wedding hall, but my older sister strongly advised me against it.
I stubbornly insisted, saying, “Would a wedding dress suit this old face?” but I had no choice but to surrender after my sister’s decisive blow.
“If you’re not wearing a wedding dress, people will think you’re the mother of the bride.”
--- p.51
They say marriage leaves you feeling confined and unable to do as you please. Is that true for middle-aged marriages? While I wouldn't say it's true for even a single percent of couples, the word "restriction" doesn't seem appropriate for couples who marry in middle age.
Living independently as they always have, but also incorporating the good points of being two together, this seems to be the image of a middle-aged couple.
--- p.65
No matter how kind my in-laws are to me, they can't help but be a burden.
So it is important to keep an appropriate distance from each other (indifference is also good), and if you get married in middle age, your in-laws are older, so they don't have the energy to tell you what to do.
And since they often need their children's help, they end up being more mindful of their children's reactions.
--- p.110
Marriage today is considered a very heavy task for many people.
I want to speak cautiously, yet confidently.
When you get married at an older age, marriage isn't that heavy...
I recommend that you listen to and observe the stories of real married couples.
Unlike marriages between young people, marriages between middle-aged people have the advantage of minimizing constraints and burdens while increasing comfort and stability.
--- p.112
Career and marriage are not complementary.
Their purposes are different: a job is necessary for survival and self-realization, and marriage is necessary to fulfill the desire to love and be loved.
Just as happiness doesn't automatically follow when you achieve self-actualization or have your livelihood problems somewhat resolved, getting the job you want doesn't mean you'll lose your desire to be loved.
--- p.162
To be honest, in the early days of my marriage, I had a silly thought, 'How nice it would be if my husband were single like me, like he is now.'
But it ended up being a brief delusion.
This is because I thought that the harsh life experiences as a father also played a role in shaping the character and attitude of the husband I love now.
--- p.177~178
Publisher's Review
* Winner of the 10th Brunch Book Special Award
“What happens if you get married at 50?”
To you who are standing at the crossroads of marriage and non-marriage
Among the 8,000 or so manuscripts submitted to the 10th Brunch Book Publishing Project, the story of 'Manhon' was the only one that attracted attention.
The author explains why he bravely or recklessly brought up the story of his first marriage at 50 in an era where single life and divorce are the trend, saying, “I wanted to say that marriage is still a good choice for a happy life in middle age.”
We can easily come across articles about divorces and celebrity remarriages that are close to fantasy, but it is rare to see a 'self-portrait of late marriage' that reveals the inner thoughts of the person involved in the late marriage without any reservation.
The author said, “Marriage was a huge challenge in my life.
“The worries that started in my 30s were always frustrating and confusing because there were no textbooks or media to learn from, no one to learn from, and no one to give me clear advice,” he confesses.
So, after much thought and insight, I wrote this book with the heart of a sister for those who are wandering like me.
“There may be women who are hesitant about whether to remain single for the rest of their lives or to make the so-called ‘effort’ to get married now.
"What's it like to get married later in life? Is it just a burden for women, even when they're older?" I'd like to offer a small hint to address this curiosity. (From "Prologue")
This book evokes empathy by not only providing superficial comments on marriage but also by containing the author's own experiences.
The author's difficult reality of getting married is intertwined with the current trend of young people avoiding marriage, and in books such as "A Husband's Remarriage Adjustment Period as Seen from the Omniscient Wife's Perspective," the author points out the conflicts caused by the differences in perspective between first-time and remarried people and even suggests solutions to them.
He also does not forget to offer realistic advice to single people who are reluctant to meet with people who have remarried, saying, “The harsh life experiences as a ‘father’ also played a role in shaping the character and attitude of a loving husband.”
The author emphasizes that people should get married “to live the rest of their lives more happily,” and to this end, he makes a rather unconventional suggestion, such as “each person should support their own mother.”
This may seem selfish, but if you look into it, it makes sense.
This is because there is a keen awareness of the reality of 'supporting the elderly', which means that if you rush to support both sets of parents out of a sense of duty as soon as you get married in middle age, you are likely to get sick yourself.
In an age where divorce fantasies are rampant, getting married anyway!
A Reasonable Defense from a Middle-Aged Marriage Advocate
The average age of first marriage in Korea is 31.26 years for women and 33.72 years for men (as of 2022).
Although 'late marriage' has been a hot topic of the times for a long time, the view on older women in the marriage market remains the same as it was 10 years ago, and the author mentions the humiliation she and other single women in their 40s who 'had long bag straps' suffered on blind dates.
In “I didn’t choose a career over marriage,” “I thought that if I made up my mind to get married and put in a little effort, it wouldn’t be difficult.
However, the reality is that there are not many opportunities to meet single men,” and “A job is necessary for survival and self-realization, and marriage is necessary to fulfill the desire to love and be loved, so their purposes are different,” representing the position of middle-aged single women.
It is worth reflecting on whether our society has created a large number of 'involuntary' single women by labeling them as "married to their jobs."
The author argues that, from a woman's perspective, midlife marriage can be "the smartest and wisest choice," and introduces domestic and international research results to support this.
In modern times, there is a growing desire for an "ideal marriage" where couples break away from traditional male and female roles and feel complete equality and freedom while helping each other achieve self-realization. This requires a certain level of experience.
And it reminds us that the most important factor for a happy relationship is not the fateful encounter itself, but “taking good care of the relationship we choose.”
This is something that all couples, not just middle-aged couples, should keep in mind.
“What happens if you get married at 50?”
To you who are standing at the crossroads of marriage and non-marriage
Among the 8,000 or so manuscripts submitted to the 10th Brunch Book Publishing Project, the story of 'Manhon' was the only one that attracted attention.
The author explains why he bravely or recklessly brought up the story of his first marriage at 50 in an era where single life and divorce are the trend, saying, “I wanted to say that marriage is still a good choice for a happy life in middle age.”
We can easily come across articles about divorces and celebrity remarriages that are close to fantasy, but it is rare to see a 'self-portrait of late marriage' that reveals the inner thoughts of the person involved in the late marriage without any reservation.
The author said, “Marriage was a huge challenge in my life.
“The worries that started in my 30s were always frustrating and confusing because there were no textbooks or media to learn from, no one to learn from, and no one to give me clear advice,” he confesses.
So, after much thought and insight, I wrote this book with the heart of a sister for those who are wandering like me.
“There may be women who are hesitant about whether to remain single for the rest of their lives or to make the so-called ‘effort’ to get married now.
"What's it like to get married later in life? Is it just a burden for women, even when they're older?" I'd like to offer a small hint to address this curiosity. (From "Prologue")
This book evokes empathy by not only providing superficial comments on marriage but also by containing the author's own experiences.
The author's difficult reality of getting married is intertwined with the current trend of young people avoiding marriage, and in books such as "A Husband's Remarriage Adjustment Period as Seen from the Omniscient Wife's Perspective," the author points out the conflicts caused by the differences in perspective between first-time and remarried people and even suggests solutions to them.
He also does not forget to offer realistic advice to single people who are reluctant to meet with people who have remarried, saying, “The harsh life experiences as a ‘father’ also played a role in shaping the character and attitude of a loving husband.”
The author emphasizes that people should get married “to live the rest of their lives more happily,” and to this end, he makes a rather unconventional suggestion, such as “each person should support their own mother.”
This may seem selfish, but if you look into it, it makes sense.
This is because there is a keen awareness of the reality of 'supporting the elderly', which means that if you rush to support both sets of parents out of a sense of duty as soon as you get married in middle age, you are likely to get sick yourself.
In an age where divorce fantasies are rampant, getting married anyway!
A Reasonable Defense from a Middle-Aged Marriage Advocate
The average age of first marriage in Korea is 31.26 years for women and 33.72 years for men (as of 2022).
Although 'late marriage' has been a hot topic of the times for a long time, the view on older women in the marriage market remains the same as it was 10 years ago, and the author mentions the humiliation she and other single women in their 40s who 'had long bag straps' suffered on blind dates.
In “I didn’t choose a career over marriage,” “I thought that if I made up my mind to get married and put in a little effort, it wouldn’t be difficult.
However, the reality is that there are not many opportunities to meet single men,” and “A job is necessary for survival and self-realization, and marriage is necessary to fulfill the desire to love and be loved, so their purposes are different,” representing the position of middle-aged single women.
It is worth reflecting on whether our society has created a large number of 'involuntary' single women by labeling them as "married to their jobs."
The author argues that, from a woman's perspective, midlife marriage can be "the smartest and wisest choice," and introduces domestic and international research results to support this.
In modern times, there is a growing desire for an "ideal marriage" where couples break away from traditional male and female roles and feel complete equality and freedom while helping each other achieve self-realization. This requires a certain level of experience.
And it reminds us that the most important factor for a happy relationship is not the fateful encounter itself, but “taking good care of the relationship we choose.”
This is something that all couples, not just middle-aged couples, should keep in mind.
GOODS SPECIFICS
- Date of issue: September 8, 2023
- Format: Paperback book binding method guide
- Page count, weight, size: 228 pages | 264g | 130*190*20mm
- ISBN13: 9791192642055
- ISBN10: 1192642058
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