Bill Bryson, the funniest writer in the world
A cheerful and cynical American user manual

Bill Bryson, an American who lived in England for 20 years.
This book is a collection of columns by Bill Bryson about the everyday and sometimes trivial aspects of American life he experiences upon returning to the United States after 20 years. It is filled with the amusing and absurd experiences of an American, yet a foreigner who finds America unfamiliar.


To him, Americans are also a curious people who exercise by walking around shopping centers, which are vast indoor spaces, even though no one actually walks the streets, no matter how short, even less than five meters, and they are also incomprehensible people who leave their computers on all night to shorten the boot time by 30 seconds.
But they are also the ones who quietly come to fill the fridge when you are away from home for a long time, and they are also the ones who are always friendly and without any distance and willing to wish good luck to strangers.


Stories about American culture that observe the daily lives of Americans in this way come across as fresh and lively.
Meanwhile, his advice to high school seniors is touching, and his fictionalized but self-serving tax returns and computer manuals reveal his caustic views on American government and corporations.
"28 Rules for Life: Making the World a Better Place" is a poignant and entertaining book, full of simple yet relatable content.

I once jokingly said in a book that there are three things you can't do in life.
That means you can't fight the phone company and win, you can't meet your employees until the restaurant is ready to serve customers, and you can't go back to your hometown now.
But in 1995, I found myself pondering the third of these points again.
And in May of that year, I left England, where I had lived for over 20 years, and returned to the United States with my British wife and four children.
--- p.13

Americans' obsession with order can sometimes seem excessive.
For example, our local swimming pool has 27 rules written down, the most notable of which is, "On the diving board, roll your feet only once."
These rules are actually being enforced.
What's truly frustrating is that it doesn't matter whether these rules make sense.
About a year ago, U.S. airlines began requiring passengers to show photo identification to combat the growing threat of terrorism.
I first learned this when I was about to board a plane at an airport 160 kilometers from my home.
(Omitted) Finally, I found my Iowa driver's license in the back of my wallet, which I had completely forgotten I even had.
“It’s expired.”
The staff member snorted.
“Then let’s not fly the plane.”--- pp.32-33

There are some wonderful things about life in America that even surprise me.
Among them, the food waste disposer is by far the best.
Food waste disposers are a prime example of labor-saving devices, but they rarely save labor.
It's loud, fun, extremely dangerous, and so powerful that you'll wonder how you ever lived without it.
If someone had asked me 18 months ago what it would be like if my greatest pleasure in life was throwing things down the kitchen sink, I would have laughed in their face. But the truth is, my greatest pleasure in life right now is throwing things down the kitchen sink.
--- pp.79-80

That's when it dawned on me that I didn't know where the Christmas tree stand was.
I sigh and go to the hardware store downtown to buy new stands, but I know that all the Christmas tree stands I've ever bought (25 of them, every Christmas since I was an adult) will show up at once within three weeks.
That it would usually fall on my head from a high shelf while I was rummaging through the storage room floor, or looking around in a dark room or up the living room stairs.
If there is anyone who doesn't know yet, I hope you find out now.
The Christmas tree stand is a creation of the devil, and the devil wants you dead.
--- p.172

7.
All lights in hotel rooms should be able to be turned off near the door or bed, and if the switch is attached to the fixture itself, it should be in a readily visible location.
If a guest is unable to turn off the night light while lying in bed, the night's accommodation fee should be waived, and if it takes more than 5 minutes for the guest to turn off the night light, the guest may drink alcohol from the minibar for free.
8.
It is illegal to make an instruction booklet that says something like, 'Attach the spring coils D1 and D2 to the central shaft J using the axle supports H-4a through H-5.'
9.
A box containing a Christmas card with the phrase 'Have a Merry and Warm Christmas' was marked with the words 'Do not buy.
You should write in large letters that the message inside the card is too sentimental to be heard.
10.
All cars must have fuel fillers on both sides and the rear, and the fuel hose from the fuel station must be at least 2 metres long.
--- p.281

As time went on, I also came to appreciate many things about life in America.
As a diehard miser, I was completely captivated by all the freebies in America: free parking, free matches and refills on coffee or drinks, and the candy baskets left for anyone to take by the checkout counter at restaurants and cafes.
If you eat dinner at a local restaurant, you get a free movie ticket.
At my local copy shop, there's a table against one wall with glue, staplers, scotch tape, rubber bands, clips, and more, all of which are free to use.
You don't have to pay extra to use it, and even non-guests can use it for free.
The items on the table are specially placed so that anyone who enters the store can use them.
On the other hand, in Yorkshire Dales, England, you have to pay an extra penny even when you ask a baker to slice your bread.
So how can one not fall in love with the American people?
The same goes for Americans' attitude toward life.
Americans are generally very optimistic and positive.
These are qualities that I took for granted when I lived in the US, but I didn't see them often in the UK.

--- pp.303-304