★★★ New work from the author of the #1 bestseller, "Mom's Speech Practice"!
★★★ 1 million 'likes' - Moms' Choice
★★★ A customized solution for the #1 worry: children's friendships.

“How can I help my child develop friendships?”

During elementary school, a child's friendships are a crucial period that determines their personality, self-esteem, and social skills.
However, when faced with relationship problems, children are easily hurt, and parents feel helpless in front of them.
"Should I intervene, or is it better to just leave it alone?" "Will this only further harm my child?" Many parents waver in the face of conflict with a friend.
Author Jiyoung Yoon, widely known as the educational influencer 'Otuki Sam', offers a clear solution to this problem.
This book is based on my experience teaching children in elementary schools for 18 years and counseling parents, as well as real-life examples of raising two children, and contains tips on how to wisely intervene in children's relationship concerns.

It contains specific solutions for each situation, starting with accepting the various aspects of children, such as 'being a good child and enduring, and sometimes getting angry and hurting', and going so far as to teach emotional control, how to say no, and how to recognize covert bullying.
In particular, the keyword ‘appropriate aggression’ catches the eye.
The author's view that "aggression is not a bad thing, but a power to protect myself and correct what is wrong" provides a new perspective for parents.
The author says, “Depending on how parents intervene in their children’s relationships, the child’s heart can become stronger or weaker,” and “In order for a child to grow up to be independent and not be swayed by relationships, attitude is more important than words, and understanding is more important than correct answers.”
This book, written by an author who has already received sympathy and support from countless parents with 200,000 Instagram followers and 1 million likes, comprehensively covers elementary school friendships, which are said to be more difficult than studying, and will be a warm and practical guide for parents who want to protect their children more than anyone else.

The first thing to note is the difference between adult relationships and children's friendships.
The friendships we have as adults are different from those of children growing up.
As adults, we have many choices in our relationships.
You don't have to go to uncomfortable gatherings, and if someone is burdensome, you can keep a reasonable distance.
There is no need for me to force myself to work hard and maintain relationships to the point of feeling tired.
Also, adults can get along with people they don't get along with without conflict, so extreme confrontations are rare.

But children are not like that.
In a school environment, you have to spend the whole year with your classmates.
Even if a conflict arises, you can't just ignore it and think that it's over.
Even if we mess up today, we'll meet again tomorrow in the same classroom and have to form pairs or groups.
While adults can choose or avoid relationships, children must experience the full range of conflicts within the community of school.

--- pp.6-7

Children who are flexible know how to change their tone or expressions to reflect their friends' perspectives.
Even if you feel uncomfortable or disliked in your heart, not expressing it all and being flexible enough to adjust your words and actions according to the situation and context are essential in friendships.

How you say something can determine your relationship, not what you say.
Children who speak softly and use polite language naturally gain the favor of their friends, and their relationships with peers are also stable.
Speaking beautifully is not simply about being eloquent.
It is the ability to be considerate of others and to choose your tone and vocabulary flexibly.
A child who speaks nicely is remembered as a friend that everyone wants to be with because he or she feels comfortable and happy when around them.
The practice of saying the same thing nicely will become the foundation of a healthy friendship.

--- pp.39-40

I look back and see how many days I judged my child based on what I believed to be right, how many moments I lost touch with my child because I was trying to put myself in their shoes.

One day, when I finally decided to invite my friends over to my house, my child was playing with dinosaurs alone. I threatened him, saying, "If you're going to play alone, why did you invite your friends? If you're going to do this, I won't invite any more friends."
When you come home crying after playing with a friend, I judge you by saying, “Then why are you playing with him? I told you that you and he don’t get along.”
Those were the days when I was so caught up in my own standards and thoughts that I couldn't meet my child's heart.

If I could go back in time, I would want to see things from the child's perspective, not my own.
I think I would be curious about what the child thinks without trying to instill in him what I believe is right.
If you have a friend who keeps playing with you even though you keep bumping into them, you might want to first ask them what they like best about you.
When someone pouts, "Why are you so late?", I want to be the first to hold their hand, look them in the eye, and say, "You've kept me waiting. I'm sorry."

--- p.51

Sociability is also the power to know what kind of relationships I want and to flexibly choose and create them.
As children, we tend to have a wide range of friends, but at some point we may want to find a best friend who can give us one-on-one intimacy.
Conversely, you may want to expand your friendship beyond just being a close friend.
By developing flexibility, you can create friendships that are right for you at any time.
Not having a best friend isn't a problem, and having a best friend isn't necessarily a good thing.
Please watch over your child and talk with him or her about what kind of relationship he or she wants now and what kind of relationship he or she would like to try in the future.
Then, at some point, a friendship that is just right for your child will naturally form.
--- p.85

When a child cries because of a friend, the mother's heart also hurts.
'Why are you hurting my daughter? What's wrong with her?'
So, I understand the feelings of Geumbyeol, the mother who called me.
I said it with my children in mind, and I don't think it was my intention to hurt me or my child.
Still, I feel regretful.
What if you had asked me this? "Geumbyeol said this, but I can't fully understand the situation just by listening to my child, so I'm contacting you out of curiosity.
“Could you please tell me what Joy is saying?” If you had said that, I think we could have resolved the issue through a good conversation.
I don't think it would have hurt your feelings or kept you awake at night.

--- pp.106-107

No matter how close you are, there are lines you shouldn't cross.
This line is called the 'boundary'.
These boundaries are invisible and vague, so they can be easily overlooked, but they are crucial to building friendships.
We need to teach children to recognize boundaries from a young age.
That way, we don't rationalize rudeness by saying it's okay because we're close.
We also need to learn early on how to respond when someone violates our boundaries.
In fact, responding well to rudeness or unreasonable demands is difficult even for adults.
It is not advisable to show your dislike openly and embarrass the other person, nor is it advisable to endure the discomfort without saying anything.
If you push too hard, it can ruin the mood, but if you just hold back, they may take it lightly and the rudeness may continue.
It takes inner strength to strike the right balance.
This can be explained by the concept of appropriate aggression.

--- p.165