Puberty is a difficult time for both children and parents.


They think that if you help them, they will interfere, if you show interest, they will treat you like a child, and if you give them advice, they will order you around.
They are all grown up, so they will take care of it, so don't interfere.
Children fear standing alone, yet they consider it their most important value.
Anyone who interferes with that is treated like an enemy.
Children want to be treated like adults, but they are not adults yet.
Parents' role is still important, but they can no longer be the one-sided caregivers they once were.
The relationship between parents and teenagers is a delicate and precarious one, one where independence and care, nurturing and rebellion coexist.
Could this be compared to someone who needs a loan but wants to become financially independent? No matter how kind the parents (the bank) may be, the child who borrowed the money might still be upset about the interest.
In this way, parents of teenagers are caught in a dilemma where they can neither go nor go.

We must find ways to help children in situations where helping them will elicit complaints, ways to guide them in situations where guidance is refused, and ways to communicate with children in situations where consideration is misinterpreted as an attack.
This book guides readers along that path.
Can adolescents and their parents live peacefully, respecting each other? Yes.

“Joey is attending college in another state.
I can't stand the thought of it.
Joey is still young.
I miss you so much.
“That child means everything to me.”
But eighteen-year-old Joey says this.
“My mother wants to live my life for me.
If I could, I would even try to breathe for you.
My mom is the kind of person who thinks that if I'm too young and she doesn't stand next to me and hold an umbrella over me, I'll melt in the rain.
“I wish I could just let myself live my life.”
--- p.13

“I get angry when I hear my father’s advice.
I'm sick of it now.
My dad always talks about my future, but he messes up my present.
I can't trust myself.
“I feel like I’m a failure.”
--- p.13-14

They rebel and disobey their parents.
It is not so much to challenge their parents as to experience their own identity and autonomy.

--- p.22-23

The needs of teenagers are urgent and desperate.
But like hunger and pain, teenage needs are easier to experience than to put into words.
As parents, we can help our children by being tolerant of their excitement, respecting their solitude, and accepting their frustrations.
The best way to help is to not be picky.

--- p.26

Even when we think about it very realistically, parents cannot prepare their children for the future.
All parents can do is help their children deal with the current problem.
Parents cannot realistically prepare or act on behalf of their children for the soul-shattering experiences they may have to live with for the rest of their lives.
About experiences such as being abandoned by a loved one, betrayed by a friend, bullied by peers, abused by a teacher, or shocked by the death of a relative or friend.

--- p.41-42

Useful criticism does not hurt a person's character.
Useful criticism is only for dealing with difficult cases.
Never attacks people.
I'm just talking about the situation the child is in.

--- p.79

In family relationships, logic has its limits.
Logic does not warm the heart.
Logic is cold and brings a long winter of discontent.
Teenagers rebel against their parents' reason.
They reject their parents' standards of success based on money, status, and well-being.
Unlike their parents, children want intangible rewards.

--- p.131

In the past, teenagers' emotions were often ignored.
Parents would issue a ban on their children, arguing loudly and using rebellious language.
We don't do it that way now.
Set limits, but protect your teen's self-esteem.
These are limits set by parents, but they are not arbitrary or capricious.
They are rooted in values ​​and have a clear purpose of developing the child's character.

--- p.154-155

Parents who give birth control pills to their teenagers are preventing them from experiencing something they absolutely need to experience.
Without inner struggle, there is no inner development.
If there's one thing teenagers need to experience to become adults, it's the feelings and responsibilities that come with being grown up, not the physicality of imitating adults.

--- p.177-178

For a child to become an adult, he or she must be responsible and mature.
To do so, we must continually develop the ability to tolerate anxiety, overcome tension, avoid doubts, confront conflict, and live with frustration.
Most teenagers somehow overcome these adversities.
However, there are some teenagers who are unable to confidently face the responsibility of growing up.
They are so afraid of failure that they turn to drugs and find a shortcut to comfort in fantasy.

--- p.214