Header: Pendulum and Photo (Noel Piper)
Opening: Marriage and Martyrdom

Chapter 1 Marriage and the Glory of God
Chapter 2 Marriage and Covenant
Chapter 3: Marriage, Christ, and the Church (1)
-Exhibition Hall of Grace-
Chapter 4: Marriage, Christ, and the Church (2)
-The grace of forgiveness and acceptance-
Chapter 5: Marriage, Christ, and the Church (3)
- Grace that can change -
Chapter 6: Marriage and the Husband's Role (1)
-The Foundation of Husbandhood-
Chapter 7: Marriage and the Husband's Role (2)
-Applying the Husband's Headship: Leadership in Protection and Provision-
Chapter 8 Marriage and the Role of the Wife
- The beauty of fearless obedience -
Chapter 9 The Blessing of Singleness
Chapter 10 Mutual Hospitality Between Married and Single People
Chapter 11 Marriage and Sex
Chapter 12 Marriage and Childbirth
Chapter 13 Marriage and Child Rearing
Chapter 14 Divorce
Chapter 15 Remarriage

Closing remarks: A temporary marriage
Appendix: John Piper's Selected Poems

Marriage and Martyrdom

Dietrich Bonhoeffer was engaged to Maria von Wedemeyer when he was hanged on April 9, 1945, at the age of 39.
As a young pastor in Germany, he resisted Nazism and was eventually arrested on April 5, 1943, after being implicated in a plot to assassinate Hitler.
Therefore, he could not marry.
The shadows that are on the way to Reality are the ones that are skipped.
People are called in various ways to demonstrate the values ​​of Christ.
Bonhoeffer's calling was not marriage, but martyrdom.

It is a sweet yet bitter providence to face the moment of death while married.
It's a sweet thing.
Because standing in the clear, transparent air at the edge of eternity, you see more clearly than ever the precious things you truly need to know about your imperfect lover.
But facing death while married is also a bitter thing.
Because the pain is doubled when you watch your spouse die, and even quadrupled when you both die.
And if you have children, the pain is even greater.

Even at the moment of death, one body

That was the case with John and Betty Stam.
They were missionaries of the China Inland Mission.
After meeting each other at Moody Bible Institute, Betty left for China in 1931, and John left a year later.
They were born on October 25, 1933, in R.
A. I got married with Torrey as the officiant.
John was 26 years old and Betty was 27.

The area was already in a state of danger at the time due to the civil war between the Chinese Nationalist Party and the Chinese Communist Party.
Helen Priscilla was born on September 11, 1934.
Three months later, Helen's parents were beheaded by communist forces on a hill outside Miaoxiao.
Little Helen was hidden in a blanket with ten dollar bills.
Geraldine Taylor, daughter-in-law of Hudson Taylor (founder of the China Inland Mission), published the story of the Stam couple's martyrdom two years after their deaths.
Every time I read that story, I am moved to tears by the complex intertwining of preciousness and pain that comes with marriage and children.

The next morning, as they were roughly dragged out to be killed, that little baby had never been more precious to them than the last time they saw him… …Bound painfully with ropes, his hands behind his back, his outer clothing stripped off, John barefoot (he gave his socks to Betty), they passed through streets where many people knew John.
The communists shouted and taunted, calling people to come and watch the execution.

Like their Lord, they too were dragged up a small hill outside the village.
There, in the pine forest, the communists spoke passionately to the reluctant onlookers, but they were all too terrified to protest.
But then someone stepped forward! He was a local doctor and a Christian, and speaking for many, he knelt down and pleaded for the lives of his friends.
Despite being repelled by the enraged communists, he clung to the end.
Finally, it was discovered that he too was a disciple of Christ, and he was dragged out as a prisoner to be executed.

John turned to the leader and begged him to spare the man's life.
The moment John received the sharp command to kneel (the next moment, the look of joy on his face indicated an unseen presence that had accompanied them as his soul departed), Betty's body seemed to tremble, but only for a moment.
Bound, she knelt beside John.
The order was given, a flash of swords (luckily she didn't see it) and they reunited.

Nothing is lost

Yes, that's right.
They were reunited.
But not as a couple.
The reason is that Jesus said, “When people rise from the dead, they neither marry nor are given in marriage, but are like the angels in heaven” (Mark 12:25).
There is no human marriage after death.
The shadow of the covenant between husband and wife gives way to the reality of the covenant between Christ and His glorified church.
Nothing is lost.
It's just music that gives joy transposed to an infinitely higher key.
Dietrich Bonhoeffer and John and Betty Stam are now even more united in love.
A deeper intimacy than John and Betty ever enjoyed in marriage, and than Dietrich and Maria ever would have enjoyed in marriage.
They “will shine like the sun in the kingdom of their Father” (Matthew 13:43).
Their sublime perfection reveals the glory of Christ.
Also, in the coming time, their bodies will be redeemed, and all creation will share in the eternal joy with the children of God (Romans 8:21).

As a crown makes a king, so marriage makes one.

Two years before his death, during the month of his imprisonment, Bonhoeffer wrote “A Wedding Sermon from the Prison Cell” in the military prison in Tegel, Berlin.
The text was Ephesians 1:12.
“……so that we who first hoped in Christ should be to the praise of his glory.”

Marriage is more than just love for each other… … In your love you see only the heaven of your own love, but in marriage you are placed in a position of responsibility for the world and humanity.
Your love is your own, but marriage is more than just something personal.
That is, it is a position and a job.
Just as it is not only the will to rule but also the crown that makes a king, it is not only love for one another but also marriage that unites us before God and man.

The purpose of this book is to broaden your vision of what marriage is.
As Bonhoeffer said, marriage is more than just mutual love.
It goes far beyond that.
The meaning is infinitely vast.
I say this cautiously.
The meaning of marriage is an expression of the covenant-keeping love between Christ and His people.
This covenant-keeping love reached its culmination in Christ's death for His bride, the Church.
The death of Christ is the ultimate expression of grace, and that grace is the ultimate expression of the glory of God, which is of infinite value.
Therefore, when Paul says that our great and final destiny is “to the praise of the glory of [God’s] grace” (Eph. 1:6), he is exalting marriage to the utmost.
Because through marriage, God reveals the culmination of His glorious grace in a unique way.
“For Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her” (Ephesians 5:25).

An Unusual Way to Start a Book About Marriage

Thinking about martyrdom might seem like an odd way to begin a book about marriage.
If we lived in a different world and had a different Bible, I might have thought this was out of place.
But the Bible I read says this:

Those who have wives should act as if they had none (1 Corinthians 7:29).

If anyone comes to me and does not hate his own father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters, yes, and his own life as well, he cannot be my disciple (Luke 14:26).

And he said to them, “Truly I tell you, there is no one who has left house or wife or brothers or parents or children, for the sake of the kingdom of God, who will not receive a hundredfold now in this age, and in the age to come eternal life” (Luke 18:29-30).

I interpret these passages this way:
Marriage is a good gift from God, but the world is fallen, sin abounds, obedience comes at a high price, suffering is inevitable, and “a man’s enemies will be the members of his own household” (Matthew 10:36).
There may be dramatic romance, intense sexual intimacy, and precious children.
But hold on to these just a little bit.
As if it wasn't being held.
This is what Bonhoeffer is showing.
To highlight his life and what he meant throughout this book, I will briefly quote him at the beginning of each chapter so you can hear what he has to say.

Romance, sex, and parenting are temporary gifts from God.
They are things that do not belong to the next life.
Even in this life, it is not guaranteed.
They are just one possible path among the narrow paths that lead to paradise.
Marriage can take you through breathtakingly beautiful plateaus or through suffocating, steamy swamps.
Marriage makes many things sweeter, but it also brings with it bitter providences.

We did it

Marriage is a temporary gift.
I have only scratched the surface of the wonders and heartaches of marriage.
I want you to go further, deeper, higher.
As this book is being published, Noel and I are celebrating our 40th wedding anniversary.
Noel is a great gift from God to me.
We sometimes talk about the wonder of staying married until one of us dies.
It's not like our marriage was completely without problems.
So we imagine ourselves in our 70s and 80s (when divorce will be both a sin and a socially foolish thing).
We'll sit across from each other at the Old Country Buffet, look at each other's wrinkled faces, smile, and say, deeply moved by God's grace:
“We did it.”
For those just starting out, I would like to share the following words of Bonhoeffer:

“Welcome one another for the glory of God.” This is what God says about your marriage.
Thank God for your marriage.
Be thankful to Him who has brought you this far.
Ask Him to establish, strengthen, sanctify, and preserve your marriage.
Then your marriage will be “a praise to the glory of God.”
amen.