Prologue: The Secrets of People with a Strong Center in Their Lives: Discovered Through 15 Years of Counseling

Part 1: Why am I easily swayed by trivial matters?: The Self

Chapter 1 Why I Encourage People to Stand Alone
- What makes you feel difficult?
- 3 Meanings of Standing Alone That People Surprisingly Don't Know
- Why your whole life changes only when you stand alone
- What you need now if you want to lean on anything

Chapter 2 Why can't I trust myself and am swayed by the little things other people say?
- Two conflicting desires live in our hearts.
- The desire to be free vs.
The desire to be recognized
- The psychology of people who are not easily swayed by others' words
- We are all moderately inadequate and moderately good people.

Chapter 3: The Moment You Feel Unsteady: Why You Should Examine Your Emotions First
- The one truth about life is that it never goes as planned.
- So it's natural to feel uncomfortable.
- Having bad feelings doesn't mean you're a bad person.
- How to be at peace with the anger within you

Chapter 4: Is he being rude? Am I being sensitive?
- Issues to consider before assuming he is rude
- A very old wound could be the problem.
- People who get angry because they are in so much pain
- No more fearing or ignoring the hurt

Chapter 5 My Most Powerful Enemy: Negative Thinking Habits
- What happens when I become the 'judge' who judges myself
- But what should I do about the way I look that I don't like?
- Blaming your parents is the most vain thing in the world.
- The first thing you need to do to break the negative thinking habit


Part 2: How to avoid being swayed by moods that change several times a day: Emotions

Chapter 6: Knowing Your Emotional Patterns Comes First
- There are patterns to emotions too.
- Understand the emotional patterns that operate without you knowing: 5 elements for reading emotional patterns
- Don't mistake your feelings and thoughts for facts.
- Distinguish between what you can control and what you cannot.

Chapter 7 The three emotions that need the most care: helplessness, depression, and anxiety
- What people fear more than electric shock
- Apathy: I don't know what I really want to do.
- Depression: I'm sure I'll fail
- Anxiety: I'm worried that I won't be able to do everything well.

Chapter 8: How to Escape the Emotional Swings That Only Leave Regret and Misunderstanding
Why you should never put the saying "follow your heart" into practice
- Characteristics of people who are good at controlling their emotions
- Let go of the dangerous 'all or nothing' mindset.
7 Behavioral Therapies to Beat Mood Swings


Part 3: Only When We Can Stand Alone Do We Become Good Adults: Relationships

Chapter 9: Only when we can stand alone do we become decent adults.
- What you need to learn to become a person with strong roots
- Become the master of your life based on self-confidence
- Standing Alone Training 1: How to Accept Your Emotions
- Standing Alone Training 2: How to Check Your Thoughts
- Standing Alone Training 3: How to Support My Actions

Chapter 10 The Secret of People Everyone Likes Without Trying or Trying to Dress Up
: Standing alone in human relationships
- The biggest mistake made by people who think asking for favors is a nuisance
- The true meaning of standing alone in a relationship
- Why being honest and natural is so important
- How to get what you want without hurting others

Chapter 11 How to Become a Person Who Loves and Be Loved Without Regret
: Standing Alone in Love
No matter how much you love, loneliness never goes away.
- The more you love someone, the more you need to keep your distance.
- True love is the willingness to let the other person be freer.
- Things you must keep in mind to stay with that person for a long time


Part 4: Becoming more generous to yourself, more gentle to others, and more comfortable in life: The Psychology of Standing Alone: ​​World Edition

Chapter 12: 12 Psychological Lessons to Cherish and Care for Yourself, the Most Precious Person in the World
Chapter 13: Standing Alone Training (Practical Edition) - The Practice of Taking Care of Myself Continues

Excessive mood swings, excessive self-criticism, old emotional wounds, habitual loneliness…
“Why can’t I break free from bad psychological habits no matter how hard I try?”

“I keep getting on edge with every word my friend says”, “I’m unhappy because my boyfriend hasn’t changed at all”, “I get angry because my child doesn’t listen to me”, “I feel so lonely because he doesn’t accept me completely”, “I’m afraid of failing before I even try anything”, “I’m afraid people will be disappointed in me someday”…

The author, who has been a clinical psychologist and counselor for 15 years and has counseled a variety of people with various psychological problems, has discovered one commonality among his clients.
Even though the outward appearances may be different, if you look inside, you will see that they are all connected to the problem of standing alone.
People who came to the counseling room with emotional pain were unable to stand alone and were always leaning on something.
Some people were overly sensitive to the opinions of others, some were unhappy because people didn't do what they wanted, and some people constantly tormented themselves by holding themselves to perfectionistic expectations.
They believed that they were lacking and deficient in something, and that others or the world would fill that void.
In other words, they believed that the power to make them happy existed outside of themselves.
But as long as you place your standards for life on external factors, you will continue to be swayed by them.
Because we are easily hurt by people and the world that do not go our way, and we have to constantly worry about losing our reputation and being on edge in the face of a crisis that could strike at any time.

The author speaks to those who rely on something with a wavering heart and who suffer repeatedly because of that dependence.
Distinguishing between what you can control and what you cannot is the key to becoming a psychological adult.
Other people, the world, and the past are things that are beyond our control.
On the other hand, it is up to me to decide how to accept the world and act.
Knowing how to read and control that mind is all we can do, and it is the only way to lead our lives the way we want.

“The reason you repeat misfortune is because you haven’t yet stood on your own two feet.”
If you really want to change now, you should start by examining your ability to stand on your own two feet.

So, those who want to hold on to the center of their lives without being shaken any longer, and those who want to maintain a constant mood and attitude in their daily lives, must learn to stand alone.
Standing alone is an effort to take back control of one's happiness without relying on others, emotions, or bad habits.
Let's take a closer look at the meaning of standing alone, which people surprisingly don't know much about.
First, it is the ability to distinguish between controllable and uncontrollable things.
As I said before, other people's feelings, the past that has already passed, and unexpected events like unemployment or illness are things that are beyond my control.
Although it is regrettable, it is better to let go of your obsession.
On the other hand, I can control my mind.
Therefore, standing alone is putting finite time and energy into a controllable mind.
Second, standing alone is having the ability to know and manage your own mind well.
We all look at the world through our own glasses.
The belief that 'if you are accepted, loved, and successful, you will be happy' is just a story about the world seen through the glasses I wear.
But the moment he mistakes that for the truth, without realizing that he is wearing glasses, he is overcome with all kinds of suffering.
Conversely, the attitude of knowing that one is wearing glasses and trying to observe them is standing alone.
So, people who are good at standing on their own two feet are not easily swayed by emotions and thoughts.
Rather, I want to observe it from a distance and choose for myself how to act.
It means taking the initiative and leading actions rather than responding to each and every situation in the world.
Third, when you learn to manage your mind well, you gain control over your life and your confidence in life increases.
We usually react and act according to what we see and hear, forgetting that we are wearing glasses.
When someone says something they don't want to hear, they automatically get irritated and raise their voice, without even realizing that what they're saying sounds like nagging because of the glasses they're wearing.
But once I become aware of the glasses in my eyes and begin to observe them, I can choose how to respond.
Instead of getting angry and regretting it, you can decide whether to pretend not to hear or give advice without making them feel bad.
The more choices you have, the more control you have over your life, which in turn leads to confidence.

“Only when we can stand alone do we become decent adults.”
An American clinical psychologist who has been counseling people with independence and dependence issues for over 15 years tells us:
Everything about emotions, self, and relationships for a confident life

People who can stand on their own two feet are less likely to be swayed by their surroundings because they have the confidence that they can handle any situation that comes their way.
Because you know yourself well and have confidence in your own judgment and actions, you become less dependent on external sources.
They maintain an objective perspective and a sense of balance about themselves, others, and the world.
They are not sensitive to the opinions of others, do not easily fall into self-criticism, and are willing to seek help rather than trying to hide their shortcomings.
They have less emotional ups and downs, are less prone to being irritable, and respond flexibly to situations.
As a result, human relationships naturally improve and life becomes smoother.
This is the tremendous change that occurs when you stand alone without relying on anything.
The world and other people remain the same, but the world I see, hear, and interact with is completely different.
In this book, the author explains how standing alone should be applied not only to personal aspects such as emotions, thoughts, and actions, but also to all aspects of life, including work, love, and interpersonal relationships.
We'll examine each reason we rely on others' opinions, our emotional ups and downs, our past hurts, our habitual self-blame, and how to deal with it and stand on our own two feet.
In particular, it focuses on the emotional ups and downs that modern people find most difficult, and provides specific suggestions on how to identify one's emotional patterns, seven behavioral therapies to overcome emotional ups and downs, and how to deal with apathy, depression, and anxiety, which are the emotions that require the most caution.
Furthermore, we will look at how to stand alone in terms of interpersonal relationships and how to be alone and together in a loving relationship.
I hope that those who repeatedly repeat bad psychological habits, those who are shaken by excessive dependence and sensitivity, and those who waste each day blaming the world and others who do not go their way will read this book and firmly center their minds, thereby regaining control and confidence in their lives and moving forward boldly into the future.

A rare book that addresses the issues of dependence and independence, a key topic in psychology, in the vivid language of the millennial generation.
- [Publisher's Weekly]

Dr. Fielding gives us the most powerful weapon to navigate these uncertain times.
The weapon of self-confidence and faith, that is, standing alone.
- [Forbes]