Don't be a slave to your worries,
Become the master of your worries!

Takashi Sugita, a famous Japanese psychological counselor who is also highly sought after overseas.
But in fact, before he became a counselor, he was a reclusive loner who lived surrounded by countless worries.
What is the secret behind his transformation from a reclusive loner to a psychologist who helps people solve their worries, after a string of failed jobs and scars in interpersonal relationships?

After receiving hundreds of hours of counseling and studying thousands of hours of counseling psychology, he discovered that the culprit of his worries was none other than “himself.”
It is natural for everyone to have worries, and they are unavoidable.
However, some people can easily escape from their worries, while others are caught up in them and cannot escape. The difference lies in whether or not they feed their worries.

Many books about worry make impossible promises, like “I’ll take your worries and concerns away in one fell swoop.”
And they only teach us methods that are not very helpful in reality, such as “always think positively” and “keep your mind at ease.”
However, the author of this book, as a “worry expert,” tells us how to understand and accept the state of mind called “worry,” how to manage and resolve that “worry,” and even how to make that “worry” the driving force of life.
Through the author's vivid, firsthand accounts, we will learn to easily and conveniently understand the true nature of worry and learn how to deal with it.

To put it metaphorically, worry is like a gluttonous monster that follows us around like a shadow.
This monster has a very strong appetite, so it will constantly chase after anyone who feeds it.
The more food it receives, the bigger and heavier it becomes, and eventually it crushes the person who gave it food.
So, people who are good at controlling their worries don't feed this monster.
Instead of trying to force away the worry that rushes in and makes you drool, you make yourself small and hungry, leaving you powerless.

--- p.7

The reason we deal with our worries 'in our own way' is because we have never 'properly' learned how to deal with worry or anxiety.
Neither at school nor at home, I've ever learned anything concrete like, "What is worry?", "Why do we worry?", or "What should we do when we have worries?"
In this book, I'd like to step by step explain the skills for coexisting with worry, which aren't taught in school or at home.
To you who are having a hard time day by day, carrying unresolved worries.

--- p.18

Most worries can be summarized in a clear form: a clash of two conflicting desires.
If you look closely at your worries, you will see that your conscious and unconscious minds are pointing in different directions.
The human mind tends to expand in so many directions that even we ourselves may not realize it.
Of these, we are only conscious of a small part.
There may have been a war going on in your mind without you even knowing it.
Just facing the truth of your worries and understanding their true nature can bring a lot of peace to your mind.

--- p.22

The result is to guide, not control.
We can try several things to induce results.
Of course, things may not go as planned.
But that's something even the Roman emperor couldn't do anything about.
So whenever I have a problem, I ask myself:
'Is this problem something I can control? Or am I just struggling with something I can't control?'

--- p.34

So self-loathing and self-pity are a pair that always go together.
Because the mind is always trying to find balance, even when we are not aware of it.
When self-loathing arises, self-pity follows.
Because you have to affirm yourself as much as you deny yourself to achieve balance.
This kind of self-loathing is nothing more than a situation where you live as you please and forgive and comfort yourself.

--- p.43

A person's inner self is more natural when it is a complex mixture of various emotions.
Because that's just how people are.
No one reacts consistently to every situation.
Each of them has its own little contradictions.
We must not try to eliminate these contradictions.
No, trying to get rid of it will only lead to failure.
Instead, I just need to accept the contradictions within me as they are, manage them well, and resolve them in a way that I can understand.
There is nothing wrong with having bad feelings.
That kind of mind is mine, and another kind of mind is mine too.
'I' am a whole made up of various minds.

--- p.59

It's surprising how often relationships problems are resolved when you don't stir things up unnecessarily.
We've all had that experience where the more we try to solve a problem, the worse it gets instead of getting better.
It's like if you keep picking at a pimple, it will eventually fester and bleed.
In such cases, you should consider that the clue to solving the problem may lie somewhere else entirely.
You have to realize that you also have the option of giving up on solving the problem and leaving it to time.
It's not always the case that confronting every problem head-on is the right answer.
--- p.77

It may sound strange, but worrying can also bring peace of mind.
Because while you are worrying, you can feel proud that 'I am living this hard.'
There is one more reason.
The point is that while you are thinking, you will not fail.
If you don't execute, you won't succeed, but you won't fail either.
You can live each day by continuing to dream and cherishing the optimistic hope that 'someday it will come true.'
It's as if nothing happens if you don't confess to the person you like.

--- p.96

Mythologist Joseph Campbell said, “People are loved not for what they can do or what they have, but rather for what they cannot do or what they do not have.”
Think about it.
If Mickey Mouse had a perfectly proportioned 9-head-to-10-inch body, a sharp nose, and well-toned muscles, would he have become the mascot of Disneyland? And what about the intelligent and logical Tom and Jerry?

--- p.144

The point is to avoid creating situations where conflict will arise.
It's like not entering a bear zone.
No human can win a fight with a bear.
But anyone can do something about it: avoid entering places where bears are likely to appear.
The conflict in our hearts is the same.
There are not many people who are strong-willed enough to overcome conflict.
But anyone can avoid situations that could lead to conflict.

--- p.149