If "The Courage to be Hated" motivated us to live a proactive life,
Adler's Emotional Class presents a way to live as the master of your emotions!

The Adlerian psychology craze that began after “The Courage to be Disliked” shows no signs of abating.
This may be because Adler's theory instilled self-esteem in people and motivated them to live their lives proactively.
However, the usefulness of Adlerian psychology in emotional problems is not well known.
This may be because there is no book that deals with emotional issues in depth based on Adlerian psychology.
In that sense, Adler's Emotional Education is a very timely book.


Gary McKay and Don Dinkmeyer, both Adlerian Psychology Association (NASAP) scholars, are counselors who lecture and write extensively in the United States and Europe.
Based on Adlerian psychology, they have helped tens of thousands of people acquire the ability to choose their emotions, and have compiled and summarized their experiences and research results from actual psychological counseling sessions into the book "Adler's Emotion Class," which has remained a steady seller on Amazon's US bookstore since its publication.


Through this book, the authors reveal the purpose of the most problematic emotions for modern people, such as anger, depression, anxiety, and guilt, and ask readers whether they will passively follow those purposes and emotions or choose new purposes and emotions for a constructive and happy life.
It also reveals the benefits of positive emotions like joy and happiness and suggests various ways to achieve them.
By providing stress management techniques, the Adlerian method of effective emotional communication, and conflict resolution techniques, this book systematically provides a detailed methodology for living as the master of one's emotions.


Adler's Emotional Lessons, which combines solid theory, detailed methodology, and 31 "Today's Emotional Lessons" designed to help readers directly apply these teachings to their lives, can be considered a 21st-century encyclopedia of emotions + practical workbook.

Freud believed that emotions were inevitable and arising from past events.
This is called causal theory.
Humans were seen as victims of past events or given circumstances, and the emotions that arise as a result are uncontrollable.
He pointed out the contradiction between body and mind, consciousness and unconsciousness, reason and emotion with the words, “I know, but I can’t stop.”
But Adler's way of looking at emotions is completely different.
First of all, Adler believed that all human behavior and emotions have their own unique purpose.
This is called 'Adler's teleology'.
Humans use all means, including reason, emotions, and the body, to achieve the goals they have set for themselves.
That is, even though my reason and emotions may seem contradictory on the surface, in reality they are running together toward one goal.
--- p.26

How would you feel if you heard that a college student was involved in a car accident while riding a bicycle? You might feel compassion for the student and anger at the driver.
But your neighbor might be more angry at the college student and sympathetic to the driver.
Why does this difference occur?
The reason cannot be in the incident itself.
You and your neighbor heard the same news.
However, the reason for the different reactions is because there are different views on riding a bicycle on the road.
If you feel completely different emotions when looking at the same event, it means that your perspective ultimately determines your emotions.
Then my feelings can be freely determined by changing my perspective.
--- p.29

There is a preconception that emotions cannot be controlled by oneself.
Many people believe that, like being on an airplane that flies on autopilot, they cannot directly 'control' their emotions.
But as we have seen, emotions can be changed at will, depending on our judgment.
In particular, people act emotionally and change their emotions without hesitation if they judge that the outcome will not be good.
The stereotype that emotions are automatic psychological reactions that we cannot control is simply a result of the old habit of reflexively expressing our emotions.
--- p.32

When we believe that our emotions are influenced by other people or our surroundings, we often say, “That’s why I feel like…”
This is when you depend on other people or your surroundings for your feelings.
If that's the case, then you can't choose new emotions unless your surroundings change.
This statement also implies an attitude of not wanting to take responsibility for one's own feelings.
However, the responsibility for one's emotions lies with the person involved, and no one can control one's emotions without active change on their part.
However, many counselors frequently ask their clients, “How did that make you feel?”, which can lead to confusion about the issue of emotional responsibility.
--- p.66

The reason depression is difficult to treat is because depression actually has some useful properties for the person suffering from it.
That is, because of the purpose that depression contains.
That is precisely why depression becomes the basis for avoiding responsibility for one's own actions.
Some people try to lower others' expectations by emphasizing their own weaknesses, thereby reducing the pressure to get things done.
And we secretly hope for the protection and consideration of others.
Furthermore, some people use depression as an excuse for failure and a defense mechanism against criticism.
--- p.122

Guilt is a painful emotion.
But changing ourselves is more difficult and painful.
We've all had experiences where we didn't do what we were supposed to do, or where we betrayed our own or someone else's expectations.
If that happens, I feel guilty.
I feel a deep regret about why I didn't do it, or why I did it.
But soon, they start making excuses about themselves and their faults, such as, "I'm too busy," "I forget," or "You expect too much of me."
Guilt is also a type of excuse.
When you admit your mistakes, you feel guilty, and guilt 'excuses' you for your mistakes.
But guilt is not enough to compensate for wrongdoing.
--- p.153

It would be strange if you didn't feel fear and anxiety when driving on narrow, winding mountain roads.
Anxiety can actually be beneficial to you, as long as you don't become overwhelmed.
In this case, it would be an opportunity to drive more carefully.
Speaking in front of people, or giving public speeches, is also a common source of anxiety.
However, through thorough preparation and prior practice, you can reduce your anxiety and appear competent.
In other words, if you don't let anxiety overwhelm you and use it well, it has many positive aspects, such as helping you protect yourself and taking steps to prepare for danger.
--- p.168

What makes me happy and joyful? A perfect job or lover? A shiny new car? A dream home? But even those things that make me happy have their drawbacks.
Even in the 'perfect' job, there are things we hate waiting for us.
Even if you are a perfect couple, if you live with them every day, you will start to see their flaws.
Having a new car and a beautiful home doesn't come cheap.
Let me ask you again.
“What makes me happy and joyful?”
The answer is simple.
It is yourself.
Like other emotions, joy does not come from external events, but from within ourselves.
Joy is an emotion that arises from one's beliefs and attitude toward life.
Your emotions are influenced by your purpose, beliefs, and thoughts, and therefore you can create your own joy.
--- p.189

The reason why we feel embarrassed when we do something that the other person doesn't like is because we are embarrassed and try to get the other person to forgive us.
It is to save.
Conversely, when we are embarrassed by someone else's actions, we often think that they did something stupid.
In other words, it is an expression of superiority.
Or they may show confusion with the intention of controlling the other person's behavior.
For example, you try to control the other person's behavior in advance by saying, "If you do that, I will be embarrassed."
--- p.212

The message means using 'I' as the subject of the sentence.
This is an expression of taking responsibility for one's emotions by clearly stating that the subject of one's emotions is 'me'.
You can express your feelings without attacking, blaming, mocking, or judging the other person.
“It breaks my heart to hear such words.”
“I feel like I’m being pushed around somehow.
I don't think I can do what you want.
“I hope so, you know.”
“I’m worried and panicked because the guests are arriving soon.
I'm worried if you've finished all your chores.
“I’m saying this because I don’t want to ask you twice.”
The difference is clear when compared to the following You-Message.
“Don’t talk to me like that!”
“Don’t push me like that!”
“How many times do I have to tell you before you understand?”
Can you see the difference? When you hear the I-message above, don't you want to respect others even more?

--- p.255