“You are someone who has already been deeply loved.”
A book that helps me discover myself and find the courage to be kind.

Essay on the Mind by Dr. Sooyeon Cho, an expert in object relations theory and counseling psychology.

A book that reaches out to those who pursue "harmless relationships" and "a decent life alone," encouraging them to be kind and to love noisily.
The author, a counseling psychologist, recommends that even if you are afraid of the busyness and pain that comes with being in a relationship, you ultimately go with someone.
If you want to move towards the decent adult, affectionate daily life, and upright life you desire, you must face the self that is touched in 'relationships', and only after going through that process can you grow.

Meeting someone in a crowded setting is definitely not an efficient use of time.
Two people do things together that could be done alone.
You can eat and watch a movie alone, but two people meet, face each other, and talk.
Even things that can be done well by oneself are given the opportunity to be done first by the other person.
Choosing to do something you don't have to do every day is affection and love.


The point of this book is that, strangely enough, the process is actually a joy rather than a burden.
We have all been deeply loved by someone, and we have the power to pass that love on.
This book confirms the courage to be affectionate and to love within us.

If you hesitate to meet new people because of past pain and wounds, or if you meet someone you want to show affection to but are hesitant, I recommend this book.
As an expert in object relations theory, I will convince you of the nourishment that past and future affections can bring to our lives.

These days, we live in an era that pursues 'harmless relationships'.
We've become accustomed to keeping our distance and closing our hearts to avoid getting hurt.
I did the same.
I was sharp and sensitive, easily hurt, and often lonely.
Relationships aren't easy.
Giving and receiving love is more difficult.
Yet, I dare to lead you into a loving, intimate relationship.
I want to tell you that the road is not as scary as you think, because you have already been down it once.
Whether it's family, friends, or lovers - we've lived giving our hearts to someone, and we've lived receiving hearts from someone.

Rather than receiving messages like, "Let's build good relationships" or "Let's love well," I hope this book will help you recall memories of loving and being loved throughout your life.
We want to help you discover memories of those who loved and were loved, such as the heartwarming experience of receiving a small piece of candy, the face of someone who smiled brightly at my insignificant note, and someone who listened to my boring words.

May you be willing to make a fuss, and through that fuss, encounter love, and ultimately, may the comfort, strength, fulfillment, and unparalleled joy that intimacy brings flow into your life.
I believe that it will ultimately lead you to a more authentic and happier life.

--- From "Prologue_You are a being who has already been deeply loved"

In social relationships, my emotions are calm.
Expectations are not high, so the waves are calm.
Even the emotions I felt momentarily do not linger in my mind for long and quickly subside without shaking me.
But why do our emotions fluctuate so much when we meet someone close to us, especially someone we love?
Perhaps it was the wave of a signal sent by the sincerity and effort of my heart toward that person, or perhaps it was because my things were conveyed, that person became mine, and that person no longer felt like a stranger, but rather me.
The excitement, joy, jealousy, sadness, and anxiety that become clearer when you have a precious person you love...
There is always something precious buried at the source of those emotions.
It could be a memory, a wound, or a piece of myself that I thought I had long forgotten.
Emotions are like a storehouse of memories, and the most intense emotions contain the oldest stories of my life.
When emotions fluctuate, it's a sign that something important has been touched within me.
It's an opportunity to get to know myself, and it might be a gateway to growth.
Emotions I would have ignored if I were alone.
These are the moments when you finally face someone you love.
It's not that the person touched me, but it's that the feeling was always inside me, and now I'm discovering it thanks to the person I love, and it becomes a meaningful moment.

--- 「Chapter 1.
From "When does love make me tremble?"

We often break down when we give love and don't receive it in return.
It feels unfair, sad, and lonely because it feels like I'm the only one who's put in the effort and it feels like I'm the only one who's worked hard.
But at some point, you suddenly realize.
That the traces of my experience of love remain meaningful.
That the time I loved never faded away, and ultimately made me a deeper and stronger person.
Although breakups are always painful, they can also serve as a springboard for growth and serve as important milestones in our lives and a criterion for making choices.
In the despair of 'I don't want to be hurt like this again', we instead make a promise to ourselves, 'From now on, I will love in a way that doesn't hurt me.'
Love changes the way I see myself, and relationships make me question who I am.
All those 'question and answer times' were ultimately the strength that made me live as myself.
It was an opportunity to expand my depth and breadth, something that would be difficult to achieve alone.
“I was a person who was easily hurt.
However, he was also a person who did not give up easily.”
“I was willing to be affectionate, and in the end, that affection saved me.”
“I was clumsy at love, but I chose love anyway, so I have no regrets.”
I hope you can quietly say these sentences to yourself and to someone else.
And finally, I would like to say this.
“No matter how tumultuous your life may be, may it ultimately be filled with tender moments.”
“May the moments we have lovingly written remain in your life as a trace of your own love and life.”
So that you can choose not to give up and avoid love
I would like to express my deepest gratitude to the countless people who have walked alongside me in my life and to those I am with now.

--- From "Epilogue_All those affectionate hearts, in the end, become the time that nurtures me"