I feel uncomfortable when I go to a meeting and anxious when I don't go.
A Monarchy for Mothers of Our Time
"It's helpful, relatable, and refreshing."

There are human relationships that are the most difficult to experience in life.
The relationships with other mothers.
A relationship where you quickly become close only because of a child, with no other commonalities, but then turn your back on the child just as quickly.
Because we are in similar situations, we can easily empathize and often help each other out, but we also have a lot of comparisons and jealousy, and we unintentionally hurt each other.
Perhaps that is why many people complain that mothers' meetings are particularly difficult.
From mothers who feel uncomfortable going out but force themselves to do so for the sake of their children, to mothers who want to actively participate in gatherings but feel discouraged because they are often left out, mothers' concerns are endless.


To solve these mothers' concerns, the world's one and only 'Monarchy for Mothers' was created.
Kang Bin-mom, author of "Why I Don't Go to Moms' Groups," posted on social media about her concerns about "the unique human relationships in the world of moms" and the process of finding answers to those concerns.
However, these articles evoked explosive sympathy from other mothers, and at their request, they eventually led to the publication of e-books and even paper books.
This book does not simply view mothers' relationships negatively.
We believe that there are relationships that enrich the mind and contribute to each other's growth, and we offer practical, helpful advice on how to build such relationships.
The author, who has read countless books to solve problems in mother-child relationships, has found the causes and answers to problems based on various psychological theories, and applies them to cases around her to tell the story in an easy and fun way.
Have you ever been sucked into a moms' group? Or do you harbor negative prejudices about them without even trying? This book is by, for, and about moms—a book every mom will 100 percent relate to!

Because it is not a one-on-one relationship between me and the other person, but a relationship of two people meeting in pairs, with me and the child, and the other person and the other person's child, there is a lot to say and a lot of trouble.
It is a relationship in which a bond is formed more easily and quickly than in any other relationship through a child, but conversely, it is a relationship in which one can turn one's back more easily than in any other relationship because of a child.
When children fight or hurt each other, mothers get more excited than the children.
Eventually, even if the children want to become close again later, they end up not being able to play together because they have to be mindful of their mothers' opinions.
In the end, yesterday's best friend becomes today's enemy.
--- p.7, from “Prologue_The highest level of difficulty human relationships begin”

“I’m also leaving next week. Would it be okay if I join you?”
It shouldn't sound too desperate or pushy.
But you must not show arrogance, as if you don't care if they don't include you.
I asked humbly, pretending to be aloof.
“Of course! Okay.
“Please give me your phone number.”
Other mothers also welcomed me warmly, so that my courage, which was calculated in its own way, would not be insignificant.
Yay! I have a new cooking classmate.
I contacted my friends and bragged about it to them.
“I also have a stroke!”
My friend said with a soft laugh.
“Welcome to the world of mothers.”
--- p.22, from “Chapter 1: A gathering of mothers who feel uncomfortable when they go out and anxious when they don’t”

Contrary to the popular belief that mothers' gatherings end in disaster, some groups last for decades, and the secret to long-lasting gatherings is often 'not bragging about your children.'
In other words, the reason why it is difficult to maintain a group is because of ‘bragging about children.’
When one side brags, the other side becomes jealous, and eventually a rift develops between them.
Yet, when mothers gather together, the thing they do most is brag about their children.
It hurts to just listen to other people's children bragging about themselves, so I try to make something to brag about and participate.
“My eyesight has gotten really bad because I only read books.
“What will you do if you get into a gifted high school?” He says it as if he is mocking his own child, but he is actually bragging.
When mothers gather together, they all brag about their children.
But the moment you brag about your child, someone will feel jealous and envious, and they may be even more pleased if the child shows even a small flaw.
So, it is wise not to brag about your children to everyone.
--- p.106~107, from “Chapter 3_Eight Dignified Attitudes to Maintain at Mothers’ Gatherings”

“I hope everyone got home safely. Today was fun, as always.”
4, 3, 2, 1, … … .
No one responded even though the number 1 was missing from the message.
‘It looks like everyone is busy… … .
I guess it's time to put the baby to bed.
I'll leave a message later.'
It was a group chat where we usually communicated without a break, but I thought that there were days like this and didn't think much of it.
But even after leaving work, the group chat was quiet the next morning.
Only then did Ga-eul's mother, who had a bad feeling about something, call Chae-bin's mother, but she didn't answer.
It was the same for other mothers.
Something definitely seemed wrong.
What could have happened? Ga-eul's mother was at a loss in this absurd situation that had unfolded without warning.
I couldn't even guess because this was the first time something like this had happened in my life.
Can you imagine? What would it be like if four friends, having fun and laughing together, returned home and then suddenly cut off contact, as if they'd just cut off contact?
Moreover, I couldn't even contact my best friend Chaebin's mother.
Not knowing the reason, my anxiety grew.
--- p.185~186, from “Chapter 6: ‘Secret Bullying’ That 99% of Women Experience”

We live with various defense mechanisms depending on the situation and target.
It is instinctive to want to protect oneself out of fear of getting hurt.
Just as the immune system protects our bodies from germs, defense mechanisms can also have a positive effect in that they can keep the self safe from injury.
What matters is how flexibly and healthily you use these.
Even if it is for self-protection, if it ends up sacrificing the relationship, it is not healthy.
If I continue to deceive myself without properly facing conflict, I will ultimately not be able to form quality relationships and I will not be able to develop myself.
Remember that defense mechanisms are only temporary measures.
When we can properly examine and respond to our emotions, we can live truly happy lives.
--- p.244, from “Chapter 7_Knowing Defense Mechanisms Provides a Clue to Relationship Resolution”

These days, we don't have as many moms' gatherings as we used to, and I only meet with close moms about once a month.
Instead, once we meet, we chat excitedly as if we were high school classmates.
When someone brings good news, we are genuinely happy; when we hear sad news, we feel sad together; when someone tells us a story that makes us seethe with anger, we grit our teeth together and enjoy the joy of empathy.
After parting ways with them and returning home, I rarely find myself ruminating on what the other person said or ruminating on my own mistakes.
All I can say is that I hope everyone stays healthy and safe until the next time we meet.
People who started out as my child's friend's mother but are now my friends.
A relationship that is fun when you meet and clean even after you break up.
So, it's a relationship where you look forward to the next meeting.
Isn't it a joy that can be enjoyed by meeting occasionally?

--- p.280~281, from “Chapter 9_Strong Me, Strong Mom, and Strong Child”