Author's Note

I need to know the genetic code to see my child.

The Illusion of Perfect Parenting | Every Child Is Different | Parents Who Forget the Importance of Genes | Parenting That Unleashes Innate Temperament | How to Use This Book | [Key Summary]

Chapter 1: Scientifically Examining Genetics and the Environment

Traditional Family Studies and Their Limitations | The Influence of Genes and Environment ① Adoption Studies | The Influence of Genes and Environment ② Twin Studies | Parents Still Play a Crucial Role | [Key Summary]

Chapter 2: Genes Influence Our Lives in Complex Ways

Three Ways Genes and Environment Interact | The Feedback Loop Genes Create in Life | The Role of Good Parenting: Shaping Temperament | [Key Summary]

Chapter 3: How to Understand Your Child's Temperament

Three Key Elements of Temperament | Five Things to Consider When Understanding Your Child's Temperament | Temperament Exists on a Continuum | Harmonious Fit: A Key Element of Happy Parenting | Why Parents Should Consider Their Temperament, Too | Temperament Is Unchangeable? | A Test to Understand Temperament in Children and Parents | [Key Summary]

Chapter 4 Representative Temperament Elements I.
extroversion

Highly Extroverted Children | Lowly Extroverted Children | The Difference Between Low Extroversion and Shyness | 'Conversation' to Develop Your Child's Social Skills | Parenting Strategies for Different Extroverted Levels | If Your Child is Agreeable (Medium Extroverted) | Preparation is Key | How Parental Extroversion Affects Parenting | When Siblings Have Different Extroversion Levels | The Greatest Gift Parents Can Give | [Key Summary]

Chapter 5 Representative Temperament Elements II.
emotionality

Punishment Doesn't Work | Four Basic Principles for Proper Reward | Proper Reward Strategy ① Using a Reward Table | Proper Reward Strategy ② Accepting the Consequences of Behavior | When Previous Parenting Strategies Haven't Worked | Parenting Strategies for Emotionally Sensitive Children | Good Parents Know How to Take Care of Themselves | Measure Your Emotional Temperature | When Siblings Have Different Emotional Levels | [Key Summary]

Chapter 6 Representative Temperament Elements III.
intentional control

The Brain Science of Intentional Control | Understanding the Various Aspects of Intentional Control | Parenting Strategies for Children with Low Intentional Control | Some Insights into Intentional Control | Your Child's Brain Is Still Growing | [Key Summary]

Chapter 7: What We Can Do Together for Better Parenting

Finding Your Way to Co-Parenting | Preparing for School Success | It Takes a Village | [Key Summary]

Chapter 8: What Should I Do If My Child Is Different?

Internalized Disorders: Problems Inside Your Mind | Externalized Disorders: Problems Outward | Disorders and Temperament: The Difference Between | How to Seek Help | The Sooner You Seek Help, the Better | [Key Summary]

Chapter 9: Parenting: Walking Together at Your Child's Code

[Key Summary]

Acknowledgments | References and Recommended Reading | Notes

“There is a different parenting style that suits my child.”
In an age where all kinds of parenting advice are rampant,
Why We Need to Focus on Temperament Parenting Again Now

“My child is very shy, so I’m worried about his social life.”, “He has mood swings so much that he cries and laughs several times a day, so it’s hard to adjust to him.”, “He’s so distracted, I don’t know if he’ll be able to study properly.” Behind these concerns, which many parents can relate to, are these underlying thoughts.
"How on earth should I raise my child, who I know but don't know?" Parenting books are plentiful and offer all sorts of advice, but often, it's not suitable for my child.
What's the most important thing to remember in this seemingly daunting journey of parenting? It's understanding temperament.
Only when parenting is tailored to the child's temperament can both parents and children achieve a happy parenting experience.


Daniel Dick, a world authority in the field of genetics, has intensively studied the three major temperament components that have consistently emerged in studies on children's temperament: extraversion, emotionality, and effortful control, and has included his findings in this book.
Extraversion is a temperament trait associated with positive emotions, activity levels, and exploratory behavior, while emotionality is a trait associated with frustration, fear, and anger.
Deliberative control is the ability to control one's emotions and behavior, often referred to as self-control.
In this regard, we provide practical parenting strategies for each child by specifically analyzing the strengths and potential future difficulties that each child may face according to the degree of each characteristic, such as high or low extroversion, high emotionality, and low intentional control ability.


The author, a mother of two, uses different parenting techniques for her son, who is low in extroversion and high in emotionality, and her daughter, who is low in extroversion and low in emotionality.
In terms of extroversion, it was the same in that when exposed to a large stimulus, such as meeting a lot of people, it gave me time to be alone and quiet.
However, in terms of emotional well-being, I helped my son manage his volatile emotions by making a list of things that trigger his psychological stimuli and working together to solve problems.
Parenting methods that suit this temperament not only allow parents and children to form a healthy relationship, but also provide opportunities for them to grow together.


“Good parenting is not about worrying about what to add,
“It’s about walking together according to the child’s unique temperament.”
The power of temperament parenting that fully brings out a child's innate potential.

Immediately after the child is born, parents carefully observe the child's facial expressions and behavior to figure out what the child wants.
Then, as the child grows up, they try to make the child into what they want.
This relationship between parents and children can never be peaceful.
The problem arises when parents try to change their children.
The author advises parents:
"The best parenting isn't about raising a child to be the person you want them to be, but about nurturing them into their own unique selves, allowing their innate temperament to flourish." In the long marathon of parenting, shouldn't parents be like coaches, nurturing their children into top athletes, but like solid running mates, helping them grow into their best selves? Parents should continually observe their children to determine which approach best suits them, and walk alongside them in a way that suits their unique temperament.


In order to move in this direction of good parenting, it is important to understand the correct temperament.
The Child Code suggests five things to keep in mind when trying to understand your child's temperament.
First, you need to find a consistent, frequent appearance, not a temporary one.
Second, we must think about the appearance that does not change over time.
Third, because the characteristics revealed differ depending on the developmental stage, the temperament must be identified by considering the child's age.
Fourth, parents must be careful not to look at their children with prejudice due to their innate temperament.
This also ties into the last point: by facing your child as they are, without being swayed by the opinions of those around them, you can more clearly understand their temperament and find the most appropriate parenting method.


By accurately understanding temperament, parents can avoid repeating the frustrating experiences of ineffective parenting methods, and children can objectively recognize their strengths and weaknesses and develop a strong self-esteem to navigate the world.
If you ever feel lost in your parenting, or find yourself wondering what parenting method is best for your child, I encourage you to carefully read the author's suggested parenting methods, conversation techniques, and parental mindset.
You will find the most clear and useful answers to help you hold the hands of lost and wandering parents.
Now, let's realize the power of temperamental parenting that makes both parents and children comfortable through this book.