What kind of lifestyle can friendships give us?
How far can we go with friends?

When you start dating a new partner, you lose touch with your friends, and the person you've been with for a month or so becomes more important than the friend you've known for over a decade.
No matter how close your friends are, if you don't have a lover, you are without a 'soulmate', so you must always leave room for a lover who might come along someday.
In this way, we subconsciously believe that we should prioritize lovers over friends and romance over friendship.
The notion that one-on-one romantic relationships are normal and essential, known as "forced coupledom," is widespread.
But is this notion truly justified? Is there a single relationship model—dating and marriage—that fits everyone?

This book is about people who broke away from the universal formula of relationships and decided to take a different path with their friends.
After meeting his friend M and realizing the potential for deeper friendships, the author set out to find diverse people who were forming similar yet different forms of deep friendships.
These friends are each other's caregivers, executors, co-owners and co-parents.
Through their stories, the author rethinks the concepts of relationships we take for granted and delves into them from a new perspective.
The author points out that we expect too much from romance, which weakens the relationship, and we expect too little from friendship, which hinders its development.
By examining the historical shifts in perspective on friendship, the institutional discrimination and restrictions placed on friendship, and more, we are encouraged to think about what we truly want from relationships and what kind of relationships we need.

This book is about friends who became "us" in a situation where there were few pre-determined frameworks, no ceremonies to celebrate, and no models to model themselves after to guide them into a platonic, committed, long-term relationship.
These friends traveled across states and continents together.
I became the primary caregiver for my friend while he was undergoing organ transplant and chemotherapy.
They are co-parents, co-owners of the house, and executors of each other's wills.
You are a member of a club without a name or membership form, and in many cases you are unaware that there are others like you.
They fall into a broader category that Northwestern University psychology professor Eli Finkel has dubbed "other companions."
By rejecting the typical set-pieces of life, these friends face risks they otherwise would not have faced and make discoveries they otherwise would not have made.
--- From the "Introductory Note"

Although Mako and M expressed themselves differently, I felt that the fundamental elements that made up my romantic relationship with Mako and my friendship with M were similar.
The obvious difference was that I had sex with Mako and not with M.
My friend Adam told me I was polyamorous.
Adam's experience with polyamory allowed him to make that diagnosis without hesitation.
In Adam's view, both Marco and M were partners to me.
A partnership with M just doesn't involve sex.
But the concept of polyamory didn't resonate with me.
Polyamory brought to mind sexual relationships, and it seemed to be the same for other people.
When I explain that I'm in a polyamorous relationship with Marco, M, what good is a label if people interpret it differently than they actually do?
--- 「1.
From "Defining Relationships"

A decline in the number of close friends is linked to loneliness, and loneliness is linked to a range of negative health outcomes, from high blood pressure to depression and cognitive decline.
Compared to women who lose their husbands, men who lose their spouses experience significantly higher levels of loneliness and depression, and these feelings persist for a longer period of time.
They are more likely to end their lives by suicide than women.
Researchers believe this difference stems from women's more diverse social support systems.
--- 「4.
From "Becoming Your Own Man"

A few years after moving, Inez was hospitalized for emergency surgery on a fractured wrist, and after returning home, she called Barb in the middle of the night in excruciating pain.
Inez slept with the door open, and although Barb's bedroom was right next door, Barb did not hear Inez's voice.
The next day, the two decided to hang a bell on Aeneas' bed.
It was the bell that Aeneas's mother used to call her family to dinner.
There were times when they thought it would be difficult for them to be each other's caregivers since they were close in age and that the role should be given to a younger person, but Barb said that living together "changed both of our mindsets."
“From then on, we decided to take care of each other for as long as we could.” Living together opened up new possibilities for interdependence.

--- 「6.
From "Over the Long Years"

It wasn't until Hannah's place was vacant that Joey realized what that friendship meant to him.
After Hannah died, Joey understood how rare and precious the friendship they shared was.
“I knew it was special when I was enjoying it, but I didn’t realize how special it was until Hannah left for another world.” Therein lies the dark irony of deprived mourning.
The depth of Joy's grief should be a powerful testament to how important that friendship was.
As Joni Mitchell famously said, I only realize what I had when it's gone.
But Joy's mourning was not acknowledged.
It was the same with company and government policies, and it was the same with those closest to me.

--- 「7.
From "Allow Mourning"

Like most products that claim to be one-size-fits-all and then fit everyone, the single-size-fits-all model of romantic couples doesn't actually work for many people, especially those who haven't found or don't want a one-stop-shop romantic relationship.
We are not free to choose our romantic unions if we have only one choice.
Even if everyone finds a partner, marriage won't be a panacea for the widespread epidemic of loneliness.
We need other forms of intimate connection.

--- From "Outgoing Writing"