“The feeling of hatred for myself is born from the process of evaluating myself.”
A psychiatrist who led 200,000 patients to the light
7 Everyday Thinking Techniques That Don't Make You Hate Me &
8 Challenges to Turn Inferiority Feelings into Goals

In our daily lives, we encounter moments when we 'dislike ourselves' more easily than we think.
When I look back on the day and regret, thinking, “I shouldn’t have said that,” there are times when I feel disappointed in myself and internally scold myself, saying, “I really hate myself for being like this.”
This feeling of not being able to accept yourself as you are and hating yourself is self-hatred, and feeling that you are inferior to others and further increasing self-hatred is an inferiority complex.
These two emotions often overwhelm our thoughts and shake up our daily lives.
Many people want to escape these feelings, but are at a loss as to how to do so.

“Why Do I Hate Myself?” is a book that started from such concerns.
The author, a psychiatrist who has counseled 200,000 clients and nurtured countless hearts, emphasizes that self-loathing and feelings of inferiority are universal emotions experienced by everyone. In today's society, where we constantly compare ourselves to others through social media and prioritize performance and efficiency, it's difficult to live without feeling self-loathing.
The author says that if you can avoid falling into the swamp of self-loathing and turn it into a positive force, you can use it to move toward the life you want.


To help readers who want to change their lives, this book analyzes the causes and triggers of self-loathing, divides it into seven types, and suggests different psychological treatments for each.
It also includes specific mind training methods that can be put into practice in everyday life to help you break free from the shackles of self-loathing and live your own life with peace of mind.
The 'Why Me' series is a humanities self-development series that easily and comfortably solves concerns that anyone can easily face in their daily lives from the perspective of brain science and psychology.
Through this book, readers will be able to accurately examine their emotions, identify their causes, and find solutions for everything from minor everyday inconveniences to deep-seated inner problems.
Instead of blaming myself, I hope this will be a warm and kind guide to helping me grow into a person who understands myself and leads my life in a better direction.

Modern society is changing at an incredible pace.
With the proliferation of smartphones and social media, we live in an age where we can constantly connect with others and share information instantly.
But these "relationships" sometimes cast a heavy shadow over our hearts. On social media, everyone tends to portray a "perfect version of themselves."
Glamorous travel photos, posts flaunting success, and idealized lifestyles.
Surrounded by such dazzling images, we naturally compare ourselves to others.
But this comparison creates self-loathing, belittling us with thoughts like, "I'm wrong," "I need to try harder," and "Why can't I do this better?"
In these times, facing self-loathing is a challenge no one can avoid.
The problem arises when this feeling becomes excessive and drives us into a corner.
In this book, I propose that instead of viewing self-loathing as an "enemy" and trying to drive it out, we embrace that feeling.
It won't disappear overnight, but if you face your self-loathing little by little, your heart will definitely begin to feel lighter.

--- p.4

As we go through life, we are faced with countless decisions and actions to take every day.
But choosing something also means not choosing something.
And people prone to self-loathing are prone to anxiety, thinking, "What if my decisions or actions lead to failure?" or "What if I cause trouble to someone?"
As a result, you end up not liking yourself.
And people who are prone to self-loathing choose to hate themselves as a way to avoid this anxiety.
If things didn't go as planned, if others were right, it was the fault of the 'me who hates', and it was natural for me to hate myself, so I tried to relieve my anxiety.
But this way, you will only end up hating yourself more and more.
Every time you feel like something isn't working out, you blame yourself and have more reasons to hate yourself.
Even if things go well, you end up thinking, 'This is bound to work out, anyone can do it.'
Once self-loathing becomes a habit, you gradually become unable to see yourself positively.
--- p.13

In fact, the act of ‘letting go of self-loathing’ is also a way to affirm yourself.
The concept of self-affirmation is so abstract that it's not easy to get a clear picture of it in your head.
Therefore, the first step to applying specific actions for self-affirmation to your life can be to start by ‘letting go of self-loathing.’
In other words, this could be expressed as a ‘passive form of self-affirmation.’
So, how can we specifically overcome self-loathing? To do so, we need to carefully reflect on when we begin to dislike ourselves.
In fact, in the course of our daily lives, moments when we think, 'I hate myself' do not occur that often.
As I mentioned before, such moments tend to come unexpectedly and without warning.

--- p.37

Self-loathing occurs when you compare yourself to something else.
That something could be someone else, or it could be a high ideal within yourself.
Based on this logic, it can be seen that the higher one's ideals, the more likely one is to fall into self-loathing due to the discrepancy between them and reality.
A person with high ideals is what is called a 'perfectionist'.
Perfectionists set goals that are higher than necessary and strive to achieve them.
I cannot tolerate the mindset of, ‘This will be enough’ or ‘Moderation will do.’
They are commonly characterized by high levels of anxiety, low self-esteem, and poor prioritization.
But the problem is that many people don't realize that they are perfectionists.
This is because they perceive it as natural to aim high. However, even with one or more high goals, things often don't go as planned.
At that moment, the thought that I hadn't even done what I should have done crossed my mind and I fell into self-loathing.

--- p.46

The reason why it is difficult to get rid of inferiority complex is because it is not a simple emotion, but an emotion that is deeply rooted in one's personality, complexly intertwined with factors such as the environment in which one grew up, one's way of thinking, and one's personality.
It is a very strong and stubborn emotion.
One of the symptoms of mental illness is a symptom called ‘delusion.’
Delusions have the following characteristics:
'I am convinced even though the content is unrealistic and different from the truth', 'I cannot accept it no matter how much evidence is presented to correct it'.
Doesn't this sound similar to the characteristics of the inferiority complex I mentioned earlier? Inferiority complexes, too, are sometimes similar to delusions in that they're difficult to correct.
However, there are some differences between delusion and inferiority complex.
The most important difference is that feelings of inferiority can be recognized by oneself and can be changed little by little through effort.
This is a matter of changing your values, so it is not something that can be easily solved in a short period of time, but it is certainly possible to gradually eliminate your inferiority complex.

--- p.116

I believe that the act of writing is the most fundamental task for overcoming a certain state of mind.
The reason why our worries are not easily resolved is because they are not clearly verbalized.
If you don't verbalize it, you can't even tell what you're thinking about.
Of course, no solution comes to mind, and only vague and frustrating feelings continue.
Also, if your worries are not organized into words, their substance or outline will not clearly emerge.
If your identity is unclear, your anxiety will only increase.
It's like walking through fog.
The same goes for self-loathing.
It is necessary to write down as specifically as possible when, in what situation, and about what you feel self-loathing.
Also, as you become accustomed to writing, you will be able to naturally verbalize various worries and emotions in your life.
Then it becomes easier to find clues to all kinds of worries other than self-loathing.

--- p.148