PROLOGUE_The Power of Affectionate Love

Part 1_Second Hospitalization
Where is this place? / The manic time that seems to go on forever / goes by separately

Part 2: White Darkness, Black Depression
Overwhelming / Sleepless spring / Standing on the cliff / I might be a patient / The white darkness slowly clears / Mania is 'me' and depression is 'me' / In the midst of black depression

Part 3: In Search of the Origin
Bipolar Disorder: Where Does It Start? / Second Child Complex / Thin Hair / Grandma is My 'Backyard' / The Trap of Studying / Adaptation and Survival / There's a Reason for Sadness

Part 4: Even if the snow stops, it pours down again.
A First Visit to Depression / Mania is a Long Tail of Depression / Getting a 'Diploma' from a Doctor / Relapse, No Cure

Part 5: We Pay and Cry
A journey of ten thousand miles in search of a doctor / Even if we are disappointed by the doctor / We pay and cry / How to train the muscles of the mind / In search of good medicine / Writing is my strength

Part 6: Parents Grow Too
Parents grow too / Becoming a patient's family / The energy of friendship / Pain cannot be shared

Part 7: The Wind Calls Back the Body's Memories
Just left, on the Camino / A place where encounters and partings are free / Girlfriend Project / Even if I'm last, I walk / The wind calls the body's memories

EPILOGUE_So, I will prepare for peace.

Short Talk_Meeting My Doctor

From mania and depression to finding ordinary happiness…
A record of the hot and cold times of Pippi Unnie
― To you who is struggling to live despite your physical and mental pain.

“Bipolar disorder is more like a ‘desert.’

The scorching desert sun seems to burn everything down.

Extreme cold with temperatures dropping below freezing at night.

Without learning how to read the constellations
Wandering in the desert means isolation and death.

Those who have lost the means to communicate with the world due to mental illness
“It’s like being in a lonely desert.”

Although it is a sad story, it does not tear at the reader's heart. It is a book of 36 stories that will be a warm and encouraging word to you who discovers the sorrow of others through delicate emotions and events and lives on with strength despite the pain.
The author Lee Ju-hyeon's experience of safely crossing the desert of bipolar disorder, relying on the energy of the brave and courageous 'Pippi', is fully contained in this book.
It was last year that I took out the first draft I wrote in 2013 and started rewriting it.
I wanted to build a bridge connecting the world with people suffering from bipolar disorder and other mental illnesses.
I wanted to share the treatment and healing process that helped me face this disease, which is likely to be with me for the rest of my life, with more composure.


“Bipolar disorder is a chronic illness that requires constant monitoring and care.
As I wrote this book, I realized that I could share with the world the fear, desolation, anxiety, and pain I experienced in the desert without feeling ashamed.
“Bipolar disorder is no secret.” _Page 6 (from the ‘Prologue’)

"Pippi Sister Crossed the Desert of Manic Depression" is an essay written by journalist Lee Ju-hyeon, recording the time she spent going through periods of mania and depression that were like the day and night of a desert, and finally finding ordinary happiness.
From the first onset of bipolar disorder in 2001 to the relapse in 2006, and the subsequent two decades of overcoming several minor manic episodes to maintain a state of truce, the story of his hot and cold growth unfolds like a panorama.


In his mid-twenties, the author was caught in the narrow gap between reality and madness, staring into the abyss and experiencing an overflow of sensitivity, creativity, and spontaneity.
Then, at the bottom of the depression that comes next, he almost lifts the curtain of death and realizes how weak he is.
Two hospitalizations in psychiatric wards, hospital stays, and return to work.
Between the desire for an ordinary life and the fear, hope is built up step by step with the 'power of love'.
Find the most trustworthy doctor and gain strength to live with the constant support and encouragement of family, friends, and colleagues.
Take good care of your body and mind while enjoying pure pleasure through walking, running, and traveling.
Accepting the surging depression and anxiety as naturally as possible.


“I want peace with my bipolar disorder.
So I will prepare for peace.
I will also keep in mind the scenery of falling flowers.
“I won’t hide the lingering sadness and anxiety, but I will try to accept them as naturally as possible.” _Page 252 (from ‘Epilogue’)

The author calmly writes about the course and various aspects of the manic depression he suffered from, skillfully moving between the emotions and incidents he felt at the time.
In the middle of the text, he reveals the rough notes and sad diary he kept while suffering from manic depression, and reveals the pain he had hidden deep in his heart.
For him, the act of scribbling something on paper was a small space where he could breathe even in extreme situations, a habit of self-comfort, and the only way to escape from discouragement and isolation and enter the world.
The author explains in detail the treatment process.
Reflecting on the past to reconstruct myself, thoughts and experiences about psychological counseling and psychiatry, and the importance of drug treatment are all helpful in recognizing and overcoming the illness.
Above all, the part that should be noted in this book is ‘A Short Conversation with Dr. Kim Won.’
It provides comprehensive expert opinions on specific information and knowledge about bipolar disorder, treatment methods, and the thoughts and attitudes patients should have.

"Pippi Crossed the Desert of Bipolar Disorder" is clearly a record of pain, but it is also filled with heartwarming stories of love.
Talking about the difficulties of living not only as a patient's family member but also as a person myself can provide relief and encouragement.
It gives you the will to think, ‘Ah, I can easily overcome this.’
If you have close family members around you who can offer empathy, encouragement, objective advice, and financial support, it is a great blessing.
Conversely, if we become such people and extend a warm hand to those who are suffering, the world will become a more beautiful place.
I hope that there will be more people who will check on your hospital visits and medication without hesitation, drag you out of bed to go outside and get some sun, listen to your little stories with sincerity, and tell you, "No matter who you are, we'll support you."

When you are manic, it is difficult for people around you.
When you're depressed, it's hard for you
Am I manic or depressed? About bipolar disorder.

The number of patients with bipolar disorder, also known as the 'cold of the mind', is increasing at a similar rate to that of depression.
According to the National Health Insurance Service, the number of patients visiting hospitals for depression increased by 28.6% from 584,949 in 2013 to 752,211 in 2018, and the number of patients with bipolar disorder increased by 26.6% from 75,656 in 2014 to 95,785 in 2018.
It is not scientifically clear why bipolar disorder occurs.
It is known that it is a biological disease that occurs due to a problem with the brain's mood regulation, and that environmental changes and stress serve as triggers.
Bipolar disorder is a disease in which mania, a state of abnormally high mood, and depression, a state of depression and sadness, appear irregularly.
It is called bipolar disorder because it has two extreme aspects.


In the early stages of mania, there is a surge of associative thinking, intellectual curiosity, creativity, and drive.
I find myself attractive because I think of myself as having agile movements, a light body, and quick and unique thoughts.
Then, as the mania worsens, it turns into excessive cheerfulness and excessive enthusiasm, absurd ideas, uncontrollable anger, and excessive obsession.
If this mania is left untreated, it not only has a negative impact on the nervous system, but it can also lead to difficulties in daily life due to damaged social relationships and overconsumption during the onset period.
It breaks down the boundaries that separate me from others and invades them recklessly.
What makes mania so fatal is that the relationships with people around you that are damaged during this time are not easily restored even after treatment.


On the other hand, when I'm depressed, I don't want to do anything and I feel like I can't do anything.
It feels like something intangible is filling the surroundings and strangling me.
Will, purpose, and interest are paralyzed.
Everything is drying up.
Distraction, carelessness, and dullness are synonyms for 'incompetence' when it comes to work.
Due to his characteristic indecisiveness, he is unable to gain trust and does not show any ability.
Side effects of antidepressants include weight gain and loss of energy.
Ideas don't come to me and I become less talkative.
They often fall into a state of 'self-imprisonment' where their memory, associations, and responsiveness all decline and they are unable to share their feelings with those around them.

Although the symptoms of mania and depression are so contrasting, not all of them are life-threatening or life-threatening.
Depending on the onset pattern, appearance, and degree, it can be difficult to achieve social excellence and lead a successful life if treated and managed appropriately.
It is especially common in people in their 20s who are in a competitive environment, so careful attention is needed.


Going one step further in treatment
When you turn to healing, illness can be cured.
― If you are in pain, you should definitely see a doctor.

If someone were to come to me complaining of mania, I would say this:
Go see a doctor.
Don't drink alcohol.
Reduce your contact with people.
It won't work out, but just hang out by yourself.
I would give this advice to a depressed person:
Go see a doctor.
Even if it's a waste, reduce your workload.
Take a walk.
Take your time preparing food for yourself.
Whether it's mania or depression, the key is this.
If you are in pain, see a doctor.
Page 150 (from 'Relapse, There is No Complete Cure')

It is true that the threshold for visiting a psychiatric hospital has become lower than before, but there are often people who feel disappointed because they are not receiving sincere medical services.
It's understandable that the doctor's attitude was so bad that he only prescribed medicine after a few minutes of consultation.
But there is no need to be disappointed.
Since each person has different tendencies, there is definitely a doctor who is right for you.
The important thing is that even if you are disappointed with your doctor, you should not give up on treatment and muster up the courage to find another doctor.


Psychiatrists teach patients how to overcome crises without losing 'everything'.
We observe and encourage you to learn and practice ways to avoid falling too deeply into sadness, joy, and fear.
In particular, appropriate medication prescriptions give great confidence to people with mental illness.
Bipolar disorder cannot be resolved through willpower or determination, but can be cured through appropriate medication.
Therefore, you need to find a doctor you can trust and who is a good fit for you to move beyond treatment and toward healing.


In his book Patient-Led Healing Strategies, Wayne Jonas, a family medicine physician in the United States, describes healing as “a feeling of well-being” and “a feeling connected to doing what is most meaningful to you.”
When patients move beyond treatment that alleviates or eliminates the symptoms of a disease and move toward healing that allows them to experience joy and satisfaction and find meaning in life, we can say that the disease has truly been cured.
Being free from disease does not mean not being sick, but rather that you have regained happiness.
Progress toward a good life is possible when you strike a balance between taking your medication faithfully, consulting with a professional, looking into your heart and becoming objective, abstaining from alcohol, exercising, and developing good habits.
This book faithfully documents the process and guides you on the path to true healing.