* Conversation methods for children chosen by teacher Eun-kyung Lee of 'Wise Elementary School Life'
* Best-selling book 『Voluntary Parenting』 Practical Edition
“If you want to raise a smart child, think about things you won’t tell them!”

Your child wakes up and gets ready for school on their own? They pack their bags, do their homework, and put out their clothes for the next day before bed. Instead of worrying about how to say "Mom won't say anything," consider how to keep them from saying anything. This will help your child grow up better.
It is full of conversation skills that leave room for children, words that prevent children from throwing tantrums, phrases used by parents of children who are good at studying, and recommendations for practical parenting items.
Let's stop talking for just one year and just watch over the child with sincerity.
In 10 years, you will grow up to be a child who studies on your own and takes responsibility for your own life.

When my first child learned Hangul, he first learned the letters, and then he found the rules of the sounds and read the letters.
Some children, if you post a Hangul poster and explain the rules, will find and read the letters according to the rules. These seemingly gifted children, who can learn letters naturally just by turning on EBS's "Hangul Yaho" or "Hangul Warrior Aiya," fall into this category.
In reality, it's not that they are gifted, but rather that the way we commonly teach Korean is more suited to this type of learner.
First, after finding the Korean rules, I was able to naturally find the English rules and read them on my own using phonics.
Although the ability to find clear rules was a strength in mathematics, on the other hand, studies without clear rules were difficult.
It's about making up a story using your imagination, imagining what will happen next, and talking about how it makes you feel.
The first is visual learner.
These children should first learn letters, and then use letters to develop their imagination, which should be used to help them improve their skills.
(…) Visual children lack the ability to catch words, so if you want them to do something, you have to make it visible.
For example, by clearly listing the things that need to be done.
If one of the parents has a learning style that matches the child's, the child will be more effective even if the same content is taught.
In a word, the 'kung-jjak' must fit well.

---From "A mother's information power is not found in the neighbors"

There are many products like 'kitchen helpers' sold on the market.
The dining chairs at home are enough.
At home, we used a folding chair sold at Daiso.
Later, it broke, so I bought two step stools (wooden stairs) from IKEA and cut the legs to fit the heights of the two children.
When I sleep in on weekend mornings, the kids use the step stools to set the table with bread, milk, and juice.
I wash the fruit, prepare the tissues and cutlery, and eat breakfast.
A while ago, I taught my second child how to make coffee.
If you say, “Please give me a cup of coffee,” your child will bring you coffee, and if you say, “Please give me strawberry jam on my morning bread,” your child will bring you some.
If you let your child do things on his own, unnecessary nagging will disappear.
Stop nagging and then nagging again, and stop the situation where you are getting annoyed by the constant nagging.
When I feel tired from the constant demands to do this and that, I suddenly get angry.
You need to conserve your energy so that you don't get angry in situations where you really need to nag or discipline.
To avoid wasting energy on unnecessary things, you should teach your child to do what he or she can do on his or her own and leave him or her alone.
If you spill it, you can wipe it yourself, and if you want to eat it, you can take it out and eat it yourself.
I get angry when my mom tries to do that for me.
If you clearly define what your child can do, the number of things that can make him angry will be reduced from 10 to two or three.

---From "Step Stool that Fosters Autonomy"

I was waiting to go down the slide at a water park in France.
The parent spoke strongly to the child who was trying to steal.

“This is not good manners.
“Respect the rules!”
I usually say this in these situations:

“You shouldn’t be pickpocketing.
“Other people hate it.”
“If you do that, your friends will hate you.”
“If you do that, your friends won’t ask you to play with them.”
“If you do that, you won’t have any friends.
“I have to play alone.”
Whenever I scold my child, I do so with the intention of making him look bad to other people.
“If you go out like that, your friends will tease you and call you a crow.”, “If you go out wearing clothes like that, people will say you don’t have a mother.” The only thing that should be taught to children is to follow the rules, but even respecting those rules was taught as if it were something that would make them good people to others.
(…)
Another thing I want to learn from the French is how they hug their children with affectionate skinship.
One day, I went to a clothing store and saw a mother and daughter standing in line in front of the changing room.
I was holding and patting a child who looked to be in the lower grades of elementary school. When it was my turn, the child went in by himself, tried on some clothes, and came out to decide whether or not to buy them.
The mother calculated the clothes according to the child's decision.
I thought about what I needed to change, seeing myself acting in a way that was completely opposite to how I was acting with my child.
---From "A mother who yells like this is respected"

A friend of mine, who had been traveling with three generations for the first time in years, came to me for advice.
On a family trip, my son, who was just starting elementary school, would pout and refuse to eat whenever we went to a restaurant.
The reason was that he didn't like the menu.

“Oh, I don’t want to eat it.
“I don’t want to eat it, so how can I eat it?”
It is important for children now to know whether what they say is right or wrong.
Children always want to be recognized and told that their actions are appropriate.
When children fight, they cut corners and only say things that are beneficial to themselves.
Adults know it too.
If you think about it, there is nothing that is terribly wrong with what children say.
So we always point out attitude.

“Why are you talking to Mom with your eyes wide open like that right now?”
“What kind of attitude is that towards Dad!”
“You are talking nonsense.
“It’s noisy!” (…)
When you enter society, right and wrong often become the standard rather than right and wrong.
When disciplining children, both at school and at home, we need to talk about right and wrong.
It's true that I don't want to eat, but it's wrong to show it and make others uncomfortable.
At a mealtime where many people are eating together, it is right to sit politely and respect others' meals even if you do not want to eat, and to quietly ask an adult for another dish that you would like to eat.
---From "Respond to a Spoiled Child with Right and Wrong"

These are questions that can naturally lead to deep conversations with children.
Just listen to your child's thoughts and never give advice or instruction on them.
If nagging is added, the child will either not talk about it again or will only say things that the parents would like to hear.
Let's look for hints about the child's state of mind in his or her words!
1.
If you were born again, what would you like to be?
2.
Who is your most enviable friend? What do you envy about them?
3.
If you were born as a younger sibling (sister/brother/older sister/older brother), what do you think would be the best thing?
4.
This morning, we switched roles between my older sister and younger sister.
How was it? Should we continue this afternoon?
5.
If you were to become a mother (sister/father/friend), what kind of mother (sister/father/friend) would you want to be?
6.
If your dog could talk, what do you think he would say?
7.
Want to play a telepathy game? Do you like watermelon? Do you like apples? One, two, three!
8.
Have you read the children's book "Candy"?
What kind of candy would you like?
9.
If the world suddenly stopped for just one day and you were the only one able to move, what would you do?
10.
Who do you think is the happiest (or saddest) protagonist among the books you've read?
---From "The First Name Is Not Sister"

I received a call from the daycare teacher who was concerned that my child was having trouble getting along with his friends.
The first one was 3 years old in Korean age.
When I tell people that I received such a phone call when my child was young, everyone looks at me with concern and surprise.
My husband and I always said to our child:


"So what? What's wrong with not having friends? You have to know how to have fun on your own to be able to have fun with others."
"So what? What's strange? It's strange to think it's strange.
“People are all weird by nature, so being weird is normal.”

I just let the child play by himself.
I thought that if I was lonely, I would find a friend on my own.
A few days ago, the eldest of them came home with two French girls from the neighborhood and two American girls from the next door.
He said that while he was playing, his friends saw him and brought him to play with them.
It took a long time, but the child eventually found a way.
Both the second child, who felt lonely without friends, and the first child, who didn't feel lonely even without friends, were all better.
I believe that my child will do well as always, will come to me when he or she has a problem, and even if he or she is not doing well now, he or she will do well someday.

---From "It's Okay Not to Have Any Friends"