Since parenting is new to everyone, raising children is a series of challenges, big and small, for parents.
There is no way to avoid the challenges and trials that come with raising a child.
But we can change how we respond to it and our attitude.
It's not about fixing the child, but about me, the parent, having the will to change, and turning negative thoughts and worries about the child into positive understanding and faith.
Self-esteem and resilience, which are the strong psychological capital needed to live a happy life, are not given innately but are developed later in life.
If parents have positive conversations, warm empathy, and clear teachings, their children will surely grow up to be strong children who get back up even after falling.
---pp.10-11 From "Prologue"

What miracle will happen to a child who continually hears these words of empathy, understanding, and comfort from his or her parents? Whenever the child encounters difficulties, he or she will recall the words of empathy, support, and encouragement from his or her parents and recite them to himself or herself.
Whenever I face life's big and small challenges, I hear positive voices saying things like, "It's okay," or "There's a way." This gives me the strength to overcome them.
The child's resilience increases.
The secret to being able to stand up again and overcome adversity and failure lies in the positive messages you receive from your parents.
A child who has a positive inner voice also has a positive self-image.
I am not greatly hurt by external evaluations or negative reactions.
Your self-esteem will increase.
Positive interactions with parents create healthy psychological structures in the child's mind.
The key to parenting that fosters a child's self-esteem and resilience is 'positivity.'
When a child is experiencing positive emotions and is full of positive energy, he or she can shake off negative situations.
---p.33 From “The Key to Parenting is Positive Interaction between Parents and Children”

If you want to raise a child with high resilience who can get back up again even after falling, you, as a parent, must start by cultivating resilience.
When parents overcome adversity and hardship, children can learn from their parents how to endure and overcome the hardships and pains of life.
So how can we, as parents, increase our own resilience? To become a parent who can bounce back from a fall, we must first recognize when and under what circumstances we stumble.
I think about what situations make me feel down, what emotions I am often swayed by, what emotions I can tolerate well, and what situations make me feel at ease.
As a parent, I need to be aware of my vulnerabilities and shortcomings, and the resulting flawed thought patterns, and learn to deal with them.
When I know my vulnerabilities, I can move forward without dwelling on them.

---pp.36-37 From “Understanding Parents’ Own Vulnerabilities” (pp.
36-37)

In order to raise a child who is resilient and gets back up even after falling, you need to know in what situations your child is particularly prone to falling.
Parents need to recognize their child's vulnerability and vary their parenting style and conversation patterns accordingly.
If your child is vulnerable to rejection, it is better to try to have a conversation that reads their mind and asks them what they are thinking, rather than cutting them off outright.
I'm curious about your hidden desires.
Because it may be that the child has had the courage to express his or her needs with difficulty.
If you cut it off in one stroke, even if the child wants something, he or she may give up on it in advance.
It is not desirable to give up easily and let your desires be frustrated.
Children also need to learn to overcome rejection and verbalize what they want and need.
Understanding this vulnerability in your child can help you speak more sensitively to them.

---pp.43-44 From "Understanding Your Child's Vulnerability"

If parents are emotionally immature, it is difficult to guide their children's psychological growth.
When parents are swayed by negative emotions, it is difficult to provide positive emotions to their children.
When a child is upset and parents respond with anger or reprimand, the child ends up feeling negative inside.
In order to have a positive interaction with a child, parents must first be able to ‘regulate their emotions.’
You must be able to stand firm and not be shaken by your child's negative words.
When parents can process negative emotions effectively, they can provide positive reinforcement without being consumed by their child's negative comments.
Parents who are skilled at emotional regulation can build their children's self-esteem and resilience through positive interactions.
---pp.57-58 From “Parents with Deficiencies, Parents Who Are Clumsy with Emotions”

Empathy is the exchange of emotions.
If parents just catch the ball their child throws, they will also get tired.
There are limits to unilaterally accepting and understanding a child's emotions.
Even if you are a parent, there are bound to be times when your child's feelings are hurt.
As a parent, I cannot infinitely consider my child's emotions while putting my own feelings on the back burner and suppressing them.
If parents try to accept their children's emotions while suppressing their own needs and feelings, they will inevitably become exhausted.
(…) Just as a child’s feelings are precious, so too are the feelings of the caregiver.
Parents should be able to convey their feelings to their children so that they will respect their parents' feelings.
This way, you can continue to have positive interactions with your child.
When you can express your discomfort, disappointment, and disappointment in a situation appropriately without getting angry or yelling, you can let those emotions flow.
When you express your emotions appropriately, you can manage negative emotions and exchange positive ones.

---pp.110-115 From “Talking About Parents’ Feelings”

Just as parents love their children, children love their parents.
Just as parents do not want to hurt their children, neither do children.
Empathetic conversations that involve exchanging each other's emotions are ultimately a process of giving and receiving love.

---p.125 From “Exchanging emotions is exchanging love”

Sometimes, it's hard and you have to endure even when you don't want to do it, but if parents try to deal with their emotions, the child won't learn how to endure hardships and how to process their emotions.
They take their parents for granted, throw tantrums, and sometimes even act recklessly.
They also become vulnerable to suffering because they do not learn to regulate and deal with their emotions.
They also have a hard time tolerating being scolded by teachers at school, and sometimes they take it as criticism and are deeply hurt.
It's like growing like a flower in a greenhouse.
You might think it's empathy, but it's actually emotional overprotection.
Parents can't stand seeing their children get hurt.
It is painful for parents to see their children sad and disappointed, so they try to prevent their children from experiencing frustration in the first place.
When parents deal with their children's emotions like this, they never learn to deal with the pain and difficulties they inevitably face in life.
Emotional resolution is not empathy.
Empathy is what gives us the inner strength to overcome emotional difficulties.
The child is the owner of his or her emotions, and the responsibility for those emotions also belongs to the child, who is the owner of those emotions.

---p.128 From “Correcting Misunderstandings About Empathy”

Bystander parents do not teach anything, and children raised by bystander parents learn nothing and only grow more anxious.
Children who are still struggling to control their emotions tend to confide in their caregivers about their difficulties.
However, children who hear vague words like “Do as you wish” or “Do as you wish” become confused and do not know what to do.
Telling a child who doesn't have the ability to make their own judgments and decisions to do something on their own only stimulates anxiety, not autonomy.
Because children cannot predict when their parents will react annoyed or nervously, they are always anxious and watch their parents' reactions.
This is the type of behavior that parents should always be wary of and avoid, as it does not help the child's emotional development at all.
---p.160 From "Do as you please: Parents Who Are Bystanders"

We often hear that children raised by dictator parents are model students when they go out.
This is because parents have instilled in their children many social norms that must be observed, such as manners, compromise, and consideration.
Dictator parents value face and reputation, and cannot stand their children hearing bad things about themselves wherever they go.
In this way, children learn to greet others well and not cause harm to others.
(…) It would be nice if children were obedient to adults, knew how to do their own work, and were considerate of others, but strictly speaking, that is good for adults, not good for children.
Children need someone who can hug them, hold them, and give them understanding and empathy, even if it means something a little bit.
That's how you can be a child.
Parents are responsible for developing the emotions that enable their children to communicate with others and live happily together.

---pp.166-168 From "I Told You to Do It in Advance: Dictator Parents"

From the perspective of parenting, the third type, the 'friend-like parent', empathizes with the child's feelings but neglects teaching.
I value a close and warm relationship with my child.
I try to read my child's emotions and stabilize their emotions.
As a child, it is comfortable and good to have affectionate and warm parents.
I feel grateful and loved by my caregivers who understand and empathize with my heart.
It also gives me emotional security knowing that I have someone on my side.
Parents who are like friends rarely show their displeasure or uncomfortable feelings to their children.
I try not to say anything if possible for fear of causing unnecessary conflict and hurting the child's feelings.
(…) overly friendly, permissive, and overprotective.
We hesitate to teach for fear of damaging our relationship with our children or of hurting them.
It is painful for parents to see their children frustrated and discouraged, so they avoid creating situations that could upset their children.

---p.170 From “If It’s Hard, You Can’t Do It: Parents Like Friends”

From a parenting perspective, the fourth type, the mentor parent, provides a balance of empathy and teaching.
We nurture the child's heart and guide him or her on the right path.
This type actively utilizes both empathy and teaching.
(…) When there is no adult they can trust and rely on, the child must navigate the difficulties alone.
You have to endure the cold reality without shelter.
When a difficult problem arises, I feel lonely and tired because I can't figure out how to solve it.
What if you had a mentor who could offer wise advice when facing life's challenges? Children can trust and rely on parents who understand their feelings and offer wise advice.
I feel love and security.
You can also confide in your parents about your innermost feelings.
I think, 'When things get tough, I should talk to my mom.', 'I'm not alone.'
A child can bravely explore new worlds because he or she has a strong, secure base.
It's difficult to be a mentor to everyone.
But as a parent, I can be a mentor for one of my children.
Because the parents who gave birth to their children and raised them, the parents who have been by their side and watched over them for the longest time, and the parents who know their children best, are the most suitable mentors for their children.

---pp.175-177 From "In That Case, Try This: Mentor Parents"

As I wrote the book, I realized that not only my child but also I, as a parent, had become stronger.
(…) I got to know myself as a parent while trying to understand my child.
As I tried to nurture my child's heart, my own heart as a parent also became healthier.
The beneficiaries of parenting that is based on empathy, teaching, and positivity are not only the children, but also the parents and children.

---p.234 From "Epilogue"