What exactly is a mom's community, Mom Cafe?
How did this community become so hated?
In Korean society, where mothers are driven to become 'mom-chung',
Why should we take a closer look inside Mom Cafe?

People's interest in 'Mom Cafe', an internet community for mothers, is as hot as an active volcano.
Mom Cafe, where women raising children share their various emotions and experiences, including parenting, life, education, and local information, has at one point become one of the most problematic and controversial spaces in South Korea.
Since the emergence of Mom Cafes in this society in the mid-2000s, has there been another community that has become a source of national scorn? Even today, stories of Mom Cafes' "misdeeds" are circulated everywhere, in news reports, newspapers, and online, drawing merciless condemnation from countless people.
Bullying and group egoism, infringement of teachers' rights and closure of pediatric clinics, incitement and fake news, a hotbed of hatred, a collection of selfish mothers...
In our society, it has become natural to think of these words when looking at mom cafes.
People criticize Mom Cafe for being overly "politicized," accuse it of being steeped in "mercantile practices," and sometimes even call for its closure, claiming it is the "root of all evil."

Are mom cafes really such strange places? What kind of community are they? In Korean society, where no one truly examines these spaces, and where provocative posts and screenshots of them circulating online often degrade them, Ji-seop Jeong, author of "The World of Mom Cafes," has launched a precise, vivid, and three-dimensional analysis of mom cafes.
Having lived both as a working mom and a stay-at-home mom, and raising two children, the author, through her experience running a mom cafe for over five years, has embarked on a serious reflection on this group for the first time in our society.
His story, which begins with his participation in creating a mom café in the late 2010s, is layered with the essence and characteristics of the space called mom café, the specific operating principles and operating methods of this community, the controversy over the politicization and commercialization of mom cafés, the reasons why many mothers are drawn to and rely on mom cafés, the social context in which this place is increasingly becoming like an 'isolated castle', and the numerous commotions and turbulent events that unfold within it.
Furthermore, the author persuasively explains how the hatred toward mom cafes is connected to hatred toward women and mothers, hatred toward motherhood and childbirth, and the unfortunate realities of this society.
It can literally be called 'Korea's first Mom Cafe theory'.

Everyone laments the extreme low birth rate in South Korea, but now even mothers are saying, “Never have children.”
There is a clear trend of everyone talking as if they know everything about parenting, easily pointing fingers at mothers and calling them "mom-chungs," and feeling increasingly uncomfortable with the very existence of children.
Jeong Ji-seop confronts the ignorance, prejudice, and hatred towards mom cafes head-on, and does not blindly defend or take sides with this space. Instead, he examines mom cafes, which have now clearly become a “space of power,” with a cool and fierce gaze.
The author examines the multifaceted nature of motherhood, recalls the paradoxical nature and side effects of trust and empathy in this space, and criticizes the atmosphere in which one always assumes oneself to be the "weak" of this world while desperately hoping for the sympathy of "one's own."
In short, women who become 'mothers' are never perfect, and the same goes for Mom Cafe.
However, regarding mothers raising children as 'beings who live in luxury with the money their husbands earn', obsessively demanding perfect parenting from them, resorting to scheming in some cases, and treating Mom Cafes as 'a den of witches' clearly exposes the most fatal limitations and ills of Korean society today.
Because in such an atmosphere of total hatred, it is absurd to expect a woman to become a 'mother'.

This is why the saying, “If you want to understand Korean society, look at Mom Cafes” (Choi Seong-su, Professor of Sociology at Yonsei University) is so accurate, and why we need to fundamentally reexamine the values ​​of motherhood, childcare, and family in Korean society.
Because everything about Korea is compressed into a space called Mom Cafe.
Mom cafes are steeped in comparison and dependence on the gaze of others, the anxiety and loneliness of living as a member of this society, bullying and group egoism, the chameleon-like diversity of the persona of "mother," the phenomenon of identification between children and parents, ignorance and lack of understanding about childcare, and the cultural system of families obsessed with external values.
At the same time, it is imbued with a sense of trust and gratitude toward others, a warm concern for neighbors, a sense of responsibility and devotion to family members, the altruistic value of motherhood, and serious concern for the future of this society.
Mom cafes are not as simple and harmful a place as people think.
The world of 'Mom Cafe' is an important black box that we all must look into.

There is only one thing I wish for.
Through this book, I hope to help our society more accurately recognize the group called Mom Cafe, which has been viewed superficially so far, and to share that awareness and reflection with others.
Hatred and stigmatization stemming from ignorance and lack of understanding are serious problems that permeate our society, and this is no exception when it comes to Mom Cafes.
--- From the "Prologue"

But on the news, there is a strange story that comes up once a year, and in that article, the most provocative sentence appears on the captured screen.
Provocative words such as ‘gapjil’, ‘witch hunt’, ‘manipulation’, and ‘collective egoism’ appear in conjunction with the word ‘mom cafe’ and with devilish editing.
Then, there are concerns about the ‘politicized’ Mom Cafe, saying that it is not pure, and there are also comments that the Mom Cafe is blinded by ‘business’.
The media even kindly shed light on a petition posted on the National Petition website that calls for the closure of Mom Cafe itself, which is drifting away from its original purpose of sharing parenting information, as the “root of all evil.”
--- From "Part 1, Chapter 1 | Introduction: The Beginning of All Secrets"

In parenting, mistakes are not tolerated, and for a child who is infinitely weak, the most perfect method is inevitably pursued.
For that reason, most people would find it easier to research, verify, and judge for themselves rather than seek advice from others about their parenting.
So, when I was having trouble with parenting, I think I relied on Mom Cafe rather than calling my mom to ask.
At least there were people there who were most sensitive to the latest information and willing to listen to contemporary experts.
--- From "Part 1, Chapter 2 | How I Became a Mom Cafe Addict"

There are several small meeting rooms in Mom Cafe.
They come together by finding common ground, such as “Moms of Tiger Year Babies” or “Moms of 1990s.”
And sometimes, their common and main daily routine, parenting, expands to include sharing every detail of life and even the joys and sorrows.
We empathize together, get angry, cry together, and laugh together.
So, some people praised Mom Cafe as a panacea for postpartum depression.
--- From "Part 1, Chapter 3 | Betrayal at Mom's Cafe, Which Was Like an Older Sister"

The reason I continued to visit Mom's Cafe was probably because I was working and didn't have time to socialize with my neighbors or other mothers.
Fortunately, there was a space called Mom Cafe, so I could learn about what was happening in my neighborhood even while at work.
For example, why did an ambulance come to our apartment last night?
In that way, Mom's Cafe was a place that fulfilled a small sense of belonging to the local community where I lived.
--- From "Part 1, Chapter 4 | The Beginning of a Long and Arduous Journey"

For Mom Cafe members, there is almost no gap between the world of Mom Cafe and the real world.
The collapse of trust in Mom Cafe is directly linked to the anxiety of not being able to trust the real world.
The rules are a joint promise among Mom Cafe members to maintain mutual trust.
This leads to the legitimacy of the Mom Cafe rules and also acts to make the members comply with the rules.
In short, mutual trust is an essential value in Mom Cafe, and the tight regulations exist to ensure that.
--- From "Part 2, Chapter 1 | The Necessity of Mom Cafe and the Process of Creating It"

Our society believes that 'mothers must be strong to raise children.'
Because of this, people tend to believe that the depression will just pass and try to overcome it on their own rather than relying on medical treatment.
So, if we include relatively mild symptoms, it is inevitable that many more women will experience postpartum depression.
Anyone who has experienced parenting would agree that, while the joy of parenting comes with it, there is also a certain gloomy and depressing feeling that comes from isolation.
--- From "Part 2, Chapter 4 | Why Do People Fall for Mom Cafes?"

Here, I would like to talk about the most important unwritten rule that characterizes the space called Mom Cafe.
It is ‘roundness’.
Because Mom's Cafe is supposed to be a round space, members themselves cannot break the rules or tolerate uncomfortable situations.
So, there are many requests from members to either immediately apply penalties to members who break the rules, or to create new rules because they contain content that is inconvenient to read.
Thanks to these users' sense of belonging and interest in Mom Cafe, Mom Cafe can be operated in a more positive and constructive manner.
--- From "Part 3, Chapter 2 | The Most Important Unwritten Rule of This Space"

If we think about this fact the other way around, it is like this.
In most cases, the expression of discomfort is imbued with a directional purpose of 'be on my side'.
In a mom cafe, it is essential to not go against the 'common sentiment', so it is essential to have a process to check whether my discomfort is due to my own fault or selfishness.
Therefore, the motivation for posting articles that begin with “Am I the only one who feels uncomfortable?” or have a similar nuance can be said to be basically a desire to gain the sympathy of the members of Mom’s Cafe.
--- From "Part 3, Chapter 3 | The Rise of the 'Pro-Inconvenienced'"

Mothers want to know which academies other mothers send their children to and whether those academies have good or bad reviews.
In some mom cafes in areas called "school districts" where people with a lot of interest in their children's education are concentrated, sharing information about private education such as academies or educational institutions is mandatory to raise your rank and gain the right to view posts (information).
However, sharing private education information in a purely meaningful way at local mom cafes has its limitations.
Here, the rounded characteristics of Mom Cafe reach a turning point once again.
--- From "Part 3, Chapter 4 | The Clash of Round Desires: On Private Education"

Participating in such collective movements becomes a means of realizing one's social self.
That is, it enhances the self-efficacy of individuals who consider themselves weak.
When I see people who share my views coming together one by one, I can see that my thoughts are not just mine.
Also, seeing the number of comments and likes increase and the intuitive numerical results of more and more people joining and cohesion can be a sufficient incentive for active action.
--- From "Part 4, Chapter 1 | "United We Become Strength"

But even in political issues and group movements, the essential characteristics of Mom Cafe, its rounded culture that avoids psychologically uncomfortable situations among its members, do not stray away.
As we saw in the previous chapter, because we as members of Mom Cafe must maintain a sense of belonging and uniformity within the group on any sensitive issue, we rarely express opinions that go against the prevailing opinion.
In this space, it is better to choose silence than to risk being marginalized by becoming a troublemaker.
--- From "Part 4, Chapter 3 | The Moment When Public Opinion on the Bulletin Board Turns into a Megaphone"

Are women less interested in politics than men? No.
Politics is an issue that directly affects our lives.
The most active members of Mom Cafe are women in their 30s to 50s, a generation that is actively socially active and at the forefront of life.
That's why I can't help but be interested in politics.
Even today, strong political posts are being posted on Mom Cafe, which allows political postings.
--- From "Part 4, Chapter 4 | Why has the trend of banning political posts become a trend in Mom Cafes?"

There is another, more shocking, 'slander operation' that happened in our cafe.
Surprisingly, the culprit was a teenager.
A high school student accessed our Mom Cafe using his mother's cell phone, captured the text, and posted it on Nate Pan.
When I went to the 'Teen Bulletin Board' on Nate Pan, I was shocked to see the swear words 'Mom Cafe' and 'Mom Chung' running wild.
(The most absurd part was, “My mom won’t open a mom cafe.
(The article said, “Just thinking about running a mom cafe is disgusting.”) The reality is that even for young children, the concept of mom cafes and mothers is distorted into hatred.
I was deeply concerned to see how hate has spread like a poisonous mushroom in our society.
--- From "Part 5, Chapter 1 | A Gloomy Place Where Only Witches Remain"

In this way, 'a happy family in our society' is determined by 'whether these social goals have been achieved' rather than by the bonds and harmony within the family.
In other words, achieving the ultimate goal of the family becomes the mother's primary mission, and failure to achieve that goal is attributed to the mother for raising the child poorly.
So, for mothers, the information they need to get from Mom Cafe is the information they need for the success of their children and their families.
--- From "Part 5, Chapter 3 | On the Perception That Mom Cafes Make Money"

Especially these days, when most people only have one child, becoming a mother is the first and last experience.
It's already difficult to establish strong parenting values, but parenting theory and practice often differ, so real-life situations can inevitably lead to a series of confusion and frustration.
That's why mothers feel like they want to rely on something for childcare.
--- From "Part 5, Chapter 5 | The Battlefield in Our Hearts"

But why shouldn't mothers eat brunch? There are two perspectives at play here.
There is aversion to women who are economically isolated from others living in luxury and a devaluation of childcare and housework.
In particular, there is a strong underlying view that views housewives as economically incompetent and aversion to such incompetence.
In other words, such women live comfortably and happily with their children and the money their husbands earn.
--- From "Part 6, Chapter 2 | How Did Mom Become an Object of Hatred?"

However, what is concerning is the social climate in which it is becoming increasingly common for children to not be present in any space.
The child's immaturity, mistakes, and noise are becoming increasingly unacceptable and uncomfortable.
It is difficult to hear children practicing instruments in the apartment complex, and it is not easy to play ball in the playground within the complex.
Due to complaints about the noise, people now have to go to private educational institutions such as music academies or physical education academies.
But the discomfort doesn't end with emotions.
We often see in the social section of newspapers articles how excessive emotional outbursts against children can ultimately lead to hate crimes.
--- From "Part 6, Chapter 3 | Expansion into Child Hatred"

Ultimately, the fundamental reflection on motherhood in our society must be initiated more fiercely by mothers than anyone else.
I hope so.
Somewhat sadly, but also happily, mothers are personas who are supposed to be good, kind, and role models for their children.
Even in the face of the painful truth that there were too many mothers who failed to maintain such a persona, and in this contradictory society where everyone is busy pointing fingers at the existence of "mothers" while worrying about the collapse of the entire society due to low birth rates, it is the "fate of mothers" to keep their children alive and raise them safely.
--- From "Part 6, Chapter 5 | Thinking of Motherhood Again"

Creating anxiety and fear is a powerful mechanism that even suppresses the biological and fundamental reproductive instincts of humans.
Is it really that difficult to first raise awareness about the social atmosphere that hates parents and children and then to create an atmosphere that is friendly to childcare?
--- From "Part 7, Chapter 1 | Self-Esteem as a Mother"

In short, the behavior that most clearly shows our country's familial group consciousness is the phenomenon of excessive identification with children, thinking that they are my alter ego and myself.
Ironically, the recent reluctance of people to get married and have children can ultimately be seen as an extension of the psychology of identifying with oneself and children.
People who make that choice often confess that they don't have children because they "don't want to pass on to my children the pain of this world that I've experienced."
They are already assuming the pain of an unborn child as their own pain.
--- From "Part 7, Chapter 2 | What is Family in Our Society?"

Also, the biggest side effect of this gender-segregated atmosphere is that men feel more comfortable when they are with other men, and women feel more comfortable when they are with other women.
When this situation becomes familiar, the opposite sex becomes incomprehensible, fearful, and ultimately repulsive, becoming a 'hateful' entity.
So, even on the internet where gender is unknown, male and female communities were divided, and mom cafes, which are comprised only of women, were also born in this atmosphere.
What if Mom Cafe hadn't been comprised solely of women in the first place, if it had been a parenting cafe where men and women coexisted? I believe Mom Cafe wouldn't have become the socially isolated and attacked group it is today.

--- From "Part 7, Chapter 3 | I hope Papa Cafe will open up too"