Why do Korean mothers unanimously say they want to find themselves? What caused them to lose themselves? Why, even after losing themselves, are they unable to actively seek them out?
Mothers gave their own reasons in various ways, but I found that they largely came down to two things.
A male-centered society.
And a society centered on entrance exams.
In a male-dominated society, women's social activities are hindered by various obstacles, such as low wages and lack of childcare facilities.
In a society centered on college entrance exams, women's social activities are blocked by their children for a full 20 years until the college entrance exam.
After being blocked twice like this, you will soon be over 50.
The possibility of actively cultivating 'my world' falls to the floor.
--- p.24, from “Why do Korean mothers say, ‘I want to find myself’?”

Why do we so carelessly guide our children into a future we don't even know about? Why do we rush to push them forward in outdated ways? Why do we waste every precious day of our lives miserable, both parents and children?
All we have to do is provide the basic fuel that will enable the child to thrive in the new world, no matter which path he or she takes.
From an early age, we provide our children with ample love and praise, slowly fill in the gaps in their character, and encourage them to actively explore their aptitudes and career paths within this diverse family culture, including enriching direct experiences like sports and travel, and diverse indirect experiences like books and movies.
In fact, this is the original role of true parents.

--- p.31, from “Can we create a crack in this entrance exam-centered society?”

I knew that after a long, long journey, I was back on track.
Even though 30 years have passed, the educational situation in South Korea has not changed.
My parenting goal wasn't 'college,' so I couldn't be the kind of mom who put her child through the entrance exam race and say, "Run! If you run to first place, good things will happen!"
I was a mother who hated doing things like carrying my child on my back and running around for him.

As I looked around, I saw people living similar lives.
People who buy houses, buy cars, and raise children with the goal of preparing for college entrance exams.
People who have gone off track like me are not easily pushed around by numbers.

'Just because everyone here lives like this doesn't mean you have to.'
Then I really got curious.

"What other ways of life are there? How do people in other countries live?"
I decided to hit the road.
I decided to diligently write down the answers I found along the way.

--- p.51, from “Finally, I Saw the Flowers Blooming”

People easily tell moms that they're 'done'.
Now that the wart is over, the fun is over.
Don't even think about traveling.
you're welcome.
The position of 'mother' is a position that teaches us how to travel properly and how to relate to the world properly, as if we were skipping a grade.
Is travel the only thing that makes mothers skip grades? During the intense "life lessons" of pregnancy, childbirth, and childcare, mothers experience tremendous humanistic growth.
It gets wider, deeper, and warmer.
That growth will be a huge asset to Mom no matter what she does later.

Being a mother is not the end, it is the beginning.
--- p.54, from “Mom Becomes a Great Traveler by Herself”

As a male-centered society sent women back to their homes, an entrance exam-centered society passed the baton to them.
It's a role that replaces the 'real social life' of a single woman who has lost her job with a 'fake social life'.
In a way that instills the illusion that the child's social life is the mother's social life.

A new stay-at-home mom starts the college entrance exam race with a sense of guilt that she has not been able to properly take care of her child.
Women who have been stay-at-home mothers from the beginning always run the race with the guilt of not being able to provide 'more' private education.
The guilt of not being able to raise a child well while staying at home is 1+1.
But working moms who don't give up their careers until the end are the ones who feel the most guilty.
They carry this guilt for not being able to provide the close supervision that everyone else does to their children, every time their children receive a report card, even after they become adults and no longer receive report cards.

--- p.105, from “Today’s mothers who inevitably live with a sense of guilt, me”

Here we must ask ourselves these specific questions:

Why did I always go to the bathroom with my friends when I was a student? Why do I still eat alone in restaurants or watch movies?
Don't you feel like it? Why are parent-teacher conferences so exhausting, yet so uneasy when left out? Why do I always seek permission and agreement from others? Why do I immediately yield and give up when faced with opposition? Why can't I be more assertive in pushing my own agenda? Shouldn't I be willing to fight, even scream? Does this mean I can't stand up for myself and my own judgment?
Why is it that the role that causes me to give up is not only my husband, but also my parents, in-laws, my newborn child, my boss or colleague, and sometimes even myself? Doesn't this mean, in other words, that anyone can thwart what I want to do?
Anyone.

shit.
--- p.115, from “Can I Live as a Woman with Pride?”

Every morning when my child goes to school, the first thing I do is close the door to his room.
(If you are a working mom, this will be the moment you close the front door and leave.) Whether there are supplies your child forgot to leave behind in the room or a test paper worth a fortune has fallen, quickly close the door and pretend you don't know.
As soon as I close the door, I stop thinking about my child.
And say it to yourself three times, just like cheering three times.

“My life is mine, and my child’s life is his.”
How fortunate I am that my life is my own.
Just like stretching, turning your thoughts around like this can help your mental health.
'Our family will live happily today too.'
'The days of fixing your fortune with your grades are over.'
'I will support my child's interests.'
'Even if that interest doesn't appeal to me! It's because I don't know that world well.'
'It's a time when gamers, YouTubers, app developers, and even professions I didn't even know about are in the spotlight.'
'Let the child go his own way, and I go mine.'
'At least while I'm away from the child!'
--- p.152, “How to find me 1_Let’s write it down.
From “My life is mine, my child’s life is his.”

All activities are like cars.
Whether it's a compact car, a limousine, or a sports car, I just choose the one that suits me and drive it.
If you add the fuel of persistence here, you will inevitably reach the destination called 'THE value'.
"I can't even think of anything worthwhile to do right now. I drew my eyebrows and came out, but... where should I go now?"
If you don't know what to do today, just compliment me first.
Me, who came out to do something even though I didn't know what to do.
It is a strong will.
It's a hopeful beginning.

When you don't know what to do right now, the best thing to do is go somewhere where you can focus and talk to yourself.

--- p.164, from “How to Find Myself 4_Let’s Find ‘Activity’, at ‘My’ Own Speed”

Steadily, even when I feel doubtful, steadily, because it is something I have started, steadily without distracting thoughts, just as I believe that my body will get better if I exercise consistently, I believe that my life will get better if I work consistently, and I believe that a person who is steady will definitely learn and grow, steadily.

Even if you give up on writing a book or stop preparing for a certification, people who give up are different from those who never even tried.
A person who can tell a story of failure is a better person than someone who doesn't even have a story of failure.
--- p.193, from “How to Find Myself 7_Let’s Create an Activity Community to ‘Constantly’”

The benefits of community are endless.
Even now, activity reports are flying in from all over the country every day.
The number of mothers who are shouting that they do not want to be a 'servant' mother, a 'sacrificing' mother, or a mother who 'only cares about her child' is increasing like grassroots.
Even when choosing a book, they don't choose it to help my child get into a competitive college.
Choose books that are for the majority and provide a forward-looking perspective.
About the way we view children with disabilities, environmental issues, and whether corporal punishment is really necessary in discipline…
As I watch mothers who were once helpless in isolation come together as a community and become active, I imagine what they will be like in a few years.
It's probably grown quite a bit.
The family will share the abundant fruits they have harvested.
With wisdom, self-esteem, and passion for life, the fruit trees they cultivate will enrich the communities they serve.
Of course, the forests of the world will become more beautiful.

--- p.206, from “How to Find Myself 8_Solo Parenting is a No-No, Let’s Overcome It with a Parenting Community”

It goes without saying that even if you are a parent of a student taking the exam and are anxious, you must not let your child learn the meanness of winning by any means necessary.
It may seem like it gives the child a '+1' advantage right now, but it will cost the child 'p.10' in the long run.
Above all, you must remember that your child is watching you.
A grown child will open his eyes brightly and look up at his mother, thinking to himself:
'I will watch until the end to see if you are the person I respect.' Then the task becomes very clear.
Because if there's one person in this world that a mother would most respect, it would be her child.

--- p.262, from “How to Find Myself 14_How to Become a Mother of a Student Without Losing ‘Myself’”