When does that person's inner self reveal itself?

The period of suffering experienced by those who fall into the valley reveals the innermost self of that person, and makes them realize that who they thought they were was not, in fact, their true self.
In the process, they expose inner selves that they were not even aware of.
He finally realizes that the many images he puts on display are not his real self.
(…)

Some people cringe when faced with this kind of pain.
They appear to be more fearful and resentful than average.
They are so scared that they turn away from their inner self.
And so life becomes increasingly narrow and lonely.
It is common to see elderly people around us living with a sadness that never heals.
They live their lives constantly angry about some wrong that happened to them long ago, without receiving the respect they deserve.

But for others, this valley is a place of self-discovery and growth.
Times of suffering interrupt the superficial flow of daily life, allowing us to look deeper into our inner selves.
During this period, people realize that deep within their being there is an essential capacity for care, a desire to transcend the self and care for others.
When faced with this aspiration, these people are ready to become whole people.
They look at familiar things with new eyes.
And finally, you can love your neighbor as yourself.
Not just as a slogan, but as a real practice.
People's lives are defined differently by how they respond to the most difficult times.
--- p.15~16

If you want to know which mountain you are climbing now

This is the definitive way to know whether you are climbing the first mountain or the second.
What is it that you ultimately desire? Is it your inner self, or something outside of yourself?

If the first mountain is about establishing the ego and defining the self, the second mountain is about abandoning the ego and letting go of the self.
If the first mountain is about acquiring something, the second mountain is about giving something to others.
If the first mountain is an elitist one of upward mobility, the second mountain is an egalitarian one, rooting oneself firmly among those who lack something and walking hand in hand with them.

The way to climb the second mountain is completely different from the way to climb the first mountain.
The first mountain is conquered.
'I' am the one who conquers this mountain.
After checking from afar where the summit is, I strive to climb towards it.
But the second mountain is different.
The second mountain conquers 'me'.
I surrender to a calling.
And in response to that calling, I do whatever it takes to address any injustice or problem that comes my way.
On the first mountain, you are ambitious, strategic, and independent, but on the second mountain, you are consistent in your approach, valuing human relationships, being friendly, and not yielding to anything.
--- p.21~22

Can gaining experience change your life?

Pursuing an aesthetic lifestyle may make each day enjoyable, but it doesn't lead to the accumulation of anything meaningful.
The theory behind this kind of life is that people should accumulate as many experiences as possible.
But if we live life as a series of continuous adventures, we end up wandering aimlessly amidst the uncertainty of fleeting emotions and easily fickle passions.
In this case, this person's life is not a collection of achievements, but rather a collection of temporary moments.
It's like wasting your power by randomly scattering it all over the place.
And yet, we are constantly gripped by the fear that we might miss out on something precious.
This person's potential may be endless, but the decision-making landscape is hopelessly dull.
(…)

Our natural human enthusiasm trains us to be people pleasers, people who say “yes” to others.
But if you never say “no” to anything, if you never give up on anything, you probably won’t get deeply involved in anything.
A life of dedication is saying “no” a thousand times for a precious “yes” a few times.
(…)

In the smartphone era, friction costs—the costs associated with forming or breaking a transaction or relationship—are approaching zero.
The Internet constantly encourages you to click on things and try them out.
Living online often means living in a state of transition.
In this state, you can't really get deeply immersed in anything.
Online life is filled with all sorts of devices and gadgets that block our commitment and immersion.
If you can't focus for even 30 seconds, how can you possibly accomplish anything in life and dedicate yourself to it?
--- p.83~84

Two types of people who lose their purpose and wander

A person in a telos crisis does not know what his purpose is.
When this happens, people become easily broken.
Philosopher Nietzsche said that a person who has a 'why' to live can endure any 'how'.
It means that if you know your purpose, you can handle all the hardships you encounter along the way.
But a person who does not know his purpose will fall down even at the slightest hardship.
(…)

In my experience, the telos crisis comes in two forms.
One is a walking form, and the other is a sleeping form.
In the walking form, the sufferer just keeps trudging along.
This person is in a state of shock or deep boredom, but does not know what he wants or how to change his life.
So he just keeps doing what he was doing.
Same job, same place, same routine, same life… .
This person lives with the psychological awareness that he is complacent.
(…)

The second type of telos crisis is sleeping.
In this case, the person suffering just lies in bed and lazes around, watching Netflix dramas.
This man's confidence is at rock bottom.
This person is paralyzed by the autofocus setting.
And he is caught up in the strange, completely unproven belief that it is already too late and that his life has already passed him by.
The achievements of others begin to cause him real pain.
The greater the gap between others' rapid (or rather, seemingly rapid) rise and one's own helplessness, the deeper the pain becomes.
--- p.102~103

Even if you don't believe in God, believe in the existence of the soul.

Another part of consciousness is the soul.
I'm not trying to tell you to believe in God or not.
I am a writer, not a missionary.
Missionary work is not my specialty.
But I want to make it clear that you too must believe that you have a soul.
(…)

The soul is that part of your consciousness that holds moral values ​​and bears moral obligations.
There is a river.
This river is not morally responsible for what it flows through.
Even tigers are not morally responsible for the animals they prey on.
However, since humans have a soul, they are morally responsible for the actions they do or do not do.
(…)

The soul is the seat of moral consciousness and ethical sense.
CS
As Lewis said, there has never been a case in any country, past or present, where a deserter who ran from a battlefield or a person who betrayed someone they were grateful to was praised.
Just as some animals rely on magnetic fields to find their bearings, we humans rely on these moral senses to guide our actions.
(…)

The main thing the soul does is yearn.
If the heart longs to be one with another person or a cause, the soul longs for righteousness and to be one with what is good.
Socrates said that the purpose of life is to perfect one's soul, that is, to realize the goodness for which the soul longs.
Everyone I've ever met wanted to live a good and meaningful life.
People feel lost when they do not experience purpose and meaning in their lives.
Even criminals and sociopaths can make excuses for their evil deeds, claiming that they were actually good deeds or at least forgivable given the circumstances.
Because no one lives with the thought that they are a complete evil person.
--- p.131~133

What kind of life do you pursue on the second mountain?

Individualism tells us to strive for personal happiness, but people on the second mountain put more effort into pursuing meaning and moral joy in life.
Individualism tells us to praise independence, but those on the second mountain praise interdependence.
Praise the opportunity to depend on those you love and praise them for coming to depend on you.
Individualism celebrates autonomy, but the second mountain celebrates relatedness.
Individualism speaks with an active voice (preaching, arguing), never with a passive voice.
But the second mountain rebellion wants to listen and respond.
Communicate in an intimate voice that gives and takes.

Individualism thrives in a secular world, a world that values ​​career choice and worldly achievement.
The spirit of the second mountain says that the secular world is nothing but an enchanted world, a moral and emotional drama.
Individualism tolerates and promotes individual self-interest, but the spirit of the second mountain says that a worldview focused on self-interest cannot fully capture the full range of human nature.
We humans are capable of great acts of love that cannot be fathomed by our own selfishness, and we are also capable of cruel and outrageous acts that cannot be explained by our own selfishness.
Individualism says that the main act of life is buying and selling, but the person on the second mountain says that the main act of life is giving.
The highest level of human beings are those who give gifts.

Individualism says that you must love yourself first before you can love others.
But the spirit of the second mountain says that to understand love, one must first be loved, and to know whether one is worthy of love, one must actively love others.
On the first mountain, each person makes a personal choice and leaves several options open.
The second mountain is a place overflowing with promises.
Here, the greatest concern is dedication, self-sacrifice, and self-disclosure.
It is about giving up oneself and dedicating oneself.
--- p.141~142

To move from a fragmented life to an integrated life

Few people experience such a complete personal transformation as Hillesum.
Few people live as self-sacrificingly as community activists.
But their lives serve as an example.
There are many reasons why they are exemplary, but if I had to pick one, it would be that they prove the core idea that 'the one task of life is integration.'
Integration is the act of gathering all the fragmented pieces of oneself and weaving them together into a whole so that one can move consistently toward a single vision.

Some people never achieve integration and live fragmented lives.
Some people achieve integration only at a low level.
However, Hillesum achieved integration at a very high level.
Although the external conditions of her life had changed drastically and catastrophically, her inner state had become more peaceful than before.
The way she achieved integration was not through a constant internal process of self-examination, but through an external process of complete self-letting go and giving.
--- p.192~193

What does life ask of me?

World War II broke out and the Nazis occupied Austria.
Frankl was taken to a concentration camp.
He realized that career-focused questions like, “What do I want to achieve in life?” and “What should I do to make myself happy?” were not the right questions.
The real question he realized was this:
“What does life demand of me?” Frankl realized that the psychiatrist in the Jewish concentration camps had a duty to study suffering and to alleviate it.

“What we expect from life doesn’t matter at all.
What matters is what life expects from us.
We needed to stop asking questions about the meaning of life.
Instead, I needed to think of myself as someone who is being questioned by life every hour of every day.
Our answer must not be conversation or meditation, but right action and right conduct.
“Life is ultimately about finding the right answers to the questions life poses and fulfilling the tasks life constantly assigns to each individual.”

A sense of calling arises from the question, “What is my duty here and now?”
Frankl worked as a psychotherapist in the concentration camps, reminding the desperate of what the world still expected of them.
They still had a purpose and a duty to pursue.
--- p.205~206

What Mentors Teach Us

A mentor balances giving love with high standards, while also being ruthless in demanding when it comes to something he or she cares deeply about.
We think we want things to be easy and comfortable.
Of course, sometimes that happens.
But there is something within us that longs for a calling that requires dedication and sacrifice.
(…)

Mentors can also elicit humility from mentees by presenting them with something exceptional.
A mentor teaches a mentee how to humbly submit to a task.
The natural way is to throw yourself into the middle of some action.
It's best to ask the question, "What should I do?" only once.
It's a terrible thing to have this question on your mind all the time.
A pitcher who is obsessed with how to throw the ball well in a baseball game cannot throw the ball well.
Because the focus is on yourself, not the task of throwing the ball.
(…)

Mentors also teach you how to deal with mistakes.
The more experience you have, the more you become aware of your mistakes and understand through experience how to correct them.
Mentors give mentees a sense of what it means to revise a manuscript two, four, or ten times.
It also gives you the freedom to move forward without fear of failure, with the confidence that any mistakes can be corrected later, and the willingness to embrace those mistakes.
--- p.227~228

What touches my deepest desires?

He is still a model of someone who listens to his own life, figures out what his desires are, and asks himself the following questions:
What challenges lie ahead of me? What has my life prepared me for? How can these two things work hand in hand? (…)

This is not about career development.
It asks, “What touches my deepest desires?” and “What activities bring me the deepest satisfaction?”
Second, it's a question of finding something that fits just right.
When it comes to career decision-making, it's not about finding the biggest or most glamorous problem in the world.
Rather, it is important to find a link between pleasurable activities and social needs.
This is the same inner journey we looked at earlier.
It is about falling inwardly and expanding outwardly.
It's about finding that place within yourself where you can't help but connect with others, that place where, as the writer and theologian Frederick Buechner famously said, your deep joy meets the deep longing of the world.
--- p.259~260

To become a person who can live with others

Even today, an overwhelming majority of people still want to get married.
However, sociologists see marriage today as a decorative capstone rather than a foundational keystone.
In the past, it was believed that getting married first would make you a person with the self-control and integrity to build a good career.
But now things are different.
There are more and more people who want to settle down first and then get married.
In this way, the social perception of marriage has completely changed.

As always, one problem with the individualistic perspective is that the individual becomes trapped in a little prison called 'self'.
People who marry in pursuit of self-fulfillment will continue to experience frustration.
Because married life and especially raising children will always hinder this person from fully achieving his goals and will lead him astray.

Another problem with the individualistic perspective is that it doesn't give us clear answers to fulfill our deepest desires.
The heart longs to merge with others and become one.
But this problem is not solved by combining each other's autonomy.
It is only resolved when both parties abandon themselves.
The soul longs to pursue certain ideals and seek joy.
This is only possible when we transcend the ego and serve the marriage.
--- p.295~296

If you don't learn, you can't see the world properly.

The University of Chicago professors taught us how to see objects.
Seeing reality for what it is may seem simple.
All you have to do is raise your head and look around the world.
But anyone who's been around politics knows just how many people view the world through the distorted glasses of partisanship, how many see only what they want to see, and how many view the world through the filters of their own fears, anxieties, and narcissism.

Seeing the target clearly doesn't come naturally.
This is an act of humility.
This means that one must completely break away from oneself, from what one needs or desires.
This is because only then can you see the object of your desires as it is, not as a reflection of your own interests.
Seeing things clearly is a skill we can learn from others who have been able to see reality clearly (e.g., Leonardo da Vinci, George Eliot, George Orwell, Jane Jacobs, James Baldwin, Leo Tolstoy, etc.).

John Ruskin, the 19th-century British art critic and social thinker, wrote:
“The greatest thing the human soul does in this world is to ‘see’ something and to explain what it ‘sees’ in a simple way.
“If there are hundreds who can speak, only one can think; if there are thousands who can think, only one can see.”
--- p.385~386

When we can pay attention to the suffering of the community

In times of suffering, we tend to put excessive pressure on the steering wheel, trying to somehow steer the course of our lives.
But sometimes, we get so caught up in defeat that we let go of the wheel and let things be.
But at this time, strange things start to happen.
Not surprisingly, Henri Nouwen also wrote:

“If you focus on the specific circumstances of your suffering, you will easily become angry, hostile, and vengeful.
(…) But true healing begins with the realization that one’s own particular suffering is actually part of the suffering of all humanity.
(…) It becomes much easier to bear one’s own suffering when one can turn away from the external circumstances that have caused one’s suffering and focus on the suffering of the community in which one participates.”

Knowledge acquired through suffering can be clearly expressed, but those who have not endured the path of suffering can never make that knowledge their own.
When I came out of that pit of suffering, I wasn't empty-handed.
It was only when life beat me so hard that I became soft enough to be touched by anything.
Pain has opened up my deepest wellsprings, revealing fresh, healthy soil for new growth.
--- p.444~445

If you are a believer, live with humility and a neutral voice.

A believer approaches God with humble reverence, and through study, prayer, and spiritual training, he comes to feel God's love, even if it is only a speck of dust.
In this way, this person gradually learns to live by following God's love, no matter how small it may be, without going against it.
Mastering life is not some will-filled attempt, nor is it complete surrender and self-destruction.
Passionate responses are what govern life.
It is a complex engagement, a substitution of one's own will for God's greater will.


As Peterson says, it is neither about trying to live with an active voice (which is dominance) nor about trying to live with a passive voice (which is submission).
It is about trying to live with a middle voice, that is, dialogue and response.
(…)

Faith and grace are not about giving up one's subjectivity.
Faith and grace are about strengthening and empowering subjectivity, while also transforming it.
When grace abounds, it presents us with better objects to desire and gives us more power to desire them.
Letting go of yourself means letting go of your old desires and taking on a new and better set of desires.
--- p.487~488

A war between two camps over the future of the community

The very foundation of American society—the web of trust, human relationships, and commitment on which everything, including the state and the market, depends—is crumbling.
The result is as bloody and savage as any war.

Perhaps now is the time to start viewing this phenomenon as a war.
On one side are the forces that promote division, discord, and isolation; on the other side are all the forces of society that strengthen attachment, connection, and solidarity.
It seems we are witnessing the final showdown between those who seek to tear apart the social fabric and those who seek to strengthen it.

But there is something particularly tricky about this war.
This is not a war between a group of good people and a group of evil people.
This war is going on in everyone's mind.
What this means is that most people belong to both camps at the same time.
(…)

When there is a lack of attention and care, the group called neighborhood can easily break apart and its members become fragmented.
People still live with their neighbors as before, but the stream of trust that once flowed between them has dried up.
When bad things happen, there aren't many people you can rely on closely.
People all yearn for a sense of belonging.
But it is not clear where to find this sense of belonging.
(…) interest and care have already been replaced by longing and distrust.
So how can we restore community? Fundamentally, it's restored by those who live on the second mountain, those who are loyal to someone other than themselves.
--- p.510~512

Another way to find meaning and purpose in life

The world is now going through a moment of transition.
The individualistic moral ecosystem is collapsing around us.
As a result, people are left naked and shivering alone.
For many people, the first instinctive response is the evolutionary response of “Revert to Tribe.”
If we respond to the excess of “I am free” on a societal level with an era of “let’s go back to the tribe,” the 21st century will be an era of childish conflict and violence.

There is another way to find belonging.
There is another way to find meaning and purpose.
There is another vision for a healthy society.
This is the path that leads directly to relationalism.
This path is about going deep within ourselves to discover our infinite capacity to care for others, and thus expand our own being to serve others.
In this manifesto, I oppose the hyper-individualism of the present time and advocate relationalism as a better way of life.

--- p.560