“Love that hurts too much is not love!”
A world-wide bestseller with over 1 million copies sold
"The Slapped Soul", "You Can't Hurt Me"
A new masterpiece by author Berbel Bardetzky

Barbel Wardetzky, a leading German psychologist and best-selling author, has been exploring the issues of all kinds of wounds that arise in human relationships for the past 40 years.
One of the surprising things he discovered through his research and counseling was that love, which was often considered a source of joy, often left the most destructive scars.
In particular, relationships with people who are narcissistic and do not respect others can sometimes lead to violence, ultimately leaving a pain that cannot be washed away.
In our country alone, the number of reported cases of dating violence reaches 10,000 every year, and the situation is so serious that 'safe breakups' have emerged as a major keyword in society.

The problem is that many people are fooled by the word love and easily allow themselves to be hurt.
They endure the pain, saying it hurts because they love, and they neglect the painful relationship without even realizing that their own hearts are breaking apart.
So the author prescribes a special prescription.
This novel, which draws on 40 years of research and practical counseling experience, tells the story of a person who cannot end a relationship that is full of hurt, and through this story, it helps us discover our own inner weaknesses.
As we listen to the characters' suffering, frustration, and eventual overcoming, and the author, a psychologist, provides a sobering analysis, we naturally gain the strong courage to confront the things that hurt us.


The most important thing is myself, and only when I love myself completely can I truly love others.
If I am deceived by the words "I love you" and hand over the power of my thoughts and actions to others, I will eventually lose all control of my life.
This book will challenge conventional notions about love and hurt and offer new insights, encouraging you to live a free and happy life.

More women than you might think have met men who showered their love generously in the beginning of a relationship, but then became less expressive as time went on.
And there are many cases where people are verbally abused or physically assaulted.
Some women who have had this experience remain in relationships for years, sometimes even decades, until they are completely destroyed.
The threat of their partner coming back every time they try to break up can be a drag, but the hope that things can get back to how they were before also plays a part in keeping the relationship going.
--- p.6

Even on days when my husband was at home, all he thought about was work.
I always sat in front of the computer and only showed my back.
Even now, when I think of him, all I can think of is his back.
So how much must it have been so disgusting to see that sight? At some point, I started to hate it so much that I couldn't even look at it.
I was desperately looking forward to some alone time, enjoying delicious food and a glass of wine while having a nice conversation.
But in reality, I couldn't even have a proper conversation with my husband.
I couldn't share my feelings with anyone and had to swallow them all by myself.
When things got tough, I couldn't even lean on him or link arms with him.
Herbert thought he had done his job by bringing home money.
I thought there was nothing wrong between us.
Saying things like this as if it were a habit.
"Other families live like this too!" --- pp.31-32

Frank suddenly swore his love to me.
He really hated it, but he pressed the button correctly this time too.
Suddenly tears burst out.
Frank didn't miss the moment and hugged me, and my excitement subsided a little.
And again the same old cliché repertoire began.
“My love, I will do everything well.
I really need you.
“I can’t let you go.”
At his confession, I kept shedding tears and letting out all the words I had been holding in my heart.
I told him everything I was thinking, how I was feeling, and how unhappy I was right now.
I felt like a worthless person and I declared that I couldn't live like that anymore.
What I want is a harmonious relationship based on love and understanding.
Frank reassured me that he was like that too and that if we worked together, we could definitely do it.
--- p.
146

Most people who are in a relationship with a narcissistic man cannot escape from pessimistic feelings.
These people believe that love is accompanied by pain.
I think it's inevitable that as you continue a relationship, you'll get hurt, be rejected and humiliated, and go through a cycle of breakups and reunions.
In severe cases, they may even endure verbal or sexual abuse.
If you experienced these types of abnormal relationships as a child, it will affect your relationships as an adult.
And this tendency determines the person's way of thinking.
--- p.193

I no longer want a relationship where I suffer and rationalize that suffering.
Because I am too precious to do that.
Through the process of escaping from a painful love, I realized that I am ultimately the master of my own life, and that I must walk my own path, no matter how difficult it may be.
And I became strong enough to love myself and accept new relationships.
Eventually, I met someone who respected me, and now we are getting along very well.
I never knew this kind of relationship was possible before, but now I'm living a harmonious life with the person I love.
I finally realized what it means to be with someone you trust 100%.
--- pp.264~265

True love is not the merging of two people's tendencies.
No matter how much we're in love, we all need to take a breather sometimes, and we all need space to stretch out.
Empathy is very important in love, but independence is also an essential element.
If independence is not guaranteed, one person will continue to be responsible for the other.
A good relationship is formed when both people respect and value their own and the other person's values.
In other words, you must have stable self-esteem and awareness to the extent that you can acknowledge your strengths as well as your weaknesses and actively utilize them in your relationship.
Two people who have wounded self-esteem and seek their worth from the other person lack this element.
--- pp.275~276

"What the hell have you done? Can't you think of me? You always seem to care. You ruin everything.
“I really can’t live with you.”
People who hear this kind of criticism every day, so many times that they become brainwashed, at some point begin to think that they are truly inadequate.
A woman in this state of mind becomes more submissive and tries to do better in everything.
If you have ever actually heard such criticism, what you should reflect on and take responsibility for is that you did not immediately reject such malicious words but simply 'swallowed' them.
However, you need an outside perspective and correction because you were so obsessed with that person that you couldn't properly distinguish between actual wrongdoing and baseless slander.

--- pp.321~322