prolog
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Epilogue

Author's Note

“For the first time in my life, I became curious about what other people thought.”
A special emotion that has arrived to us

An Yul is a seemingly ordinary fifteen-year-old boy who enjoys playing games and soccer with his friends.
Except that he is afraid of making eye contact with other people and secretly believes that all human relationships are fake and false.
Yul believed that although he was a “weak and easygoing kid” (page 14), he would have no problems at school as long as he maintained a reasonable relationship with his friends.


The reason Yul is afraid to make eye contact is because he feels “the feelings reflected beyond the pitch-black pupils are unsettling” (p. 17).
To Yul, who wants to be rational and not be swayed by emotions, the minds of others that can be read in their eyes are as incomprehensible as an abyss.
A child appeared who shook the heart of Yul, who had always kept himself so emotionless.


Lee Do-hae, a boy who is not interested in common topics like soccer, games, and grades and who likes to look up at the sky from the rooftop, a boy with a unique aura who wears a long-sleeved school uniform even in the middle of hot summer and tells people to call him the North Star.
By normal standards, that child, who is 'abnormal', keeps catching Yul's eye.
Yul's wounds, which he did not want to show to others or even to himself, are recalled every time he meets Dohae.
Yul, who wanted to ask Dohae what he would do, ends up asking Dohae the question and receives an unforgettable answer.


“I think she’ll hug me.”
Lee Do-hae's voice was so powerful that it made me shiver.
(…)
“I’ll hug you so that your journey will be a little warmer.”
―Page 87

“The only absolute thing is yourself.
So look at you.
“Look at your heart.”
How to love the lonely me

Every time Yul meets Dohae, he feels the emotions buried deep in his heart being stirred, and he gradually begins to listen to his own heart, such as by writing the first sentence of a novel at Dohae's suggestion.
Yul, who pretended to be fine on the outside but was actually hiding himself and living a lonely life, resembles teenagers who close their hearts and choose isolation.
Through Yul's character, the author delicately examines the confusion of a lonely and isolated adolescence, when one neglects one's own emotions because one believes that no one knows one's heart.
“There’s no way I’d like a novel where I’m the main character.
To Yul, who thinks that “it’s obvious that it will be a dry and boring story” (page 119), Dohae encourages Yul by saying that reality and life can change 180 degrees depending on the story he gives himself.
Looking at such diagrams, Yul becomes curious about other people's hearts for the first time and realizes the meaning of a 'true friend'.


“For the first time in my life, I became curious about what other people thought.
“What would this world look like to those eyes?” - Page 120

Although labeled as 'abnormal' and difficult for others to understand, Yul and Dohae share their true feelings and build a friendship.
Yul's appearance, which gradually changes and reveals his honest feelings under the influence of the diagram, shows that the friends you meet in your youth and who you can connect with are extremely special and precious relationships.


The boy who only looked at the tips of his feet
Now look me in the eye and tell me

Meanwhile, Yul finds out that Seo Jin-wook, whom he thought was the most 'successful' kid in the class, is actually the son of a shabby supermarket owner in the neighborhood and has an inferiority complex about his family background.
Was his promise to become a soccer player, his desire to take his kids out to play soccer every lunchtime, just a show of strength to protect himself? Normally, Yul would have preferred to avoid troublesome situations, but after meeting Do-hae, his frozen heart gradually warms, and he volunteers to help the injured Seo Jin-wook.
And we come to truly understand that Seo Jin-wook, who always seemed perfect and was the object of envy, also had secrets and pains he wanted to hide.
Even if we can't see it on the outside, everyone is going through a fierce process of growth.
Encountering another person's life brings about a huge resonance, like discovering a new universe.


Maybe, just maybe, people are all aliens, each with their own world.

Because we are all aliens, we will never understand each other until we die, we will be anxious, we will criticize each other, and we will wander our whole lives looking for someone who will understand us.
―Page 144

Through his encounter with Dohae, Yul gains the courage to look into the hearts of others, and even extends a helping hand to Seo Jin-wook first. The novel deeply resonates with Yul's inner self, making us empathize with his growth and cheer him on.
This is a thrilling novel that will keep you glued to your books, with its twists and turns as the pain and resonance of growing up unfolds and the secrets of the diagram are revealed. It is also a work that will leave a lasting impression on the hearts of growing children.
As befitting a winner of the Changbi Youth Literature Award, it is confidently presented for those living lonely lives today.

From the author's words

This novel is a story about looking at others.
Yul's gaze gradually rises upwards.
From the ground to the sky.
And then it goes down a little bit again.
Ultimately, the place where Yul's gaze reaches is the eyes.
Other people's eyes.

It's really hard to understand other people.
But paradoxically, someone wants to understand them.
This is especially true during adolescence.
Somewhere between a child and an adult, I am waiting for someone's hand, curled up.
But that hand may never come again.

I was like that when I was writing this novel.
A series of unspeakably difficult events occurred.
I thought no one would understand me.
So I picked up the pen.
Writing was like a struggle for me.
The country is a struggle to leave traces of people.
There is something I realized while writing alone like that.
That each person has their own world.
It is nearly impossible for people with completely different personalities and living in completely different environments to fully understand each other.
But people grow through bumping into things and breaking things.
Change comes when that happens.