1.
Why did mom do that?
2.
I'm sorry I'm alive
3.
Even if the world we believe to be safe collapses
4.
The end of a long, long tunnel
5.
Anywhere together
6.
Because I can't reach that pain
7.
Scars are also a part of me
8.
Don't disappear
9.
Testimony for my younger siblings
10.
To prevent the roots from being seriously damaged
11.
The courage to take off the mask
12.
The power to protect me
13.
No one will die
14.
Caring for each other
15.
We all shine
Author's Note

Let me clarify once again
This novel is fiction.

Author Kim Jung-mi has brought to light a story we knew but had never properly looked into, a story we could not speak openly about and whose depth of pain we could not fathom.
It's a story the author has harbored in his heart for decades, but he's avoided it as long as he can, and even after starting to write, he's stopped and hesitated many times.

Author Kim Jung-mi, who has been called the "epitome of realism" for her works that warmly portray the lives of poor neighbors based on deep understanding and affection, emphasizes twice that this novel is "fiction."
Why must we insist that this story is a product of imagination? Paradoxically, it's because the tragic events in the novel are so closely connected to reality.

This novel is about the pain of women who have experienced things that happen so often around us, yet are easily erased, ignored, and buried.
It is sexual violence.


What you did to me,
I denounce the world that made that action possible.

In this story, the direct victims of sexual violence are Choi Ji-young and Lee Ha-neul.
And at the center of the story are Choi Ji-young's daughter Ga-on and Lee Ha-neul's younger sister Gyeol.
Gaon, who has been watching his mother suffer from anxiety and insomnia for a long time every spring, realizes that his friend Gyeol is in danger.
Gyeol, who had been struggling with her sister's suicide, gradually recovers with the help of Gaon and those around her, and learns why her sister had to die.

The victim was left speechless for a long time.
I found no other way than to endure the pain alone and die.
The perpetrator was not just one man who committed sexual assault.
Those who kept you from revealing the damage and implicitly pressured you to endure it for the sake of something more important than what they thought were happening were also perpetrators.

This story shows how the memories of violence engraved in a sexual assault victim can destroy a person's soul and lead to death.
It also delves deeply into how the trauma of that violence affects the victims' families and friends.
Jiyoung Choi and Ha-neul Lee fight through their pain to heal themselves, while also mustering the courage to testify in the hope that their daughters and siblings will never have to go through the same thing.


To recall the events of that day, to record them as accurately as possible, I have to recall memories I would rather forget.
It's so scary that I can't get to the core of it and I keep going around in circles.
You can't imagine this fear and pain.

But reading this article may not be easy for you either.

Well, at least I hope so.
- Page 157

Diaries, letters, and wills
Testimony for you, not me

Diaries, letters, and wills play an important role in this story.
The writings, which contain the most personal and intimate confessions, also serve as a device to constantly make us forget that this novel is 'fiction'.
Author Kim Jung-mi's imagination penetrates the depths of the minds of others.
We bring to light the stories of those who have been unable to speak out, and we examine them with empathy and care, empathizing with their wounds and pain.
That's why this story isn't just an accusation.

Kyung-mi, who has been watching Ji-young's suffering for a long time, takes care of Ga-on and Gyeol and joins them in the healing process.
The future continues to create a space where Gaon and Gyeol can breathe comfortably.
The warm solidarity of listening to each other's stories, wiping away tears, and offering a shoulder to lean on becomes a small band-aid that protects the wound until it scabs over.


I think the roots have been damaged by the long drought.
I regretted leaving the sapling alone.
I had to help the roots avoid getting too damaged.
I wish I didn't have to die anymore.
Whoever it is.
- Page 204

It was perhaps inevitable that author Kim Jung-mi, who has written for the weakest and poorest in our society, would bring up the stories of heartbroken women at this point.
This story, which began as a story for the dead, has ultimately become a story for all of us who are living today.


Author's Note

I've had a sense of responsibility to write this story for a long time.
I thought we should revive the names we have forgotten, those who tried so hard to live but had no choice but to choose death.
And yet, I wanted to avoid it as long as I could.
The #MeToo movement spread like wildfire, and unjust deaths followed.
I couldn't pretend not to know any longer.
I shouldn't have died anymore.
That longing made me decide to write.