As soon as I got out of the hospital, I looked for a convenience store.
I saw a convenience store across the street.
I crossed the street ignoring the traffic light.
My throat is parched.
Suddenly a car horn honked loudly.
As I was walking down the street, I was so focused on the convenience store that I didn't even notice the cars on the road.
I nodded and ran into the convenience store.
The beverage refrigerator was located deep inside the convenience store.
I walked over to the refrigerator and quickly grabbed a few cans of cola.
Before even calculating, I opened a can of cola and drank it.
As the tangy cola passed through my throat, the burning heat in my chest subsided.
I finished paying at the convenience store and came out.
I am a cola addict.
I always have a cola in my hand, wherever and whenever.
I can't even imagine a world without cola.
When I'm stressed, I sometimes drink up to three 1.5-liter bottles of cola a day.
If there's no cola in front of me, I get anxious, my hands shake, and my heart feels like it's going to burst.
I don't even know when I became addicted to cola.
My mom says that cola contains substances that paralyze the central nervous system, but I don't care.
Because it's the same whether you die from drinking cola or from stress.
--- p.10

I had a feeling my brother would never be able to raise his head again.
The fact that my twin brother, who was born three minutes earlier, took his own life must have been a bad idea.
After a while, I came to my senses and realized that it was reality.
I was only able to make the call after I ran out of the house.
After returning home, my mother's first words were these.
“What am I looking at right now? Seon-Hwi…….”
Mom sat down on the floor, her hands on her chest, her voice trembling.
An ambulance arrived and medical personnel administered first aid, but my brother never opened his eyes.
“Why did you have to die? Why!” the voice screaming rang in my ears.
That day, I clearly saw hell with my own two eyes.
My brother, who was unconscious, left the house and never returned.
We each made different choices with only a few days left until we turned seventeen.
--- p.22~23

My mother's calm demeanor made me feel like I was frozen.
She was quite different from her usual mother.
“My brother tried to kill someone.
“Does this make sense?”
As soon as I finished speaking, my mother's eyelids fluttered.
For the first time, I criticized my brother in front of my mother.
“Shut your mouth! He’s just angry.”
Mom spoke in a low voice.
Mom's voice was trembling, as if she had lost her composure.
My dad was on a business trip and my brother stayed in my mom's room.
That night, it wasn't my brother who came into my room, but my mother.
My mother whispered this to me in the dark as I lay in bed.
“Seon-Hwi, can you tell him that you strangled that kid instead of your brother?”
The scary and terrifying sound came from my mother's mouth.
I can't believe it, but… … .
At first I couldn't believe my ears.
“It’s such a dark night, I won’t be able to tell you and your brother apart.
Besides, you're wearing a hat, so no one will know."
My mother held my hand as if she were about to kneel down and spoke in a pleading tone.
--- p.81

My mother believed that I would restore what she had lost after my brother died.
“You have a reason to achieve what your brother couldn’t.
That's the right thing to do as a living person.
“That way, I won’t feel sorry towards my dead brother.”
My mother said to me as if it were a habit.
It meant to atone for my dead brother.
The weight of being alive, as time passed, it became clearer what my mother wanted from me.
After my brother died, my homeroom teacher suggested that my mother seek psychiatric treatment, saying that my depression seemed to be getting worse.
The mother was worried that rumors would spread that her son was visiting a psychiatrist.
However, as the symptoms worsened over time, I ended up going to the hospital and getting tested.
The doctor diagnosed that he was suffering from severe depression due to the loss of his older brother, and that his empathy and language skills were declining.
In such cases, it was recommended that both parents and children receive treatment.
As soon as my mother heard that, she grabbed my hand and left the hospital.
Mom looked very hurt.
“Do you know who the smart con artists are? They’re doctors and lawyers.
I have to get through it by any means necessary.
I'm not that easygoing.
“Just you get counseling for the time being.”
My mother rationalized herself like that and refused psychiatric treatment.
--- p.91~92

"What makes you so perfect, Mom? If you don't follow the path you know, are you lost? Do I look like a corpse to you?"
“What, a corpse?”
“Yeah, Mom likes it when I pretend to be dead and hold my breath.
I'm starting to hate my mom more and more.
“I want to stop here.”
“Seon-Hwi, look at Mom.
“Mom loves you more than anything in the world.”
Mom's strategy had changed again, and now she was appealing to me in a soft voice.
“Ha! Love, love? You think doing whatever you want with me is love!”
“Seon-Hwi, why have you become so rough?
“Mom, I just can’t understand you.”
Mom whispered, trying to calm her anger.
I was the one who couldn't understand my mother's attitude.
There was no way to explain where it went wrong.
Sometimes I was afraid that I would end up like my brother.

--- p.146