Published in 25 countries
Recommendation from a psychiatrist
Drama adaptation confirmed
1 million copies sold worldwide

“A remarkable perspective that looks at an individual's most vulnerable moments in a novel way.”
-Cosmopolitan

“Honest and smart.
“Using actual transcripts from months of therapy, we carefully move toward self-awareness by exploring our own depression and anxiety.”
-Chicago Tribune

“The author’s efforts to make conversation about heartache feel natural are admirable.”
-Publisher's Weekly

“Be honest.
“A genuine attempt at self-discovery for young people suffering from depression and anxiety.”
-Library Journal

“This book is personal, yet universal, and it finds a path to understanding consciousness and wisdom.”
- Kirkus Review

“There are many people who live without even knowing that they are having a hard time.
“I was suffering from a sense of emptiness for no reason.”

Many people are used to showing off their cool and bright side, but try to hide their gloomy and dark side.
But one thing you must know to be happy is that you will never be happy if you ignore the sadness in your heart.
We must speak now.
About the empty space in my heart that cannot be filled even when I live without any problems, about the corner of my heart that feels gloomy even while I am laughing and chatting with friends.

“We are not people who do not cry,
You have to be someone who can cry when you want to cry.

This book is a compilation of conversations between the author, who suffers from dysthymia (a condition characterized by persistent mild depressive symptoms), and a psychiatrist.
This book is for those who appear fine on the outside but are rotten on the inside, who are neither terribly depressed nor happy, and it is the story of all of us who are imperfect, shabby, and unable to free ourselves from the gaze of others.
This book may not take all your sorrows away, but it will help you become someone who can cry when you want to, rather than someone who never cries.

Even in moments of unbearable sadness, I laughed at my friends' jokes, yet felt a sense of emptiness somewhere inside, and then I felt hungry and went out to eat tteokbokki, which I found funny.
I was suffering from an ambiguous feeling that was neither terribly depressed nor happy.
It was even more painful because I didn't know that these feelings could happen at the same time.

--- p.8

Because the two ends of emotions are connected, the stronger the tendency to depend, the less likely you are to be dependent.
For example, when you depend on your lover, you feel secure, but you also build up dissatisfaction. When you break away from your lover, you gain autonomy, but you also build up anxiety and emptiness.
In some ways, I think I may be dependent on work.
I rely on it because it gives me a sense of accomplishment and recognition of my worth, but that satisfaction doesn't last long, which is problematic.
This is like running on a hamster wheel.
I tried to escape from depression, but failed, and through a series of attempts and failures, my main emotion itself became depression.

--- p.21

They say that opposites attract.
People who appear to have high self-esteem actually have low self-esteem.
Because I lack confidence, I try to make other people look up to me.
Conversely, if you have high self-satisfaction, you won't be greatly affected by what others say about you (which means you have low self-esteem).
--- p.30

I think that if I show any signs of being broken, people around me will dislike me and leave me because of that.
But I know the many faces of people I love.
The ugly parts, the cool parts, the timid parts, etc… … .
Even if there are negative aspects, I like him just because he is that person.
Yet, I feel anxious because I think I could be abandoned in even the smallest and most partial way.
--- p.99

I have to express my true self in that way.
Be more proactive and don't be conscious of people, just do what you want to do.
Right now, your relationships are narrow and triangular, so they might sting you a lot. But isn't a hexagon closer to a circle than an octagon? As your relationships become more diverse and deep, they'll become rounder and more numb, like a circle, stinging you less.
It'll be okay.

--- p.101

Suddenly, my sense of victimization kicked in.
Last week, two boys seemed to be treating my friend better than the other.
Since that guy was originally popular, I thought, 'It seems like they both like each other.'
'But you don't like me? Maybe it's because I'm unattractive and ugly.' I'm suffering from this self-loathing feeling all alone (Oh, this is really hard to write.
(He seems like a crazy kid).
I hated myself for thinking like this.
What's really weird is, if I go to a new meetup and no one is interested in me, I'm going crazy.
I base my standards of worth on the opposite sex, and I wait for them to evaluate me, not me evaluating them.
What's even funnier is that I want guys to like me even though I have no romantic interest in them whatsoever.
Oh, I hate myself so much and I'm not very good at it.

--- p.117

And speaking of self-esteem, I thought about this a lot: I think about that damn thing called self-esteem. I think, "What if it's high, and what if it's low, and why do they make such a fuss about it?"
But if you read books, there are many passages that say, 'You have to love yourself to be able to love others and be loved yourself. If you ignore yourself, others will ignore you too.'
I felt like that didn't make sense.

--- p.133