"The healing power of this book is so astonishing that I dare call it a 'psychological martial arts novel.'"
Kim Ji-soo, author of "Dignified People" and "Lee Eo-ryeong's Last Lesson"

“In his sincere confessions, I felt a noble love for those who tremble in fear.”
_Jo Hyun, operator of the YouTube channel 'Jo Hyun TV Restful Mind' and former religion journalist

A psychological prescription for those who are tired of the 'obsession with being a good person' and 'self-deprecation'!
From a shaman to a priest, from an alcoholic to a psychotherapist,
The life-changing confession of Father Hong Seong-nam, who overcame his inferiority complex and found his inner peace at the edge of a cliff.

Father Hong Seong-nam was once at the end of his life due to alcoholism and lethargy.
The self-loathing and inferiority complex that prevented him from even shedding the priestly garments constantly drove him down, forcing him to endure each day in a psychological prison.
But through psychoanalysis, he was able to confront and fight the 'tyrant within' and finally find himself again.
"The Heart that Loves Me to the End" is a record that captures the intense journey of recovery and enlightenment.
It is the most sincere confession of a human being and a warm confession of love to all those who hate him.
The 'tyrant' he speaks of is an internal monster that endlessly drives us under the guise of conscience or the will of God.
The courage to not be swayed by the voice whispering, “You are worthless,” and to shout, “Get away from me, you monster!”
That is the beginning of what sets us free.
This book will provide strong comfort and strength to those who want to break free from the shackles of self-loathing and inferiority complex and stand up again.

One day, after being discharged from the military and living a life obsessed with making money, I happened to meet a local shaman.
It was a place prepared by my mother, who was deeply involved in shamanism.
The shaman looked at my face intently and then gave me a fortune.
“She is a natural born shaman.
“You will become a famous fortune teller at the age of 35.” I asked, who was only interested in money.
“Can you make money doing that?” The shaman boasted that she would make a lot of money.
My ears perked up, and from that day on, I took that shaman as my mentor.
Even when he was sick, he hung thorn bushes all over the house as instructed by a shaman instead of going to the hospital.
Every day, I held a prayer bead in front of the Buddha statue and recited the Heart Sutra.
I trained to become such a brilliant fortune teller.
Of course, the cathedral had long since been abandoned.

--- p.25~26

It felt like I was released from a prison that had held me captive for so long.
So maybe the most watched movie at the time was The Shawshank Redemption.
There is no one else who can understand me but me.
When I understand myself, an inner change occurs.
Psychology was both a process and a result of understanding myself.
As my desire for counseling and to get to know myself grew, books alone were no longer enough.
So, I entered graduate school for counseling in my late 40s.
The school building was not very fancy, but the professors' lectures were a whole new world.
I was deeply captivated by the story I was hearing for the first time in my life, and as if possessed, I walked into that new world step by step.
And, one by one, I began to discard the shell of the past and the useless burdens I had been carrying, and began the life of a practitioner who practiced mindfulness in a carefree manner.

--- p.38

The monster in my mind that constantly nags and curses me while glaring at me with disapproving eyes, this is called a 'pathological critic' in psychology.
A term first used by psychotherapist Eugene Sagan, it refers to the negative, harsh inner voice that constantly attacks and criticizes oneself, the harsh inner judge, the monster within oneself.
This monster has its own typical script.
They create rigid norms about 'how people should live', and if you show even the slightest desire that goes against those rules, they shout "You bad guy!" "You idiot!" "You egoist!" "You coward!"
--- p.51

I bought a sandbag, hung it up, and started beating him up and yelling.
If he didn't like it, he would draw the face of a person he hated, stick it on, and then punch them.
He vented his anger by lifting a sandbag, hitting it, and kicking it.
After about 30 minutes of this so-called 'crazy rant', I felt relieved as if all the impurities that had been building up in my heart had been washed away.
But then another strange thing happened.
I used to hang a sandbag between my rooms and kick it whenever I passed by, but at some point I stopped noticing it.
A day or two, sometimes even a month or more, just passed by like that.
The sandbag was no longer visible because the anger that had been building up inside me had subsided and the hatred had diminished.
Even now, whenever something happens that makes me angry, I take out that sandbag and use it.
A precious friend who will be with me until the end of my life and who will accept my anger.

--- p.179

I was careful in case someone saw me.
Everyone in the neighborhood knows I'm a priest.
After looking around for a place, I decided that the cathedral would be the safest.
I walked around the cathedral muttering curses while there was no one around.
Then one day, several grandmothers came to the front of the cathedral.
When I asked him why he came on a day when there was no mass, he said this.
“I came here to join the priest in praying at the cathedral.” I had no choice but to open the cathedral door and walk cautiously, muttering, afraid they might hear.
Then a strange rumor started to spread.
There was a rumor that the parish priest spoke in tongues during prayer by the grace of the Holy Spirit.
Even now, they know that I am a bride filled with the Holy Spirit.

--- p.181

During those times when I was so anxious that I couldn't see ahead, I prayed with a vague belief that 'God will solve everything,' but problems were rarely solved immediately.
As my anxiety grew, my doubts about my faith intensified.
“Your faith is weak, you have lived wrongly, so God does not answer your prayers.” This inner voice kept nagging me.
I was extremely timid, so I lived like a rascal, suffering from anxiety and criticism.
It was only much later that I realized that anxiety was just an illusion, and that the more I showed myself as weak, the more it became agitated.
Now, when anxiety bothers me, I boldly shake it off.
Sometimes, it strangles the anxious thoughts that are strangling me.
A crowd of anxious thoughts is like a bunch of cowardly thugs; if you hit just one of them, they all run away.

--- p.240

There are people in the world who only see their own problems and people who only see other people's problems.
People who only see their own problems always say that they are the cause of all their problems.
He has a neurotic disorder.
On the other hand, people who only see other people's problems always blame and resent others.
He has a personality disorder.
One day, we decided to go to a picnic at the cathedral, but it started raining in the morning.
Neurotic believers blamed themselves for the rain, saying it was due to their lack of faith.
On the other hand, believers with personality disorders blamed the priest, saying that it was because he did not pray.
I was tired of comforting people with neurotic disorders, and I was tired of people with personality disorders nagging me.
There are people in the world who only see their own problems and people who only see other people's problems.
People who only see their own problems always say that they are the cause of all their problems.
He has a neurotic disorder.
On the other hand, people who only see other people's problems always blame and resent others.
He has a personality disorder.
The best person is the believer who says this.
“Father, it’s fun to watch the rain, but let’s go.”

--- p.272~273